Shades of Grey
by izzygeorge
Summary: Meredith wants nothing to do with Lexi until she has no choice.Lexi wants nothing more than to know her sister but not in the way that she is forced to get to know her.Mer/Lexi sister bonding, Izzy/Lexi/Mer friendship Mer/Der Lexi/Alex Christina comedy
1. Chapter 1

"This is just wrong

"This is just wrong!" Christina says, angrily.

"What's wrong?" Meredith asks.

"Everything. First Burke wins the Harper-Avery, then I get taken off cardio this week, and then, I can't even control my interns. Your baby sister thinks its okay to ask questions. And she doesn't even react when I yell at her. I can't even believe she's not scared of me. I thought I was scary," Christina says.

"You are scary. Very, very scary," Meredith says, comfortingly.

"Don't do that," Christina says, sharply.

"Do what?" Meredith says.

"Placate me. We don't do that," Christina says.

"I'm not. You truly are very very scary. Oh, and if you ever use the term 'baby sister' in relation to me and Lexi Grey, I'll turn scarier than you can ever imagine," Meredith says, with a smile.

"What's with you two?" Izzy says, as she walks over.

"Christina's upset that her interns aren't scared of her," Meredith explains.

"Really? My interns are scared of me. Guess you're just not the Nazi you thought you were," Izzy says.

"I am so the new Nazi. I AM the new Nazi. Seriously." Christina says.

"We were never late for Bailey," Izzy says, gloating.

"Don't mess with me, Izzy. This is partly your fault," Christina says.

"My fault that you can't control your interns? Please explain" Izzy says.

"No. That part isn't your fault. That part is not even true. It's your fault I'm not on cardio this week…"

"Christina! How many times do I have to tell you? I have no desire to be the robots that you and Erica Hahn work so hard to be. I enjoy being human," Izzy says.

"Well, in your enjoyment of being human, you helped Bailey with the grant for that state of the art cancer center, and guess who's working there this week," Christina gripes.

"So am I," Izzy says.

"Yeah, but you like all that dealing with patients stuff. I just want to cut. I just need a scalpel. Is that so much to ask?" Christina says.

"Okay. As much as I am enjoying this feud, I have a clinical trial to attend to. Derek and I are going to perfect this," Meredith says.

"He's with Rose," Christina says.

"Christina!" Izzy scolds.

"What? She's in therapy. Isn't she supposed to like, I don't know, deal with that stuff or something?" Christina says.

"You're in therapy?" Izzy says.

"I have to go!" Meredith says, glaring at Christina.

"She's in therapy?" Izzy asks Christina.

"I have to go too. I have to round up my interns and scare someone," Christina says.

(Break)

"Dr. Stevens, Dr. Yang, this is our new center. We have every treatment option, every clinical trial, and every opportunity available to these patients. There is an isolation center for bone marrow transplants, and a pediatric ward for childhood cancer patients. There is a recreation center for those who will be here long term, and a variety of activities so that their stay here is as pleasant as possible," Dr. Bailey says, proudly showing the two doctors around.

"Great. I'm working at summer camp," Christina mutters.

"Seriously! You are so not human," Izzy whispers to her. "There are robots with more compassion than you!"

"I have a surgery scheduled for 10:00am so I need to prep, but I'm sure you two will find all the information you need in the charts. Page me if you need me. Oh, and don't forget to include your interns," Dr. Bailey says.

Christina rolls her eyes. "Can I leave them here while I go find some surgeries?"

"Are you sure they'll show up? I hear they aren't that scared of you these days…" Izzy says, smugly.

"And I hear that your interns sometimes get to watch you perform excellent veterinary medicine. Didn't you do a big surgery on a deer?" Christina retorts.

Izzy rolls her eyes. "Shut up," she says, for lack of a better response.

(Break)

"Hey, Bambi, how's your new job going as the perv police?" Alex says, as George walks by him.

"Laugh all you want, but just remember to keep your forms updated. You don't want to forget anybody else…do you?" George says.

Alex shrugs. "Sometimes they're memorable, and sometimes they're forgettable," he says, coldly.

"See ya around," George says.

(Break)

"He's with Rose, he's with Rose, he's with Rose," Meredith chants to herself as she gets ready to enter the office where she and Derek are going to go over their notes for their next patient in the clinical trial.

"Dr. Shepherd," she says, formally.

"Dr. Grey. I was going over the notes from the last patient. When the virus reverted…"

"He's with Rose, he's with Rose…" Meredith whispers, inaudibly.

"Did you say something, Dr. Grey?" Derek asks.

"Umm…yes. I said, 'Here we go,'" Meredith says, recovering quickly.

"Well, as I was saying, when the virus reverted, it caused a massive hemorrhage in the hypothalamus, which caused a…"

_He's with Rose…He's with Rose…He's with Rose._

"Do you mind if I sit down? I'm not feeling particularly well," Meredith says, as she watches him talk but doesn't really listen. She feels weak and worries that this may be the beginning of one of her panic attacks.

"I'll be back in a minute," Meredith says, as she bolts from the room.

"Meredith!" Derek calls after her

(Break)

"Christina! Wipe the look off your face before we go into the patient's room. It is not the fault of the patient that you don't want to learn about any other facets of medicine other than cardio!" Izzy says, appalled at Christina's lack of sensitivity.

"No. It is the fault of you and Dr. Bailey," she says.

"Maybe you and Meredith could get a group rate for therapy. I don't know which of you is more screwed up!" Izzy sighs.

"Definitely me. I'm more screwed up. I'll handle the medical stuff, you handle the talking to the patient stuff, okay?" Christina says.

"Like I'd have a choice!" Izzy says as she opens the door.

"Oh my god!" they both say, as they open the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Lexi Grey pulls George into the on call room

Lexi Grey pulls George into the on call room.

"Woah! Don't do that! Do you know what goes on in here?" George asks.

"I am not trying to sleep with you. I am simply trying to hide from Christina. She has been more brutal than ever since Burke won the Harper-Avery and I am trying not to let her know how much she terrifies me. It's getting harder, and I need some help," Lexi says.

"Okay…with Christina, you have to know that she is only mean because she doesn't know how else to be. It's not personal. She's mean to everyone," George explains.

"Except Meredith," Lexi says.

"Except Meredith," George echos.

"That's just it. I feel like she hates me more because I'm Meredith's sister. Do you know that the other day, I tried to talk to Meredith about something and Christina told me right in front of Meredith that Meredith hated me and would always hate me and thought I was annoying. She said I was the worst thing that ever happened to her. Me…the worst thing that ever happened to Meredith Grey. The worst part was that Meredith just sat there…she didn't even say anything," Lexi rants.

"So this isn't about Christina. This is about Meredith," George suggests.

Lexi sighs. "I guess this is why YOU are the chief's intern. You're right. I just thought that if I could get Christina to like me…or even not to hate me, maybe Meredith would come around," she says, sadly.

"You're barking up the wrong tree. Christina is never going to come around. She's never going to be nice because she's not innately a nice person. What you need is Izzy," George says.

"Izzy Stevens? Why would I need Izzy Stevens?" Lexi asks, confused.

"Because Izzy has this way of making people see the good in every situation. If you need someone to help Meredith see the good in having a little sister, Izzy is the person to do it," George explains.

"Can't you do it?" Lexi whines.

"Nope! I'm just an intern," George says.

"The chief's intern," Lexi adds.

"The chief's intern who needs to run right now!" George says, looking at his watch.

Lexi takes a deep breath and walks out of the on call room, looking both ways to see if Christina is coming.

(Break)

"You just slammed the door on a patient and we ran into the hallway! That might make us the worst team of doctors ever!" Izzy says to Christina.

"We're not a team. I can't go in there. You're on your own," Christina says, running down the hall.

"Christina! Get back here!" Izzy says.

Christina turns to look at her and stops for a moment, but then continues running.

"Coward!" Izzy whispers. _I have to open that door, _she thinks.

She cracks the door a tiny bit and finally opens it. She stands in the doorway for a moment before entering the room.

"Meredith…" Izzy says.

"Okay…before you do this, I'm going to lay down a few ground rules. First of all, please don't be too nice to me. Please don't do that whole 'Mer, I'm so sorry' thing. I can't do that. Second of all, don't judge Christina. I saw her run out when she saw me. She and I don't do this," she says, motioning to the bed and hospital equipment.

"Okay," Izzy says, putting on her strong doctor face.

"And don't do that either," Meredith says.

"What?" Izzy says, unsure of what she's doing wrong.

"You have that look on your face where you want to cry but you are trying to look all official. It's freaking me out," Meredith says.

Izzy stares at Meredith for a moment, "I'm not sure what you want from me. I can't be nice to you, and I can't express sympathy. I can't show any signs of concern, and yet I can't behave like a doctor. What do you want me to do?" Izzy says.

"Cut some of my wires? You're good at that," Meredith quips, motioning to her IV.

"That's not funny, Meredith," Izzy says.

"Relax, Iz. I'm going to be fine. Stop writing my eulogy in your head," Meredith says.

Izzy doesn't know how to respond so she looks at the chart.

"AML – acute myelogenous leukemia. Ph mutation positive with a…" Izzy begins.

"Moderate relapse risk due to age, and current disease progress," Meredith continues.

"Current treatment protocol includes aggressive chemotherapy and radiation due to central nervous system involvement. The goal is to achieve immediate remission and then continue with maintenance chemotherapy to avoid relapse." Izzy finishes.

"Very thorough, Dr. Stevens," Richard says, from the doorway. He enters the room. "How are you feeling, Meredith," he says.

"I'm feeling fine. You can stop looking at me like that now. I'm alright, Richard," Meredith says.

" Meredith, I…" he says.

"You found me passed out on the floor. You ran all the right tests and now I have Acute Myelogenus Leukemia. I know what that means. I am a good doctor. I know what my options are, my chances, all the stuff you don't want to tell me. It's okay. You don't have to," Richard says.

"Dr. Stevens, can I have a word with you in private?" Richard says, motioning to Izzy to step into the hallways with him.

Once outside, Richards says, "I'm putting you in charge of coordinating Meredith's treatment plan. Dr. Bailey will oversee the treatment orders, but you will be the liaison who explains everything to Meredith and sees that the proper treatments are administered. In addition, you will handle all the general procedures such as central lines, ports, etc…" Richard says.

"But - I – I don't…I mean…I can't…" Izzy stammers.

"Dr. Stevens, I could have anyone on this case. You know what Meredith means to me. Yang has the people skills of a serial killer, Karev isn't patient enough to handle the small details, O'Malley's still an intern. You are a skilled doctor and a human being. That's what I need here," Richard explains.

"But…what if…" Izzy continues to stammer.

"Get to work. Anyone can handle the easy stuff. It's what you do with the hard stuff that really matters. You can do it. You have what it takes," Richard says, patting Izzy on the back as he walks away.

Izzy allows herself a moment to bask in the chief's compliments until she realizes what her new assignment entails. She holds the life of one of her friends in her hands. With that realization, she walks back into Meredith's room.

"Okay, Meredith, I'm in charge of your case. I'm overseeing your treatment plan. I am not going to allow it to fail, so you better meet me halfway. Meeting me halfway involves admitting that you are scared, because I know I sure as hell am!" Izzy says.

Meredith smiles. "The chief put you in charge? Wow. That's great, Izzy. Congratulations. He must think highly of you. You know how protective he is over me," Meredith says.

"Yes. I'm in charge. And I'm going to read through your treatment plan and then spend some time with you going through every step of it. We'll map out a schedule and talk through what to expect as far as side effects go," Izzy explains.

"That's fine. I'm sure it won't take long…" Meredith says, matter-of-factly.

Izzy stands there awkwardly. "Meredith – I…" she begins.

"Izzy, don't. Please. I can't. Not yet. Can you do one thing for me though?" Meredith asks.

"Sure. What?" Izzy says, anxious for Meredith to give her something concrete to do.

"Check on Christina for me? She's probably freaking out," Meredith says.

"Check – on – Christina?" Izzy says, slowly, slightly terrified at the prospect.

Meredith nods.

"Okay…I will go check on Christina," Izzy replies.

(Break)

Lexi runs down the hall trying to avoid Christina, and runs right into Izzy.

"Woah! Watch where you're going!" Izzy says, without thinking.

"Ummm..I'm sorry. Have you seen Christina?" Lexi says, in a panic.

"No. But that's exactly who I'm looking for. I'll let her know you were looking for her," Izzy says.

"No! Please don't! I mean…I'm not looking for her! I'm looking to avoid her!" Lexi says, somewhat incoherently.

"Most people usually are…" Izzy quips.

"Listen…I know George and you were, I mean, are good friends. George tells me that you are the only person who might be able to help me with Meredith…Ever since I came here, she's been…" Lexi says, quickly.

"Not now…okay? Now is not a good time," Izzy says.

Lexi forces a smile. "Okay then. Some other time!" Her voice is obviously strained and she looks as though she might cry, but she keeps the smile pasted on her face.

Izzy stops for a moment feeling sorry for Lexi. She knows that look. In fact she recognizes some of herself in the young intern, but now is not the time. She needs to talk to Christina for Meredith as she promised and then work on Meredith's treatment plan.

Izzy smiles graciously, "Some other time."

She and Lexi see Christina down the hallway and each of them run in opposite directions.

"Christina!" Izzy calls.

Christina looks at her. "Don't say anything. Don't give me the lecture that I need to be there for her. That's not Meredith and me. We don't do that," Christina says.

"I'm not here to lecture you. Meredith made me promise to check on you. She thought you might be upset, but clearly, you're not. Robots don't get upset," Izzy says, her voice rising in pitch.

"I don't do sick. I do well. I do surgery. I do a lot of things, but I don't do sick," Christina says.

"Wow. I'd hate to have you as my 'person' or whatever the two of you call it," Izzy says.

"I'm an excellent person. I just don't do sick. Don't judge me," Christina says, and walks away.

"Well…that went well!" Izzy says out loud to herself as she walks to the on call room to review her notes on Meredith's treatment plan.

(Break)

Dr. Bailey walks into the on call room and sees Izzy sitting there, combing through papers.

"So, I hear you are the resident that I will be working with on Meredith's treatment plan. That's good, Stevens. I'm proud of you. The chief made a good choice," Dr. Bailey says.

"Thank you." Izzy says, swallowing hard.

"That was a compliment. Why do you look like I just ran over your pet?"

"Because I'm scared. Meredith is my friend, and I'm scared. This is such an awesome responsibility and I'm scared that I'll screw it up. Meredith won't admit that she's scared, but I will. I'm really scared Dr. Bailey," Izzy says.

"I'm scared every time I go into the O.R., Stevens. The trick is to take that fear and let it drive you to do your best work. You can do this, Stevens. I'm glad you're the one on the job," Dr. Bailey says as she walks out of the on call room.

"I can do this," Izzy whispers to herself.

(Break)

It is nighttime, and Meredith lies in the hospital bed, alone. She has made the decision not to tell anyone right now, but she is lonely. She picks up a medical journal and tries to read, but has trouble focusing. She secretly wishes there was someone she could talk to, but she can't think of anyone to call. Derek is out of the question, Christina has not contacted her since she ran out of the room, and she can't think of anyone else who would care enough, other than Richard who already came to see her twice today.

Suddenly, her door opens.

"I'm off duty for the next 30 minutes, so during that time, I'm here as your friend. After that, I'm here as your doctor," Izzy says, sitting next to Meredith on her bed.

She waits for Meredith to tell her to leave, but she doesn't.

"Did you check on Christina?" Meredith asks.

"Yes. I did. She's…well…she says she doesn't do sick," Izzy says.

"That sounds like Christina…" Meredith says, smiling.

"Look, I know I'm supposed to play by your rules and pretend nothing is wrong, but…"Izzy's voice trails off as she tries to figure out what to say next.

"Izzy…I'm scared," Meredith whispers.

"What?" Izzy says, thinking she might have heard Meredith wrong.

"I'm scared. I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of dying alone…" Meredith says.

"I won't let that happen. Everyone will be here with you once they know what's going on. Besides…you're not dying. This is my biggest case ever and I'll be damned if I'll let it end with you dying!" Izzy says, taking Meredith's hand.

"I'm scared of the chemo and the radiation too. I don't know if I'm strong enough for this, Izzy. I really don't," Meredith says.

"You know…we've both had pretty tough lives, Meredith. And you know how every time you thought it couldn't get any harder, it did. And just when you thought you couldn't handle anymore, life threw one more curve ball at you? Well…each time, somehow we managed to get through it. This is just another one of those curve balls. You'll do it. You'll make it through this, and I'll be here to help you. I promise," Izzy says.

Meredith nods and inhales deeply. "Your right. I'll make it through. I have no choice. Now tell me about the chemo regimen that I'm going to be on," Meredith says, trying to get back to facts and away from feelings.

Izzy shakes her head. "I'm still here as a friend. Doctor duty starts in 10 minutes."

"Thanks." Meredith says as Izzy squeezes her hand.

(Break)

"Have you seen Meredith?" Derek asks Lexi.

"Meredith Grey? My supposed sister? I would probably be the last person in the world who would have seen her. She hates me…" Lexi says.

"That's a Grey quality. You both always give too much information," Derek smiles.

Lexi looks embarrassed. "I'm sorry. No, I haven't seen her," Lexi says.

"Well, if you see her, tell her I need to talk to her about our clinical trial. I have a new patient enrolled," Derek says.

(Break)

Lexi turns the corner and runs directly into Dr. Bailey.

"Dr. Grey, where do you think you are running to?" she asks.

"It's not where I'm running to, its where I'm running from," Lexi admits.

"Well where on earth are you running from?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"I'm running from Christina Yang. She's brutal to me, Dr. Bailey. She tortures me all day, and I just need a break," Lexi pleads.

"I'm feeling charitable today, Grey. Why don't you see if Stevens could use a hand," Dr. Bailey asks.

"Anyone but Christina. Thank you Dr. Bailey! Thank you!" Lexi says, practically skipping down the hallway.

(Break)


	3. Chapter 3

"Dr

"Dr. Stevens!" Dr. Bailey yells down the hallway.

Izzy turns around and stops to wait for Dr. Bailey to approach her.

"I am taking all your interns and splitting them between Yang and Karev," Dr. Bailey says.

Izzy gives her a puzzled look. "What did they do wrong?" she says, half joking.

"I want you to be able to fully focus on Grey's treatment plan. But I am going to give you one intern to help you with anything you may need. She'll be 100 on your service. Use her as you see fit," Dr. Bailey says as she turns and walks away.

"Thank you!" Izzy calls after her.

Lexi comes bounding down the hallway. "Dr. Stevens? Dr. Bailey told me that I should see if you need any help. She told me I should report to you for an undetermined length of time, so let me know what I can do to be useful," Lexi says, breathlessly.

"You're my intern?" Izzy says, dumbfounded that Dr. Bailey wouldn't see the problem in this situation.

"Look, I know you're friends with Meredith and Christina but George said you were different. Just give me a chance here, I know I can be helpful. Besides, he said you might help me with Meredith. You know, the whole sister thing and all…" Lexi stops talking and waits for Izzy's response.

Izzy stares at Lexi for a moment. She recognizes her desperate need to please and that she is simply looking for an ally. Truth be told, Izzy feels sorry for her and understands both of those feelings. However, she knows that if she lets Lexi Grey walk into Meredith's room with her, Meredith will kill her.

"Lexi, there is something I have to explain to you. I can't have you as my intern. It's not because of anything Christina or Meredith have said, and it has nothing to do with your skills as a doctor. It has to do with the nature of the case I'm on. It's just that…" Izzy pauses as she thinks of the best way to explain the situation.

"You think I'm not ready. I'm ready, Dr. Stevens. All I have wanted to do since I got here is learn, but Dr. Yang treats me like Dr. Hahn treats her. She refuses to teach me. I hear you're the best as far as patient care goes. That's what I want to learn. I'm smart, I'm a good student and I'll learn the medical stuff. But I think its your bedside manner that defines a doctor. You're the one who has that part down, and I admire that. It would be an honor to be your intern," Lexi says, desperately.

"Wow. That's really nice, Lexi," Izzy says.

"So, where's our patient?" Lexi asks.

"You're pretty persistent, aren't you? Just so you know, my first year was rough too," Izzy says.

"Yeah…I know. All the interns call you…" Lexi stops, realizing she has said too much.

"Call me what?" Izzy asks, indignantly.

"Ummm…nothing," Lexi says.

"Your first order of business as my intern is to tell me what they call me," Izzy says.

"They call you 'Flat line' you know because you cut that guy's wire," Lexi says, embarrassed.

"Flat line? That's the best they could come up with? Well, tell them that they 'totally coded' with that one," Izzy says, trying to be nonchalant about it.

"I don't think you really want me to do that. But since I did your first order of business as an intern, will you tell me about our patient now? Dr. Bailey wouldn't tell me anything. She said you'd fill me in," Lexi explains.

"Our first patient has AML," Izzy begins.

"Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, characterized by a multiplication of abnormal white blood cells which can be chemo-resistant unlike other forms of leukemia which usually respond well…" Lexi begins, trying to show off her knowledge.

"The interesting part of our patient is not her disease, its her identity," Izzy says.

"Identity?" Lexi asks.

"Come with me, Lexi," Izzy says.

Lexi eagerly follows Izzy as she takes long strides to keep up with Izzy. As they approach Meredith's door, Izzy realizes she has not prepped either Lexi or Meredith for the fact that they are going to see each other.

She gets a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach as she says, "Lexi…ummm"

Lexi is already nervous and she says, "Oh! Let me get the door for you, Dr. Stevens!"

She flings open the door to Meredith's room and bursts through the door. Izzy runs after her screaming, "Lexi! Don't!"

It is too late. Lexi stands frozen at the foot of Meredith's bed.

"Oh my god!" Lexi exclaims.

"Get out," Meredith says, flatly.

Izzy tries to mediate the situation. "Meredith, Lexi didn't know. She's my intern now and she is…"

"Dr. Stevens…may I speak with you alone?" Meredith says, tensely.

"Lexi, wait outside please. I'll need you in a moment," Izzy says, calmly.

Lexi nods, numbly and steps into the hallway.

"Dr. Bailey assigned her to me. I didn't know what to do. Meredith, she's good. She's a smart first year, and I need someone who is on the ball. By tomorrow, your name and treatment plan will be in the system, so everyone will know anyway. You're a patient, Mer. I know you don't want to be, but there's nothing I can do about it. What I can do is help you get through this, both as your friend and your doctor. And Lexi can help you too, as a sister and a doctor. We're all on the same side," Izzy pleads.

"Can we just get this over with? If you need to teach the little intern, that's fine. But I don't want to hear anything else about her being my sister. We're not sisters. I don't have a family, and that's fine. If she's looking for family, make it clear to her that she's not going to find it here. Now, lets go over my treatment plan so I can get started and get out of here. I've had enough of this lying in bed!" Meredith says.

Izzy nods and goes into the hallway to get Lexi. When she gets outside, Lexi has tears streaming down her face.

"Lexi, pull yourself together. You're going to walk back in there with me and we are going to go over Meredith's treatment plan with her. I need you to be familiar with it because we are going to begin immediately. I know this is hard for you, but this is not the time for you to fall apart. This is the time for us to be strong for Meredith. Later, we'll go to Joe's and fall apart, okay?" Izzy says, grabbing the young girl by the shoulders.

Lexi nods silently and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She takes the chart from Izzy and says, "I'm ready."

They open the door to Meredith's room and stand at the foot of her bed.

"Meredith, with AML, there are two options. Option #1 is Chemotherapy and radiation…" Izzy begins.

"And option number two is a bone marrow transplant," Meredith adds.

Izzy sighs. _Doctors are the most impossible patients, s_he thinks.

"Yes. Option #2 is a bone marrow transplant. However, as of now, it seems that the disease has been caught early enough where aggressive chemotherapy and aggressive radiation cycles will be our best option to achieve a long term remission," Izzy says.

"Fine," Meredith says. "When do we start?"

"We start today," Izzy says, confidently. She remembers that Lexi is standing there and decides to include her in the discussion.

"Dr. Grey, why don't you tell Meredith about the first step of treatment?" Izzy says as she turns to Lexi.

"The first step is to insert the port. A port allows us to…" Lexi begins.

"I know what a port is, Lexi," Meredith says.

"I – I – I know you do…I'm sorry…" Lexi says, timidly.

Izzy tries to rescue Lexi.

"After the port is inserted, we'll give it a day to heal. Then we'll begin the aggressive chemotherapy. You've already received literature about the side effects…" Izzy says.

"I also kicked your ass in the resident competition and have a sparkle pager. I know what the side effects of chemotherapy are," Meredith says, sarcastically.

Izzy ignores the comments and continues. "We will also have you fitted for a radiation shield. We will need a neuro consult in order to protect your head from excess radiation. I'll have that set up for tomorrow," she says, knowing that Derek will make an immediate appointment when he hears what is going on.

"And you said that by tomorrow, everyone will know?" Meredith says.

Izzy nods.

"Well, just to make it clear. I don't want visitors. I don't want anyone coming to see how I am unless they are here for a medical reason," Meredith says.

Izzy sighs. Gone is the Meredith from the previous night who admitted she was scared. Meredith is in survival mode right now and Izzy knows it is best not to argue with her.

"Not a problem. I'll make a note in your chart," Izzy says.

"Thank you Dr. Stevens," Meredith says formally. She deliberately avoids looking at or acknowledging Lexi in any way.

"Meredith?" Lexi says, softly.

"Dr. Grey, I have no other questions. You've done your job and followed Dr. Steven's in here. Now get out," Meredith says, coldly.

Lexi looks like she got slapped in the face, and turns and runs from the room.

(Break)

"What are you doing?" Lexi asks Izzy as she watches Izzy tape up signs on Alex, Christina, George, Callie, Mark, and Derek's lockers.

"I'm holding a meeting at Joe's for all of Meredith's friends. They are all going to find out tomorrow and I'd rather they hear it from us," Izzy says.

"Us?" Lexi asks, confused.

"Yes. Us. You're my right-hand man here whether Meredith likes it or not. Meet me there an hour before," Izzy says, as she walks out of the locker room.

Lexi stands there dumbfounded and wonders what this meeting will entail, and how she will be received.

(Break)

"So, you're off to Aruba?" Mark says, stepping on the elevator.

"Sure am. With Rose," Derek says, with a smile.

"You say that like it's a sentence…a long, hard sentence…" Mark says.

"Like a prison sentence? No way. Rose and I are happy…" Derek says.

"Happy in love or just happy?" Mark asks.

"How's your new leaf?" Derek asks, changing the focus from himself.

"Have fun in Aruba. Try not to think of Meredith too much!" Mark says as he steps off the elevator.

(Break)

Christina stands outside Meredith's room and jiggles the handle to the door knob a bit. She doesn't mean to open the door, but accidentally flings it open. Before she can close it again, Meredith sees her.

"You can come in, Christina," Meredith says.

Christina stands in the doorway of the room. "You don't look sick," she says to Meredith.

"Thanks," Meredith says.

"I don't do sick. You know that…" Christina says.

"I know," Meredith says.

"You're going to lose your hair…" Christina observes.

"Probably," Meredith shrugs.

"Well…I have rounds to do. I'll ummm…see you soon…" Christina says, awkwardly.

(Break)

Lexi walks into Joe's an hour before the big meeting that Izzy has scheduled. She wonders what Izzy will want to do for this hour, but she finds herself relieved at the prospect of spending more time with Izzy. Lexi realizes how much she misses having female friends. She had so many in high school and college, yet Meredith has made sure to make it difficult for her to find that at Seattle Grace.

Izzy is already sitting at a small table when Lexi walks in. As Lexi approaches, she sees that Izzy is crying.

"Dr. Stevens….I…" Lexi stammers, unsure of what to say.

"She got me off the bathroom floor after Denny died. No one knew what to say, but somehow she did. I can't believe this is happening to her. Remember when I told you that it wasn't time to fall apart back there in the hospital? Well, this is my time to fall apart. You can join me if you want to…" Izzy says, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Wow. I, umm…I guess you have a lot of good memories of Meredith…" Lexi says.

"I do. She's been a good friend to me. She stood by me during some tough times. I hope I can do this job justice. I feel like her life is in my hands. And I feel like she's not going to let anyone be there for her. That's the hardest part. Knowing what to say and what not to say with Meredith…it's all a balancing act," Izzy says.

"I wish I had one good memory of my sister. One time where I can say that she came through for me. But all she's done is treat me like crap and laugh while everyone else treats me like crap. What she doesn't realize is that I would have loved to have had a relationship with her growing up. I wish my father had chosen both of us…I wish my father hadn't abandoned her. I would have loved to have had a big sister growing up. I had all the hopes of it working out when I came here, and now…look at me. I'm an intern trying to learn how to give chemo and radiation to my sister who won't even speak to me," Lexi says, as her throat tightens.

Izzy smile through her tears at the young intern. "You remind me a lot of myself as an intern. You think more with your heart than your head. I don't think that's a bad thing like a lot of people do. You also work so hard to try to do the right thing and make people like you, that you are disappointed when they don't treat you the way you thought they would. But you're not weak. You may think you are…but you're not. Besides…any friend of George's is a friend of mine…" Izzy says, with a congenial smile.

"Thanks. Other than George, I don't have any friends here. I wanted a sister, but judging by how today went, I don't think that's going to work out…" Lexi says, with a tear escaping from her right eye.

"I'm not going to let her die, Lexi. And I'm not going to let her treat you like crap. I'm not Christina. I have a sense of right and wrong. People do survive AML. Many people go on to lead perfectly healthy lives…" Izzy says, wondering what happened to her daughter who she had given bone marrow to a year before.

"Thanks. I'm a little nervous about tonight…I feel like all of Meredith's friends hate me," Lexi says.

"You're not staying for the meeting. You're on Meredith duty tonight. After we're finished here, you're going to put her port in with Bailey. Study up." Izzy says.

"I've never done a port before. I don't know how!" Lexi says, panicking.

"Relax. That's the easy part…Bailey will be with you," Izzy says.

Lexi grows worried. "What's the hard part?" Lexi asks, nervously.

"You're spending the night Meredith-sitting. We aren't going to leave her alone, even if she begs us to," Izzy says.

"But there's no way she's going to allow that! She'll throw me out in two minutes," Lexi says.

"She can't. You'll have a lot of medical responsibilities. Here is the list of things I will need to you complete. You'll go down the list until one of the other members of her medical team relieves you," Izzy explains.

Lexi smiles cautiously. "Good idea, Dr. Stevens," she says.

"Please call me Izzy,"

"Thanks Izzy," Lexi says.

"You're welcome. Now go babysit your big sister," Izzy tells her.

(Break)


	4. Chapter 4

Mark is the first one to walk into Joe's

Mark is the first one to walk into Joe's. He sees Izzy sitting alone and pulls up a chair next to her.

"What's with the cryptic note? A meeting? I know you've been socially out of the loop for a while but most people just ask if you want to grab a drink," Mark says.

"This is important. Trust me…it's really a meeting," Izzy says.

"Wait…I'm the only one here! Is this one of those things where you're secretly in love with me and you called me here under the pretense of a meeting so that you could feel like we were on a date?" Mark says, smiling.

"Hardly, Sloan," Izzy says, rolling her eyes.

George runs in and sees Izzy sitting with Mark at a table. He runs over to her.

"Izzy! Are you alright? I got your note and it was…" George says, nervously.

"You invited Bambi? I'm into threesomes, but not that kind of threesome. Now, if you would have invited Meredith, or her hot little sister, Lexi, I could be into that!" Mark says.

"You are disgusting," she says to Mark. She turns to George. "I'm fine. This isn't about me. I want to wait until everyone gets here. I need to talk to all of you about a patient," Izzy explains.

Christina comes in next. She sits down without saying anything. She knows what this is about and is already uncomfortable.

"Bambi, lets go get the ladies some drinks," Mark says.

Izzy and Christina are left alone. "I saw her today. She looks fine," Christina says.

"She's not fine. She's very sick and she's very scared," Izzy says.

"You're judging me. I can see it," Christina says.

"I'm not judging you," Izzy says.

"You are. You have the look," Christina says.

"Fine. I am judging you. But not for the reasons you think. You think I'm judging you for running out of the room that day. I'm not. I understand that you and Meredith have this understanding that anytime something involves actual feelings you are allowed to run. It's not the way I am, but if it works for the two of you, fine. But I am judging you for the fact that you've treated Lexi Grey so terribly since she got here," Izzy says.

"I treat Lexi Grey like any other intern," Christina says.

"You do not! I heard you that day in the cafeteria. I was on line waiting for my lunch and you told that poor girl in front of the entire cafeteria that she was the worst thing that ever happened to Meredith. How do you think that made her feel?" Izzy asks.

"I don't know. But don't you ever just think that honesty is the best policy? She follows Meredith around like a puppy dog, begging for a scrap of attention. It's pathetic and I was trying to save her from herself, and protect Meredith from having to be faced everyday with the sister that her father chose over her. I'm not as heartless as you think I am," Christina says.

"Yes you are. You think that your code with Meredith extends to the rest of the world. But no one else understands your rules, and they end up just feeling beaten up by you. But whatever…this isn't about you and your inability to be human. It's about what we can do for Meredith," Izzy says.

George and Mark return with drinks and Alex comes walking in. "I'm here," he says. "What's the big emergency, drama queen?" he says, laughing at Izzy.

"You're going to feel like such a jerk in a minute," Izzy says.

(Break)

Lexi walks confidently into Meredith's room. Somehow, her conversation with Izzy has made her feel more in charge. She knows that Dr. Bailey will be here at any moment and that they will put in Meredith's port. She has read a lot about the procedure and is confident that she is prepared.

"Hi Meredith," Lexi says, confidently.

"Where's Izzy?" Meredith says.

"She's working with the rest of your team on your treatment plan. I'm here to insert your port with Dr. Bailey," Lexi says.

"I should be on that treatment plan," Meredith says, more to herself than to Lexi.

Lexi misunderstands Meredith and says, "You will be on that treatment plan. From my understanding, tomorrow will be…"

"No. I should be working on the treatment plan for the patient. I shouldn't be the patient. Haven't I suffered enough?" Meredith says.

Lexi laughs. "I say that to myself every morning. Every morning, I say to myself, 'today can't be any worse than yesterday…I've suffered enough,' she says to Meredith.

Meredith shoots her a look. "How have you suffered? You grew up with Mommy, Daddy, and Princess Molly and probably a cute little kitty cat and puppy dog. Now you're going to get to stick a big old needle in your evil step-sister. Your life is looking pretty good from where I'm sitting right now," Meredith says, motioning to the IV and hospital bed.

Tears prick Lexi's eyes. She is not so upset at Meredith for her harsh words as she is at herself for being so insensitive as to talk about her own suffering in light of Meredith's present situation.

"I'm sorry, Meredith. I didn't mean…" Lexi says.

"I know you didn't mean anything by it. You probably really think that it was really hard when you had to wait on long lines at Disney World…" Meredith says, sarcastically.

Lexi doesn't say anything. There is no point in telling Meredith right now that she has a very skewed perception of how Lexi's childhood and adulthood was.

Fortunately, Dr. Bailey walks in and prevents Lexi from having to respond.

"How are you doing, Dr. Grey?" Dr. Bailey asks.

Both Lexi and Meredith respond in unison, "Fine, thank you."

"I was referring to the patient, but I'm glad you are both doing fine. I guess that can get a bit confusing," Dr. Bailey says, noticing the tension in the room.

"Why don't you just call me, Lexi. Meredith has been a doctor longer. She's the real Dr. Grey around here?" Lexi says.

Dr. Bailey rolls her eyes. "I don't care what I call either one of you. I want to get this port in place so that we can get this Dr. Grey started on her chemotherapy. That's my only concern here. So, Dr. Lexi Grey, would you do the honors of explaining the procedure to the patient?" Dr. Bailey says.

"Well, we will use a local anesthetic to numb the area. Then we will take the needle and thread it through…" Lexi begins.

Meredith interrupts her, "Dr. Bailey, do we really have to do this? Obviously I know what the procedure entails. I've done it a thousand times!" Meredith objects.

"Alright. Then we'll just begin. Dr. Lexi Grey, please administer the local to Dr. Meredith Grey," Dr. Bailey says.

Lexi holds the syringe and moves towards Meredith's chest area. She expects to feel tension in Meredith's body as she brings the needle closer. "You'll just feel a little pinch as I…" Lexi begins.

"As you stick the needle in my chest. Let's not be all dramatic. It's a little needle, not a branding iron. Just do it, Lexi!" Meredith snaps.

Lexi sticks the needle in Meredith's arm and notices that Meredith does not even flinch at the pain.

Lexi touches the area. "Do you feel this?" Lexi asks.

"Just pressure. No pain. You can continue," Meredith says, distantly.

Dr. Bailey begins to insert the port but stops.

"Dr. Lexi Grey, you've done a good job so far, why don't you finish the procedure?" she says.

Lexi tries to appear calm. She does not want Meredith to see her nerves as she makes a shallow incision into Meredith's chest.

"Very good, Grey," Dr. Bailey says.

Lexi doesn't respond. She is too busy trying to thread the catheter to the vein that will deliver the chemotherapy to Meredith's body starting tomorrow.

(Break)

Izzy begins nervously. She realizes that she called all of their friends together in order to make this announcement, but she doesn't have the faintest idea what she was going to say. She wishes Dr. Bailey were here. She would know what to say. She always knows what to say.

"I called all of you here because you're all friends of Meredith's in some way. I guess we should wait for Derek, who seems the be the only one who isn't here, but I have to get back to the hospital by 9, so I need to get this started," Izzy begins nervously.

George notices the tension in her voice. He gets nervous. He looks around. _Where's Lexi? Did Izzy not tell her to come?_

Alex looks at Izzy. She seems shaky. He thinks about how off her game she has been lately. She's been passing up big surgeries over the past few days. Maybe this big announcement has something to do with it.

"Many of you may have wondered where Meredith has been lately," Izzy begins, stalling for a chance to figure out what she is going to say.

"Seriously, Izzy? Is this a joke? Are you going to keep everyone here all night? Meredith has cancer. She has Acute Myelogenous Leukemia," Christina blurts out.

"Christina!" Izzy says. She may not have been sure what she wanted to say, but she wanted it to be sensitive and eloquent. She resents Christina's crassly worded announcement.

The table erupts into a chorus of "Oh my god!" and "What?" and "Is it true?" and "I can't believe this!" as Izzy freezes, not sure what to say next.

_I'm in charge…_she thinks.

"Thank you, Christina," she says, calmly. "I am coordinating Meredith's treatment at the request of Dr. Bailey. Lexi Grey will be the intern assigned to the case and there will be no more interns on the rotation other than George occasionally at the chief's request. Keep your interns away from Meredith's room at all costs. However, I would like to request that each of you save some time to be available to perform certain simple medical procedures that will make her treatment easier," Izzy says.

"What do you mean?" Alex asks.

"I mean that if Meredith so much as needs a blood test, I want it done by a doctor. By one of her friends. I don't want a single person who doesn't care about Meredith doing anything regarding her treatment. She's not just another case. She's our friend and we need to take care of her," Izzy explains.

Everyone nods in agreement, except for Christina.

"Is there anything wrong with her heart?" Christina asks.

Izzy furrows her brow, not understand why Christina would ask that question right now.

"Not that we are aware of at the moment," Izzy says.

"Then I don't want any part of Meredith's treatment. I did my share of central lines and IVs when I was an intern. I'm here to be the best damn heart surgeon in the country. I'm not playing doctor with you, Izzy. I'm going to be a real one, and you can count me out of your stupid plan," Christina says, angrily and storms off.

George grabs Izzy's hand and squeezes it. "I'm in," he says loudly, knowing how nervous she must be that people will reject her plan.

"I'm in," Alex says.

Mark nods his head in agreement. "Me too. And Derek will too when he gets back from Aruba with Rose," he says, rolling his eyes.

"I wasn't invited," Callie begins, "But you can count me in as well," she says, glaring at Izzy. "I'll also speak to Erica and see if she will oversee Meredith's cardiac monitoring."

"Thank you," Izzy says, graciously, as she kicks herself for forgetting to invite Callie.

"Chief will want in too," Mark says.

The crowd starts to break up as people talk among themselves about how they can arrange their schedules to be available to help in Meredith's treatment. As everyone starts to leave, Alex lingers behind.

"Izzy, can I talk to you for a minute?" he asks.

"Sure," she says.

"How's ummmm…Lexi holding up?" Izzy says.

"You mean the girl you forgot you slept with?" Izzy says, raising her eyebrows.

"I didn't forget, you know that! I didn't want to embarrass her by putting her name on the form. I didn't think it was anyone's business," he says, defensively

"She's holding up all right. It would help if Meredith would be a little nicer to her. Meredith treats her like she isn't even there. It's awful to watch," Izzy admits.

"Maybe she'll come around?" Alex says.

"I hope so…" Izzy says.

(Break)

"All finished. Good job, Dr. Lexi Grey," Dr. Bailey says, nodding her approval at Lexi's work.

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Lexi says, breathing a sigh of relief. She turns to Meredith. "Do you want some pain killers? I can prescribe some if you…" Lexi begins.

Meredith shakes her head. "Nope. I'm fine," she says, stoically.

"Are you sure? You'll probably be pretty sore when the anesthetic wears off," Lexi says.

"Really? Do you think so? Is that how anesthetic works? Wow! You really are a great intern!" Meredith says, sarcastically.

Lexi feels the familiar sting of Meredith's biting words and tone and looks away. She doesn't want Meredith to see her eyes fill up.

"Dr. Meredith Grey!" Dr. Bailey says. "This doctor, who may happen to be your sister, just worked very hard to make this surgery as painless as possible for you. As a matter of fact, I've watched her be nothing but nice to you since you got here! I'm going to walk out of the room and let you apologize to her right now. I know this is hard for you, but you do not get to treat people like that. Not on my watch!" Dr. Bailey turns and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Lexi looks at Meredith. Suddenly, Meredith looks small and scared. Lexi thinks for a moment that she looks like she might have when they were children. Maybe this is what it would have been like when Meredith was home from school with the flu. Lexi could have come home from school and crawled into bed with her and they would have watched TV together.

"I'm sorry, Meredith," Lexi says.

"I don't think that's what Dr. Bailey meant," Meredith says, wryly.

"I know, but you don't have to apologize to me. I know this is hard for you. I know that you are sick and scared and because you're all screwed up from your dysfunctional childhood, you don't know how to admit it and that somehow, you feel like its all my fault. I also know that its really hard for you to have me here being the doctor while you are the patient. I get it. I get why you hate me. I just wish you didn't," Lexi says, sadly.

"Do you really get it? Do you really get that every time I see you, I see our father? I see him walking out the door and never coming back. I see him so happy in his new life with his bright and shiny daughter while his other daughter gets darker and twistier and grows up in complete and utter hell. And now, I'm sick. I may die. At the very least, I'm going to be violently ill and weak and lose my hair and my pride. I'm going to be poked and prodded and treated like a sick person, while you live the life of a doctor? The life I built for myself? Its one more thing I have to watch you take away from me. Just one more time I have to be jealous of you," Meredith says, angrily.

"I understand," Lexi says, quietly. "But there are things in your life that I am jealous of too."

"Seriously Lexi? Seriously? What exactly are you jealous of? Do you want your own port? Your own IV? What do I have that you want?" Meredith says.

"A sister who loves you enough to take all your abuse and still take care of you," Lexi says, and walks out of the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Christina walks into Meredith's room without knocking and is relieved to find that no one else is there

Christina walks into Meredith's room without knocking and is relieved to find that no one else is there.

"Thank god it's you," Meredith says. "Someone who doesn't expect me to be all nice."

Christina doesn't respond. "Izzy has a stupid plan. She has everyone rearranging their schedules for so that they can do all of your medical procedures. Everyone's all into it, and I just want you to know that I'm not doing it. I'm doing your central lines and IVs and blood tests. I'm here to be a doctor, not to be some kind of glorified nurse. I'm not doing any of your medical procedures. I'm just not. It's not what we do," she says.

"Fine. But if my heart stops, you better restart it," Meredith jokes.

"If your heart stops, I'll be the first in line for that surgery. Who knows? Maybe Hahn will let me scrub in!" Christina replies.

"How did this happen?" Meredith asks, leaning her head back on her pillow.

"Sit up. You look sick when you lean back like that," Christina says.

"I am sick. And I'm tired. I can't sit up anymore," Meredith replies.

"Stop it. You're not sick. You're fine," Christina says, unwilling to give in.

Meredith doesn't say anything.

"I have to go," Christina says as she runs out of the room.

(Break)

Lexi sits in the cafeteria alone at a table. She looks around, and realizes that she is the only one sitting alone. She looks for George, but he is nowhere to be found. She secretly hopes that Izzy will walk in and sit with her. The more time she spends with Izzy the more she likes her. She views her as somewhat of a mentor, and would love to tell her about her conversation with Meredith.

Alex puts his tray down next to her. "Hey. How's it going?"

"I'm Lexi Grey. I know you may have forgotten. Your memory seems to be slipping," she says.

"Lexi, I didn't forget you. I just didn't want to embarrass you by putting your name on that stupid form with you sitting right there. Come on. You're not that forgettable," Alex says, lightly punching her on the arm.

Lexi doesn't know how to respond, so she just smiles silently.

"How's Meredith?" Alex asks.

"Why ask me? I wouldn't know. She hates me. She's sick and she hates me. I'm doing everything I can to take care of her, but she just keeps piling it on no matter what I do. She really is never going to get past how much she hates me and I'm never going to get the sister I imagined," Lexi says.

"You're pouting," Alex says.

"What?" Lexi says.

"You're pouting, and you're kind of whining. You actually sound like a little sister," he says, smirking.

"I'm glad you find this so funny," Lexi says, hotly.

"I have about two minutes until I have to scrub in with Sloan, so let me make this quick. Look, should Meredith be nicer to you? Yeah. But the sister you imagined isn't Meredith. The sister in your dreams, who was going to throw her arms around you and hug you and tell you how glad she was to have found you? That just isn't who Meredith is. If you really want to know Meredith, then get to know Meredith. Stop trying to turn her into your imaginary sister," Alex says.

As he walks away, Lexi thinks to herself, _Maybe he's right._

(Break)

"Dr. Bailey. I spoke with the chemotherapy nurses. They are bringing Meredith's chemotherapy up to her room, and Lexi and I will administer it. I went over the chart and from what I understand we will be monitoring her kidney function over the next few days to make sure that the chemotherapy is not causing any major damage. Is there anything else I should look out for?" Izzy asks, breathlessly.

"Yes. Make sure she doesn't abuse your intern. I'm allowing you all to cater to her and rearrange your schedules, but if she doesn't shape up, all bets are off. That Lexi Grey has worked hard learning enough to handle this case competently and I'm not going to allow her to be abused by our patient," Dr. Bailey says.

"I'll do my best," Izzy says.

"Remember…you're in charge, Stevens!" Dr. Bailey says.

(Break)

"Lexi, I'm going to start her chemotherapy. I'll ask you to come in and take some blood work from her every half hour. This is a very toxic chemo and we run the risk of damaging her kidney's if we don't monitor her frequently. If her levels elevate at all, page me and Dr. Bailey immediately," Izzy says.

Lexi nods, solemnly. As Izzy starts to walk away she calls out, "Oh, and Lexi?"

Lexi turns to Izzy, "What?"' she calls back.

"Don't take her crap!" Izzy says, as she walks away.

(Break)

Mark stops Izzy on her way to Meredith's room. "Hey Stevens! How are you holding up?" he asks.

"I'm doing okay. Very busy. I am still in shock and still can't believe this is happening. I am about to start chemotherapy on one of my best friends. But I'm in charge and I can do this," she says, more to herself than to him.

"How very Zen of you," he says, laughing.

"Thanks. I'm trying," she says.

"Well, if you ever need to talk and blow off steam, I'm here," Mark says, awkwardly.

"Okay…that sounded really weird! Do you really mean that or have you run out of nurses?" Izzy asks.

"Hey! That's not fair! I've turned over a new leaf," Mark says defensively.

"Sure you have…" Izzy says, unconvinced.

"My offer stands," he says, walking away.

(Break)

Izzy walks into Meredith's room and sets up her chemotherapy bags, carefully attaching each one to the IV pole.

"Mer?" she says, touching Meredith's arm to wake her up. She is asleep and she jumps when Izzy touches her arm.

"Oh…sorry…I must have fallen asleep," she says.

"It's okay. I'm here to start your chemo so we can get you well as soon as possible," Izzy says, brightly.

"Let's get this over with," Meredith says.

"Okay. Do you want me to explain the side effects of each drug? I can start with…" Izzy asks.

"Izzy, I kicked your ass in the resident's competition. I have a sparkle pager. Do you really think I need you to explain the side effects of chemotherapy to me?" Meredith asks.

Izzy laughs. "You're right. So you're going to feel like crap, but we're all going to be here to help you through this," she says.

"I don't want her here, Izzy," Meredith says.

"You don't have a choice. She's my new intern. And she's damn good. She's trying so hard to be here for you. Cut the girl some slack!" Izzy says.

"I can't. Not now. Not this way…" Meredith says.

"Can I tell you something I've never told anyone?" Izzy says as she attaches the IV to Meredith's port and sends the toxic drugs pouring through Meredith's veins.

"Sure. Tell me anything right now to get my mind off this," Meredith says, motioning to the IV.

"I had a daughter. I was 16 and I got knocked up. I didn't want to ruin her the way my parents had ruined me. I gave her up to a wonderful family. They named her Hannah and they raised her and they loved her. They were good people. I know they were," Izzy begins.

"Iz…I never knew…" Meredith says.

"Nobody did. Nobody knew. Until last year when she came into this hospital needing a bone marrow transplant and I was the only one who was a match. She had AML too," Izzy says, looking down.

"Wow…I had no idea. I'm so sorry. How is she now?" Meredith asks.

"I have no idea. I wanted to see her. But she refused to see me. She was 11 years old and I guess the idea of me was just too much for her. I desperately wanted to talk to her and tell her all the things I never told her, but she wouldn't even give me a chance. Nothing ever hurt me so much. Nothing," Izzy says, her voice catching at the end.

"And you're saying that I am hurting Lexi the same way?" Meredith asks.

Izzy nods. "And it's the worst kind of hurt there is…being rejected by family…you should know…" she reminds Meredith.

Meredith closes her eyes and pretends to be asleep, not wanting the pressure of responding. Izzy waits a few minutes and then leaves, knowing Meredith has heard her even if she doesn't want to acknowledge that she has.

(Break)

Lexi walks into Meredith's room to take her blood work on the half hour, as Izzy has told her to do. She sees Meredith looking worn out and sick already and the change from earlier startles her.

"How are you feeling?" Lexi asks timidly.

Meredith begins to answer, but begins to heave violently.

"Bucket!" she yells.

Lexi silently hands her a bucket. Meredith begins to throw up violently and Lexi instinctively grabs Meredith's hair and pulls it back from her face.

When Meredith finishes, Lexi helps to position her back on her pillow.

"Thanks," Meredith says.

"You're welcome," Lexi replies.

"No one has ever done that for me before," Meredith says.

"Done what?" Lexi says.

"Held my hair back while I puked. No one has ever done that," Meredith says, weakly.

"Really? Whenever I was sick, my mom used to pull my hair back and stroke my forehead while I was throwing up," Lexi says.

"Interesting. When I was sick, my mom used to tell me that if I made a mess it was mine to clean up. I remember being eight years old and being home sick from school with a terrible stomach virus. I didn't make it to the bathroom and I threw up on the floor. I could barely get our of bed, but I knew I'd be in so much trouble when she got home, so I went down to the basement and took the mop upstairs and cleaned the whole mess up. Then I passed out on the kitchen floor. When she got home I was still lying there on the immaculate tile floor. She woke me up and told me to get myself back to bed. She didn't even offer me a hand to help me up," Meredith recalls.

Lexi's eyes widen. "I'm so sorry," she says.

"Don't pity me," she says.

Lexi sighs. Meredith begins heaving again. Lexi grabs the bucket next to Meredith's bed, pulls back Meredith's hair and strokes her forehead like her own mother used to.

"You'll make an excellent mother one day," Meredith says, smiling weakly.

"Thanks. You will too," Lexi replies.

Meredith shakes her head. "I don't think so. I don't want to have kids. I don't want to risk screwing them up like my mother did. Besides, after all this chemo…I'll never have kids," she says.

Lexi is silent. She wants to disagree with Meredith, but her instincts tell her not to. She feels like progress has been made, and she doesn't want to risk making any move that might reverse that.

"I have to do some blood work on you," she says.

Meredith nods and closes her eyes. Lexi takes the blood using Meredith's central line so she does not have to stick her. She stares at her exhausted sister and notices that she is drenched in sweat. She runs to the bathroom, wets some paper towels and wipes Meredith's face.

"Thank you…" Meredith whispers as Lexi tiptoes out of the room.

(Break)

Mark pulls Izzy into the on call room.

"I'm not having sex with you right now. I have work to do!" Izzy says, annoyed.

"Down girl! Who's talking sex right now? Certainly not me. You have a dirty mind, Dr. Stevens," Mark says.

"Mark I…" Izzy is flustered and just wants to get back to work.

"Derek called from Aruba," he says, cutting to the chase.

Izzy glares at him. "And?" she says.

"I didn't tell him anything," Mark says.

"Good. The last thing she needs right now is Derek coming back and stressing her out," Izzy says.

"He's coming back next week. He's going to find out…" Mark says.

"I've listened to her chant, 'he's with Rose' about a hundred times a day for the last few weeks. I'm not putting her in stressful situations right now. Derek is a stressful situation. She's better off without him here right now," Izzy explains.

"It's wrong Stevens. If he were here, he'd know by now," Mark says, shaking his head.

"I'm in charge!" she replies and walks out of the room in a huff.

(Break)

"The chief told me to give you these," George says, handing over a stack of papers to Izzy.

"Meredith's labs?" she asks.

Izzy looks at the folder. "They're not bad. Not great, but not bad. Her WBC is dropping rapidly and her ANC is low, but that's to be expected. Her anemia is still mild. I think we're okay for the next round of chemo tomorrow," Izzy says.

"You're doing a good job, Izzy. You really are. Meredith is lucky to have you," George says.

Izzy smiles. "Thank you. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a doctor. A capable doctor," she says, proudly.

"You are," George says.

(Break)

Izzy runs to Meredith's room. She freezes for a moment when she notices the difference between Meredith earlier and Meredith now. Meredith is weak and shaking.

"Thank god. It's you," Meredith says.

"Me? Why?" Izzy says.

"Because I can't see Lexi for one more minute," Meredith says.

"Meredith…I told you…" Izzy begins in a warning tone.

"No. I've been nice. I swear. And I don't hate her. You're right. But she's got that look on her face. And I don't know what to do," Meredith says.

"What look?" Izzy asks.

"The look that says, 'I'm so scared and I want someone to make me feel better,' I'm not good at that look. I don't know what to say or do. She's upset by all of this and I need a break from seeing it. I actually feel bad for her," Meredith says.

Izzy thinks for a moment that maybe she has put too much on Lexi.

"You look dehydrated. You need some fluids. I'm going to push some saline into your IV to hydrate you," Izzy says.

"That would be good. I feel so dry. I've been…" Meredith is cut off by her stomach heaving.

Izzy grabs the bucket and holds it in front of Meredith. She grabs Meredith's hair and pulls it off her face.

"Did your mom hold your hair back?" Meredith asks, when she is finished.

Izzy laughs. "Yes. But not for the reasons one might think. When I was in pageants, I used to get really nervous right before I'd go on. My mom would scream 'Isobel! You'll mess up your hair!' and rush to pull it off my face. Then she'd make sure to put it back exactly as she found it. It wasn't quite the mother daughter moment you'd see on a Hallmark commercial!" Izzy says.

"I guess not," Meredith says.

"But I'd always tell myself that I'd do that for my own child, only I never got the chance…" Izzy says. She allows herself one moment to think about Hannah before she says, "So…tomorrow will be round two. We will do three days of intense chemo and then see how your counts hold. During this time you are very vulnerable to infection. Please alert a doctor immediately if you feel any signs of fever or…" Izzy begins.

"Iz…I know what to do. I just want to sleep now," Meredith says.

"Okay…you need your strength for tomorrow," Izzy says.

(Break)

Christina walks into Meredith's room.

"You look awful," she says.

"I know. I feel pretty awful," Meredith replies.

"So what do you want to talk about?" Christina asks.

"Ummm…tell me about your surgeries today?" Meredith replies.

"Well, I got to scrub in with Hahn twice. One of them was a…" Christina pauses.

"Was a what?" Meredith says.

"A cancer patient. Lung cancer with major cardiac involvement," Christina says, without looking at Meredith.

"You can say cancer. I know I have it," Meredith says.

"Yeah…but I don't want you to. If I don't say it, it isn't true," Christina says.

"You don't have to come visit, you know. I know this isn't what we do," Meredith says.

"Yeah…but I wanted to ask you something," Christina says.

Meredith waits for Christina to ask her a question, and Christina pauses dramatically.

"Can I have your sparkle pager?" she asks.

Meredith smiles. "Yeah," she says, throwing it at her friend.

Christina smiles back. "Thanks!"

"No. Thank you. That was so…normal!" Meredith says.


	6. Chapter 6

"Lexi, I just got the last round of labs back

"Lexi, I just got the last round of labs back. Meredith's counts are dropping to dangerous levels. She's at tremendous risk of infection. If they drop any lower, we'll have to discontinue chemo for a few days to give her a chance to rebound," Izzy explains, as Lexi sits next to her, listening intently.

"But that will give the cancer a chance to advance, and prevent us from getting her into remission…won't it?" Lexi worries.

Izzy nods. "But it will be worse if she gets a terrible infection and can't fight it. If we give her a few days off, we can come back and fight it. If she gets sicker, it can be fatal," Izzy explains.

"Thank you, Izzy – I mean – Dr. Stevens," Lexi says.

"You're welcome…but why are you thanking me?" Izzy asks.

"Because I've learned more from you than from any other doctor since I've been here…" Lexi explains.

Izzy raises her eyebrows in surprise and says, "Wow! Thank you! That means a lot to me. What makes you say that?"

"You see the whole picture, and you're able to be clear-headed, but not detached. I mean, I know all the interns think you're crazy and call you that awful nickname, but they're wrong. You may not have that competitive edge that everyone else has that makes them all mean and hard and cold and clinical, but you know your stuff and you're so calm, and I mean, Meredith is your friend and still, you're able to…I don't know…I just think you're a really good doctor, and I hope I'll be able to be that good one day," Lexi rambles nervously.

Izzy narrows her eyes. "What nickname?" she asks.

"Oh…I thought you knew about it. I thought maybe George…I mean…it's nothing. It's stupid," Lexi stammers.

'Lexi!" Izzy demands.

Lexi looks away. "They call you flatline…you know…because of that guy and the wire and that's why they make the beeping sound when you walk by," she says, to the floor.

"Flatline? Flatline? That's what they call me? Damn interns!" Izzy says, stomping off angrily.

"But I think you're the best resident they have!" Lexi calls, desperately after her.

(Break)

Lexi runs into George, knocking all his files out of his hand.

"Woah! You're a little wired. What's wrong?" George asks.

"Meredith's counts are dropping and now I've insulted Izzy and I just can't do anything right!" Lexi says, pacing back and forth.

"Relax. Everyone insults Izzy. I'm sure she's used to it by now," George says.

"George, I told her what the interns call her," Lexi says, seriously.

"You did? What's wrong with you? You didn't tell her about the little 'beep beep beep' thing we, I mean, they do, did you?" George asks.

Lexi nods. "And don't act like you've never done it!! You have! I've seen you!" she says, accusingly.

"You have too! And I can. She's my best friend. I know it doesn't mean anything! And she was never supposed to know about it!" George says.

"Yeah…well, she does. And Meredith looks like crap. And I'm having a really bad day. Come with me to her room…please?" Lexi says.

George nods. "Let's go. I haven't been up to see her yet," he says.

(Break)

Christina marches up to Izzy and says, "You may think you're a big shot because you are managing Meredith's case, but I have something better!"

"Seriously, Christina! I don't have time for this. Lexi's going to take the next round of labs soon and these next labs are crucial. If her counts drop anymore, I'll have to suspend chemotherapy for a few days which isn't a good thing. I'm tense and I'm stressed and I don't have time for your games," she says.

Christina waves the sparkle pager at Izzy. "Look what I have!"

Izzy stares at her for a moment like she is an alien. "You're happy about that? Have you seen Meredith? Have you seen her today? Have you held her hair back while she vomits all day? Have you watched the poison drip through her veins? No. You haven't. You are just happy that Meredith gave you her sparkle pager? What's wrong with you? You are so twisted, Christina…seriously!"

Christina is silent for a moment and then she says to Izzy, "You know, when you talk about your patient and her counts, you're not really talking about a patient. You're talking about Meredith Grey. And when you say things like 'suspend chemotherapy' and 'run labs' and 'counts dropping' I hear you, but I don't see Meredith's face in the story. I see Meredith in this sparkle pager, so if I need this to hold on to a piece of Meredith, right now, then excuse me! She's my person. My only person. You have a lot of people, Izzy. You have George, you have Meredith, you have Alex. You will talk to anyone. You don't keep secrets. I do. But not from Meredith. She's all I have…I can't lose her. So instead of standing here, judging me for holding her sparkle pager, you get your ass in there and run her labs and find a way to make her better," Christina says, pushing by Izzy and storming away.

Izzy stands there, numbly, realizing the enormous amount of pressure that is on her.

(Break)

Lexi and George enter Meredith's room. She is sleeping and does not stir when they come in.

"Mer?" George says.

She slowly opens her eyes. "George! Hi!" she says.

"How are you feeling?" he asks.

"I've been better," she says.

"Do you need anything? I'll tell the chief that…" George begins.

Meredith shakes her head. "I'm okay. I have everything I need," she says.

Izzy runs into Meredith's room and sees Lexi and George standing there.

"Lexi, I need the next round of blood work in a little while," Izzy says.

"Beep…Beep…Beep…" George whispers. Izzy glares at him.

Lexi is horrified. "George! Stop it! Don't!"

Izzy opens her mouth to say something, but is interrupted by the sound of Meredith's laughter.

"I…can't …believe…you told her!" she says to George, laughing hysterically.

"I didn't! Lexi did!" he says.

Meredith turns to Lexi. "Wow! You're not the little goody-two-shoes I thought you were," she says, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes.

"I'm glad you're so all finding this joke so funny," Izzy says, sounding angrier than she actually feels, "But I need you, Lexi, to get some blood from Meredith's port. George, I need you to take that blood work down to the lab and tell them to rush like hell to get it back. And then I need you to get it back to Lexi who will get it back to me. And Meredith…I need you to…umm…stop laughing at me and concentrate on getting better!" Izzy says, as she closes the door behind her.

"Maybe I'd better…ummm…" George says as he points to the door.

Lexi nods at him and looks at Meredith.

"Ummm…I am a goody two shoes…" Lexi says.

"What?" Meredith asks.

"You said I wasn't a goody-two-shoes like you thought. But I am. I'm totally a goody two shoes. I got straight A's in school. I never cut a class. I was popular and perky all the time. I never did anything wrong. Well…until I started stealing things from the hospital, but that's only after I started working here. Something about this place corrupts you…you know? Anyway…Alex said that I should stop turning you into the sister I wanted and get to know the real Meredith Grey. I'm trying to do that. I don't want you to turn me into anyone I'm not in your mind. I am a goody-two-shoes. I always will be. I'm not going to be all bad ass like you and Christina. I'm more of the Izzy type," Lexi rambles.

Meredith takes a moment to respond. She runs her hand through her hair and gasps when she looks in her hand. "Oh my god!" she exclaims.

"What? Are you okay? Should I page Izzy?" Lexi panics.

Meredith doesn't say anything. She simply holds out her hand which is holding clumps of hair.

"Oh…Meredith…I'm so sorry…I didn't think it would happen this quickly," Lexi stands there nervously. She instinctively wants to hug her sister, but holds herself back.

Meredith stares straight ahead.

"Ummm…what can I do? Do you want me to page Izzy again?" Lexi asks, for lack of anything else to say.

Meredith holds out the clump of hair and shakes her head. "Don't page Izzy. You want to be my sister? Help me," Meredith says, unemotionally.

"Sure. Anything," Lexi says, nervously.

"Get an electric razor from the supply closet. Shave my head," Meredith says.

(Break)

Dr. Bailey stops Izzy in the hallway.

"Dr. Stevens, how's it going?" she asks.

"It's going. I am on my way to pick up Meredith's labs," Izzy replies, tiredly.

"You know, part of being a good doctor is knowing when to take a break. You haven't left this hospital in days," Dr. Bailey says.

"I know, but there is so much to do. We're supposed to start radiation next week and I have to coordinate with…" Izzy is cut off by Dr. Bailey.

"Just make sure you're taking care of yourself and your interns as well as the patient!" Dr. Bailey says.

Izzy nods and rushes off to check on Meredith's labs.

(Break)

Mark sees Alex in the hallway.

"Karev. You want to work with me on a good plastics case?"

"What's the catch, Sloan? You're never nice to me?" Alex says.

"I'm turning over a new leaf. Besides…there's a girl involved. A girl involved on both our ends," Mark says.

Alex stares at him, "I'm in. What are we doing?"

(Break)

Lexi stands in front of Meredith holding the razor. She turns it on.

"Hurry up! What are you waiting for?" Meredith snaps.

"I…I don't know if we should do this. I don't think it's a good idea to…" Lexi stalls.

"Just do it, Lexi! What's the problem?" Meredith snaps again.

Izzy opens the door and sees Lexi standing there with a terrified look on her face. "What is going on here?" Izzy asks.

"Dr. Stevens! Thank god you're here! Meredith wants me to shave her head and I don' think we should do that without…" Lexi begins to ramble, but Meredith cuts her off.

"Without what? Written orders from Izzy? Just shave my head, Lexi!" she yells at the terrified intern.

"Okay. Knock it off, both of you! Lexi, take these labs and read through them. Make sure you understand everything in them. Meredith, if you want your head shaved, I'll do it," Izzy says, calmly taking the razor from Meredith's hand.

"Thank you, Izzy. At least someone here isn't scared of an electric razor. I thought we were all doctors here," Meredith says, rolling her eyes at Lexi.

Lexi opens her mouth to say something in response, but Izzy shoots her a warning look.

"Go read the labs," she says, sternly.

Lexi walks out of the room. Izzy sits down next to Meredith.

"You sure you want me to do this?" she says.

Meredith nods. "I'm not going to sit here and wait for my hair to fall out in my hands everyday. I'm in control here! And for someone who is so desperate to help me, Lexi sure didn't. Some long lost sister!" Meredith complains.

"Meredith…I can't believe you'd ask her to do that," Izzy says. "Do you know how hard that must have been for her?"

"Just do it, Izzy," Meredith says, tiredly.

Izzy runs her hand through Meredith's hair once and notices how much of it falls out. She turns on the razor and holds it in her right hand, while her left hand holds Meredith's hand.

(Break)

Izzy holds up a mirror when she has finished. "Here you go. You look pretty good bald! Yay!" she says, falsely cheerful.

"He's with Rose, he's with Rose, he's with Rose," Meredith chants, numbly, as she stares at herself in the mirror.

Christina barges into Meredith's room without knocking.

"Meredith! I wanted to tell you about…" she stops dead in her tracks when she sees Meredith bald and staring in the mirror. She looks at Izzy accusingly. "What did you do to her?"

"Meredith asked me to shave her head, so I did. Doesn't she look great? Sort of like a prettier Sinead O'Connor?" Izzy says, giving Christina a warning look.

"It's okay, Christina. I asked her to," Meredith says, weakly.

"No! It is not okay. She shaved your head! This is not okay. Izzy is crazy! She can't be in charge of your treatment plan. She can't! She's crazy," Christina says, glaring at Izzy.

Izzy stares at Christina sympathetically. She knows this is hard for her, and that her anger is not really directed at her. She knows that she is scared for Meredith and has no ability to express it, so she says, "I know this is hard for you, Christina. I understand."

"Hard for me? Seriously, Izzy. You don't know what you are talking about!" Christina says, slamming the door to Meredith's room as she storms out.

"Don't take it personally. She's just upset," Meredith says, "And I can't even go after her," she adds, resentfully.

"I don't take it personally," Izzy says. She stops herself short of adding, _I just resent that she is so selfish that she can't see that you are the one with the problem here._

"Thanks for shaving my head," Meredith says.

"You look great!" Izzy says, turning on the cheerful voice again.

(Break)

Lexi bumps into Christina outside Meredith's room.

"Do you know what that lunatic did to your sister in there?" Christina says with her hands on her hips.

Lexi stares angrily at Christina. "My sister? My sister? Now you want to call her my sister? You don't get to make any sister references here. I came here desperate to connect with my sister who hated me. I thought maybe when I was assigned to be your resident you might help me connect with her since you were supposedly her person…whatever that means to the two of you…but instead, you did everything you could to drive more of a wedge between us. Now, you want me to turn on Izzy, who has done nothing but help me, and especially Meredith. I'm not on your team, Christina. I'm not playing your games. Izzy has been by Meredith's side during this whole ordeal so far. Izzy has brokered peace between Meredith and I. No…it isn't perfect, but we're making progress. Izzy shaved Meredith's head. She did what I didn't have the strength to do. What have YOU done? Take the sparkle pager? Is that your contribution? I'd hate to have a 'person' like you," Lexi explodes as she bursts into tears.

Christina stands there, stunned while Izzy comes running over, having heard the argument. "Lexi. Come with me. We have a lot of work to do before our meeting with Dr. Bailey later," she says, putting her arm around Lexi and leading her away.

Christina stands there in shock as the two of them walk down the hallway.

(Break)

"Dr. Stevens. I need to see you and Dr. Grey, immediately," Dr. Bailey says.

Izzy nods. "I know. I saw the labs. I was just about to go over them with Lexi."

"You do that…and then we need to talk. This isn't working, Stevens," Dr. Bailey says, gravely.

Lexi looks at Izzy with terror in her eyes. Izzy says, "Let's go into the office and go over these, Lexi. There's a lot of information in here, and I want you to take an active role in figuring this out with Dr. Bailey and I. We need to make sure you are fully informed."

As they walk away, Dr. Bailey mutters, "Good job Stevens. I've taught you well…these are the things chief residents are made of."


	7. Chapter 7

"So she's not responding to treatment

"So she's not responding to treatment?" Lexi repeated again.

"No…the cancer seems to be chemo resistant. There's only one other option, and it's a very difficult one," Izzy explains.

"What is it?" Lexi asks.

"You tell me. I'm supposed to be teaching you," Izzy says.

"A bone marrow transplant," Lexi says.

Izzy nods slowly. "We'll talk about all the specifics with Dr. Bailey in a few minutes. How are you doing?" she asks.

"I feel like we're talking about someone else. Not about Meredith. Not about my sister who I have dreamed about meeting my whole life and now I may never get to know her," Lexi says, her eyes welling up with tears.

Izzy puts her hand on Lexi's arm. "Hey. Don't write her off yet. Meredith is tough. She's overcome a lot in her life and she will get through this. We're going to help her. People do survive bone marrow transplants. They do. This much I know," Izzy says.

"I know, but statistically…" Lexi begins.

"Meredith is not a statistic. She's your sister. When it's a family member…even one you don't know very well…its well…forget it…" Izzy says, realizing she is sharing too much.

"What do you mean?" Lexi asks.

Izzy sees the fear in Lexi's eyes and decides to share her biggest secret with her in the hopes that she will help take the fear out of Lexi's eyes.

"Remember the time you and I were talking about high school? You told me that you were popular and you were the valedictorian and…"

Lexi cuts her off with a weary smile. "And you told me to shut up and stop bragging about that because I should be embarrassed about being prom queen? Yeah…I remember. I thought you were such a bitch," Lexi says.

Izzy looks embarrassed. "Oh yeah. Sorry about that. I was having a bad day…" she says before she gets back on track. "Anyway…I wasn't popular in high school. I was the girl who got knocked up. I had a baby. A little girl…her name is Hannah…." Izzy says, with a far away gaze.

"I'm sorry…I never…" Lexi stammers.

"Don't be sorry. I gave her up for adoption. She deserved better than a teenage, unwed mother who lived in a trailer with her mother. She deserved better than who I was at the time," Izzy says.

"Last year, Hannah came into Seattle Grace with her adoptive parents. She had AML…like Meredith," Izzy says.

"Oh my god! How awful. Did you get to meet her?" Lexi asks.

Izzy shakes her head, sadly. "No. I didn't get to meet her. I got to save her life with my bone marrow. I was the only match for her. But she wouldn't see me. She didn't want to know me. So, I know how you feel when Meredith rejects you. It's family you always wanted, but you realize that they don't want you and it hurts and it's so sad, but in the end, you still do everything you can for them because your love is unconditional," Izzy says.

Lexi's eyes widen. "You really do get it. Thanks," she says.

"We have a meeting with Dr. Bailey in ten minutes. Let's go over the notes one more time so you can be prepared," Izzy says.

(Break)

"Karev! Did you finish the job?" Mark asks.

"I think so. Here. Check it out!," he says.

Mark looks admiringly at Alex's work.

"Nice job! Really nice work. I'm an excellent teacher," Mark says.

"Or I'm an excellent student," Alex replies.

"Nah. I'm definitely an excellent teacher. And a very good looking guy," Mark says.

"Are you hitting on me? I don't go that way," Alex says.

"What are you? Crazy? I'm not hitting on you. I just don't have a wing man these days with Derek in Aruba. Man…part of me thinks I should call him and tell him about Meredith. But then there's another part of me that says that the man deserves to enjoy himself. Meredith ended things with him. He has a right to a vacation," Mark says.

"How's she doing?" Alex says.

"How's who doing?" Mark says.

"Grey! Who do you think?" Alex says.

"Which Grey? Because if I didn't know better, I might think you were thinking about that hot little intern," Mark says.

"I meant Meredith, but yeah…I think about Lexi. What's it to you…you go all 'I'm turning over a new leaf' whenever Izzy walks by," Alex says.

"Shut up dude! Don't you have work to do?" Mark says.

"Nope. I just finished my work. Now all we have to do is wait for the right time…" Alex says.

"Let's take the ladies out tonight. Izzy and Lexi. Lets take them out," Mark says.

"Sounds good. You sure Stevens will go with you?" Alex mocks.

"You sure Grey will go with you? I sure wouldn't!" Mark says.

"And there you go…thinking about dating me again," Alex says, shaking his head as he walks away.

(Break)

Dr. Bailey has a grave look on her face as she watches Izzy and Lexi enter her office. The chief is sitting next to her and his face mirror's the same grave expression. Izzy tries to keep her expression positive, yet professional, while Lexi simply looks terrified.

"Thank you for coming," Richard says.

"Dr. Stevens, would you like to present?" Dr. Bailey says.

Izzy shakes her head. "No. I have a very competent intern who can present our findings and treatment plan," she says, smiling at Lexi.

Lexi looks at Izzy with terror. Izzy nods at her and smiles. "Go ahead, Dr. Grey."

Lexi swallows hard and says, "The patient has chemo-resistant AML. This is evidenced by disease progression despite aggressive protocol of chemotherapy. The only option that we see at this point is a bone marrow transplant. Our plan of action is to find a donor and then begin immediate TBI to wipe out all traces of the patient's marrow as well as cranial radiation due to CNS involvement." Lexi says, professionally.

Izzy beams with pride at her intern and Dr. Bailey beams with pride at her resident. Only the chief is not smiling.

"And what else do you suggest, Dr. Grey," he says.

Izzy looks surprised. She thought Lexi was very thorough and is surprised that the chief is looking for further information.

"Ummm…I…I…I'm not sure…I mean…" Lexi stammers.

"You're _not sure_? _Not sure_ can kill a patient! _Not sure_ is unacceptable Dr. Grey. _Not sure _means that you are unprepared!" Richard says as he takes his papers and slams them on the desk and storms out of the room.

"Excuse me ladies. I'll be back in a moment," Dr. Bailey says, running after the chief.

Lexi looks down at the table. Izzy notices her hands shaking.

"I'm so sorry. I thought you did really well. I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that," Izzy says.

"I thought I did too. I don't understand," Lexi says.

"Everybody's just really tense right now. It wasn't you. You've done a really good job. You're going to make a great doctor," Izzy says.

"I don't feel like a great doctor. I feel like a little sister playing in my big sister's bedroom hoping that her friends don't find me and kick me out," Lexi says.

(Break)

"What was that about?" Dr. Bailey says, angrily putting her hand on her hips as she stands in front of the chief.

"It was about a cocky little intern who was unprepared," Richard says, equally angrily.

"Cocky little intern? Lexi Grey has thrown herself into this case 100. She has worked day and night and she presented very well. Dr. Stevens has completely immersed herself in teaching her. You were out of line," Dr. Bailey says.

"Lexi Grey is no Meredith Grey…I'll tell you that," Richard says, bitterly.

"No. She is not. She is not Meredith Grey. But that does not make her any better or any worse. That girl has a right to the same education. Don't be treating her differently because she is the daughter of Ellis Grey's other man," Dr.Bailey says, harshly.

"Let's just get back to our meeting, Miranda," Richard says, changing the subject, knowing she has hit the nail on the head.

"Fine!" Dr. Bailey says.

When then reenter the room, Izzy instinctively places a hand protectively on Lexi's shoulder. She stares at the chief as he tries to avoid eye contact.

"As I was saying…" Richard begins.

Izzy cuts him off. "With all due respect sir, I think an apology is in order," she says.

"Excuse me, Dr. Stevens," Richard says.

"Izzy…it's okay…I'm sure Dr. Webber didn't…" Lexi whispers.

"No Lexi. It is not okay. It is never okay to treat someone that way," Izzy turns and addresses the chief. "This is a teaching hospital and at a teaching hospital you've always told us that you allow interns and residents to learn in a safe environment. Those were your words, and therefore, you owe Dr. Grey an apology before this meeting can continue," Izzy says.

Dr. Bailey smiles discreetly. She is secretly bursting with pride at how much Izzy has grown.

The chief looks at Izzy and at Lexi. "You're right, Dr. Stevens. Dr. Grey, I apologize. I am worried about Meredith and I took it out on the wrong person. You did an excellent job presenting and I have no doubt you will continue to do an excellent job throughout the rest of Meredith's treatment," he says.

"Thank you, sir," Lexi says, shyly.

"The way I see it, we need to find Meredith a match as soon as possible. A family match would be ideal, but Meredith has no immediate relatives other than Lexi, who as a half sister is less than ideal," Dr. Bailey says.

"I'll get tested," Lexi says.

"The likelihood of you being a match is small," Izzy says.

"What about your father?" Izzy asks.

Lexi nods. "I'll ask him," she says, knowing it is a long shot that Thatcher will agree to get tested.

"Let's start there," Dr. Bailey says. "I also think that we need to start cranial radiation as soon as possible. We don't want the disease to attack her CNS anymore than it already has."

Everybody nods in agreement and they all leave the room feeling the magnitude of the task ahead of them.

(Break)

"You're telling her. I'm just here to call for help if she tries to kill you," Lexi says, nervously.

"Christina, I need to talk to you," Izzy says.

"What? I have a huge surgery in an hour and I'm taking this time to get into my zone," she says.

"That's fine, but you need to hear what I am about to tell you," Izzy says, gently but firmly.

"You have two minutes. Talk," Christina says.

"Meredith's cancer is chemo resistant," Izzy says.

Christina stands there, stunned. She does not so much as blink for about a minute. Izzy is nervous and doesn't know what to say. Suddenly, Christina starts to sing.

"I made it through the wilderness. I know I made it through-oo. Didn't know how lost I was until I found you-oo," she sings, not looking at anyone.

"Whatever you do, don't sing along," Lexi whispers to Izzy.

"Christina!" Izzy says, sharply. Christina holds a hand up.

"Like a virgin, hey! Touch for the very first time. Like a vi-i-i-ir-gin, let your heart beat, next to mine…" she continues.

"Let's just go," Lexi whispers.

Izzy shakes her head. She knows her next move is risky, but she follows her instinct. She wraps her arms around Christina and says, "I know you're scared. She's your best friend. We all care about her. We are going to help her."

Lexi gasps, in utter horror at Izzy hugging Christina.

Christina stiffens at Izzy's touch and continues singing.

"Meredith needs us right now. And we need each other," Izzy says.

Christina hugs Izzy back tensely and begins to sob.

"She's all I have. She's my family. Don't let her die." she whispers to Izzy.

(Break)

Mark grabs Izzy from behind and covers her eyes. Alex does the same to Lexi. Both girls scream in shock as they fight off their potential assailants.

"You scared me half to death! What the hell are you doing?" Izzy says, accusingly.

"Relax Stevens. Just relax! Karev and I are kidnapping you girls. You are off duty until midnight tonight, so until you have to be back here, we are kidnapping you and taking you to a destination of our choice," Mark says.

"We can't go, Alex," Lexi says, apologetically, "Izzy and I were just going to tell Meredith some bad news, and I…"

"So you'll tell her at midnight. She's asleep right now anyway. A few hours won't make a difference. Let her sleep. You two are coming with us!" Alex says.

Lexi looks at Izzy for approval. Izzy shrugs her shoulders and says, "Let's do it. I'll call George and have him sit with Meredith."

Mark and Alex slap each other five and the four of them head to Mark's car.

(Break)

Christina picks up the telephone.

"Radisson Hotel in Aruba, please," Christina says to the operator.

"Well I don't know. How many Radissons can there be?" she says, shortly to the operator.

"I'm sure that's it. Just connect me,"

_You have reached Dr. Shepherd. I am currently on vacation but will call in for my messages. If this is an emergency, leave me a message and I will return your call as soon as possible. _

"Hello, Derek. This is Christina. It's an emergency. It's Meredith. Get back here as soon as you can. She needs us and I can't be there for her. She needs you. Hurry up, Derek. Come home," Christina says.


	8. Chapter 8

"Where are we going

"Where are we going?" Lexi asks, for the third time.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise." Alex replies.

"Come on…how about a hint?" Izzy asks.

"You'll have fun," Mark says.

"That's not a hint," Izzy says.

They pull up to a run down sign that says, "Water Works," and has a picture of a waterslide running into a large body of water.

"A water park?" both girls say in unison.

"I don't have a bathing suit!" Lexi says.

"Me either!" Izzy protests.

"Hmmm…isn't that a shame. No bathing suits. I think the park will let you in without them. You two are hot enough!" Mark says.

"But just in case, we brought you these," Alex says.

Each of the men take out a small box and hand them to the girls.

"We, ummm…kind of had to guess on sizes…" Alex half mumbles as the girls take the bikinis out of the boxes.

"You had to guess. I've had a lot of experience. I know sizes! Don't worry..they'll fit.

"Oh my god! I love water parks! This will be so much fun!" Lexi says.

"Go get your suits on and meet us back here," Alex says.

As the girls run into the locker room, Mark turns to Alex and says, "Now, I don't really do double dates. I always find the girls hang out together and I get stuck talking to the other guy…you know…like you. Since I want to spend the night with Stevens, when they get back here you take Grey and disappear. Go drown in the wave pool for all I care, but get out of my sight, okay?"

Alex laughs. "Wow. You can't get girls to pay enough attention to you unless there is no one else around. You really don't live up to your reputation, Sloan. But believe me…I find Grey a lot more attractive than I find you, so we'll meet you back here at 11:30pm so the girls can be back for their midnight shift. Okay?"

Izzy and Lexi return in their new bathing suits and Alex says, "Lexi, Mark is too chicken to ride Daredevil Drop. From what I hear, he's a little scared of heights, and I don't want to make him cry, so what do you say, you and I go try it out and we'll meet up with these two later," Alex says, smirking at Mark.

"Go ride Daredevil Drop, Karev. From what I hear, that's where guys go who have to make up for other shortcomings if you know what I mean," Mark retorts.

"There you go again, Sloan. Always thinking about me in that way…Let's go Lexi! See you guys later!" Alex says, as he and Lexi head towards the rides.

Mark and Izzy stand at the front of the park.

"Mark? Can I tell you something?" Izzy says.

"Sure. Go ahead," he replies.

"I hate rides. Especially water rides. Actually, I hate water. I don't swim very well and I hate to be wet," Izzy says.

Mark smiles. "Me too. I mean, I swim well, but I hate to get wet also. This was Karev's idea. He thought Lexi would love it," he says.

"She probably will. She'll wait on all the lines asking how much longer the wait will be, and then she'll probably show off her fancy strokes from when she was captain of the swim team," Izzy laughs.

"And you and I can go lay on that fake beach and get a fake tan," Mark replies.

"Sounds good to me!" Izzy says.

(Break)

Lexi stands at the edge of a fake cliff overlooking the wave pool.

"You were so scared on Daredevil Drop," she teases.

"I was not. I just wanted to give you an out if you wanted it," Alex says.

"And you're probably scared to jump now with me!" Lexi says.

"No I'm not. I'll jump right now if you want," Alex says, secretly hoping she doesn't want to.

"We're so high up!" Lexi says.

"What is it with you Grey girls wanting to drown?" Alex asks.

"I don't want to drown. I just love the adrenaline of plunging into the water! Jump with me!" she says, taking his hand.

Before Alex can protest, Lexi has grabbed his hand and jumps, leaving him no choice but to go with her. They emerge in the water where Alex grabs her around the waist and pulls her close to him.

"Enough adrenaline?" he asks.

She nods. "Especially now," she says, as their faces press together.

As they kiss, Lexi is overcome with a rush of happiness followed by an intense rush of sadness. Alex notices the change and pulls away.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

"It's just…how can I be having such a good time…this magical night…when Meredith is fighting for her life. I want her to be okay, Alex. I do. I want it so badly. And I feel guilty being happy when she is so sick," Lexi says, her eyes filling with tears.

"Hey," Alex says, brushing her hair away from her face, "Don't do that. Don't put that burden on yourself. Meredith is not any sicker because you had a moment of happiness. Meredith is not any sicker because you are well. Meredith is sick and we're all devastated about it. But it is not your fault, and it is not going to help her any more for you to avoid being happy," he tells her.

Lexi knows he is right, but she has lost her excitement for the water park after thinking about her sister. She is quiet for a moment.

"I have an idea!" Alex says.

"What?" she asks.

"Follow me!" he tells her as he leads her out of the wave pool.

(Break)

Mark and Izzy lie on the fake beach.

"Are these fake seashells?" Izzy asks.

Mark laughs. "Looks that way. This place is kind of like Vegas. Tacky, fake scenery and hot girls in bikinis," he says, poking Izzy in the belly.

"You know…this is why the nurses boycott your surgeries," she says.

Mark grows quiet. She has hit a nerve, and his silence tells Izzy that she may have actually cracked the outer shell of Mark Sloan.

"I'm sorry. I meant it as a joke, but I guess that's as funny as the interns calling me 'flatline'," she says.

Mark breaks out in a smile again. "Who told you about that? I thought they kept that pretty under wraps," he says.

"Lexi told me. Besides…I should have been tipped off by the annoying beeping sound they used to make when I walked by," she says, rolling her eyes.

"You two have become pretty good friends, haven't you," Mark says.

"Who? Lexi and I? I guess so. She's nice. Nice is hard to come by where we work. I mean Meredith and Christina…they have their routine. I always have George, but sometimes I just need another girl to talk to. Lexi's real. She's honest and real and positive. I see a lot of me in her…you know when I was an intern. Besides…I mean, I feel so bad for her. She's desperate for Meredith's acceptance and Meredith keeps pushing her away. It's gotten better, but its still pretty awful. And now that Meredith's sick, she's terrified that she'll never get the chance to know her," Izzy's eyes fill with tears, and she hopes that Mark doesn't fingure out that she's not only talking about Lexi.

"I know about Hannah," he says.

Izzy blinks hard. "What?" she asks, not knowing what to say.

"After her transplant, she developed a pretty rough case of graft versus host. It was the kind that attacks the skin. Once we got it under control, I did some plastic surgery on her face to reverse some of the skin damage. I saw the chart. I saw her history," he says sounding gentle.

Izzy's eyes widen. "How is she? Is she healthy now? Did the transplant work?" she asks.

Mark nods. "She's been in remission since the transplant. You saved her life. She's pretty healthy, although she still has some bone damage from the intense chemo and radiation at such a young age. They are thinking of doing a hip replacement when she's 16, but Callie says…"

"Callie? Callie knows?" Izzy says, in disbelief.

Mark shakes his head. "No. She doesn't. I removed the information from her chart before Callie took it. It wasn't significant to her treatment and I knew that you wouldn't want her to know," he explains.

"Thank you," Izzy practically whispers.

"She's beautiful, just like you," Mark says, as he kisses Izzy, softly.

The two of them lie there, on the fake beach, entwined in each other, until Izzy says, "Ouch! I think I poked myself on a fake seashell!"

Mark laughs, and kisses her again, but Izzy pulls away.

"We have to get going. It's 11:30. I have to be back at the hospital at midnight," she says.

Mark helps her up and they hold hands as they walk back to the car.

"Mark? Her face…is it…" Izzy starts to ask.

"Perfect? Of course it is. I'm the plastic surgery god!" he says.

"Thank you," she says, as she rests her head on his shoulder.

(Break)

Alex leads Lexi over to a small wishing well at the back of the park. It is run down and looks like it hasn't been painted in over a decade.

"How did you even find this?" Lexi asks.

"When I was a kid and my friends and I used to come here…ummm…I didn't like the rides that much, so sometimes I'd come here and wish for stuff," Alex says, evasively.

"You mean when you were scared of all the big boy rides?" Lexi teases.

"I wasn't scared. I just didn't like them!" Alex says, defensively.

"What did you wish for?" Lexi asks.

"Mostly for my dad to stop drinking and for my mom to get better. But sometimes other stuff…normal stuff…like the girl I liked to ask me out…you know?" Alex says.

"Did your wishes come true?" Lexi asks.

"Not all of them," Alex admits, "But it felt good to throw the change into the well and relinquish control. You know what I mean?" Alex says.

Lexi takes out a penny. "I know what I am going to wish for…I'd give up anything if only she makes it through this and we can really be sisters…anything in the world, Alex…I would," Lexi says desperately.

Alex puts a finger to her lips. "Don't tell anyone what you wish for. Just drop your coin in and think really hard about it," he says.

Lexi squeezes her penny in her fist, as she drops the coin in, she says, "I hope this one comes true."

Alex drops he coin in and says, "Me too."

Hand in hand, they head to the car to meet up with Izzy and Mark.

(Break)

Meredith stirs a bit and George says, "Mer? Are you up? I have your dinner here if you want it."

Meredith shakes her head. "Not hungry…what time are they starting my chemotherapy tomorrow?" she asks.

George looks uncomfortable. "I don't know. Izzy and Lexi should be back soon. They'll tell you everything," he says, evasively.

Meredith smiles, "So you're on babysitting duty tonight until they get back?" she asks.

"I guess so. Lexi called me at the house and told me I better get here, so I came right over," he says.

"I still can't believe you live with my sister. I told you that you could move back in with us if you wanted, you know," Meredith says.

"I like living with Lexi. She's funny and she has a positive outlook. It balances me. Besides, she's a good friend," George says.

"Does anyone ever say anything bad about her?" Meredith asks, annoyed.

"Sure. You want to hear some bad Lexi Grey stories?" he asks.

"Yeah. Tell me some deep, dark secrets about my evil little sister!" Meredith says.

"Well…she's a snoop," George says, thinking about the resident files that Lexi looked at in the chief's office.

"Tell me more. I need better than that!" Meredith says.

"She's kind of a thief. I mean she stole all that stuff from the hospital for our apartment," George says, trying again.

Meredith shakes her head. "I knew that one already. Come on George. You can do better than that!"

"Well, one night, when all of the interns were at our apartment drinking, Lexi got really drunk and did the funniest imitations of all the residents. You should have seen her imitation of Christina! It was priceless! Oh…and that was the night she came up with the nickname for Izzy! It was so funny…she was running around the room, pulling wires out of the sockets yelling, 'Beep! Beep! Beep!' She was totally out of control and so funny!" George says.

"Lexi came up with that? She told us that she NEVER actually said it! That it was the other interns! Wow…she's kind of a liar too. And what was her imitation of me?" Meredith asks.

"I don't remember," George lies, "I was drunk too."

"Liar!" Meredith says and then she grows quiet.

"What?" George asks.

"I kind of like her better now. Knowing she's a little mean. It makes me hate her a little less. I don't even hate her. I just don't want to know her. I don't want her here. I had compartmentalized my past. I boxed it up and put it away, and then here comes baby sister to unwrap it and lay it out in front of me all the time. I just want her back in that box and out of sight," Meredith explains, as her eyes start to close again.

George looks at his watch. 11:50. Izzy and Lexi should be back soon to tell Meredith the bad news. Hopefully she'll sleep a bit before then.

George takes Meredith's hand and squeezes it before quietly tiptoeing out of the room.

(Break)

Christina checks her cell phone again. Maybe Derek has called her back and she just needs to check her messages.

_No new messages._

Christina paces back and forth. _He has to call soon. He just has to._

(Break)

Izzy and Lexi change into their white lab coats and prepare to tell Meredith the news.

"I think she'll take it better from you. You tell her, and then I'll explain that I'm going to get tested and that I'm going to have our dad get tested," Lexi says.

Izzy nods. "Whatever makes you comfortable. Be prepared that she may not take it well, though. Nothing she says is personal," Izzy reminds Lexi.

Lexi is quiet. _Everything she says is personal. Her anger is directed towards me, _she thinks.

The walk into Meredith's room, surprised to find her awake at 1:00am. They both do a double take as they remind themselves how sick she is. Her bald head looks enormous on her emaciated body and her pale skin looks almost translucent.

"I slept all day, and now I can't sleep anymore," Meredith says, before either of them can comment.

"How are you feeling, Mer?" Izzy asks, tentatively.

"I'm okay. Tired, weak, but okay," she says.

Izzy sits on Meredith's bed and motions for Lexi to sit on the other side. Meredith instinctively moves away from Lexi as Lexi's arm makes contact with her own.

"We need to talk to you about your lab results. Your cancer is not responding to the chemotherapy as we had hoped it would. Despite the aggressive treatment, it seems to have spread to your central nervous system. We are going to need to begin cranial radiation as soon as possible. I've scheduled you for a neuro consult tomorrow. The most pressing matter is that you are going to need a bone marrow transplant. We need to begin the search for a match immediately," Izzy explains, nodding to Lexi to indicate that she should chime in.

"Dr. Bailey has me scheduled to be tested today, and I'm going to speak to our dad tonight and see if he will get tested. In addition, I already left Molly a message, telling her to get tested and…" Lexi says, as Meredith verbally pounces on her.

"So my life is in the hands of you, YOUR sister and YOUR father?" Meredith says, looking up at the ceiling.

"Meredith! We are talking about a bone marrow donation. This is more important than your anger towards our father, or me for that matter. We are talking about saving your life!" Lexi explodes.

"Not interested. Thanks anyway," Meredith says, and closes her eyes.

"Lexi, go run this chart down to Dr. Bailey, please. I'll meet you in her office," Izzy says, calmly.

Lexi nods, numbly taking the chart from Izzy and hurrying out of the room.

"Meredith. This isn't a time to be stubborn or all dark and twisty. We are talking about your life. You can take your fight with Daddy and your fight with your little sister up after you are well again, but you will die without this transplant, and the chances of finding an unrelated donor are slim to none. You will die," Izzy says, shaking Meredith awake.

"I don't care," Meredith shrugs.

"You are impossible!" Izzy says, as she stomps out of the room, knowing the only person who can get through to Meredith.

(Break)

Derek listens to the message in his hotel room one more time. He hears Rose turn off the shower. _Damn! I need to call Christina back and I can't have her listening._

The blow dryer hums from the bathroom. Derek smiles and picks up the phone.

"Dr. Yang. It's Dr. Shepherd," he says, when she picks up the phone.

"Meredith's dying. She's dying Derek!" Christina yells into the phone.

"I told you. I can't save her anymore. She's not ready. She doesn't want to be with me. We kill things. Me and Meredith, we kill things," he says.

"No, you idiot! This isn't about your pathetic relationship! She's dying! She has chemo resistant AML and needs a bone marrow transplant. She needs you. I'm her person, but I don't do this stuff. I'm not good at it. I need you to come back and make her okay. I need you to fix Meredith!" Christina yells at him.

"I'll be on the next flight home," he says, shocked.

He knocks on the door to the bathroom.

"Rose. I need to talk to you," he says.

She turns off the blow dryer. "That sounds ominous," she says.

"We need to go home. Meredith's sick. Very sick. She has leukemia. I need to get back immediately," Derek says.

Rose sighs. "It's been a beautiful week, Derek. Thank you," she says, trying her best to take the high road, knowing that none of this is Meredith's fault.

"Rose…I'm sorry," Derek says.

She shakes her head. "Don't. Please. Don't be sorry. Don't say any more. Let's just get home. This week was beautiful. Let's just pretend our vacation ended and its time to go home," she says.

Derek nods and begins frantically packing the hotel room.


	9. Chapter 9

Derek runs into the hospital

Derek runs into the hospital. As he knocks over anything and everything in his path, Mark stops him and grabs him by the arms.

"Derek, man! Slow down. What are you doing back here?" Mark asks.

"Where is she? And why didn't you call me? Best friend? Wing man? You thought this was a secret to keep?" Derek asks.

"First of all…you're MY wing man. I'm the main guy. Second of all, you would have been back in a few days. I wanted you to have the break from reality that you wanted. I didn't know it was going to get this bad. I'll take you to her room. It's 347 on the new wing. But you have to calm down. You're not going to be able to help her like this," Mark says.

Derek shakes free of Mark's grip and says, "Don't do me any favors. I know where 347 is."

Lexi sees him and runs toward him. "Derek! I need you. I mean…I don't need YOU. I need your help. I need you to talk to Meredith. She's crazy. She's literally so angry at me that she's going to sacrifice her life. I don't know what to do, or what to say to her and I need your help. I need you to convince her to have a transplant, even if the match comes from me or a member of my family. You are the only one she'll listen to. Please, Derek. Please help me," she pleads frantically.

Derek doesn't even respond. He simply nods and runs past her to Meredith's room.

When he gets to the door, he is stopped by Izzy.

"Derek," she says, her eyes filling with tears.

"Izzy. Christina called me," he replies.

"I'm in charge of coordinating her treatment, under Dr. Bailey's supervision. Lexi is interning on the case. She is going to need to start cranial radiation tomorrow in preparation for her bone marrow transplant. If she'll even let us do a transplant. Right now, she says she won't accept bone marrow from any of her family members. She's suicidal, Derek. She will die without this transplant. You have to help her. Give her something to live for. Help me help her. I'm trying here…but I think she needs you," Izzy says.

Derek puts his hand on the doorknob but Izzy stops him.

"Derek…before you go in there. It's bad. I just don't want you to be surprised. She's had intensive chemo and she's in bad shape. I just thought you should know," Izzy warns him.

Derek is still silent as he opens the door.

He gasps audibly as he lays eyes on Meredith. He notices her seemingly transparent skin and her frail body. Most of all, he notices her head. The unnatural roundness that is so apparent now that her hair is gone. Her eyes are closed and she is peacefully sleeping. It is eerily quiet except for the hum of the machines that are surrounding her.

Derek sits at the edge of her bed. He takes her hand which wakes her up.

"Derek?" she asks, still groggy. For a moment, she thinks she may be dreaming.

"I'm here. Meredith…I…" He is at a loss for words.

"Who told you?" she asks.

"Christina called me," he says, holding her hand tightly.

"I didn't want you to come. I didn't want you to see," she says, eyes filling up with tears.

"I wish you had called me. I would have come sooner. You're starting cranial radiation tomorrow. I would have been here. I would have been with you through all of…" Derek's voice starts to break.

"It's okay. Everyone has been here. They've all been so good. Izzy, Lexi, George, Alex, Mark, and Christina…in her own way," she says, smiling.

"So what's this I hear about you refusing to let Lexi get tested for a marrow match?" Derek asks.

"I just can't. It isn't just Lexi. It's all of them. They are going to ask Thatcher and Molly too. I promised myself that I would never ask anything from them. They didn't want me, Derek. I wasn't good enough for them. Now I am going to ask them to save my life? I can't. I'll owe them forever…I can't. They'll find an unrelated match. I know they will. It will be okay," Meredith says, weakly.

"No. Izzy and Bailey have gone through the marrow registry all day. There are no matches so far. Besides, you know the odds go down considerably with an unrelated match…right?" Derek explains, gently.

Meredith shrugs for lack of a better response.

"Meredith. I just left my vacation with Rose. I'm not with her anymore. I want us to build that house. I want us to have a life together. But you need to be in that life for me to have it. If I don't have you, I'll sell the land, and live alone forever. I can't love anyone else, and I can't imagine my life without you," Derek says, desperately. He fights against the break in his voice as he speaks.

Meredith breaks down. "I'm so scared, Derek. I'm so scared! I never cared about my life. I never worried about it ending, until now. I feel like I could have it all. I could have you, a career, even a family, but now I'm going to lose this battle. What kind of a cruel joke is this? I feel like this is my mother laughing at me from heaven!" she cries as sobs wrack her frail body.

Derek holds her and says, "Then choose life, Meredith. You once told me to pick you, choose you, love you. I'm asking you now…pick me, choose me, love me. Please…" he pleads as he holds her tightly.

The doorknob turns, and Lexi stands awkwardly in the doorway. "I'm sorry. I can come back later…I didn't mean to…" she stammers.

"It's okay," Derek says, untangling himself from Meredith who is still sobbing. "I think you two need to talk. I'll be back later. I'm going to take a look at your cranial map so I can take over your radiation tomorrow." He looks at Meredith seriously, "Don't be stubborn," he whispers as he walks out of the room.

Lexi sits on Meredith's bed. She isn't sure what to do, as Meredith hasn't stopped sobbing loudly. Her instincts are to throw her arms around Meredith, but she doesn't know how she will be received.

"Umm…if I hug you, are you going to yell at me?" Lexi asks, timidly.

She takes Meredith's inability to answer as a no and puts her arms around her sister. Meredith stiffens for a moment and then relaxes, sobbing on Lexi's shoulder.

"It's okay. You're going to be okay. I'm getting tested this afternoon. I'm going to be a match. I just know I will. Molly's coming up tomorrow. She is going to get tested as well, and daddy – I mean Thatcher said he would get tested too! I promise…one of us will match. I promise," Lexi rambles.

Meredith stops crying for a moment to process what Lexi has said. "You're all going to do this for me? Even Thatcher?"

Lexi bites her lower lip. She didn't exactly tell Thatcher what the blood test was for. She just told him that he needed to come to the hospital for a blood test. She couldn't risk him saying no. She was certain that if he was a match, she could convince him to do whatever he needed to do to save Meredith.

"Of course!" Lexi lies.

"Why are you still here?" Meredith asks, seriously.

Lexi misinterprets this question as Meredith wanting her to leave. She sighs audibly and says, "Can't you stop hating me for one minute? I'm trying to save your life," Lexi says, wearily.

"No. Seriously? Why are you still here? I've done everything I can to get rid of you, yet you won't go away? Why do you want me to be your sister so badly? I haven't exactly made it easy," Meredith says.

"No. You haven't. I found out about you when I was 9. It was a good year for the most part. Dad was in AA and not drinking much. Molly was 7. It was a good year for the most part.

"Bucket!" Meredith yells as she gags. Lexi reaches for the bucket next to Meredith's bed.

"Just kidding," Meredith says, smiling. "Your happiness was making me nauseous!"

"Well…you'll like the next part then." Lexi says. "That summer, dad fell of the wagon again. He started getting really mean. His drunken rages seemed to be directed at me. He used to tell me how useless I was. How I was worthless and a disgrace to him. I don't know why. I was a good student, a good daughter…a good sister…I was good. I knew I was. Mom would try to make it better, but it never was. I was always the one who antagonized him. I never meant to, but he found me annoying," Lexi says.

"Imagine that…" Meredith says, smiling ironically.

Lexi smiles back. "One morning, I came home from a friend's house. It was my birthday and I was excited to come home. I couldn't wait to open my presents and have my cake. I was a few minutes later than I said I was going to be because my friend's dad made me this big birthday breakfast. When I got there, Thatcher was waiting at the door. He was drunk and already mad at me. He started screaming at me and he actually hit me that day. It was awful. He screamed and screamed at me telling me that I ruined my own birthday and that I was the worst daughter in the world. I begged him to stop."

Meredith's eyes soften. She remembers many similar birthdays herself.

"My mom was out, getting some last minute stuff for my birthday dinner that night, so there was no one there to stop him when he dragged me outside to the big pile of presents that were wrapped. He threw them one by one into the swimming pool telling me I didn't deserve them. I cried and begged him to stop. Then Molly came outside to see what all the yelling was. He took this little box that he had bought me. It was the last present that he hadn't destroyed. He told me he had bought this one especially for me and picked it out himself. He unwrapped it and showed it to me. I thought his rage was over and he was going to give it to me. It was a silly little necklace that said, '#1 daughter.' He took it out and hung it on Molly's neck and said it was hers now," Lexi says, her eyes actually welling up at the memory.

"Wow. What did she do?" Meredith asks.

"She smiled, and hugged him and wore it!" Lexi says, bitterly. "I was so mad at her that I ran up to my room. I don't think she understood how hurt I was. She was young and just liked the shiny necklace. But I went up to my room and cried. I made up a whole story in my head about how my big sister, Meredith would have ripped that necklace off her neck and put it back on mine and defended me throughout the whole day. Then she ate cake with me by the pool and helped me get my presents out and dried them off so they weren't ruined. I always made up stories about you in which you were the hero," Lexi explains, embarrassed.

"Some hero I am…" Meredith says, ashamed.

"Yeah. It wasn't exactly like in my fantasies. But no one could live up to the Meredith in my imagination. She was strong and kind and perfect. She always saved the underdog. She was kind of like a girl version of a superhero. You know…like Supersister or something…" Lexi says, looking down, uncomfortably.

"What happened to the necklace?" Meredith says.

"Molly still wears it. She doesn't remember that day, or how she got it. She doesn't remember much about his drunken rages. She kind of blocked it out. I never reminded her. My mom came home that day and bought me all new presents and made everything seem better, but I never forgot it," Lexi says.

"I'm sorry, Lexi. I really am. I wish I had been there to be the hero in your stories. And I'm sorry about how I've been acting. It's not you I'm angry at. It was the idea of you," Meredith explains.

"I get it. I really do," Lexi says.

"Let's start over, and I'm going to do better this time. I'm going to be 'Supersister!'" Meredith laughs.

"Will you let me get tested and have Molly and Thatcher tested?" Lexi asks.

Meredith nods. "I will."

Lexi throws her arms around Meredith. "Thank you! I'm going down right now. Thank you! Thank you!" she says, running out of the room happily.

"You're still annoying!" Meredith calls after her, laughing.

(Break)

"Alex! Can you come take my blood?" Lexi says.

"What do I look like? A nurse?" he asks.

"They are testing me for a match for Meredith. She agreed. I just know I'll be a perfect match. I have to be," Lexi says.

"Woah. Slow down. What if you're not?" Alex asks.

Lexi glares at him. "Just take my blood," she says.

"I'm serious. You're only a half sister. Just because you two don't hate each other anymore doesn't change biology. The chances of you being a perfect match are slim," he says, seriously.

"Stop talking and stick me," she says.

"Women say that to me all the time…" Alex quips.

"Shut up. I'm serious, Alex!" she says, laughing.

"It's good to see you smile…" he says, as he finds her vein and sticks the needle in her arm.

"Thanks!" she says, happily running away before he can even put a band aid on her arm.

(Break)

"For the eighth time, I'll have the results tomorrow, Lexi. If you ask me again I might kill you," Izzy says.

"Sorry…" Lexi says, sheepishly.

Derek walks into the room. "I made the diagram for her radiation tomorrow. The chief is totally against it, but I am doing the radiation," Derek says.

"I told the chief I want the best. The best is you," Izzy says. "Here are the results from the spinal tap if you need them," Izzy says.

"Thank you, Dr. Stevens. I must say, you are doing a fine job," Derek says, patting Izzy on the back.

"Derek?" Lexi says, quietly.

"What?" he asks.

"Thank you. It was your talk with her that saved her. She loves you…so much," she says.

"I love her too," Derek says, simply.

"I know. I do too…" Lexi says, somberly.

"Okay, you two. Enough of the love fest. We have work to do. Derek, she is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9:00am in the radiation center. After that, we are going to start her induction phase of the chemo. Lexi, I'll rely on you to monitor her throughout that while I review her labs and adjust the protocol accordingly. Once her white count drops below safe levels, we are going to have to keep her in isolation. Anyone who visits will have to scrub down and wear a mask and gown. Visitors will be kept to a minimum. We need to keep her safe," Izzy explains.

Dr. Bailey appears in the doorway. "Dr. Stevens. I read your report. Excellent job. Dr. Grey is in good hands," she says, proudly.

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey. We are waiting on the results of Lexi's test. Molly and Thatcher are coming in this afternoon for their tests. But we are going to proceed with induction in the hopes that we can achieve remission as soon as possible. Hopefully the radiation will kill what the chemo can't," Izzy says.

"Keep it up, Stevens!" she says, as she leaves.

(Break)

Lexi is on her way to pick up her sister and father and bring them to the hospital. She is anxious to receive her test results, and is fairly confident that she will match. As she pulls up to the house, she sees that Thatcher is sober but hung over. She has told him not to eat or drink anything for four hours before his test, and she is glad to see that he listened.

"Molly!" she says, hugging her sister.

"Lexi! I've missed you! I'm so sorry about the circumstances. I mean I know the whole relationship didn't work out like you…" Molly begins.

Lexi cuts her off. She regrets all the stories she told Molly about how Meredith has treated her.

"It's okay. Let's just get to the hospital," Lexi says.

"What circumstances?" Thatcher asks.

"Remember? I told you this morning…Meredith is sick and needs our help," Molly explains gently as though talking to a child.

Lexi glares at her. "You told him?" she whispers.

"I didn't know it was a secret," Molly replies, calmly.

"He's going to refuse!" Lexi says.

"Lexi…stop being dramatic. Daddy's ready for his blood test…isn't he?" she says, looking lovingly at Thatcher.

"Of course, sweetie," he says, smiling back at Molly.

Lexi clenches her teeth. It's easy for Molly to be patient with Thatcher. As an adult, she has never been home long enough to have to clean up his messes. Lexi tries to squelch the resentment that is building up inside her. She loves Molly and knows that her good nature is part of what makes her so wonderful, but right now, she wishes she were someone she could share her fear that Thatcher won't get tested with, rather than someone who refuses to acknowledge her father's shortcomings.

"Lexi, how is your medical career going? You never tell me your stories about the hospital anymore," Thatcher says from the back seat as Lexi tries to keep her eyes focused on the road.

"Yes I do, Dad. I tell you about my day every night. You've been drunk every day since mom died so you don't remember," she says, flatly.

"Lexi! Stop it!" Molly whispers.

As Lexi turns to her, she notices the necklace that is around Molly's neck. _#1 Daughter. _She wants to reach over and rip it from her, but restrains herself.

"How's the baby, Molly," Lexi says, tensely changing the subject.

"She's getting so big. She's beautiful. You'll come see her tonight, won't you? You haven't seen her in a while," Molly says, hopefully.

"I can't. I'm working. Meredith starts cranial radiation and I have to run her lab numbers before we start," Lexi explains.

They pull up to the hospital and Lexi parks the car. She walks with Molly and Thatcher down the hall to the lab where they are going to have their blood tests.

Alex and Izzy are waiting for her.

"Alex. I'm going to take Mr. Grey and Molly to do their blood work. Why don't you go over these results with Dr. Grey in my office," she says, avoiding eye contact with Lexi.

Alex nods, and takes Lexi by the hand. He leads her into Izzy's new office.

"So Izzy has an office? I don't have an office," Alex mutters.

"It's really Dr. Bailey's office, but she's kind of let Izzy take over it recently with everything going on with Meredith. She feels like Izzy needs a quiet place to work," Lexi explains.

"Your lab results are in," Alex says, gently.

"And?" Lexi says, hopefully.

"You are only a 5/6 match. It's not terrible, and if there are no other options, Izzy said she'd go with it…but…" Alex says as he watches her face fall.

"I wanted to be the one who saved her. She always saved me…" Lexi whispers.

"She never saved you, Lexi. She wasn't even nice to you," Alex reminds her harshly.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" Lexi says, storming out of Izzy's office.

As she fights back tears, she crashes into Christina sending her paperwork flying.

"Damn it! Now I have to start over and I…" she stops when she sees that it is Lexi who has crashed into her. Her tone changes. "How is she?" she asks.

"Why don't you go see for yourself? You once told me I was the worst thing that ever happened to Meredith? I think that's your title now. You might be the worst person ever! Why don't you get down there and visit your BFF," Lexi explodes.

"Did you just say, BFF? Like a ten year old?" Christina asks.

Lexi nods, nervously. She realizes that she just yelled at the person who she found to be the scariest person in the hospital. She freezes.

"Help me put these back in order. You may not be my intern, but you're still an intern, so you still have to follow my orders." Christina says, but she does not sound threatening.

Lexi picks up some papers off the ground.

_Application for chief resident. _

"You want to be chief resident?" Lexi asks.

"Yes. I'm clearly the best doctor there is from our year. Well, Meredith could come in a close second, but I'm heads above the rest," Christina says.

"Good luck, Christina," Lexi says, smugly as she hands her the papers in order.

"Thank you," Christina says, tersely.

(Break)

Izzy looks for Lexi. She has actually finished all of her paper work, has all of the treatment rooms booked and has a moment to breathe. She managed to get both Molly and Thatcher's blood test results rushed and she knows she will have them within the hour, so she looks for Lexi, knowing that she will be disappointed that she is only a partial match for Meredith.

She finds Lexi in Meredith's room, sitting on the edge of Meredith's bed, wrapping bright colored scarves around Meredith's head.

"Christina dropped these off, do you like them?" Meredith says, as Izzy walks in.

"She did? Wow!" Izzy picks up a bright pink scarf. "I like this one!"

"Figures," Meredith says, and Lexi cracks up.

"Well, you two are very sisterly. It's actually sort of creepy," Izzy says.

"We had a breakthrough…" Meredith says, laughing.

"Lexi…did you talk to Meredith about the…" Izzy says.

Lexi's smile disappears. "No. I was waiting for you," she says, quietly.

Izzy takes a deep breath, "Meredith, we tested Lexi. We are waiting on Thatcher and Molly's results. Lexi is a 5/6 match. It is…" Meredith cuts Izzy off.

"Not ideal, but doable if we don't find another match. I know, Iz. I'm still a doctor," Meredith replies.

Lexi's eyes well up. "I wanted to save you…for all the times you saved me. I'm sorry." Lexi says.

"I'm going to be fine. Don't worry, little sister," Meredith says, putting on a brave smile.

(break)

(Sorry no McStizzie in this chapter. They'll be in the next one. This one got a bit too long!!)


	10. Chapter 10

Lexi walks into the office. She is so tired that she can barely see straight. She has worked for 36 hours straight, and when she was not working, she stayed with Meredith. She is tired, she is hungry and yet she is dreading the thought of going home to Thatcher.

Despite her fatigue, she knows this is an important meeting. Izzy will have the results of Thatcher and Molly's tests. She tried to get George to get them for her, but they weren't done in time for him to get them to her before the meeting.

Izzy runs in and throws her arms around Lexi. "Thatcher is a perfect 6/6 match! We're going to have a successful transplant! We can do this, Lexi. She's going to be okay!" Izzy says.

She does not acknowledge the many challenges that lie ahead, or worry about how to get Thatcher to stop drinking long enough to donate marrow. She simply takes a moment to enjoy the triumph.

Lexi wants to celebrate, but deep in her heart, she knows this is not the good news that Izzy thinks it is. She hugs her back and says, "That's great, Iz. Really…I'm so happy!"

"I feel good about this. I really do. And maybe it will give him a chance to do something good for Meredith…" Izzy thinks outloud.

Lexi is desperate to change the subject. "Iz…can I ask you a question?" she says.

"Sure. Anything," Izzy says.

"Are you applying for chief resident? I ran into Christina and she's applying and I just think…" Lexi stops as Izzy starts to laugh.

"Me? Chief resident? I always thought it would be Meredith from our year. I guess she probably won't be applying…but I guarantee you…it won't be me," Izzy laughs.

"Why not?" Lexi asks.

"Ummm…think about it. Flat line? By the way…I forgive you for making up that little nickname. George told Meredith and Meredith told me. No secret is sacred around here!" Izzy says.

Lexi squirms. "I ummm…didn't mean…I mean…I didn't know…I'm sorry. But I think you'd be great chief resident. Christina tortures interns. I mean tortures them. She's totally not helpful and she's mean. She's downright mean. You're a really good teacher, and a really good doctor. You're the best. You deserve it," Lexi says.

"Wow…you think so? Maybe I'll fill out the application, just for laughs. I'm sure a lot of people will be laughing," Izzy says.

"Good. And I'll talk to Thatcher tonight," Lexi says, worriedly.

"You don't think he'd refuse, do you?" Izzy asks, as though the thought just entered her mind.

"I'll talk to him," Lexi says, evasively. "Fill out the application!" she says, changing the subject again.

(Break)

Izzy wheels Meredith down to Derek for her first radiation treatment. They are going to combat her central nervous system first, and Derek has taken great pains to make it as easy as possible.

"How are you doing?" Izzy asks for the third time.

"The same as I was two minutes ago. I haven't started the radiation yet, Iz. I'm okay. I'll feel terrible later, or so you keep telling me, but for now, I'm okay," Meredith says.

"After your treatment, Lexi will come and wheel you back to your room, and then we have some information regarding your transplant schedule," Izzy explains.

Meredith doesn't ask any questions. She doesn't really want to know which of the three relatives of hers are going to be providing her with the bone marrow she needs to live.

As Izzy leaves her in Derek's hands, Derek strokes Meredith's head. He forces a smile.

"You know…If you wanted to spend time with me, you could have just told me!" he says, with a twinkle in his eye.

"And you could have just told me you couldn't stand being without me in Aruba. You didn't have to come all the way home to pretend you're a good neurologist!" she jokes back.

Derek grows serious. "When I was in Aruba with Rose, I had fun. I can't lie to you, Meredith. I had a good time. It was a nice break after our complex relationship to just have someone who was simple. She was easy…we laughed a lot and enjoyed each other's company," he says.

"Hey! I have cancer! You are going to radiate my head! Do you think it's a good time to tell me that you enjoyed your vacation with Rose?" Meredith asks.

"You didn't let me finish. I had fun. She's a nice girl. But I don't love her. I never did. And our trip only confirmed that," Derek says.

"She's nice…Rose. She's really nice. I'm sorry you don't love her. You'd probably be happy together," Meredith says.

"She'll make someone else happy. I want to be happy with you," Derek explains.

Meredith smiles and closes her eyes. She wants to bask in the happiness of being with Derek and pretend they are somewhere other than the radiation treatment room.

Derek kisses her. "Are you ready to start?" he says, fitting the helmet to her head.

Meredith nods.

(Break)

Lexi comes into the room at the end of Meredith's treatment. Meredith is already heaving violently as Derek rubs her back. He looks relieved that Lexi is there.

"The chief paged me 10 minutes ago, but I couldn't leave her alone. I am supposed to be upstairs removing an aneurysm from a former U.S. senator. She's so weak, Lexi. I've been a doctor for so long and seen so many terrible things. But this…this is just…" Derek's voice cracks.

Lexi puts her hand on his shoulder and says, "I'll take it from here."

Derek silently mouths "Thank you," as he takes one last look at Meredith as lies shivering on the gurney.

Lexi strokes Meredith's forehead.

"I'm going to take you back to your room. We'll get you comfortable..okay?" she asks.

Meredith tries to speak, but begins to heave again.

"Let's not talk…okay. Let's just get you back to your room…then we'll talk," Lexi says, dreading the news she has to tell Meredith.

As she wheels Meredith to her room she thinks, _What if he won't do it?_

(Break)

"It's finished," Mark says.

"Yeah? How did my section look?" Alex asks, knowing it looks good.

"Not as good as mine…but not bad…" Mark replies, cockily.

"You're such a jerk," Alex says.

"I know…but I'm so good at what I do. So good…" Mark says, in a self-congratulatory manner.

"Everybody's the best at something…I'll be the second best in plastics. But I know where I'm the best. And so does Lexi Grey…" Alex replies with his phony machismo.

"That's because Lexi Grey has never had me. Now Izzy can compare…she can tell us who is the real talent," Mark says.

"Yeah…like you've ever actually been with Izzy. You've barely kissed her, dude!" Alex says.

"You think so?" Mark says.

"Let's ask her!" Alex says, sticking his head out the door. "Izzy!" he yells. "Izzy!"

Mark pulls him back inside. "Dude! Shut up!" he panics.

Alex shakes his head. "I knew it!"

(Break)

Izzy joins Meredith and Lexi in Meredith's room.

"Uh oh. The two of you are together. That must mean I'm in big trouble…" Meredith says, weakly.

Lexi looks to Izzy for help. Izzy decides it is her job to tell Meredith.

"Meredith. We have good news!" she says, affecting a bright tone.

"Take it down a notch, Iz. I still have a terrible headache." Meredith moans.

"Lexi is a 5/6 match. So is Molly," Izzy begins.

"That's great. So either one of them can donate?" Meredith says.

"Even better is that your father is a perfect match. 6 out of 6. He's the one!" Izzy says, brightly.

"Ugh. Thatcher? I don't want…" Meredith starts.

"Stop it, Meredith! Just stop it! This isn't a time for family drama. This is your life," Izzy says, forcefully.

"What if he won't do it?" Meredith says, looking at Lexi.

"What kind of man wouldn't save his daughter?" Izzy asks.

Lexi and Meredith look at each other. "I'll talk to him," Lexi says, softly, ducking out of the room and obviously avoiding Izzy's question.

(Break)

Molly sits in the waiting room. She gets up when she sees Lexi.

"Lexi! How is she? I know I don't know her that well, but family is family. Can I see her?"

"Molly…you don't know her at all. She's really sick and really weak. She's tired. I don't think…" Lexi stops as she sees Molly's face fall.

She sighs. She's not trying to be mean. She knows Molly means well, but her Pollyanna attitude is grating on her and her refusal to see her father for who he is irritates her beyond belief. And then there is the matter of the necklace…it catches Lexi's eye and the urge to grab it seizes her again as she fights to squelch the urge.

"I'll bring you in a bit later. But just for a few minutes. Right now I need to talk to you. You and are both 5/6 of a match. This means we are close to a perfect match but not perfect. The only one who is a perfect match is Thatcher," Lexi explains.

"Dad." Molly says.

"What?" asks Lexi.

"Dad. He's still Dad. You called him Thatcher. You've done it ever since you met Meredith. You've been calling him Thatcher. He's still Dad, Lexi. He is," Molly says, in a voice that almost resembles a young child.

Lexi realizes that Molly is right. She has stopped calling him Dad because she wants to distance herself as much as possible. It's easy for Molly to take all the good memories of her Daddy and file them away. She doesn't live here anymore and she doesn't live with his day to day alcohol addiction and his mood swings between father of the year and psychotic maniac.

But Lexi says none of that. She simply says, "Dad. Dad is a match. A perfect match. Do you think he'll do it?"

Molly thinks for a moment. For one second, Lexi sees a flicker of reality across her face. She sees her falter in her faith in Thatcher. But after a brief moment, she returns to her usual self and her eyes become vacantly happy again.

"Of course he will!" Molly says, brightly.

"I hope you're right…" Lexi mutters.

(Break)

Lexi goes home and opens the door.

"Daddy seems to be coming down with a headache," Molly says as she greets Lexi at the door.

Lexi groans inwardly. That's always what Molly calls it when Thatcher begins a drinking binge. Lexi knows she should go to him now before he is too drunk to discuss the results of the test with her.

"I'm going to talk to him about Meredith. Wish me luck…" Lexi says, cynically.

"You worry too much, Lexi…you know that?" Molly says.

"You don't worry enough, Mol. I have to worry for both of us," Lexi says, giving her sister a hug.

"Lexi?" Molly calls, as Lexi heads up the stairs.

"What?" Lexi says, pausing for a minute.

"Would I like her?" Molly asks.

"Like who?" Lexi questions.

"Meredith. Would I like her? I mean, I know your whole life you've wanted to know her. I never gave it much thought. I had a big sister who was there. I had you. But I know you thought about her a lot. I guess I'm just curious now. Would I like her? What's she like?" Molly asks.

"Would you like Meredith?" Lexi repeats, as though Molly is speaking a foreign language.

There is silence as Lexi ponders the questions.

"No. You'd probably hate her. She's bitter, jaded and cynical. You'd never get past that. Yeah…you'd hate her," Lexi says, honestly.

"You know…I'm not as clueless as you think," Molly says.

"What?" Lexi replies.

"Some of us just prefer to see things as we want them to be as opposed to how they really are. It doesn't make me stupid, Lexi. I know you're the Harvard educated doctor, and you have it all figured out, but I'm happy. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter and my life doesn't revolve around this anymore," Molly says, motioning to the house as the "this" she is referring to.

"I'm glad that makes you happy," Lexi says, diplomatically as she climbs the stairs to talk to Thatcher.

She opens the door to his bedroom without knocking.

"Hi Dad," she says.

"Hi Lexi! How are you?" he replies taking a sip from a large glass of scotch.

"We got the results of your blood test," Lexi says, ignoring his question.

"And…how did I do?" he asks, happily.

"You are a match for Meredith. A perfect match. That means that you could save her life. All you have to do is donate a little bit of your bone marrow and you could really be a hero," Lexi says, patting his shoulder.

Thatcher takes a long sip of scotch and stares at Lexi.

"Save Meredith's life?" he asks.

"Yes. She's very sick. She's your daughter," Lexi reminds him.

"She's not my daughter. She killed Susan. She killed your mother. And I want no part of saving her life. No part. Do you hear me?" Thatcher says, hurling the his glass of scotch at Lexi who ducks and runs out of the room.

She runs into her bedroom and slams the door. It takes her a moment to realize that her hand is bleeding from a stray shard of glass. She clutches her bleeding hand and sits on her bed sobbing alone, wishing someone were there to comfort her. She knows Molly is in the other room, and has heard the whole thing, but will not come in, because coming in would require her to acknowledge what just happened.

Molly listens to her sob from the next room but does not go in. She closes her eyes. _Poor Dad is so tired and Lexi keeps wanting things from him. No wonder he snaps at her. If she could just leave him alone for a little while, he wouldn't yell at her all the time, _she thinks.

Lexi does something she has not done in a long time. She closes her eyes and pictures her childhood hero…the big sister who always saved the day. She pictures Meredith running into her room with a needle and thread and stitching up her bleeding hand. Then she pictures Meredith running into Thatcher's room and taking all the alcohol and pouring it down the drain and making him promise never to yell at her again.

_Just like old times…_Lexi thinks.


	11. Chapter 11

Lexi stumbles into work, eyes still swollen from crying all night

Lexi stumbles into work, eyes still swollen from crying all night. She is so exhausted that she can't see straight, and she doesn't know what she is going to tell Izzy or Meredith for that matter. She groans when she sees Alex coming toward her. She likes him so much that she doesn't want to have to talk to him when she isn't at her best. She tries to walk the other way, but it is too late. He has seen her.

"Lexi. Don't ignore me!" Alex says.

"I'm not ignoring you, Alex, I'm tired," she says.

Alex looks at her eyes with concern. "I'm tired too, but I don't look like crap. You're a mess. What's going on?"

"Nothing," Lexi says, brightly. "And when you are trying to make a girl like you, don't tell her she looks like crap," Lexi says, annoyed.

"Yeah. Well that's me. I'm the guy who always tells the truth. Now what's going on? Did you talk to Thatcher?" Alex asks, bluntly.

Lexi nods. "I can't say it, Alex. I can't tell her. I can't tell anyone. It's so awful," Lexi says.

"Try telling me…" Alex says, taking her hand.

"He said he…" Lexi stops.

"He said he what?" Alex asks.

Lexi looks away. She is so ashamed of her family that she doesn't feel comfortable looking Alex in the eye right now.

"He won't do it. He says he hopes she dies. He says she killed my mother and he hopes she dies. He is the worst person ever…and he's my father!" Lexi says, softly.

Alex slams his open palm into the wall. "Bastard!" he yells.

Lexi recoils. She can't handle the yelling and the anger. Alex sees her face and pulls her into a hug. "I'm sorry," he whispers into her hair.

Lexi allows herself to relax in his arms and begins to cry again. She stops herself. "I can't cry now. I have to be a doctor. And I have to be a sister. I have to be okay," she says.

Alex laughs.

"What?" she says.

"Nothing…it's just that you sound more and more like her everyday," he says.

"Who?" Lexi asks.

"Meredith," he says, smiling. "Good luck. Page me if you need me," he says, kissing her goodbye.

Izzy walks into the office and sees Lexi. She is anxious to get started with the bone marrow transplant. She knows that the induction chemotherapy will be very difficult and she is anxious to get it over with. She has carefully mapped out a plan and wants everything to work out perfectly for her friend.

She looks at Lexi's swollen eyes. "Are you okay?" Izzy asks.

"Yes. I mean no. I mean, Thatcher won't do it. My father wants my sister to die. How's that for the most dysfunctional family ever?" Lexi rants.

"He won't do it? What do you mean? He has to do it? He's a 6/6 match! Does he know what that means?" Izzy asks.

"I tried, Izzy! I swear I did. He still blames Meredith for my mom. She's going to die, Izzy…she's going to die because I can't convince him. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do to get him to do it. He's not a human being!" Lexi says, her voice rising like a little girl.

Izzy's heart goes out to Lexi. "Calm down. I'll do it. Sometimes it's not a family member who is the best person to convince a person. I'm good at this. This is my forte. I am the doctor who is good with people." Izzy says, more to herself than to Lexi.

"People. He's not a person anymore. I didn't just lose my mother. I lost what was left of my father too," Lexi says, sadly as she walks out of the office.

Izzy picks up the phone. "Mr. Grey, this is Dr. Stevens. We need you to come down to the hospital as soon as possible. Your test results are in and we need to discuss them with you. It could be serious," she says, forgiving herself for her dirty tactics.

(Break)

Christina opens the door to Meredith's room.

"Wow!" she says, when she sees Meredith

"I'm mad at you," Meredith says.

"Mad at me? I'm mad at you!" Christina says.

"You can't be mad at me! What are you mad at me for?" Meredith says.

"I'm mad at you because you got sick. And now I have to sit with Alex, Izzy and George at lunch by myself," Christina says.

"You do realize that you sound like a 7th grader?" Meredith asks.

"I loved seventh grade. I won every award at the end of the year. And you never told me why you're mad at me." Christina replies.

"I'm mad at you for telling Derek…and for not visiting me," Meredith says.

"Look…I'm not good at this, Meredith. You know that. Izzy's better at this than I am. She's all touchy-feely," Christina explains for what feels like the tenth time.

"I don't need touchy feely. I need my person. I need to laugh…to feel normal. To hear all the hospital gossip. That's what I need. Can you do that?" Meredith says.

Christina nods. "I think so. I'm going to be chief resident," she says, attempting to do what Meredith has asked of her.

"Did they make the decision already? Congratulations!" Meredith says.

"No. But you were my only competition! You think they are going to give it to Karev? Or Flatline? How about Bambi…oh wait…he isn't even a resident!" Christina laughs.

"I wouldn't have been competition. I'm not so big on the scheduling end of it. I'm surprised you even want it. You hate teaching," Meredith observes.

"I love power and prestige. If I have to teach to get that, I'll do it," Christina says.

"Well good luck," Meredith says.

"You too. Don't die. Okay?" Christina says.

"I'll try," Meredith replies.

(Break)

Izzy hands in her application to Dr. Bailey.

"Thank you, Dr. Stevens. You need to hand in three letters of recommendation by Friday at noon. One must be from a superior, meaning a higher resident or an attending. One must be from an intern who has been under your supervision, and the third can be from anyone you choose, including patients," Dr. Bailey explains.

Izzy thinks for a moment. "Dr. Bailey?" she asks.

"What?"

"Would you write the letter of recommendation for me from my supervisor? You are the one who has taught me more than…I mean…You've inspired me to…It would be an honor to have you write a letter for me," Izzy says, awkwardly.

"And it would be an honor for me to write one. Well, it would be an honor for me to write one now. If you had asked me a few years ago, I would have said there was no chance in hell I'd vouch for you!" Dr. Bailey says.

Izzy smiles. "Thank you," she says.

"Now, what is going on with Grey? Did that man agree to donate marrow yet or what?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"I have him coming in about five minutes ago. He should be here any second. I'll convince him," Izzy says.

"You better. Because if I get ahold of him, it's not going to be pretty…" Dr. Bailey says, angrily.

(Break)

Mark grabs Izzy from behind. She screams in surprise.

"Don't sneak up on me like that!" she says.

"I can't help it. I have a complex. All the women in this hospital seem to hide from me," Mark replies.

"That's because they think you're a man whore. But I know you're really a sweet, sensitive man, who hides behind that persona to mask his insecurities," she says, sarcastically.

"Nah. I'm really a man whore," he says.

Izzy laughs. "I'd love to stay and debate this point with you, but I need to go convince Meredith's beast of a father to donate his bone marrow. What kind of a parent wouldn't do that for a child?" she asks.

Mark gets serious for a moment. "I don't know. I have no idea," he says.

"I mean when Hannah's mom asked me, I didn't even have to think about it. It wasn't an option to say no. That's your child's life…" she says.

"You're not Thatcher Grey," Mark says.

"No…I'm not. But I have to go talk to the bastard," she says. She pauses for a moment. "Maybe he's not so bad. Maybe he'll say he'll do it without my convincing," she says, optimistically.

"Listen…I was talking to Derek today. I had an idea. Derek, Alex and I are going to take you, Lexi and Meredith on a date," he says.

"What? Mark…Meredith cannot leave the hospital…her ANC is too low," Izzy says.

"Then the date will come to her room. All I ask is that you and Lexi get her out of the room on Saturday night, for about an hour before 8:00…okay?" Mark says.

"You know…if I didn't know better, I'd think you were a really nice guy," Izzy says.

Mark looks over his shoulder. "Shh…don't tell anyone!" he says, smirking.

(Break)

Lexi hides in the doorway of the clinic. She watches at Izzy leads her father inside. She takes a deep breath and hopes for the best as she presses her ear to the door.

Izzy brings Thatcher into the clinic where she sits him down in a comfortable chair. He is accompanied by Molly and seems to be sober and in a relatively good mood. Izzy knows she can convince him. She knows this will all work out.

"Good morning, Mr. Grey. I'm so glad you could come in," she says.

"You said there was something in my test results. Am I dying?" he asks.

"No. You are not dying, Mr. Grey. In fact, all things considered, you are in relatively good health. I wanted to discuss your potential bone marrow donation for your daughter," she says.

"I already told Lexi. I'm not doing it. She killed my wife. Susan is dead because of her. She's not my daughter. She's Ellis Grey's daughter," he practically spits at Izzy when he says, Ellis's name.

"Her mother treated her terribly! She would have given anything to…" Izzy stops herself. The relationship between Ellis and Meredith is none of her business. She simply needs bone marrow from Thatcher and that's what she is here to get. She changes tactics. "Mr. Grey. The bone marrow aspiration is a very simple outpatient procedure. It will take less than an hour. We could schedule you for…" Izzy looks at her calendar.

"Have you ever lost a loved one, Dr. Stevens?" he asks.

Izzy's mind immediately goes to Denny. "Yes…unfortunately, I have," she says, looking down and wishing her eyes didn't water whenever she thought of Denny.

"Well, then you know that a part of you dies with that person. The best part of you if they're your better half, which Susan was…" Thatcher begins.

Izzy grows desperate. "Think of what Susan would have wanted…think of the kind of person she was…" Izzy pleads.

Thatcher grows silent. Izzy thinks she may have gotten through to him. She glances at Molly and notices how vacant her eyes are.

Thatcher gets up and moves closer to Izzy.

"Think of what Susan would want…" he begins, "Susan would have wanted us to be a family. She would have even included Meredith because that's who Susan was. She was kind, and good, and loving. Think of what Susan would want…she would want to see Molly's beautiful little girl grow up. She loved being a grandmother. She would want to see Lexi graduate from medical school. She'd have loved to see Lexi get married one day and have children. She would have loved to be there for that. She wanted to be here for everything…Thanksgiving, Christmas…but no. She won't get anything she wants. And because of that, I will never forgive Ellis Grey's daughter. She took the thing that meant the most to me in the world….I will never forgive her and I will never give her anything that belongs to me," Thatcher says. He walks out of the room right past Lexi without even noticing she is there.

Molly lingers behind and looks at Izzy. "I know what you must think. He's not a bad person. He's just damaged. He lost everything when Susan died. He loves us…Lexi and me. He does. And in his own way, he loves Meredith…he does," she says, almost pleading for Izzy to forgive Thatcher.

Izzy's voice is harsher than she intends for it to be. "You can forgive him if you want. But if Meredith dies, will you forgive yourself for not pressuring him to save her?" she asks.

Molly waits for a moment. "I am sorry your friend, and Lexi's sister, Meredith is sick, but I have to be honest. That's not my sister in that room," Molly says, speaking softly.

Izzy tries to put herself in Molly's shoes. "You're right. You probably feel like Meredith is a stranger to you…" Izzy begins.

Molly shakes her head. "No. She's not a stranger. That is the girl who ruined our family. I don't mean because of what happened with my mom. I don't blame her for that. I mean by what she did to Lexi. I remember the night after Lexi found out about her. She was never the same. After that, she was hostile to Daddy and she made him so angry all the time. It was because of the things she said and did that made him drink so much. And then, after all of that…Lexi decides she wants to be a surgeon, just like her. You'd think maybe, after all the time Lexi spent worshipping her, Meredith might have been a little nicer when Lexi came to town. No. She treated her terribly. Lexi destroyed our family for someone who couldn't even be bothered to say a kind word to her. I don't have anything nice to say about Meredith. I have tried to be gracious and tried to be polite and if it comes down to it, I'll donate marrow because I know she means something to Lexi and I love my sister with all my heart, but I will not defend Meredith to my father. And I will not pressure him to help her." Molly says, firmly.

Lexi leans against the wall and begins to sob uncontrollably. She does not know how to process the fact that she is in fact descended from these people, not to mention the fact that Molly blames her for the demise of their family.

Izzy is speechless. She does not know what to say in response to such a warped perspective. She opens her mouth and then closes it again. "I'm sorry you feel that way…I wish you knew Meredith the way I do," Izzy says, politely. "Thank you for agreeing to be a donor should we need you," she adds.

Molly walks out of the clinic and sees Lexi crying uncontrollably. She realizes that Lexi has heard her.

"Lexi – I" Molly says.

Lexi shakes her head and holds up her hand. She cannot look at Molly let alone speak to her.

Izzy follows Molly out of the clinic and sees Lexi.

"Molly. I think you need to leave now. I'll find someone to help you find your father if you need me to, but you need to go. Now!" Izzy says, forcefully.

Molly reaches out to try to comfort Lexi who recoils and pushes her hand away. Molly does not know what to do, so she runs down the hall in search of Thatcher.

Izzy sits next to Lexi.

"Are you okay?" she asks, knowing that it's a stupid question.

"I'm fine!" Lexi chokes out.

Izzy laughs and Lexi gives her a dirty look.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh. You just sound so much like Meredith. Our first year, her mother had Alzheimer's, she was sleeping with Derek and just found out he was married, and none of us were getting any sleep and no matter who asked her, she would say she was 'fine.' It was her favorite word," Izzy says, smiling.

"Nature versus nurture?" Lexi says, attempting a smile.

"Yeah. Maybe we can publish at study on it and get famous!" Izzy says. "Look…I'll talk to Meredith about the transplant. I'll take care of it," Izzy promises.

Lexi shakes her head. "No. She's all I have now. I just lost the rest of my family. I have no one. I'll talk to her," Lexi says, picking her head up and wiping away her tears.

Izzy nods. "I understand. I'll be here if you need me," she says.

(Break)

Lexi walks into Meredith's room. Her eyes are still red and her face is still blotchy from crying. She has not figured out what she wants to say, but she has pulled herself together as best she could in order to discuss the options with Meredith.

"Lexi? Are you alright?" Meredith says, when she sees her face.

Lexi laughs. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"I had a day off today, as you know. Tomorrow you guys are going to start my induction chemo, but today hasn't been bad. I'm okay. What's going on?" Meredith says, concerned.

Lexi starts to cry again. She has trouble breathing, let alone talking. Meredith sits up and rubs Lexi's back and waits patiently.

"I'm not doing a very good job of this…" Lexi says, when she can speak.

"You're right. You're not being a very good doctor right now, but you're a very good sister, so I forgive you," Meredith says.

"Thatcher won't do it…he won't give you his marrow," Lexi says.

"Wow. He really hates me. He actually wants me dead? My own father wants to kill me? Wow…I don't know what to say," Meredith says, numbly.

"And then…I probably shouldn't tell you this part, but Molly blames you for destroying the whole family. She told Izzy that she hates you because once I found out about you I turned against everyone and my hostility made Thatcher drink. She blames me…she blames you…she blames everyone but Thatcher!" Lexi says, as she starts to cry again.

Meredith hugs Lexi. "I wish I could say that I know how you feel, but I've never had a family, so I don't know what it feels like to lose one. I'm sorry you're so hurt, but I feel so lucky right now," Meredith says.

"Lucky? You feel lucky? Meredith…you have leukemia…you need a bone marrow transplant and your father doesn't want to give it to you. What part of that makes you feel lucky?" Lexi wonders outloud.

Meredith laughs. "Watch it, or you might ruin my good mood. Like I said, I never had a family. I don't know what it entails. No one has ever loved me unconditionally like everyone says a family does. But you came here, and you did. I have you…I have Derek, I have Christina, I have Izzy, George, even Alex and Mark. I've got my own family. I have a sister who gave up her family in my defense. I am pretty damn lucky," she says.

Lexi starts to cry again. "But I have no one. I just lost everyone," Lexi says.

Meredith grabs her by the shoulders. "Lexi! You're not listening. You don't have no one. You have me!" Meredith says.

Lexi falls into Meredith's arms and says, "I guess I'm being kind of an annoying little sister…aren't I?"

"Definitely!" Meredith says, as she hugs her sister.

Izzy knocks on the door. "Can I come in?" she asks.

Lexi pulls away. "Oh! I was supposed to go over your transplant options. Let's pretend I was doing that. I don't want to get in trouble. I have to impress everyone. I'm still an intern," Lexi says, nervously.

"Izzy? Izzy would probably be mad if we **weren't** crying and hugging. Come on in, Iz! Meredith quips.

Izzy enters the room, and sees the two sisters sitting side by side on Meredith's bed with their shoulders touching. She smiles slightly.

"Hi, Iz. We were just about to go over my transplant options. Lexi was just getting to it," Meredith says.

"Okay…so lets talk. Lexi, would you like to present?" Izzy asks.

Lexi nods. "Well, we have two familial matches that are 5/6. They are good matches, but not perfect, so we will have to add large quantities of anti-rejection medications. The isolation period will be slightly longer. We could wait and look for a non-familial match, but the longer we wait…" Lexi stops as Meredith takes over.

"The more difficult it will be to achieve remission because the cancer will have time to spread." Meredith says.

"Exactly. We need to proceed. All you need to do is decide whose bone marrow you want, Lexi or Molly's." Izzy says. "We'll take care of the rest and make sure you come through this with flying colors!"

"Lexi, can you do me a favor and find Derek for me?" Meredith asks.

"Sure! I'll be back in a few minutes with your Dr. McDreamy!" Lexi replies.

"Iz…are the marrow matches equivalent?" Meredith asks.

"Completely. They are almost identical and the slight differences aren't things that would make or break a match," she says.

"I'll get back to you on which one then. Give me until the end of the day," Meredith says.

"Mer…it's a no brainer. Lexi would donate her brain for you if you needed a transplant. The girl worships you and can't wait to be your marrow donor," Izzy says, confused.

"I know. Thank you, Dr. Stevens," she says.

"Did you just dismiss me?" Izzy asks.

"Yes. I dismissed you as my doctor right now, but if you'd like to stay as my friend, you're more than welcome," Meredith says.

"Meredith, can I ask you a favor?" Izzy asks.

"I'm not really in a position to do much right now, but sure…anything I can do, I will," she replies.

"I'm applying for chief resident. I need a recommendation. A recommendation from a patient," Izzy asks.

"Christina will kill me if she ever finds out," Meredith says.

"Christina? Seriously? Christina has been in to see you what? Twice? Three times? Christina? I've been busting my ass for you, Meredith. I've been working on your treatment 24/7 and trying to fix your family drama! I have put my life on hold to help you, and you are worried about Christina?" Izzy says, genuinely hurt.

"Izzy! Relax! I am not saying I won't do it! I will write it. I simply observed that Christina will kill me when she finds out," Meredith says.

"Oh…okay. I'm sorry. I…I mean…thank you," she says.

"You're welcome," Meredith says.

(Break)

Lexi and Derek arrive at Meredith's room.

"So, I hear the transplant is a go!" Derek says, as he kisses Meredith hello.

Meredith nods.

"And lucky for you, you have Lexi here to be your marrow donor. You'll have a part of her running through your veins for the rest of your life. It's a good thing you guys like each other now," Derek says.

"Yes. It is," Lexi says. "I'll let you two umm…talk, or whatever, or well…I'm going to get going and do some…umm…charts," she says, slipping out of the room, feeling like they needed some time alone.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm fine," Meredith says.

"You're not fine," Derek says, pointing to her bald head.

"No. I'm not. You're right," Meredith admits.

"So talk to me…" he says, putting his hand on her cheek.

"I'm scared," she says, in a small voice.

"Of the transplant?" Derek asks.

Meredith nods. "Of the transplant, of the decisions I have to make, of the consequences they will have…" Meredith tries to explain.

"Mer, there are no decisions to be made anymore. From what I hear, Thatcher is out of the running and Molly and Lexi are both willing to donate. Obviously, you'll take Lexi up on it, and send the creepy Grey sister home," Derek says, smiling.

"She is pretty creepy…isn't she," Meredith admits.

Derek nods in agreement.

"You don't think I'll turn creepy if I use Molly as my donor…do you?" Meredith asks.

"And I thought you were a brilliant doctor…come on, Meredith," Derek teases.

"I can't use Lexi's bone marrow. I can't," Meredith whispers.

"Why not?" Derek asks.

"What if it doesn't work? What if I reject it and I die? She'll spend the rest of her life thinking it's her fault. I can't take that chance," Meredith says.

"Meredith…I think Lexi might want to inject her bone marrow into you even if you didn't have cancer. She's not going to take no for an answer…" Derek says.

"You're probably right. But I can't do it. She's been hurt by Thatcher, by Molly and I can't let her get hurt again. I can't be another person who lets her get hurt," Meredith says.

"Meredith, you've been hurt too. Your father refused to give you his bone marrow. You found out that Molly blames you for ruining her family," Derek reminds her.

"Yes…but I think this whole ordeal has taught me something. If nothing else, I've learned that you can make your own family. I have a sister who loves me, a wonderful group of friends who have taken excellent care of me, and…I have you. I never lost Thatcher or Molly. I never had them to begin with," Meredith explains.

"Wow…is this the new, improved, Meredith Grey?" Derek asks.

"It just might be," she replies.


	12. Chapter 12

Thatcher stumbles into Meredith's room unannounced

Thatcher stumbles into Meredith's room unannounced. Meredith jumps!

"Thatcher! What are you doing here?" she asks.

"I had to see you for myself. You're bald," he observes.

"Yes…I suppose I am," Meredith replies for lack of a better response.

"You really are sick," he slurs.

"Thatcher…go home and sober up," Meredith says, angrily.

"No. I'm here now. You always said I was never there for you. I'm here now," he says.

Molly opens the door to Meredith's room a crack, but goes unnoticed. When she sees her father there, she closes the door and tiptoes out, thinking she'll come back later. However, she does stand outside the door in case Thatcher needs her.

"You're here now? Seriously? Are you kidding me? You're not 'here.' I mean, yes. You are standing in my room, but you're drunk and you basically told my doctor and friend that you want me to die. You won't even donate marrow to me. You're not 'here.'" Meredth says, furiously.

"You took everything from me," Thatcher says, sitting down.

"What could I possibly have taken? I know you blame me for Susan's death, but I've gone over and over it with you and with Lexi. She understands. There was nothing I could have done. Nothing. I loved Susan…in my own way. I did. She made you happy and made you a better person. I cared about her," Meredith says.

"It's not just Susan. You took everything from me. You took Ellis and Lexi too," he says, slurring slightly less.

Meredith can tell he is starting to sober up and she isn't sure she wants to hear his words.

"Your mother loved me. She did. Until you were born. She stayed in bed for months after you were born. It was like you had sucked the life out of her. The doctors all called it postpartum something or other, but all I knew was that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. It was like she turned on me the minute you appeared," he explains, distantly.

"I was a baby…I didn't know anything…I couldn't do anything…" Meredith says, pleadingly.

"And then…finally she snapped out of it. It was like one day she came back to life. I thought I had her back…but I didn't. He did. Richard Webber," Thatcher says. He pauses dramatically. "Oh…excuse me…DOCTOR Richard Webber. He brought her back to life. And after that, he had her forever. She never came back to me. I mean she was there, but she wasn't," Thatcher says.

"She was a terrible mother and a terrible wife," Meredith says.

"When she left me, I thought I'd never have anything again. I tried not to look back. I didn't contact you, because that would mean contacting her. When I found Susan, she brought me back to life. She did for me, what Richard did for your mother. She was the world's best wife. Then I had Lexi. She was the light of my life. I adored her. Just when I thought I couldn't be any happier, Molly was born. She was perfect. I had my two little girls," Thatcher says, smiling happily at the memory.

Meredith's eyes fill with tears and she notices her hands shaking. After all these years, to hear him say it cuts through her like shards of glass. He gave her up because he hated her. He was happy with his new family.

"Then one day, little Lexi, stumbled upon a picture. It was a picture of you, me and Ellis. She asked me about it and I put her on my lap and I told her who you were. I explained that Daddy had another wife and little girl before her. She was so young I never thought she'd put it together that you were her half sister, but she did. She was so smart. She kept begging to meet her big sister. I thought she'd let it go, but she never did. From then on, she used to make up these stories about her 'Supersister,'" Thatcher explains.

Meredith closes her eyes. She doesn't want to hear anymore, but she has no way of escaping. She figures closing her eyes is the next best thing.

"The teachers would call from school and tell us that Lexi was making up stories. There was one time, that she was on the bus and she came home crying because all the kids told her that they knew she didn't have a big sister. The next day at the bus stop, she begged me to tell them that she did. Of course, I wouldn't. Stubborn little kid…she didn't speak to me for two days." Thatcher explained.

"Of course," Meredith says, sarcastically.

"Once she found you, she turned you into something I knew you weren't. No body could be who you she made you. But she was stubborn. She found out where you were and what you did and she decided she was going to follow in your footsteps and become a surgical resident at Seattle Grace Hospital. She knew she'd get to meet you," Thatcher says, as his eyes met Meredith's.

Meredith says nothing. She is weak, tired and doesn't want to hear anymore. She wants him to go away, yet something is forcing her to hear what he has to say.

"And I remember telling her, 'Lexi…she's Ellis Grey's daughter. She's not going to be a nice person.' I remember thinking that I could forgive everything if only you would live up to Lexi's fantasy. Then, when she came home after that first day…and I saw her crushed at how you disappointed her…then I knew. I was right. You ruin everything, Meredith Grey. Everyone you touch gets hurt. Everyone," Thatcher says, icily.

_Everyone you touch gets hurt…_Those words shock Meredith like electricity. She wants to cry, but she can't. She isn't sure she can move. As Thatcher leaves the room, Meredith struggles to breath, and her breath comes out in rapid, short. Molly, horrified by what she has heard enters Meredith's room timidly and sees Meredith laying in bed, hyperventilating.

"Meredith? Are you okay?" Molly asks.

"Go away!" Meredith managed to gasp.

Molly is frightened by the scene and doesn't know what to do, so she pushes a button on the wall labeled "help." Within seconds, Izzy comes running in.

"Meredith!" Izzy looks at Molly accusingly. "What happened?" she demands as she takes Meredith's pulse.

"I…Daddy…I mean…he said…" Molly stammers.

"Get out! Just get out!" Izzy says, pushing Molly out of the way. Molly rushes out of the room in a panic.

(Break)

"Goddamn it, Molly! He said, what?? What's wrong with him? Why can't you keep him away from her. She's starting induction chemo in less than two hours. We need her at her best," Lexi yells at Molly.

"Stop yelling at me. All you have done since I arrived is yell at me. You know, you called me to come save some imaginary sister that I don't even know, let alone like. You've ignored me since I've been here and on the rare occasion that you speak to me, you yell at me. I'm tempted just to go home and go back to my life and forget that all of you exist," Molly yells back.

"I hate you!" Lexi yells.

"I hate you too!" Molly yells back.

Christina and Alex run up to Lexi. Christina says, "Three. You're coming with me," she grabs Lexi by the arm and yanks her away.

"What happened?" she demands.

"I'm not your intern. I don't have to tell you anything!" Lexi says, angrily.

"I'm also not your Daddy, or your creepy sister, so don't yell at me. I'm a resident and you're an intern, so you still have to kiss my ass," Christina says, matter of factly.

"Shut up," Lexi says, but she is unconvincing. The fight has gone out of her.

"What happened?" Alex asks, taking her hand.

Lexi tells them the whole story. As she does, she sees Christina's face stiffen in defense of Meredith. She feels the warmth of Alex's hand on her back and she begins to realize that she is not alone. She lets herself lean against Alex and cries on his shoulder.

"Okay three. I don't do crying. I'm going to go find McDreamy and send him up to Meredith's room to do some damage control," Christina says.

Lexi nods. "Thank you," she says.

"Oh no. You don't get to thank me. She was my person before she was yours," Christina says.

(Break)

"He did what?" Derek demands.

"I'm just telling you what Three….I mean Lexi told me," Christina says.

Derek throws down the file he was reading and runs to Meredith's room.

"Meredith!" he says, as he sees her still suffering from a panic attack.

"Derek!" Izzy says. "Thank god you're here. I have to get arrange her induction chemotherapy and make sure we have all the rooms booked for her. The isolation rooms are full and her counts are so low that…" Izzy is silenced by Meredith's sharp tone.

"Don't touch me, Derek!" she yells at him as he reaches for her.

Derek jumps back. "What's wrong?" he asks, surprised.

"Don't touch me…you'll get hurt. Everyone who touches me gets hurt," she says, pushing him with what little strength she has.

"I love you, Meredith Grey. And no matter how many times you want to beat me with those tiny ineffectual little fists of yours, I am never going to stop loving you. I love you. That's it. Nothing will change that," he says, simply.

Meredith's breathing begins to slow to a normal pace.

"Breathe with me…in…out…" Derek says, taking her hands and looking into her eyes.

She does what he asks her to and she begins to settle into a normal breathing rhythm again.

Izzy squeezes his shoulder on her way out and mouths "Thanks," as she rushes to the scheduling department to call in a few favors.

Derek moves Meredith over and squishes into the bed next to her. He pulls her close to him and she realizes how exhausted she is as she falls asleep on his chest.

(Break)

"Dude. Did you talk to Derek about tomorrow night? Is he in?" Alex asks.

"No. But don't worry. He's in. Derek's my man. He'll be in if I say he's in," Mark says.

"Whatever dude. Just talk to Shepherd. Lexi will want Meredith there," Alex says.

Mark laughs.

"What?" Alex asks, defensively.

"You're so whipped!" Mark says, shaking his head.

"I'm whipped? You're the one who's whipped. I see you following Izzy around with those puppy dog eyes. And you're not even getting any action. Please! Dude…just talk to Shepherd." he replies, shrugging Mark off.

(Break)

When Meredith is sound asleep, Derek sneaks from her bed. He is late for his rounds and knows he must get back to work. He kisses her softly as he tiptoes out of her room.

"Hey man, how's she doing?" Mark asks, as Derek steps into the elevator.

"Do you ever feel like life just isn't fair?" Derek asks as he pushes the button.

"All the time. Listen…Karev and I wanted to surprise Izzy, Lexi and Meredith with a special night on Saturday. Can you make it?" Mark asks.

"Sure," Derek says as the elevator stops and Rose stands staring at him.

"Man…life really is unfair…" Mark whispers as he steps off the elevator and Rose takes his place.

"Well…this is awkward," Rose says.

"Yes. It is," Derek agrees.

"How's Meredith?" Rose asks.

"Rose…I…" Derek tries to form his thoughts into words.

"No. It was a genuine question. How is Meredith? As much as I'd like to hate her, I like her. And I'm sorry she's sick. Look…I like you. I like you a lot. I wish things had worked out. But I'm a big girl. I can take it. You love her and she needs you. I get it. Granted, I think it was pretty low of you to not call me once since Aruba or stop by to see me, but I'll forgive you because I know you've had a lot on your mind. I guess what I'm trying to say is…I'm not angry, Derek. And you don't have to avoid me. We can be friends and if you need a friend to talk to through all of this, I'm here," Rose says.

Derek stares at her like she has spoken a foreign language to him. He never anticipated such a kind and civilized response from someone who has been rejected.

"Thanks Rose. You just made my day a little better. She's so sick. So sick and scared and I don't know what to do. It's going to get worse before it gets better. I just wish I could trade places with her," Derek says.

Rose takes Derek's hand. "She's strong and she has you. She's going to pull through this," she says, as the elevator comes to a stop and they both get out.

"Thanks," Derek says as they walk in opposite directions.

(Break)

Izzy pages Lexi to her office immediately.

"Okay…I called in every favor I could. I can't believe how overbooked this place is!" she says.

"So are we still starting her today with everything that happened?" Lexi asks.

"We can't wait anymore, Lexi. We have to get her started," Izzy says, gently.

"This is the rough part…right? This is the part where a lot can go wrong. I've read everything I can get my hands on, Izzy. We're basically going to strip her body of everything in order to put it back together with my marrow," Lexi says.

"Or Molly's," Izzy says.

"Yes. Theoretically, but she's going to use mine. I mean, Molly and her barely have spoken two words to each other. Molly hates Meredith!" Lexi says.

Izzy changes the subject because she needs to focus on medicine and not on the Grey family drama for a moment.

"So, do you have all the chemo ready and available for her? Rose is actually the nurse on duty today to monitor all chemo patients which will be…well…awkward. But anyway, you need to access her port and give her the exact prescription. Check her levels every half hour. The minute her WBC falls below the danger zone you stop. Do you understand?" Izzy asks, with an intensity that surprises even herself.

Lexi nods nervously.

"I want to see the labs every half hour. If I'm not available, you find me…okay?" Izzy says.

"Every half hour," Lexi repeats back.

"Oh…and Lexi. I need a recommendation for chief resident. I have one from Dr. Bailey, and Meredith said she'd write one, although you might want to remind her. I need one from an intern. I'd really appreciate it if…" Izzy stops as Lexi hands her an envelope.

"I already did it, just in case you needed one. I'm not one to leave things to the last minute," Lexi says, sort of embarrassed.

"Wow! Thanks…that was…" Izzy stops as Lexi cuts her off again.

"The least I could do," she says, as she hurries off to Meredith.

(Break)

Lexi walks into Meredith's room and is taken aback by Meredith's emaciated face that is still swollen from crying.

"Meredith? How are you doing? I heard it's been a really rough day. I'm so sorry for everything he said to you, and for not keeping him away and for the fact that I'm about to inject poison into your veins. But my marrow is your marrow, so maybe that will make up for it?" Lexi says, nervously hoping her attempt at humor makes Meredith smile.

"Our father is an ass, you know," Meredith says as she climbs into the wheelchair that Lexi brings to her.

"Yes. I know, and whatever he said to you…none of it is true. His perception of reality is pretty off most of the time," Lexi says as she wheels Meredith down the hall.

"I know. But there were things he said that were true. When you came to Seattle Grace to meet me, I treated you terribly. I never really apologized for that," Meredith says.

"Yes you did," Lexi says, "Remember when I told you my tragic birthday story? You apologized to me then." Lexi rolls her eyes at her own dramatic story, feeling a little silly for having shared it.

"Stop it! That story was awful. Don't minimize it. And thank you for sharing it with me. And as for my apology…I didn't really apologize. I explained myself and you were very nice and understanding, but you deserve a real, unconditional apology. I'm sorry, Lexi. My behavior was inexcusable, and I am truly sorry," Meredith says, sincerely.

"Thank you. Apology accepted," Lexi says.

"So tell me…is there a small part of you that is looking forward to running poison through my veins? I know a few other family members who might fight you for the job," Meredith says, with a slight smile.

"I know. I was the highest bidder," Lexi jokes. "Hey…did you write Izzy's recommendation for chief resident yet?"

Meredith gasps. "Oh my god! I can't believe I forgot! And it has to be in by tomorrow morning!"

"You write it and I will make sure it gets where it needs to be by tomorrow morning," Lexi promises. "You'll have about an hour where you won't feel so bad in the beginning. I brought my laptop. You can use it if you promise not to throw up on it," Lexi jokes.

"I don't know if I can promise that…aren't you the one with the list of the drugs I'm on and the side effects?" Meredith replies.

"Take the damn laptop and write it!" Lexi says.

"I will. Izzy will make a great chief resident…that is, if Christina doesn't kill her for the job first," Meredith says.

"I've worked under both of them. I'll be honest. I don't hate Christina like I used to, but I don't think she's a gifted teacher like Izzy is. Izzy talks with people instead of at people. She shares information willingly. Christina is out for Christina. She's a brilliant doctor. No one can take that away from her…but she is out to help herself all the time. Everything else is secondary," Lexi says.

"Hey…watch what you say about Christina. There's more to her than meets the eye," Meredith says.

"I know. I know she's a good person and a wonderful friend. But as a resident, she has her limitations. That's all I'm saying," Lexi says.

Meredith stops herself from agreeing, as it feels disloyal to her friend.

She opens Lexi's laptop and begins to type while Lexi sets everything up.

"My recommendation for Izzy got really long. Once I started, I couldn't stop. That was always my problem in writing anything. I ramble," Lexi says.

"I do too," Meredith replies.

"You know…I'm not speaking to Molly or Thatcher right now…" Lexi says.

"Umm…and you jump topics too. I hope you didn't do that in your recommendation!" Meredith says.

"Sorry and I didn't. I also spell checked it three times. But I'm serious. I hate the way both of them have treated you. Especially Thatcher," Lexi says.

"Thank you. But you know…it's not a choice you have to make. It's not them or me you know," Meredith explains.

"But…" Lexi begins.

"No buts. These people were your family. Dysfunctional family…yes…but family for your whole life before I ever entered the picture. I want to be your family, but I don't want you to lose anything on my behalf."

"Okay…my know-it-all big sister. I'm going to inject some poison into your veins. This way I don't have to listen to you tell me what to do anymore," Lexi says.

"Fine. But if you piss me off I'll throw up all over your laptop. But don't worry. I'll finish Izzy's recommendation first," Meredith replies.

"Well, you better hurry up then. I'm accessing your port. This is Methotrexate. It will…" Lexi says.

"Lexi…I'm the resident. You're the intern. Just shut up and get started!" Meredith says and they both laugh.

(Break)

Christina comes up to the chemo room and says, "Three. You should probably take a break or something. A shower would be a good idea. You know they have those here if you aren't planning to go home for a while. You're starting to smell like an intern."

"I am an intern. And besides…Meredith isn't complaining," Lexi says.

"She's related to you. She's probably immune to your stench. Go. Take a break and a shower," Christina orders.

Lexi looks at Meredith who is furiously typing.

"I'm okay, Lexi. You can go," she says. As Lexi hugs her goodbye, Meredith whispers, "A shower might be a good idea."

"You're not doing anything weird like keeping a diary, are you?" Christina asks, motioning to the laptop.

"No. I'm not," Meredith replies without offering any other information.

"So, ummm…I heard your family sucks," Christina says.

"Yeah. They do. Apparently I hurt everything I touch," Meredith says. As she says it, she shifts awkwardly in the large recliner she is sitting in and the laptop starts to fall. Christina catches it before it hits the ground. As she hands it back to Meredith, she sees the heading on the top of the screen.

_Recommendation for Dr. Isobel Stevens – Chief Resident Application_

"You're writing a recommendation for Izzy? What?? I can't believe you! I thought you were my person!" Christina says, angrily.

"I am your person. You know I'd do anything for you. But Izzy is an excellent doctor and an excellent teacher…her patient care is…" Meredith is interrupted by a very defensive Christina.

"Patient care? She cut a heart patient's LVAD wire! She's a few fries short of a happy meal," Christina snaps.

"She cut her fiance Denny's LVAD wire so he could receive a heart transplant. He was the love of her life. I think it's sort of well…romantic what she did," Meredith says, dreamily.

"Okay. For a cancer patient, you're way too happy. All these drugs they're giving you are making you weird," Christina says.

"I'm serious, Christina. She's a good doctor. You're a great surgeon! Probably the best from our year. But that's not all being chief resident entails. It's about handling all the other stuff too like the scheduling and the interns and the stuff you won't want anything to do with because it will interfere with your surgeries," Meredith says.

"You have no idea what you're talking about. But don't worry. Write Izzy's recommendation if you want. I got mine in last week. Looks like she's taking it down to the wire…no pun intended," Christina says, laughing.

"Who wrote yours?" Meredith says.

"I got one from one of my interns who I promised could scrub in on my next big surgery if he did a good job writing it. Of course I made him rewrite it a few times. I got one from Callie and one from Erica Hahn. Hahn doesn't hate me anymore!" Christina says.

"I'm glad. And for what its worth…I wish you the best of luck," Meredith says.

"Shut up. You're pulling for Izzy now. That's fine. I don't need luck. I have skill. So how's the Grey family drama?" Christina asks.

All of a sudden, Meredith feels her body churning. She begins to heave violently. Christina pulls the computer off her lap and holds it until she finishes. Just as this wave passes, another wave begins. Meredith vomits all over Christina.

"Sorry," she says, weakly.

"What the hell. There's no one's vomit I'd rather be covered in. Besides…now I smell worse than Lexi!" Christina says.

"You better go change before rounds," Meredith says.

"Yeah. I'll buzz a nurse to clean this mess up," Christina says as she pushes the button.

Christina leaves just as Rose enters the room.

Meredith puts her head in her hands. She feels dizzy and the room is spinning and just when she thought things couldn't get any worse, she realizes that Rose is about to clean up her vomit.

"How are you feeling?" Rose says, kindly.

"Weak, dizzy and now like a real jerk," Meredith says.

"You feel like a jerk? I'm the one who went away with your boyfriend while you were diagnosed with leukemia. I'm not winning any points towards entering heaven," Rose says.

"He was your boyfriend then," Meredith says.

"Yes. He was. But I knew. I knew he didn't love me. I knew the whole time he was still in love with you, and yet I just let myself pretend. He is a wonderful guy, Meredith. You're lucky. And for the record. I guess there was a legend of you and Derek. Legends don't die." Rose says.

"You're not going to like poison my I.V. or anything? Are you?" Meredith quips.

Rose shakes her head. "No. In fact, let's get you cleaned up. Lexi or Izzy should be back soon to start your next medication. The next round is the tough part for today. Then they take you down for the radiation. This will go on for 5 days. You know its only a matter of time before you have to be in isolation. Your counts are going to drop pretty fast," Rose explains as she helps Meredith out of the chair and cleans up the mess that was made. She helps Meredith out of her hospital gown and into a new one.

"Thank you," Meredith says, weakly.

"No problem. Get some rest," Rose says, politely as she walks out of the room.

(Break)

Lexi looks at the labs she has just run.

"Iz…can this be right? Are her white cells this low already? Should I run it again?" Lexi asks.

Izzy looks at the labs. "No. These make sense. We have maybe 24 hours until we have to put her in isolation. Maybe the boys want to move up that date night? It can be like her last big hurrah," Izzy says.

Lexi sighs. "I'll talk to Alex," she says.

"Thanks. Let's run everything as aggressively as possible because once her counts drop much further, we are going to have to hold back," Izzy explains.

Lexi nods and runs to find Alex.

(Break)

Meredith receives a knock on the door to the treatment room.

Molly stands awkwardly at the door.

"Molly," Meredith says, politely, but coldly.

"How are you feeling?" Molly asks.

"I've felt better," Meredith admits.

"Listen. I just wanted to explain a few things to you. I heard what my father said to you," Molly says.

"Yeah? And I heard what you said about me too, so if you want to hug and share sisterly love, you've come to the wrong place," Meredith says, angrily.

"I didn't," Molly says, "I came to tell you a few things. First of all, I love my sister. Lexi…I mean. No matter what she may think right now, I do love her. Second of all, what Daddy said to you wasn't entirely fair. You didn't mean to ruin our family. It just happened. Third of all, Dr. Stevens mentioned that you're not sure whose marrow you want to use. Lexi is dying to save your life, and I'm dying to go home to my husband. It seems that everyone could be happy if you just accepted Lexi as your donor," Molly says.

"I'm glad you love your sister, Molly, although I'm not sure why everyone in your family seems so desperate for me to validate them. I don't know why you all seek my approval. Why do you care what I think?" Meredith asks.

"Because you were this ever present force in our house. Everyone created the Meredith Grey in their mind that fit their needs. And I have to say, I think mine was the most accurate," Molly says.

"How so?" Meredith asks.

"Well…Daddy's version of you was that you were the villain. Lexi's version was that you were the superhero. My version was that you were somewhere in between. Just a normal person. One I might not like that much, but a normal person," Molly says.

"Yes. You were the most accurate then. I'm not the villain, and I'm not the superhero. I'm just Meredith Grey. And for the first time in my life, I really want to live and I'm scared that I won't. I want to talk to you and Lexi about the marrow donation, but I want to do it when you are both together. Okay? Can we make a time to do that?" Meredith asks.

"Fine," Molly replies.

"Tonight…How about 6pm," Meredith says.

"I'll be there. And you tell Lexi because she still isn't speaking to me," Molly says.


	13. Chapter 13

"Date night…8pm

"Date night…8pm. Be there!" Izzy says to Lexi as she runs past her with Meredith's labs.

"Does everyone know?" Lexi asks.

"Yes. Mark and Alex told Derek, and it's not like Meredith has other plans," Izzy says.

"Okay then. We're on. I wonder what they guys are planning…they've been so secretive!" Lexi remarks.

"I know. It's weird!" Izzy says without looking up from Meredith's chart.

"You know that Meredith wants Molly and I to meet her in her room at 6:00. She's apparently going to reveal a big decision to us about whose marrow she is going to use. I can't imagine why Molly would even stick around after everything. I mean, she's going to use my marrow. We've gotten really close," Lexi says, more to herself than to Izzy.

"Lexi…bone marrow is not a measure of how much you love somebody. No matter who Meredith chooses, you're still going to be close," Izzy says.

"If she lives…if she lives we'll always be close," Lexi says as though the thought just crossed her mind.

"She's going to live. That's our job. We save people. It's what we do. If we can't save our friends and family, why even bother?" Izzy says, rhetorically.

Lexi smiles thinking that Izzy has not lost her optimism despite all that she has learned in her time practicing medicine. She hopes she can say the same, when she is at the same point in her career.

(Break)

Christina sits down on a bench in the locker room. She puts her head in her hands. George comes in and sits down next to her.

"I think I'm supposed to ask you what's wrong…but I'm kind of afraid you'll bite my head off," George says, tentatively.

"I'm losing my person," Christina says.

"Meredith is not going to die. She can't die," George says, almost automatically because that is what one says when one suggests that the worst might happen.

"Of course she won't die. I don't let my mind go there. But I'm losing my person. She's got Lexi now…and she just wrote a recommendation for Izzy for chief resident. I'm losing her because I don't know how to be there for her. I can do dysfunctional relationships, I can do tequila shots, but this is out of my realm," she says, dejectedly.

"You always say you can't do this or you don't do that. You have so many rules about what you will and you won't do. What about just rolling with things and being there for the people that need you," George says.

"How?" Christina asks.

"I don't know…I don't really know anything anymore. I mean…I try to be there for everyone. Do you know that Lexi hasn't come home in ages and that Izzy doesn't even return my phone calls?" George asks.

"Poor Georgie…no friends," Christina says, sarcastically.

"I hear they're all having some party tonight at 8. Some kind of get together for Meredith. But are we invited? Nooooo. It's only for _couples_" George says, matching Christina's sarcasm.

"What? There's a party for Meredith that I'm not invited to? That's just wrong. I hate Lexi Grey again, except I can't even hate her anymore because Meredith likes her so much," Christina says.

"What if we went to their little party as each other's dates? I mean not that we'd ever actually be each other's real dates. Just pretend dates so we can go…you know…for Meredith," George says.

"You want to date me?" Christina asks, shocked.

"NO! I mean…yes…I mean…no! Absolutely not. It would just be for tonight. Not for real or anything…" George says, embarrassed for having even suggested it.

Christina is silent for a moment before she says, "Is it pathetic that I really want to go to that party?"

"I'll tell Izzy we're coming and if she doesn't like it…we're crashing it!" George says.

"We're pathetic, you know…" Christina says.

(Break)

Molly paces up and down the hall at 5:45. She doesn't know why, but she is nervous.

_I don't know what my problem is. I have a life. I have a husband and a baby and a whole life back home. Why is it that when I come back here I turn into a scared little child again, tiptoeing around everyone? And why do I care what Meredith Grey thinks of me? She has been the elephant in the room my whole life. I just wish she would disappear, but now she's sick and you can't hate someone who is so sick!_

When she opens the door, she is surprised by how quickly she feels sympathy towards Meredith. She sees her lying quietly on the bed, attached to monitors. Her skin is so pale it looks almost translucent. Molly is nervous to approach her as she seems to be sleeping yet her eyes are wide open.

"Ummm…hi Meredith," Molly says, nervously.

"Hi Molly. Thank you for coming. I'm glad you were able to make it," Meredith says softly and weakly.

"Like I had anywhere else to be?" Molly says, sarcastically.

"Oh…so you can be sarcastic too? So we ARE related…" Meredith says, smiling weakly.

"You don't know anything about me. I know Lexi's mad at me right now, but I'm not the person you think I am. I'm not the person you want me to be. You know, I'm a good person. I take care of my baby, I'm a good wife to my husband. I host playgroup once a month. I have tons of friends back home. Something happens when I get here. I turn into someone I don't like either. But old habits die hard…someone had to keep the peace in our house during the bad times growing up…someone had to do it," Molly says.

"I understand that. I did what I had to do to survive my childhood too. I don't hate you, Molly. It's you who came here hostile towards me," Meredith points out.

"I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault. I just…" Molly's voice trails of.

"You just needed someone to blame. I get it. I did the same thing to Lexi," Meredith says.

"Speaking of Lexi…where is she?" Molly asks. "She's never late. We used to get ready for school and she was always a half hour early and then she used to yell at me because I was always running on time, which to her was late," Molly says, laughing to herself at the memory. "She was such a nerd, yet somehow everyone liked her. She was popular, smart…a tough older sister to have…" Molly continues, more to herself than to Meredith.

Lexi bursts into the room before Meredith can respond.

"Sorry I'm late! Izzy has had me working non-stop all day. I swear…everyone thinks she's so sweet, but it's that sweetness that makes her so tough. You can't say no to her! I'd still be working if she didn't stop for a cup of coffee…finally!" Lexi says.

"I'm glad you're both here. And don't worry Lexi. Molly and I had a chance to talk a little…and we didn't kill each other," Meredith says, smiling.

"I'd like to kill her…" Lexi mutters, shooting Molly a look that could kill.

"Lexi! Stop it! I didn't mean to hurt you. It's hard for me too. It's hard for me to be here! I don't know what you want from me. I'm here. I've done everything you've asked of me," Molly says desperately.

"Okay…both of you stop it! I want to talk to you about the marrow transplant. And I have a few things to say to both of you," Meredith says, quickly.

Molly and Lexi both look down. They are both ashamed of their behavior. They know it is selfish to fight with each other in front of Meredith.

"I thought a lot about the transplant. I know the odds are okay based on the fact that you are both near perfect, but not perfect matches. The odds are okay, but not great. I'm prepared for that. I've accepted the risks. I know the possibilities…I'm ready. This time being sick…it's taught me a lot about who my friends are. Who my family is…" she pauses, looking at Lexi.

Lexi opens her mouth to speak, but Meredith stops her.

"Lexi…you're about the best sister anyone could ask for. The best," Meredith stops and shoots Molly a look as she opens her mouth to speak.

"No matter what happens to me from here on in, I want you to know that I am a better person for allowing you to be a part of my life. You saw me at my absolute worst. I was selfish, mean, and pushed you away every chance I got, and yet you never gave up. Since I have been sick, you have been by my side every moment, and I just want you to know that you have taught me what it means to have a family," Meredith says, her eyes brimming with tears.

Tears stream down Lexi's cheeks as she tries to think of the right words to respond. Before she can think of anything, Meredith continues.

"Molly…I know you just want to go home. But since the one common ground we seem to share is that we both want the best for Lexi, I am going to ask you to do one more thing for me. I'm going to use your bone marrow for the transplant if that's okay with you," Meredith says.

"WHAT??" Lexi and Molly both say in unison.

"I know that neither of you are going to understand my decision, but I'll do my best to explain it to you. Lexi…if I use yours, first of all, you have to go through all the painful procedures that come with the bone marrow transplant. The aspiration, the…" Meredith stops for a moment as Lexi cuts her off.

"I'm a doctor! I know the procedures, Meredith. I want to do this. I want to save your life!" Lexi says, desperately.

"It's not just the procedures. What if it doesn't work? What if I reject, or I get one of the million and one infections that I could end up with? What if I never get better? You'll blame yourself. You'll feel responsible. Molly, you'll donate marrow and then go home to your life. You'll have a healthy distance and no matter what the results are, you'll be able to live your life," Meredith says.

"I'll do it. You're right. Lexi will be too invested. She always was way too invested in you," Molly says, bitterly.

The small gold necklace hanging around Molly's neck catches Lexi's eye. Something snaps inside her. "I hate you, Molly! I really hate you!" she yells as she storms out of the room.

"Just tell me what I need to do. I just want to go home as soon as possible," Molly says, coldly.

"Izzy will go over everything with you. I'm tired, Molly," Meredith says, sick of being nice.

"Good bye. Ummm…feel better," Molly says, awkwardly, not knowing how to end the conversation.

(Break)

Izzy sees Lexi run down the hall in tears and she knows that Meredith has told her. She wants to enjoy this night with Mark and she wants Lexi and Meredith to enjoy it too, so she knows that she needs to talk to Lexi before they all get ready.

"Lexi! Wait!" Izzy calls after her.

Lexi stops and waits for Izzy to catch up to her.

Izzy doesn't say anything. She simply puts her hand on Lexi's shoulder and waits for her to speak. This gesture of kindness is too much for Lexi and she bursts into tears again.

"She told you…she's using Molly's marrow?" Izzy asks.

Lexi nods. "I should have known. She doesn't think I can handle it…" Lexi says, through her tears.

"You know…maybe its not that she doesn't think you can handle it, but that SHE can't handle it. Maybe she can't handle the idea of you getting hurt by her again if this doesn't work," Izzy suggests.

Lexi thinks about it for a moment. "But I wanted to be the one who saved her. It's going to work. It has to…right?"

Izzy is sleep deprived and exasperated and just wants to get ready for her date with Mark. "Lexi, you sound like a spoiled child right now. This is not about you and your childhood wounds. Meredith has leukemia and she is a patient under our care. We need to respect her wishes. Right now, you aren't helping her. You're creating additional stress for her. Stop behaving like a brat and go get ready to show your sister the time of her life tonight!"

Izzy's works sting Lexi like a slap in the face. Tears burn her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall. She is hurt and she will not give Izzy the satisfaction of seeing her cry. What hurts the most is that she knows Izzy is right.

Izzy sighs. "I'm sorry…that was uncalled for. I know this is hard on you. It's hard on me too. Hey…can I show you what I'm going to wear tonight? Tell me if you think its too much" Izzy asks, trying to turn Lexi's mood around.

Lexi nods and follows Izzy. Izzy takes out a beautiful full length forest green gown.

"It's beautiful…and no…I don't think it's too much. We wanted to make tonight a big deal. " Lexi says.

"What are you wearing?" Izzy asks, still feeling a little tension between them.

Lexi opens her locker and pulls out a light blue gown.

"Wow…" Izzy says. "It's gorgeous. Alex isn't going to know what to do with himself!" she says.

"Thanks," Lexi says, shyly.

"We're really going to have fun tonight. I want everything to be perfect. Can you keep a secret? I have one more dress to show you…" Izzy says.

"Oooh…a secret dress? Is this like the dress you wear after the party just for Mark?" Lexi asks, with a conspiratorial smile. She can't help but forgive Izzy for snapping at her.

"Nope. It's for Meredith. I want her to look nice. I wanted her to feel you know…normal again even if it's just for a night," Izzy says.

"That's so…amazing. Can I see it?" Lexi asks.

"Sure. I sort of had to guess on the size. I mean, she's lost a lot of weight. But I think it will look great on her. I mean the neckline will hide her port, and I just wish I could get her a wig, but I looked everywhere for one but it's so hard to get a nice one on such short notice, and I didn't think I could give her a big blonde stripper-like wig and have Derek not notice," Izzy says, thinking out loud.

Izzy removes the dress from the plastic revealing a beautiful red satin gown. Lexi gasps as she touches it.

"It's beautiful. Meredith's really lucky. You're a really good friend," Lexi says.

"Thank you. Ummm…you know…" Izzy stops, unsure of how to say what she wants to say.

"What?" Lexi asks, surprised by the fact that Izzy is suddenly so inarticulate.

"It's just that, Meredith, Christina, George and I, we are all kind of created a family for ourselves. I guess I just wanted to say that you are a part of that family now. You're one of us. I mean, I know we haven't always treated you that way, but you are now. And not just because you're Meredith's sister. It's because everyone can't help but like you. I guess I'm just trying to say, welcome to the family," Izzy says, awkwardly.

"Wow. Thanks…I don't know what to say," Lexi stammers.

"Just say you're going to get ready and do something with your hair and everything…I mean right now you look like…" Izzy says.

"Ummm…okay. I get it! I'm getting ready now," Lexi laughs.

As both of them take their dresses out of the plastic bags and begin to get ready, they hear a door slam. When they look up they are met by Christina and George. Christina is in a royal blue gown and George is in a suit and tie.

"Ummm…what are you guys doing?" Izzy asks.

"We're coming to Meredith's party," George says.

"Meredith's party?" Lexi asks.

"Ummm…there's no party," Izzy says. "We're just kind of having a group date. It's like a…triple date…you know, Mark and I, Lexi and Alex, and Meredith and Derek. You know…a triple date."

"How old are we? 16? A triple date?" Christina says.

"I think they want to come," Lexi whispers, horrified at the uncomfortable situation in front of them.

"Look. You guys are welcome to come, but its sort of a couples night. You might feel weird." Izzy says.

"Well, Christina and I **are **a couple now!" George says.

"You and Christina are a couple?" Izzy asks.

"You're so lying!" Lexi says.

"No we're not. I love my Georgie," Christina says.

"George! Stop it!" Izzy says, appealing to George to be honest with her.

"Christina sweetie, what time should I pick you up?" he says, smiling broadly at Izzy.

"You don't have to pick me up, **darling, **it's down the hall," Christina says, sweetly, yet she can't resist rolling her eyes at George .

Izzy laughs. "What do you think, Lex? Should we let them join the party?" she asks.

"I don't know…" Lexi says, narrowing her eyes at Christina.

"Listen Three, you'll be back on my watch once Meredith is better, I'd be nice if I were you…" Christina says.

"Oh stop it, Christina…you guys can come. I mean…it will be a quadruple date!" Izzy says, laughing.

"Can't wait to see you two making out and getting all hot together…" Lexi says, smirking at George.

(Break)

"Dude, you look so desperate in that suit!" Alex says to Mark.

"You're just jealous because I look so much better than you do in a suit," Mark says.

"Did you delay Shepherd?" Alex asks.

"Yeah. I made sure he had a consult at 8:00. It should take about a half hour. Did you bring it?" Mark says.

"Of course I brought it. I'm not a moron, Sloan," Alex snaps.

"Woah…you're nervous…you really like her…don't you?" Mark says.

"Shut up! You're not even getting any action!" Alex says.

(Break)

"Hey Mer! Time to wake up!" Izzy says, as she opens the door to Meredith's room and flicks on all the lights.

"Iz…what are you doing? Are you crazy? This is a hospital…it's where sick people sleep. I'm a sick person and I'm sleeping!" Meredith protests.

"Not today you're not! Today you are a girl with a hot date with McDreamy!" Izzy says.

"Come on, Meredith! Get up!" Lexi says, pulling her sister out of bed.

"Lexi? You're not mad at me anymore? And why are you two dressed like you're going to Cinderella's ball?" Meredith asks as she gets up, slowly.

"I was never mad at you…just disappointed. Everything's okay. Don't worry about anything other than the fact that you look like a disaster and you have a date in a half hour!" Lexi says.

"Okay…I do not have a date. I have a date with radiation in the morning and with chemotherapy in the afternoon. Tonight I have a date with my pillow…What are you two talking about?" Meredith asks.

"We're having a little party!" Izzy says, excitedly.

"Iz…I hate parties!" Meredith groans.

"No you don't. You always say you do and then you end up having a good time…ummm…the only thing about this one is there will be no tequila because you can't drink. But the good news is that you can still puke tomorrow, so you'll feel like you were hung over!" Izzy says.

"Shut up!" Meredith says, smiling. "Okay, fairy godmothers, I don't have any clothes here other than a hospital gown, so I can't go to the ball...sorry," Meredith says.

"Oh yes you do!" Lexi says.

Izzy reveals a red dress and says, "Let's get you into this…" As Izzy and Lexi help Meredith into the dress, they give each other worried looks as they see her ribs protruding.

"You need some makeup…" Izzy says.

"I'm sorry…I haven't been wearing much these days," Meredith says, rolling her eyes at Izzy.

"Don't worry…I brought some! And I'm good at makeup. Remember…I was homecoming queen and prom queen!" Lexi says, taking out a makeup case and sitting down in front of Meredith.

Izzy and Meredith roll their eyes at each other, but they can't help but smile.

"I guess I should be asking what's going on, but obviously you two are totally crazy and have some crazy night planned and I'm just going to enjoy it!" Meredith says.

Just as Lexi puts the finishing touches on Meredith's makeup, Alex and Mark walk in carrying a large box.

"What are you doing here? You're not supposed to see us yet!" Lexi exclaims.

"Or what? You'll turn into a pumpkin?" Alex asks, kissing her lightly.

"Seriously, Mark! What are you doing here?" Izzy asks.

"It's 7:56, Iz. I'm only four minutes early," he says.

"I know…but you weren't supposed to see us before…" she begins.

"Before what/…8:00? Relax. We have a present for Meredith," he says, smiling.

"A present? What is it?" Meredith asks, eyeing the box that is wrapped like a child wrapped it. It is uneven and lumpy.

"Who wrapped that? Tuck Bailey?" Izzy asks.

"Shut up! I did" Alex says.

"I think it's very sweet," Meredith says as she takes the box.

"We made this for you…" Mark says. "There's this new technique that a lot of plastic surgeons have been researching to…" he stops as she lifts their creation out of the box.

"Oh my god! It's a…" Meredith is so stunned, she can't speak.

"A wig…" Lexi gasps, looking at Alex.

"It looks so much like Meredith's real hair. How did you…" Izzy asks Mark.

"Come on…I'm the God of Plastics! I grabbed a strand of Meredith's hair when you were taking her down for treatment and I was able to grow identical strands. It's a new technique, similar to cloning that we are working on for hair transplant patients. Then I had a guy I know make it into a wig," Mark says.

"And you knew about this?" Lexi asks Alex.

"Knew about it? Sloan here wants to take credit for the whole thing which is fine, because he's not getting any action, but I did at least half the work…if not more," Alex says.

They place the wig on Meredith's head and as they do, Derek comes rushing in. He is wearing a suit, but his tie is still untied. When he sees Meredith, he gasps.

"Meredith…you look…" Derek stops, unsure of how to describe his joy at seeing Meredith look like Meredith.

For a moment, everyone stares at Derek and Meredith and there is not a dry eye in the room as they watch him stroke her new hair.

"I love you, Derek Shepherd," she whispers as he strokes her face.

Mark breaks up the tender moment as he says, "Derek…man! You're a mess! We gotta get you fixed up!" He ties Derek's tie and slaps his chest. "There ya go! Now you look worthy of that beauty right there," he says, motioning to Meredith.

Izzy watches him with silent tears streaming down her face. "You are unbelievable!" she says to Mark as he walks towards her.

"Maybe I'm more than just the hospital man whore…Maybe I'm really a good person?" Mark says.

"I think you might be…" Izzy says.

Lexi looks at Alex.

"You don't have to say anything. Meredith helped me study when I failed my boards. She always was a good friend. I figured I could do something to repay her…you know." she says.

"I love you, Alex! I mean…thank you…I mean…" Lexi stutters, mortified at blurting out her statements of love.

"I love you too, Lexi. I do. I'm not good at relationships. I screw things up, I'm kind of a jerk, but I want to try," he says.

Christina and George knock on the door. "We're here!" George calls.

"George?" Meredith asks.

"Oh yeah…its our newest couple," Izzy says, laughing.

"Dude? Yang's with O'Malley? I thought Yang was smart!" Alex says.

"How does O'Malley get women?" Sloan asks.

"I heard that!" George says, bursting into the room.

"Christina? What is this about?" Meredith asks.

"What do you mean? I'm dating Georgie!" she says, pretending to be serious.

"Okay…let's get going. We're going out," Mark says.

"Mark! I told you...Meredith can't leave the hospital!" Izzy whispers.

"Relax…nobody says we're leaving the hospital. We're going to have some fun!" Mark says.

"Where are we going?" Lexi asks Alex.

Everyone follows Mark and Alex as they walk towards the cafeteria.

"Should I tell them that the cafeteria is closed after 8:00?" Lexi whispers to Izzy.

"No…let's just follow them…Let it be their night," Izzy says.

They open the door to the cafeteria and all of them stop dead in their tracks.

"You did this for me?" Meredith asks.

"And for my man over here…" Mark says, patting Derek on the back. "We thought you could use a night like old times..."


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith's eyes gaze at the faux bar that is set up and she laughs as Derek sits on a stool and points to the one next to him,

Meredith's eyes gaze at the faux bar that is set up and she laughs as Derek sits on a stool and points to the one next to him, motioning for her to sit on it. Izzy sits next to her on the other side as Mark and Alex stand behind the bar serving fake drinks in paper cups to everyone. Meredith laughs as she orders a tequila and Alex tries to pass of apple juice as her drink of choice. Christina stands protectively behind Meredith as though Meredith might keel over at any moment.

Lexi stands awkwardly away from the crowd with George standing next to her, unsure of what is preventing her from joining the crowd.

"Are you okay?" George asks, grabbing her hand.

"Yeah…" she says, as she wipes tears out of her eyes.

"You don't look okay…" George says.

"It's just that, this all looks so perfect, but it isn't. It's a make believe Joe's, with a make-believe bar and fake tequila behind the bar and everyone is pretending to be all happy. Meredith even has fake hair. Everyone's happiness is fake. It's all fake!" Lexi says, her voice rising to a pitch that makes her tension audible.

"I don't see it that way…" George says.

"How else is there to see it?" Lexi asks, defiantly.

"I see a whole bunch of really good friends coming together for the person who united them to begin with…" George says.

"What do you mean?" Lexi asks.

"Well…when we all first started at Seattle Grace, it was Meredith, Christina, Izzy, and I. Meredith let Izzy and I move in, and that's how Izzy and I became best friends. Meredith and Christina became so close that we all kind of had to like Christina even though she's never really nice to anyone because you just had to like someone that Meredith was so tight with. Then Alex came along…we all hated him, except for Izzy who befriended him and sort of had a relationship with him…We all gave her hell for accepting him because he was such a jerk! But then…Meredith decided she liked him too. Suddenly he was one of the gang. And Derek…well…I don't have to explain that one…and well…Mark came along and he and Meredith…well…not all her choices were good ones but somehow, you just had to forgive her eventually for that because she is such a loyal friend. And then when you came along…it was because you were Meredith Grey's little sister, that we all were kind of fascinated by you…and eventually you started hanging out with me and then Izzy and even Christina doesn't hate you now…and I think Alex sort of doesn't hate you either," George says, smiling.

Lexi reluctantly smiles back.

"My point is, that if it weren't for Meredith, we wouldn't all be this way. Friends…allies…and that changed all of us for the better. My happiness tonight has nothing to do with Meredith's transplant or cancer or any of that. It's that all our friends are together…and that includes you, Alexandra Caroline Grey, so stop being morbid and get yourself to the bar and order a fake drink from that fake bartender over there who keeps looking in your direction!" George says, motioning to Alex.

"Thanks George. You really are a good friend," Lexi says.

They walk over to the bar where Christina glares at Lexi, "Are you moving in on my date, Three?"

"Nope! He's all yours!" Lexi says. She turns to George and whispers, "Oh yeah…one more fake thing…fake couples. You are so not dating Christina!"

"So tell me, what's on your mind?" Mark asks Meredith in his best bartender voice.

"Well…there's this guy…" she glances at Derek who is smiling at her.

"He's fairly attractive…" Meredith says, as Derek gasps in fake horror.

"Fairly? Only fairly?" he asks, feigning insult.

"Alright…he's very attractive. And he's kind of perfect, so I keep waiting for something to go wrong. I keep waiting for him to disappoint me somehow," Meredith says.

Derek puts his arm around her, "Not anymore…I'm here for the long haul. It's just you and me."

Meredith shakes her head. "It's not just you and me anymore. You see all these people? This is the family you'd be marrying into...Are you ready for this kind of dysfunction?"

"Woah…slow down Meredith! We just met! We're in a bar! Who's talking marriage?" Derek teases.

"Shut up!" Meredith says, hitting Derek playfully.

"Pick your poison, Mini-Mer," Alex says.

"Is that what you call me now?" Lexi asks.

"Flatline over here made it up…" Alex says, pointing to Izzy who shrugs her shoulders and smiles innocently.

"Well…I guess as far as nicknames go, its better than the one that I gave her…I'm not complaining," Lexi says.

"You better not be…Izzy warns with a good-natured smile.

"So pick your poison!" Alex says.

"Tequila…straight up," Lexi says.

Alex pours her a shot of apple juice and puts it in front of her. Lexi pours it down her throat and laughs.

"Pretty sweet for tequila…isn't it?" Lexi asks.

"Maybe…why don't you come behind the bar and check it out for yourself…" Alex asks, seductively.

"I'm not going to be the girl who just sleeps with the bartender…" Lexi teases.

George sits next to Izzy and says, "Do you remember when Mer and I slept together and you told her that if it became a taking sides thing, you'd be on mine?" George asks.

"Yes. That was back before things between us got all complicated. We're okay now though…right?" Izzy asks.

"Yeah…we are. And Mer's going to be okay too…and I'm never going to sleep with her again!" George says, laughing.

"You're my best friend, George," Izzy says.

"And you're mine. Are you drunk on that fake tequila?" George asks.

"No…you're the one pretending to date Christina!" Izzy says.

"That's because you threw a party and didn't invite us!" George says.

"It wasn't supposed to be a party. But I'm glad it is. And I'm glad you're both here…" Izzy admits.

"Me too. And Christina looks good," George whispers.

Izzy gives him a look. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that! This is incestuous! If you sleep with Christina, you will have slept with all of us! It's just wrong!" Izzy explains.

"Buying my date a drink now…see you later!" George says.

Izzy shakes her head as he walks away.

Lexi sits next to Izzy. "So…any word on chief resident yet?"

Izzy shakes her head. "Nope…it's actually been the last thing on my mind. I've been so busy I haven't had a moment to worry about it. But thanks for reminding me. Now I can obsess about it!" Izzy says.

"Sorry…I just hope you get it. I really do. You deserve it," Lexi says.

"Thanks. You know…if anything good came out of Meredith being so sick, it's definitely getting to know you. You're going to make a great doctor, Lexi. And don't let anyone tell you to stop caring so much. It's one of the things that people always told me. I never was able to listen. There was the time I was working with Hahn and I tried to harden myself, but it never felt real and it never felt right. I'm glad I am who I am now. I wasn't always, but I'm glad I am now," Izzy says.

"I'm glad you are too," Lexi says. "And I'm sorry all of us interns gave you such a hard time in the beginning," she adds, sheepishly.

"It was good for me. It made me prove myself. But it wasn't nice of you to not let me play darts with you guys…" Izzy adds, narrowing her eyes.

Lexi looks embarrassed, and Izzy adds, "Wow…you're still really uptight! Just kidding! If you're going to hang out with us, you're going to have to lighten up a little!"

They laugh until Meredith says, "What are you two laughing at? Nothing's funny you know…you've been poisoning me all week and now you're laughing and I don't even know what the joke is!"

"Poisoning you? We've been kicking your leukemia's ass!" Lexi says.

"And the joke is that your little sister, here needs to lighten up a little. I think she needs a few shots of something a little stronger than this ummm…tequila!" Izzy says.

Christina walks over. "The joke? The joke here is that Izzy thinks she can beat me for chief resident! That's really funny!"

Izzy laughs. "Funnier than the fact hat George thinks you're hot?"

Christina turns red. "He does not!" she says, and walks away quickly.

Lexi leans into Meredith. "Do you think Christina and George really like each other because I'm starting to think…"

Meredith cuts her off. "I don't have time for small talk right now! This is a code Christina. I'll be right back!"

Meredith slides off her makeshift bar stool and stumbles for a minute. _Damn it. Dizziness…a side effect of the chemo. I almost forgot I was sick for a moment and just had fun. _She takes a moment to regain her balance and approaches Christina.

"We need to talk," Meredith says.

"There is nothing to talk about," Christina says, defensively.

Meredith laughs, "Seriously? I have chemo resistant Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. Are you really going to withhold gossip from me?"

"Oh sure. Pull the leukemia card right now. Fine. Bambi and I are having fun. That's it. We're just having fun," Christina says.

"Derek and I have fun…" Meredith says.

"Derek and you are complicated. George and I are having fun," Christina replies.

"Izzy and Mark are having fun," Meredith tries again.

"Izzy and Mark are the hospital whores. It was only a matter of time before they got together," Christina replies.

"I thought I was the hospital whore?" Meredith says.

Christina shakes her head. "You were replaced."

"Well…I think it's great. Can I be your maid of honor if you two get married? I never got to finish the job when you and Burke didn't get married," Meredith says.

"I'm not marrying George. I'm not even dating George!" Christina protests.

"Oh…now I know you are…He just became George instead of Bambi!" Meredith says, smiling.

Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber wander into the cafeteria. Dr. Webber is in a suit and tie and Dr. Bailey is in a gold halter dress. They link arms and walk up to the bar.

"No one invited us to the party!" Dr. Bailey says, accusingly to Izzy.

"It wasn't a party!" Izzy says.

"I invited you, Dr. Bailey…" Christina says, giving Izzy a smug look.

"Brown noser!" Izzy whispers to Lexi, audibly so that Christina can hear. She does feel awful if she hurt Dr. Bailey's feelings. She never planned on a party. She didn't mean to exclude anyone. She smiles graciously at Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber.

"We're so glad you're here now. Join us for a drink!" she says.

"We were just reading the applications for chief resident," Dr. Bailey says, looking from Christina to Izzy.

Izzy's heart sinks. Christina invited them knowing where they were coming from. Now she had the upper hand…

"How are you feeling, Grey?" Dr. Bailey says.

"Tonight? I'm feeling pretty good," Meredith says, looking around at all of her friends.

"That's all you can ask for…one good day at a time," Dr. Bailey says. Then she adds, "Karev! Vodka on the rocks!"

He pours her an ice water.

"To our girl, Meredith!" Dr. Bailey says, and everybody lifts their paper cups in agreement.

(I know not much happened plot wise in this chapter, but I thought it needed a fun chapter. Sorry for the lack of updates recently. I have 9 month old twins so sometimes I don't get to write as often as I would like to. )

(I also wanted to thank A Lady In Paris for her awesome plug for my story. If any of you haven't checked out her story, it's called "So Familiar" and it's totally amazing!!)


	15. Chapter 15

Thanks again to all of you who have taken the time to submit reviews. I love reading them. And a big shout out to A Lady of Paris again!! Thanks for plugging my story!! If any of you want to read another awesome Mer Lexi fan fic, please don't forget to check out So Familiar. It's really intense!

Hope you enjoy this chapter...it's long...

Meredith sits in her hospital room

Meredith sits in her hospital room. She knows that today is going to be a long day. She has chemo at 10:00am and then radiation at 3:00pm. She knows that she will feel terrible by the time the day is over and will probably not have a good day again for a while. She closes her eyes for a moment and basks in the memory of the previous night. She is so touched that everyone went out on such a limb for her. Derek stayed the night with her last night, squished in her hospital bed with her. This morning, when he left, he told her that he loved her. She found it easy to say it back to him. Meredith realizes that she has not felt this at peace in a very long time.

_Aside from a potentially terminal disease, my life is pretty good right now…_Meredith thinks ironically.

Izzy and Lexi enter the room with a stack of papers. Izzy has a big smile on her face and Lexi seems to glow.

"Okay…either my counts are REALLY good today or you both got laid last night," Meredith says, anxious to savor a chance to laugh with people while she feels good.

"Your counts suck," Izzy says grinning from ear to ear.

"Then congratulations!" Meredith says. "I'm happy for you, Iz. You deserve a good relationship. You've waited your turn. Lexi…I think you're way too good for Alex. But that's just the protective older sister talking. You look happy. I'm happy for you," Meredith says.

"Thank you…I think," Lexi replies.

"So, we have your schedule mapped out until transplant. There is good news and there is bad news. Which do you want first…" Izzy asks.

"Wow…you've become a regular Dr. Bailey…all business…" Meredith says. "I've never been an optimist. Hit me with the bad news."

"Well…transplant is a little longer away than we had originally anticipated. There is a higher concentration of abnormal cells than we had seen at first, and we need to make sure we totally eradicate them before we infuse Molly's marrow," Izzy explains.

"Well…I can't imagine what the good news is…" Meredith says.

Izzy nods at Lexi. "We have a date for your transplant. One month from today…August 5th," Lexi says.

"Great…so I should gear up for a month of hell…right?" Meredith says.

Izzy nods. "It's going to be rough. And the really rough part starts today. We're continuing with induction through Friday and then we start delayed intensification. This means that…"

"I've read the literature. I know what it means. It means I'll be weak, sick and I'll probably develop mouth sores that will make it impossible to eat anything which won't bother me much because anything I do eat will probably be thrown up. I'll be moody and forgetful, and I probably won't be the life of the party any time soon," Meredith says.

"That's basically it…" Izzy says.

"I'm going to call Molly today and ask her to come in to discuss the transplant schedule. She needs to know that she will have to remain here for the month and that she will be on call in case anything changes and we need her early," Izzy says.

"I'll call her," Lexi says. "I should probably talk to her anyway."

(Break)

"Molly?" Lexi says, hearing her sister's voice at the other end of the cell phone.

"Lex?" Molly says, sounding pleasantly surprised to hear her sister's voice on the other end of the phone. She pauses a minute and then asks, "You didn't call to yell at me again, did you?"

"No. Listen…I'm sorry we haven't been getting along. It's been a stressful time for everyone and then with Dad…and Meredith…and well…I'm sorry," Lexi says.

"Me too. I'm trying here, Lexi. I don't know what to do or say or how to act around you right now. This is your territory. All I want is to be home with my husband and my own life. It's hard to be here…" Molly says.

"I know. And I appreciate all you've done," Lexi says, graciously.

"No matter what happens from here on in, just know that I love you…okay Lexi? I really do," Molly says.

"I love you too Mol. Can you come down to the hospital? Maybe this evening? Like around 6-ish? I need to go over a few things with you," Lexi says.

"Sure. I'll be there around 6," Molly says.

Lexi hangs up the phone feeling better about everything. They have a date for Meredith's transplant. She and Molly had a nice conversation and it seems their fighting is over. No one seems to be angry at her. She had a wonderful night with Alex. Finally…things were moving in the right direction.

(Break)

Christina flies into Meredith's room with an urgency that surprises Meredith.

"I did something bad," Christina says.

"How bad?" Meredith asks.

"Bad. Really bad!" Christina says.

"Give me an idea of how bad…" Meredith says.

"Ummm…I don't know," Christina says.

"As bad as the time you told Lexi off in the cafeteria?" Meredith asks.

"Much worse…much much much worse," Christina replies.

"As bad as the time I sat in the bar waiting for Derek all night and he didn't show?" Meredith asks.

"That wasn't bad. It was just pathetic. This is bad," Christina says.

"Well, I have chemo in fifteen minutes. Can you just tell me?" Meredith asks.

"Fine…pull the cancer card… Now I have to tell you. I slept with George," Christina whispers.

"Oh my god! You did? And he's still George…he isn't Bambi! I think you like him!" Meredith says.

"Shut up! Now what? Everybody is going to know? Everybody is going to whisper about me? I'm not you or Izzy. I'm not used to everyone gossiping about me," Christina says.

"Oh Christina. Relax. Just have fun. George is a good guy. You both deserve to be happy," Meredith says.

"Okay…if I wanted that, I would be talking to Izzy. I wanted you to smack some sense into me. Come on Meredith! Be my person!" Christina says.

"No! You be my person! I have cancer. You just slept with George. Cancer trumps George," Meredith says.

"Damn it. You win. Do I have to hug you?" Christina asks.

"Yes." Meredith says, as she reaches to hug Christina.

(Break)

Derek steps into the elevator. As the elevator begins to shut, a hand creeps in and holds it open.

"Rose…" Derek says.

"Derek…how are you?" she asks.

"I'm hanging in there. How are you?" he asks, staring straight ahead. He looks at his watch. He wants to stop by and see Meredith before her chemotherapy begins and now he realizes there will be no time before his next surgery.

"I'm doing well. Actually just got promoted. I don't know if you heard…" Rose says.

"No, I didn't. Congratulations," Derek says, distractedly.

"I'm the head oncology nurse now," Rose says.

Derek turns to look at her. "Will you…" his voice breaks and trails off.

Rose nods. "I will," she says as she steps off the elevator.

(Break)

Lexi wheels Meredith into the chemotherapy room where Rose is sitting.

"Hi Meredith," Rose says.

"Well this must be your dream job," Meredith says, wryly.

"I was pretty excited about the promotion," Rose says, not sure what Meredith means.

As Rose is setting up, Meredith whispers to Lexi, "Please don't leave me with her. She's like the president of the 'I Hate Meredith Grey' fan club. She might kill me…you know…by accident but not really by accident?"

Lexi whispers back, "I'll come check on you every hour. I promise! I won't let anyone kill you…"

"I'm not killing anyone. It's my first day on the job. I don't want to make a bad first impression. Besides, I promised Derek I'd look out for you," Rose says, overhearing their conversation.

Meredith looks embarrassed. "Wow…you weren't supposed to hear that," she says, uncomfortably.

"Umm…I better get downstairs. Izzy is probably looking for me…" Lexi says, awkwardly.

"Thanks a lot little sister…." Meredith says.

"You're on your own here!" Lexi whispers, looking over at Rose. She grows serious for a moment. "I'm just a page away if you need me. And I'll be up to check on you all the time…I promise," Lexi says.

"I'll be fine. I'm just going to knit myself a sweater," Meredith says, calmly as she takes her knitting out of her bag.

"You knit?" Lexi asks.

"Yes. I knit. Izzy taught me," Meredith says.

"Izzy knits? Wow…I thought you two were so much cooler than you actually are," Lexi says, laughing.

"Don't you have to go read my charts or something?" Meredith asks.

Lexi smiles. "See you later. Good luck," she says as she leaves.

"So, I'm just going to access your port and then we can begin," Rose says, nervously.

Meredith takes a deep breath. "I'm ready," she says.

Rose begins to access Meredith's port. "Ouch!" Meredith says as she winces.

"Sorry. I got it…that's it. You shouldn't feel a thing from here on in," Rose says.

"I'm sure you kind of enjoyed that…" Meredith says, attempting a joke.

Rose takes a deep breath. "Meredith, I'm going to explain the same thing to you that I explained to Derek. I really liked Derek. I am sad that it didn't work out between us. I wish it could have. However, I don't blame you and I don't hate you. I'm so sorry that you are sick. As soon as I heard that you had leukemia, I told Derek to go home to you. I'm not mad at either one of you. I'm not a kindergartener. I know I can't always have what I want just because I want it," she says.

"Wow. That's very mature," Meredith says.

Rose hooks the bag of chemo up to Meredith's I.V. "Thank you. By the way…I'm starting now. This should take about three hours. Anyway, from what Derek says, things with you and Addison got ugly for a while. I'm just not that person. I want to move on and be Derek's friend. I can even be your friend. It wasn't a long relationship. I'll survive," Rose says.

"I'm not sure I can be your friend," Meredith says.

"Why not?" Rose says, offended.

"You're too…normal. All my other friends are as crazy as me! You sound like a normal, rational, adult! I don't know what you'd think of me," Meredith says, with a half smile.

"I think that any friend of Derek's is a friend of mine. Besides, we're going to be spending a lot of time together," Rose says, kindly.

(Break)

Mark and Izzy sit in the cafeteria. Lexi and Alex walk up and put their trays down next to them.

"I believe in the power of positive thinking…" Izzy says.

"And I believe in the power of numbers. To me, numbers are what count," Mark says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Izzy says, defensively.

"It means that according to the data, Meredith has a 65 chance of surviving this transplant. I just want you to be prepared for…" Mark says.

"You are a specialist in plastic surgery. You do boob jobs for a living…what do you know?" Izzy says, angrily.

"Is that what you think of what I do?" Mark asks, defensively.

"Yes. I think you have no right to talk to me about numbers. What do you know about numbers? You know that a tummy tuck leaves keloid scars 20 of the time? Great. But marrow transplants are much more complicated than that. Marrow transplants on one of your best friends are even more complicated than that!" Izzy explodes.

"Excuse me. I think I have some liposuction waiting for me in the O.R." Mark says, as he slams his tray down and storms off.

"Woah…Iz. Don't you think that was a little harsh? He was just trying to be realistic," Alex says.

"Realistic according to who? My reality is that we are going to save Meredith. Meredith is not a statistic. She is our friend. She's our family," Izzy snaps.

"Look…I want Meredith to be okay too. I'm not looking to be the voice of doom…but you know I always tell the truth. Mark is right. There are actual numbers…statistics, Izzy. You need to be prepared that things may not go the way you want them to. This is your problem…you get too involved with your patients…it's like what happened with…"

"Alex! Don't!" Lexi whispers as she kicks him under the table.

"What? You want me to pretend she's not making the same mistake twice? Just because you're not sleeping with Meredith doesn't mean you're not too emotional to be an effective doctor. You refuse to believe that anything can go wrong. It's not good for anyone…not for you, not for Meredith and not for Lexi," Alex says.

"Alex! What is wrong with you?" Lexi gasps.

"You don't really know her, Lexi. She'll just keep closing her eyes to the possibility of anything going wrong and she'll change the facts to fit what she believes to be true. Someone has to cram the reality down her throat. Mark tried to be the voice of reason and she couldn't take it. I'm not scared of the wrath of Izzy Stevens. I'm just pointing out that the odds are what they are and hopefully all goes well, but there is a 35 chance that it won't and if Meredith is on the wrong side of the statistics, all the positive thinking in the world won't save her," Alex says.

"I believe that it will…" Izzy says.

"Like it saved Denny?" Alex challenges.

Izzy's recoils at his words and what he has implied. Lexi stares at Alex as though he is a stranger who she has never seen before.

"What is wrong with you?" Lexi hisses at Alex.

Izzy stands up and walks away without another word leaving Lexi and Alex staring at each other.

"I know you think I'm the bastard who made poor, pathetic, Izzy Stevens cry, but all I saw was her lying to herself, and lying to you. I don't want you to be shocked if things don't work out the way you want them to," Alex says, softening his tone.

"Let me tell you something, Alex. There is nothing poor or pathetic about Izzy Stevens. I don't care what anyone says, but she is one of the best damn doctors that I have ever met. Even more importantly, she cares about people and knows how to treat them. She's the type of doctor I strive to be. Second of all, I am not Meredith's pathetic little sister. I am also a doctor…an intern maybe, but a doctor nonetheless. I have a photographic memory and graduated at the top of my class from Harvard Medical School. I'm smart enough to know what a statistic is. I know what Meredith's chances are but I sleep a lot better looking at this situation through Izzy's lens than through yours and Mark's. I can't see my sister as a statistic. There is so much more here than you will ever understand. You don't understand what Meredith means to me. You couldn't. So stop trying to protect me. You may have slept with me a few times, but that doesn't mean you know me. We are so done," Lexi says as she storms out of the cafeteria.

Lexi storms into the on call room where she sees Izzy sitting on the bed with her head in her hands.

"Iz?" she says.

Izzy looks up, shocked at another person being in the room. She did not hear anyone come in and is startled to find her Lexi standing over her.

"Oh…hi Lexi," Izzy says, quickly wiping the tears off her face.

"Just for the record. I think what you did with Denny was sweet. A little crazy…yes…but sweet. And I'm sorry that you lost him," Lexi says.

"Thank you," Izzy says.

"And I just broke up with Alex. He's such an ass. I thought there was more to him than what you first see, but there isn't. He doesn't know me," Lexi says.

"And Mark doesn't know me," Izzy says. She pauses for a moment. "But what if they're right? What if all the positive thinking in the world can't save Meredith? What if we lose her? I always lose the patients I care about most…" Izzy says.

Lexi grabs Izzy's shoulders with fierce determination. "You are not going to lose her. George told me that when Meredith almost drowned, you were the only one who believed that she would be okay and she was. And you being so caring is part of what makes you a good doctor. You're going to save my sister. You will…I know you will because…" Lexi stops.

"Because why?" Izzy says.

"Because there just isn't another option," Lexi says.

Having another optimist beside her renews Izzy's confidence.

"Let's go check on her. It's almost time to get her down to radiation. Derek says he wants to do it himself…I'm not sure what a good idea that is, but…" Izzy smiles at the irony of her statement.

"But who are you to judge personal involvement with a patient?" Lexi laughs, picking up on the irony.

"Exactly!" Izzy laughs.

(Break)

"Wait. You dropped another stitch! Let me just fix that row for you…" Rose says, taking the needles out of Meredith's shaky hands.

Izzy freezes in horror when she walks into the chemotherapy room and sees Meredith knitting.

"What's wrong?" Lexi asks, nervously when she sees Izzy's face.

"Damn it!" Izzy says.

"Is there a complication?" Lexi asks.

"No. But damn it! Meredith's knitting!" Izzy says.

"So?" Lexi asks, confused.

"I have to figure out what color yarn she is using," Izzy says.

"Ummm…am I missing something or did you just go from Dr. Stevens to Suzy Homemaker?" Lexi whispers.

"When Meredith used to knit, I used to knit the same thing and then swap my panels into her sweaters so she would think she was doing a good job. She is like the worst knitter ever! I don't really have time to knit right now!" Izzy whispers.

Rose comes over. "Don't worry…I rip out all her stitches when she falls asleep and redo them. You won't have to do a thing," she says.

"You didn't kill her, and you helped her knit? Wow! Talk about being the better person!" Lexi says, admiringly.

"I'm not better or worse than anyone else…trust me," Rose says. "Meredith's feeling pretty lousy right now. She's been vomiting all day. She's could probably use some cheering up right now."

Lexi runs to her sister's side. "Mer…how are you feeling?"

Meredith opens her mouth to answer and throws up all over herself.

"Okay…not so good?" Lexi asks. "Let me get you some new clothes…"

"I'll get them," Rose says, running out of the room.

Izzy comes over with a washcloth and wipes off Meredith's face. When Rose comes back, she is carrying a pair of surgical scrubs.

"It was all I could find," she says, apologetically.

Lexi and Izzy help Meredith into the scrubs and sit her back in her chair.

"I'm so cold…" Meredith shivers.

Izzy nods sympathetically.

"I'm too tired to talk…I'm sorry," Meredith says.

"Don't apologize. We'll talk. You listen," Izzy says.

"Alex and I are done!" Lexi blurts out.

"Why?" Meredith asks.

Lexi pauses to edit the story before telling it to Meredith. "He just said some really insensitive things to Izzy about Denny and a lot of other stuff and I saw him for who he really was…a shallow, self-centered person who doesn't know me and never will," she explains.

"I'm sorry. I know you liked him," Meredith says, sympathetically.

"And I broke up with Mark," Izzy says.

"Why?" Meredith asks.

Izzy shrugs. "Pretty much the same reason. He's a shallow McAss," Izzy says.

"I could have told you that before," Meredith says, trying to muster up the energy to smile.

"Yeah…I bet a lot of people could have," Izzy says.

"Definitely a lot of the nurses could have warned you!" Rose pipes in.

"You smell like vomit," Lexi says to Meredith.

"Lexi!" Izzy admonishes.

"What? She does. Only a sister can tell you that…right? Let's get her in the shower before to take her down to Derek. She can't go see Derek smelling like vomit!" Lexi says to Izzy.

"There isn't time. We're behind schedule already!" Izzy says.

"Then let's be quick!" Lexi says.

"I'm too tired," Meredith protests weakly.

"Come on…I'm coming with you," Lexi says, helping her up.

Izzy smiles. "What the hell. Let's get you cleaned up for radiation," she says.

Lexi and Izzy climb in the shower with Meredith. Both of them are fully clothed in their surgical scrubs as they help to undress Meredith.

"Hey, Mer! This reminds me of when you almost blew up from that bomb in the guy's chest!" Izzy says, as they all climb into the small shower in the bathroom.

"I'm not even going to ask…" Lexi says.

Lexi squirts shampoo on Meredith's hair and begins to wash it. Meredith starts to collapse and Izzy catches her.

As they finish cleaning Meredith up, they wrap her in a towel and climb out of the shower both of them still fully clothed in their scrubs dripping wet. They grab a fresh pair of scrubs for Meredith and for themselves and all change into them.

"Thanks…" Meredith says, barely audibly.

"You're welcome." Izzy and Lexi say in unison.

As they wheel Meredith down the hallway to the cranial radiation room, Lexi says, "Molly's coming tonight at 6:00 to talk about the transplant schedule. If you feel up to it, can I bring her by?"

"Of course. I'd actually like to talk to her. I want to thank her again…" Meredith says.

Izzy rushes ahead to talk to Derek.

"She's really weak, Derek. Like really weak…I don't even think she can transfer to the table by herself," Izzy says.

Derek nods, his face frozen in a forced smile, as he prepares to see Meredith. An intern that Izzy does not know well stands next to him.

"Meredith!" Derek says, cheerfully.

"Hi Derek," she says, weakly.

"How are you feeling?" he says, kissing her on the forehead.

"Better now that you're here…" she replies.

"That's not going to last long…not after we radiate your head," the intern mutters.

Izzy glares at him. "What is your name?" she asks.

"Dr. Froman. Paul Froman," he replies, with an arrogant air.

"Dr. Froman, would you care to step outside with me for a moment?" Izzy says.

The young intern looks at Derek for the correct answer. Derek nods. "She outranks you," he says, giving Izzy a discreet thumbs-up sign.

Paul sighs as he steps into the hallway with Izzy.

"Dr. Froman…where did you attend medical school?" Izzy asks.

"Harvard. I graduated second in my class. Right after your intern, Lexi Grey." he replies, proudly.

"At Harvard, did they have any courses on bedside manner?"

"Absolutely. And I got an A in all of them," he replies.

"And do you not see anything wrong with what you said in there?" Izzy asks.

Dr. Bailey walks by. "Everything okay, Dr. Stevens?" she asks.

"Just fine, Dr. Bailey. I'm just having a word with Dr. Froman here. We're discussing the importance of bedside manner…" Izzy replies.

Dr. Bailey smiles, knowingly. "Sounds like you have it under control…I'll leave you to your conversation!" she says.

"I just said she wasn't going to feel so hot after we radiated her head. Is that not the truth?" Paul retorts.

"Of course it is the truth. The first problem with what you did was not addressing the patient directly. We don't talk about patients in front of them. We speak to them. The second problem is that the way you phrased your statement was highly insensitive and dismissive of the patient's feelings. Who is the resident in charge of you?" she asks.

"Dr. Karev," Paul replies.

Izzy sighs. "Figures…" she says.

"Can I go back in there? I've never radiated someone's head…I mean….performed cranial radiation before and I'd like to learn from Dr. Shepherd. I spent the morning with Mark Sloan. We did 3 facelifts and a jaw reconstruction. The guy's amazing!" Paul says.

"No. You may not go back in there. You may go down to the pit and do some filing or whatever else anyone wants you to do…but you will set foot nowhere near my patient today or ever again…is that understood?" Izzy says.

Paul glares at her. "You're as crazy as they all say," he says.

"The interns think I'm crazy. Fine. But at least when I lay my head on the pillow at night, I go to bed knowing I treated everyone with respect and gave my patients the best care I can. You keep learning from Karev and Sloan and you'll find yourself just like them. Alone…you can end up alone just like Alex Karev and Mark Sloan," Izzy says.

(Break)

Lexi comes out of Meredith's room. "Did you rip him a new one? I hate Paul Froman!" Lexi says.

"I sure did. He's Alex's intern and he idolizes Mark. What a jackass!" Izzy replies.

"Yeah…I knew the guy in med school. He hates me. He always tried to beat me but couldn't. The guy had no friends and girls couldn't stand him. He was the guy you had to get really drunk at the bar to go home with…you know?" Lexi says.

"I can imagine. What an arrogant man. Probably overcompensating for a small you-know-what! How were Meredith and Derek? I feel like he's cracking under the stress of all this…" Izzy says.

"Me too. He has that forced smile on all the time. I feel bad for him. Like he has no one to talk to. Let's take him out to dinner or something?" Lexi says.

"Sounds good. Maybe tomorrow night?" Izzy says.

"I'll work it out," Lexi replies.

(Break)

"You shouldn't feel anything during the procedure. Afterwards you might feel nauseous and dizzy and have a terrible headache though," Derek says.

"Thanks…" Meredith says.

Derek begins the procedure and Meredith sits silently. "I don't know what to say. I don't know how to be sick," Meredith says to Derek.

"I don't know what to say either…" Derek says.

They sit in silence as Derek removes Meredith's wig and places a helmet on her head.

(Break)

Molly arrives at the hospital a little early, carrying flowers for Meredith. Lexi meets her in the lobby.

"Hi Molly. How was your day?" she asks.

" Pretty good. Daddy and I took the baby for a walk. It was a nice day out. You should get out for a while. Maybe come have lunch with us tomorrow?" Molly asks.

"I wish I could, but I…"

"I know…you're a doctor and they don't let you out of this place," Molly says, finishing Lexi's sentence with an air of bitterness despite her smile.

"The flowers are pretty. I'm sure Meredith will appreciate them. She really wants to see you. She wants to thank you again for…"

This time, Molly cuts Lexi off. "Ummm…maybe you can just give them to her. I can't be away too long. I mean I have to get back soon. The baby is with the nanny and I…"

"Come on. Just for a minute? Maybe we can all do a little better than last time?" Lexi says grabbing Molly's arm and pulling her towards Meredith's room.

"Lexi…I…ummm…" Molly stops her.

"What?" Lexi asks.

"I don't think this is a good idea. I don't think I should go see Meredith," Molly says.

"Come on. She's waiting. She wants to thank you. She wants to talk to you. And I want you there, Mol. We haven't spent much time together since you've been here. My fault…I know. But come with me. We'll hang out. No tension…I promise. And after we go over transplant details, no medical talk." Lexi says, smiling and physically pulling Molly with her towards Meredith's room.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Lexi," Molly says as she reluctantly follows Lexi.

"What do you mean?" Lexi asks.

"I mean that you can't promise me there will be no tension," Molly says as Lexi opens the door to Meredith's room.

Lexi gives Molly a questioning look. Izzy is already there with Meredith.

"Thank you for coming, Molly," Izzy says.

"I wish everyone would stop thanking me," Molly says.

"Molly brought you flowers, Mer. Aren't they pretty?" Lexi says, motioning for Molly to give Meredith the flowers.

Izzy winces. Lexi is trying too hard. It is like watching a child who desperately wants to be included on the playground. She tries to steer the conversation back to the transplant.

"Molly. I have the transplant schedule here. I want to go over it with you so that you know the dates that we will need you to be available. As you probably already know, we will need you to remain in town for the next four weeks. The reason for this is…" Izzy pauses to look down at Meredith's chart.

"Dr. Stevens?" Molly interrupts, nervously.

"Please, call me Izzy," she says, smiling warmly at Molly.

"Izzy, I don't want to waste your time. I'm not going to be able to do this. I am going home this weekend. I've already booked the flight," Molly says, deliberately avoiding Lexi's eyes.

"Molly…I know that four weeks seems like a lifetime," Izzy begins, watching Lexi and Meredith's shocked faces.

"No, Izzy. With all due respect, you have no idea. Lexi understands because she has lived it. There is no way I can spend four more weeks here watching my father drink himself into a stupor day in and day out. I have a family. I have a husband. A wonderful husband who I love dearly and want to be with. This is not my life. Lexi, I love you with all my heart. Meredith, I am so very sorry. I wish I were a different person…a stronger person…but I'm not. I can't stay here for another four weeks. I'm going home," Molly says.

"It's okay, Molly. I understand," Meredith says.

Lexi turns to Izzy. "Can you give us a moment here?"

Izzy nods, although slightly hurt at being asked to leave. She turns and exits the room but cannot resist standing outside the door.

"It is not okay, Molly. You have the opportunity to save a life here. The life of our sister. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" Lexi pleads.

Molly shakes her head. "You'll do it. You're the one who always wanted to save lives. You've said it since you were a little girl. You've always wanted to save people. All I ever wanted was to be happy. I am happy. At least I was happy until I came back here. I have never been this miserable…" Molly says.

"Of course you've never been this miserable! You've always just done whatever you wanted without a care in the world. You never helped me when we were little and when Dad used to yell at me and tell me how worthless I was. When he used to hit me…when I was cowering in a corner, where were you?" Lexi says, tears streaming down her face.

"I was hiding. I'm not the sister you wanted. I know. You never let me forget it. Don't think I didn't find those comic books you used to draw. The ones with the superhero named Meredith in them. I knew you hated me then, and I know you hate me now. But I have to take care of myself and my family. This isn't working," Molly says, letting her voice rise.

"Where were you after Mom's funeral? You just went home. You left me here alone to pick up the pieces of Dad. And of myself. Where were you? You had everything! The husband, the family, the white picket fence. Where were you when I was alone in my room crying every night. You barely even returned my calls!" Lexi sobs.

"Lexi!" Meredith grabs her hand.

Molly's loses her temper. "Oh Lexi! Get over it. You made your choices. You were the most popular girl in high school. You could have gotten married, had a family, a few kids…You just wanted to follow in your imaginary sister's footsteps and be a doctor. Don't blame me if your life isn't what you wanted now. If you're lonely, it isn't my fault. You always blame me. I'm tired of your whining. _Daddy loves Molly more. Daddy gave Molly more toys. Daddy gave my birthday present to Molly…" _Molly mocks Lexi in a childhood sing-song type voice.

Lexi is sobbing so hard that she cannot speak. Meredith uses all the energy she has left to sit up in her bed.

"Molly! Stop it! Don't you dare speak to her that way! You don't have to give me your bone marrow or anything else for that matter! You owe me nothing. You are right. We are not sisters. We are strangers and as unfortunate as that may be, it's where circumstances have left us. However…this is my room. And I will NOT allow you to berate Lexi like that. Look at her!" Meredith says, angrily as she points to Lexi who is sitting on a chair, hugging her knees and crying as hard as she ever has.

"Oh please! That's what she always does when someone yells at her. She provokes people into fights and then cries so hard that she can't breathe. You don't know that because you haven't known her your whole life, but I have. I know the routine," Molly says, rolling her eyes.

Meredith pulls herself out of bed and takes a few wobbly steps towards Molly. "I want you out of my room. Now," Meredith says, calmly in a very even tone.

"Believe me…I wasn't going to stay. I've seen this routine too many times. Except this time there's no Mom here to come with the paper bag and help her calm down," Molly says, sarcastically.

Meredith grows angrier at Molly's callous attitude. A shiny gold pendant around Molly's neck catches Meredith's eye. _#1 Daughter…_

"I'll walk you out," Meredith says as she slowly and clumsily makes her way to the door.

Molly wants to tell her to get away from her. Her instinct is to push her back, but she can't push someone as weak as Meredith, so she just walks out of the room in silence.

When they are outside the room, Meredith says, "I think you have something that belongs to Lexi."

"What are you talking about?" Molly asks.

Meredith grabs the necklace and rips it from Molly's neck. "It doesn't belong to you," Meredith says, calmly.

"Keep the damn necklace. I'm leaving!" Molly says as she storms out of the room.

Meredith walks slowly back into the room and collapses on her bed, barely making it back to the bed before she falls.

"Lexi…look at me," Meredith says.

Lexi looks at Meredith as her breathing grows shallower and more rapid.

"Lexi…I need to you come over here. I can't get up again. I need you to come over and sit on my bed. Slowly…you can do it," Meredith says, patiently slipping into doctor mode. She reaches into the nightstand next to her bed and pulls out a paper bag that held a small teddy bear that George had bought her from the gift shop.

Lexi walks over to Meredith's bed, hyperventilating. Meredith puts the paper bag to Lexi's face.

"Breathe with me. In…out. In…out. Okay…you're on your own. I'm getting lightheaded," Meredith says as she rubs Lexi's back.

"Everybody leaves me," Lexi sobs.

"I know. I used to feel that way too. Just breathe. You're having a panic attack. I get them too. It's really scary, but it will pass," Meredith says.

"I've been having them my whole life. Molly always thought I was faking." Lexi says as her breathing begins to slow down.

Izzy walks into the room without knocking. "Are you both okay?" she asks.

"I'm fine, but my baby sister is having a panic attack," Meredith says, pointing to Lexi who is still breathing into a paper bag.

Lexi leans her head on Meredith. "Thank you. For defending me, to Molly" she says.

"You're welcome. I've owed you that for a while. By the way…did you really draw comic books?" Meredith asks.

"Umm…maybe a few," Lexi says, embarrassed.

"Seriously? Comic books? Meredith asks.

"Seriously? You drew comic books? How on earth were you popular in high school." Izzy says, laughing

"I told everyone they were Molly's," Lexi says and the three of them laugh.


	16. Chapter 16

"Derek

"Derek? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Lexi asks.

Derek's eyes widen. He jumps as though he has been on high alert and just got the call to jump from the airplane. "What's wrong? Is she okay?" he says, nervously.

"Yes. She's okay. It's been a rough few days, but she's okay. She's hanging in there right now. How are you doing?" Lexi asks, putting her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine. Lots of surgeries today before about 5pm. But nothing after that. Just a long lonely night ahead of me. Lots of time to think," Derek says.

"When I'm alone, I think about the possibilities. I try not to be alone too long…you know what I mean?" Lexi asks.

"Yeah…" Derek says, nodding knowingly.

"Listen…Izzy and I were going to grab dinner at Joe's tonight around 8. Do you want to join us? We figured that this has been hard on everyone. We're all in the same boat…you know?" Lexi asks.

"I'd like that. Thank you," Derek says, appreciatively.

"Great. See you later," Lexi says. She pauses for a moment. "Why do I just feel like I just made a date with my sister's boyfriend?" she wonders out loud.

Derek laughs. "You do it too…" he says.

"Do what?" Lexi asks.

"Say things out loud that should be left in your head. Meredith does it all the time. It's cute," he says, smiling as he walks away.

(Break)

Izzy sees Christina sitting in the cafeteria at a table alone. She sits down to join her.

"If you're here to talk about George, I'm not talking," Christina says.

"So is it true? You and George are actually doing the McNasty?" Izzy says.

"Okay…it's so not McNasty with George. It's more like…McComfortable. That's it. George is McComfortable. It's different from anyone else I've been with. It's just different," Christina explains.

"Okay…this is getting dangerously close to McAwkward. Can we talk about something else?" Izzy says.

"About how I'm going to kick your ass in the race for chief resident?" Christina quips.

"No. I need your help," Izzy says.

"You need my help? It's with Meredith…right?" Christina asks.

"No. I have a new muffin recipe and I want your opinion. Of course it's with Meredith! What else would I need your help with?" she asks.

"Do you want a list? You could use a lot of help," Christina offers.

"Christina! Can we please not do this? I'm too tired to be witty. I just need you to be my friend right now. Or not even my friend…just be Meredith's friend. Please…I'm so tired," Izzy begs.

"Okay. What do you need?" Christina relents.

"As of now, the only donor we have is Lexi. Thatcher is out. Molly is out. Lexi is willing. It's a no brainer. We have to use Lexi," Izzy says.

"So what's the problem? This sounds easy and non-surgical," Christina says.

"It's not easy or non-surgical! First of all, we have to get Lexi's marrow which is surgical…" Izzy explains.

"Izzy…if you can't perform a simple marrow aspiration, you better back out of this chief resident thing…" Christina says.

"Seriously Christina! I am not asking you to perform a marrow aspiration! I'm asking to convince Meredith that using Lexi as a donor is her only option. The last discussion we had was when she told Lexi that she was using Molly to be her donor because she didn't want to saddle Lexi with the responsibility of saving her. She's scared that if something goes wrong, Lexi will be scarred for life…which of course she probably will, but we can't worry about that right now," Izzy says.

"Beating you for chief resident is going to be so easy. This is a piece of cake. I'll take care of it in an hour," Christina says.

"Thank you," Izzy says, biting her tongue.

(Break)

Alex walks into the on call room and sees Mark sitting on the bed.

"So, Izzy's still not talking to you?" he says.

"If Izzy were talking to me, would I be sitting here on this bed alone?" Mark retorts.

"Probably…because from what I hear, you weren't getting any action from her," Alex replies.

"And how about you and Mini-Mer? How's that going? Is she speaking to you yet?" Mark replies.

"Who cares? I wasn't that into her anyway…" Alex says, nonchalantly.

"Yeah…right…" Mark laughs, arrogantly.

"I mean, seriously! I'm a good catch. She's just an intern. I'll just find some other chick to bang," Alex shrugs.

"Yeah…sure you will…" Mark says.

"Dude…you're one to talk. You've pretty much banged every chick in this hospital…well…except the one you want to bang," Alex says.

"If I want to bang a chick, I bang her. I was just leading Stevens on. I'm not that into her…" Mark says.

"So, if you're not that into her, why are we still talking about her?" Alex asks.

"Because you keep bringing her up," Mark says.

"Whatever. Do you have any good surgeries that I could scrub in on today?" Alex asks.

"Give me one good reason I should let you scrub in on any of my surgeries?" Mark asks.

"So that I can go back and tell Izzy that your surgeries are important and unselfish and more than just boob jobs," Alex says, matter of factly.

Mark sighs, "Okay…maybe I could find something for you. I mean…if you need it to get your mind off Lexi…" he says.

"Or if you need me to try to get you back in Izzy's good graces," Alex says.

(Break)

Christina barges into Meredith's room, disappointed to find that Meredith is sleeping.

"Meredith! Wake up!" she says.

"Huh?" Meredith moans.

"I said wake up! I need to talk to you!" Christina demands.

"Does it have to be right now? I mean, seriously? I'm sleeping! I have chemo again in less than 12 hours and all I want to do is sleep. Go away!" Meredith pleads.

"I will in a minute. By the way…you look like crap. Anyway…Izzy says I have to talk to you. She seems to think you are stupid enough to refuse to use Lexi as a donor even with Thatcher winning the award for most neglectful father and Molly going all mental and leaving…I told her it wouldn't be a problem, but she wanted me to talk to you about it," Christina says, casually.

"This is between me and Lexi. But thank you for your concern. And thank Izzy for me too," Meredith says.

"But…" Christina stammers.

"No buts! I am not discussing this with anyone but Lexi," Meredith says, matter of factly.

(Break)

"Mini-Mer! Sit down in that chair!" Christina barks at Lexi as she points to a chair in the cafeteria.

Lexi does it, angry at herself that she still jumps in fear of Christina.

"Good. You're still scared of me. I thought all that time with Izzy might have made you forget that I'm the real boss, but you remembered," Christina says.

Lexi is silent. She has real stress in her life now, and Christina's routine is wearing thin on her.

"Listen…we have to talk about Meredith. She'll only talk to you about using you for a transplant. She won't even discuss it with Izzy or me," Christina says.

"What do you mean? I'm the only donor. Of course she's going to use me for the transplant. There's no one else," Lexi explains.

"She hasn't said that. Izzy thinks she's not sold on the idea and I tried to talk to her and…" Christina is cut off by Lexi standing up.

"You know what, Christina…I'm not talking about this with you. I'm only talking about Meredith with Meredith!" Lexi says, walking away and heading to Meredith's room.

"Okay…this is creepy…I'm going to have to start liking her if she doesn't stop sounding exactly like Meredith…" Christina mumbles to herself.

(Break)

"Meredith! Get up!" Lexi demands, turning the lights on in Meredith's room.

"Does anyone know that this is a hospital? I am trying to sleep!! Can't you all go away?" Meredith groans.

"No! Christina told me you aren't going to use me as your donor. I'm not letting you die because you think I'm some kind of pathetic person who can't handle the risks. I'm not letting you…" Lexi begins.

"Can you come back later? I'm so tired right now, Lex…Please? I really want to talk to you about this, but I am so tired," Meredith pleads.

"You get one hour to sleep and then I'm coming back!" Lexi says, as she runs out of the room.

Meredith waits until Lexi is safely out of the room before she picks up the phone.

"George. It's Meredith. I need to talk to you. I need you to do something for me," Meredith says.

(Break)

"I did it. I got you exactly what you wanted. You owe me big for this, Meredith," George says, holding out the small blue box and another small box.

"Come on. How bad could it have been? It wasn't like I sent you to buy lingerie! It was just a little jewelry…" Meredith says.

"Just a little jewelry?? Just a little jewelry?? Meredith…you sent me to Tiffany's to buy a necklace engraved with the words '#1 Sister.' Other men my age…they go to Tiffany's to buy engagement rings. Do you know how hard it was to convince the people working there that I wasn't buying Tiffany's jewelry for my sister? I looked like the biggest loser that ever lived!!" George says.

Meredith starts laughing. "I didn't think of that! Thanks George. I appreciate you sacrificing your dignity for me…" she says.

"And I got you the other chain. You said 14 karat gold and as thin as possible…right?" George says.

Meredith grabs the bag. "Thank you! It's perfect!" she says, hugging George.

"You're welcome. And next time I got to a jewelry store, it's going to be when I marry someone…" George says.

"Speaking of marriage, how are things with Christina?" Meredith asks.

George looks down. "Ummm…things are pretty good. I mean, she's still Christina so half the time I can't tell if she's in love with me or wants to slice me open and rip out my heart, but surprisingly enough, I kind of like it. We're having fun," George says.

"Christina's my person…and there's no one I'd rather see my person date than George O'Malley," Meredith says.

"Thank you. How are you feeling?" George asks.

"Like I was run over by a truck. Actually…make that two trucks," Meredith says.

"Let me let you get some sleep. I'm glad I could help. I'll come visit soon…" George says.

"Thanks again," Meredith says.

(Break)

"Lexi! I have been looking for you all over. I can't go to dinner with you guys tonight. Something came up. Rain check?" Derek says.

"Am I getting stood up by my sister's boyfriend?" Lexi asks.

"I'm sorry. I just…I mean…something came up…I have to run. I have a patient to check on." Derek says.

"Okay…ummm…rain check!" Lexi says.

(break)

Lexi goes down the hall and finds Izzy in the on call room.

"Derek stood us up!" Lexi says.

Izzy shrugs. "Okay. Can we go out for some drinks anyway? I could use a night out," she says.

"Sure. But he was acting weird. I feel like something's up," Lexi says.

"I'm sure he just has a lot on his plate. We'll take him out another time. I have to go run these labs," Izzy says.

"Okay. 8:00? I'll meet you at Joe's? I'm going to see Meredith to talk about the whole donor issue. Christina seems to think you're freaking out about it. I mean, seriously? Do you really think Meredith is that crazy? She's not suicidal." Lexi says.

"Ummm…she held onto a bomb in a guy's body with her bare hand and she tried to drown herself once. I don't put anything past Meredith. Anyway…I didn't want to bug you with the whole thing, so I figured I'd have Christina try to talk to her. I guess that didn't work out so well because Christina came to you…" Izzy says, smiling at Christina's need for Lexi's help.

"I'm not going to take no for an answer, Izzy. She's going to take my marrow," Lexi says.

"I hope so…" Izzy says.

(Break)

Lexi opens the door to Meredith's room and is surprised to see Meredith sitting up and looking much better than she did an hour ago.

"You're late!" Meredith says. "You told me one hour…"

"I'm glad I gave you a little extra time to sleep. You look better. How are you feeling?" Lexi asks.

"Better. I think the Zofran is finally kicking in for some of the nausea. Of course, tomorrow we get to do this all over again…" Meredith says.

"Okay…I'm ready to talk," Lexi says.

"Cut to the chase, why don't you? Enough small talk for you?" Meredith says.

"Yes. It's hard to make small talk when the elephant in the room is a bone marrow transplant!" Lexi replies.

"Well, this is my body and I am going to make the decision of whose marrow ends up in it. I am not going to let you, Christina, Izzy or anyone else tell me what to do," Meredith says, determinedly.

"Meredith! Listen to me! I'm not trying to…" Lexi is cut off by Meredith whose tone is sharp.

"No! You do not get to control this conversation. This is my room, and my body and my disease and I will tell YOU what my decision is. Sit there and don't speak!" Meredith says pointing to the chair next to her bed.

Lexi sits down, stunned at Meredith's harshness. She waits quietly to hear what Meredith will say next.

"Lexi, when I chose Molly to be my donor, I did it because…" Meredith's voice catches. She pauses, swallowing hard. _Damn! I didn't think I'd be this emotional!_ She thinks to herself.

"I did it because I really see you as my little sister now, and the thought of relying on you for something so huge is terrifying because it means it could fail. And yes…obviously I don't want it to fail because it means I'll die. But I also can't handle the idea of it failing because I know that it will leave you feeling guilty. The image of you living the rest of your life guilty because it failed is more than I can handle. Relying on you is scary because it means you might get hurt," Meredith explains.

Lexi opens her mouth to protest, but she is silenced by a look from Meredith.

"Don't say anything…I've been practicing this in my head since Molly left and I want to get it right. When you had that panic attack in my room the other day, it made me think of the day my mom tried to kill herself," Meredith says.

Lexi gasps. She never knew this about Ellis Grey, and the image of Meredith as a little girl with a suicidal mother is one she has never thought of before.

"Yes….my mother slit her wrists and I sat on the floor and watched her bleed until she passed out while she told me that I'd be in big trouble if I called 9-1-1. When she finally passed out, I called for help. Then I had my first panic attack. That moment defined me. It turned me into the person who couldn't get close to people and had a wall up, and suffered terrible panic attacks for years. Until I started seeing Dr. Wyatt. When I got sick, I was in therapy. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to continue, but one of the things that happened once I started to deal with that day was that I slowly over time had less panic attacks and was able to get closer to people. It took me until now to see how much that day had affected my life," Meredith explains.

She pauses for a moment. Lexi is on the edge of her chair waiting to hear what Meredith will say next.

"I'm not Ellis Grey. I don't want to be my mother. You shared with me that I'm someone you think of as a role model. I'm your big sister. I can't do to you what she did to me. I can't make you sit on the floor and watch me bleed and tell you not to try to help. I have to let you help me, or this moment will define you and haunt you for the rest of your life. I can't do that," Meredith says.

Lexi's eyes sparkle with tears. "Thank you…" she whispers.

"And I have something for you," Meredith says, taking out the small bag.

"You didn't have to buy me anything…All I wanted was for you to let me help you," Lexi says.

"I actually didn't buy this…It was always yours," Meredith says as she hands Lexi the bag.

Lexi slowly lifts out the gold chain with a pendant on it that says "#1 Daughter." She looks at Meredith wide eyed and shocked and asks, "How did you…is this the one that Molly was wearing?"

Meredith nods. "Yes. But I had to get a new chain. I broke the old one when I ripped it off Molly's neck."

"You ripped it off her neck? For me," Lexi asks.

"I did it for both of us. You were having a panic attack and I was hooked up to an I.V. receiving toxic chemotherapy and she was whining that she was miserable. It was pretty unbearable!" Meredith says.

"Here…will you help me put it on?" Lexi asks, sounding like a little girl who has just gotten a birthday present.

Meredith shakes her head. "No. Not until you open this."

Meredith hands Lexi the small blue bag from Tiffany's. "What did you do?" Lexi asks.

"Open it," Meredith instructs.

Lexi unwraps the box and lifts the small sterling silver necklace out. She fingers the round pendant which says, "#1 Sister" in beautiful cursive letters. On the back, it says, "Love Meredith"

"I figured we never got to do cheesy things like this when we were kids, so we'd do them now," Meredith says.

Lexi stares at Meredith with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Thank you. Thank you for everything…for defending me, for taking the necklace from Molly, for giving me this one…for everything. You turned out to be better than the sister I used to invent," Lexi says.

"You're welcome," Meredith says. "And thank you for being so grateful that I'm going to let you get a needle drilled through your hip and into your bone. Not many people are excited about that!" Meredith says.

(Break)

Lexi sends Izzy a text message. _Running late. Mer said yes 2 marrow. Meet u at Joe's closer to 9. Sorry!_

Izzy writes back. _Yay for marrow! 9 is fine. Stay away from on call room. Alex on call 2nite._

Lexi freezes for a moment in response to the sight of Alex's name on the screen of her Blackberry. She has been so caught up in Meredith that she pushed their fight out of her mind.

Lexi changes out of her scrubs and throws on a pair of jeans. She is grateful that she is just going for drinks with Izzy tonight. She doesn't have the energy for anything that requires her to put on a show. Hanging out with Izzy feels like hanging out with George. She can talk without worrying about being judged. Lexi has felt judged her whole life. It feels freeing to know people who just like her for who she is.

Izzy walks into Joe's at about 8:45pm. She sits at a table and waits for Lexi.

"Hey Izzy! What can I get ya?" Joe asks.

"Give me something on tap. I feel like a beer tonight," she says.

"That's what I like about you! A beautiful doctor who is down to earth enough to drink a beer," Joe says, smiling.

Izzy smiles back as she sips the cold beer. Lexi runs in at about 9:05pm and runs up to the bar.

"I'm so sorry I'm late! I have to tell you all about my talk with Meredith. We're set. She's going to do the transplant! Everything's going to be okay, Izzy. I know it is," Lexi exclaims.

Izzy gives Lexi a big hug. She knows how much Meredith means to Lexi and she is so happy that everything is working out with their relationship.

"So what happened?" Izzy asks, knowing that Lexi wants to tell her the story.

Lexi begins to tell Izzy about Meredith's gifts to her when Izzy interrupts her.

"Oh my god. Don't turn around. Whatever you do, don't turn around!" Izzy says.

"What is it?" Lexi asks.

"It's Derek…he's here…and he's really drunk."

"He can't be! He told me he had to cancel on us!" Lexi says.

"He's here. And he's with Rose!" Izzy says.

"Rose? What?" Lexi turns around in spite of herself.

"I said not to look!" Izzy hisses.

"What do we do?" Lexi asks.


	17. Chapter 17

"Oh my god

"Oh my god! Izzy! I don't know what to do?" Lexi whispers frantically.

"I know what to do…follow me!" Izzy whispers back.

"We can't go over there!!" Lexi says as Izzy begins to walk towards Derek and Meredith.

"We have to!" Izzy says.

"But if we go over there, and it's bad, then we really know and if we know then we have to tell Meredith! If we leave now and go somewhere else, we can pretend they are discussing an important case and never mention it again!" Lexi whispers desperately.

"Are you kidding? I grew up in a trailer park. If that little McHooker is doing anything with McDreamy, I'm going to beat her within an inch of her life!" Izzy says.

"But it's not Rose's fault. It's Derek who owes it to Meredith to be loyal. Rose doesn't really owe her anything…" Lexi says.

"Yes. But I don't think I can kick McDreamy's ass. I can definitely take McHooker in a fight," Izzy says.

"You know, people still talk about the time that you tried to kick Dr. Torres's ass in the cafeteria. The interns had a whole pool going to see who would win," Lexi reminds her.

"Stop changing the subject. Let's go!" Izzy says, physically dragging Lexi by the arm.

As they get halfway to Derek's table, Lexi gasps in horror as she watches Derek lean in and kiss Rose.

"Oh my god!" she says, as she pulls her arm away from Izzy.

"Did we just see what I thought we saw?" Izzy asks.

"Let's go outside! We can't stay here!" Lexi says.

"You're right. Come on! Quickly! And whatever you do…don't look!" Izzy whispers, leading the way.

When they get outside, they stand there in silence for a moment.

"So what now? Do we just go home and pretend it didn't happen?" Lexi asks.

"I don't know! Just give me a minute to think," Izzy says.

All of a sudden, Rose steps outside. She stands next to Izzy and Lexi and says, "Ummmm…hi Dr. Stevens, Dr. Grey."

"Rose? What are you doing outside? Shouldn't you be inside betraying my possibly terminally ill sister?" Lexi asks.

"Please, let me explain!" Rose says.

"Explain what? Explain why Derek's tongue was in your mouth?" Lexi fires at her.

"Actually…yes," Rose says.

"With all due respect, Rose, there's really no explanation for what we just saw. You and Derek were kissing in a bar, while Meredith is enjoying her last few hours of sleep before beginning another brutal round of chemotherapy tomorrow. Believe me…I think it makes him significantly more reprehensible than you, but I'm not sure you win any morality points either," Izzy says, calmly.

"With all due respect, do you really think you get to lecture me on morality, Dr. Stevens?" Rose asks.

"Actually…no. It's obviously a lost cause," Izzy says.

"I just have one question for you, Rose," Lexi says.

"What?" Rose asks.

"Tomorrow morning, when you wake up, how will you get dressed and ready for work without looking in the mirror, because I know that if I were you, I'd never be able to face myself," Lexi says, angrily.

"Please, Dr. Grey…if you would just listen," Rose says.

Lexi shakes her head. "I'm leaving. I'm going to visit Meredith. And don't worry…I care about her too much to ever mention one word of this to her," she says, as she storms off.

Rose looks at Izzy pleadingly. "Can you just let me…"

Izzy shakes her head. "No. You don't get to ask for my forgiveness. This isn't my situation to forgive.

"Then can you do me one favor?" Rose asks.

Izzy glares at her but says nothing.

"Just make sure that Derek gets home? He's really drunk and I don't want him to drive. I can't stay," Rose says.

Izzy nods and says nothing again.

Rose's mouth forms the words, "Thank you," but her voice makes no sound.

(Break)

Alex and Mark stand in the elevator. When it stops, Callie walks in and stands beside him.

"I need a drink. Anyone want to join me?" Mark asks.

"I'm on call…" Alex says.

"I wasn't really asking you, Karev. I was asking the hot girl in the elevator," Mark says, rolling his eyes.

"No, thank you. When I give my leftovers to Stevens, I don't take them back. Have a good time though," Callie says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mark asks.

"It means exactly what it sounds like. George had me, then he had Izzy Stevens. You had me, then you had Izzy Stevens. I didn't take George back and I'm not taking you back. Is there anything else that you don't understand that I can explain for you?" Callie says, condescendingly.

"Don't worry, Callie. Mark here hasn't actually 'had' Izzy," Alex says.

"What do you mean?" Callie asks.

"He's not getting any…" Alex explains.

Callie laughs. "Dude…you can't get it from Stevens? Anyone can get it from Stevens. You really are losing your touch!"

Mark glares at both of them and steps out of the elevator without saying a word.

(Break)

"Derek. Please let me call you a taxi. You really can't drive home like this," Izzy says.

"You're very beautiful, Izzy. Very, very beautiful. And nice. You are a very nice and beautiful girl," Derek says, slurring his speech.

"Thank you, Derek. Let's get you in a taxi and we can continue this thrilling conversation another time," he says.

"I know you saw me and Rose. I know you did. Rose didn't understand," Derek says.

"Well…that's the one thing McHooker and I seem to have in common," Izzy says.

"I can't be alone. If Meredith dies, I'll be alone. I've never been alone. I don't know how," Derek says.

"You are so weak, Derek. You are such a weak, pathetic excuse for a man. I don't want to have this conversation with you. I just want to get you in a taxi and get your sorry ass home and not have to think about what to do and whether or not I'm bound by the weird laws of girl friendship to tell Meredith that your tongue was down another woman's throat tonight," Izzy says.

"Don't tell her. Don't hurt her. I never want to hurt her," Derek rambles.

Izzy rolls her eyes.

The effects of the alcohol are wearing off for Derek as he and Izzy stare silently at each other.

"Can I ask you something?" Derek inquires.

"I guess so…" Izzy replies.

"Weren't you ever scared? I mean scared of being alone? With Denny? Were you scared?" Derek asks.

Izzy nods, as tears spring to her eyes.

"All the time," she whispers.

"Did you ever think of running away?" he asks.

Izzy pauses for a moment. "Sure. I thought about it a lot. But I knew that no matter where I ran, I couldn't get away from the pain. I loved him so much that I knew the pain would follow me. I knew I could never get away from how much I loved him. I still can't," she says, softly.

Derek is quiet. He and Izzy sit in awkward silence as she contemplates how she can get him in a car and forget this disastrous night.

Mark enters the bar and sees the two of them sitting there.

"Wow…this looks intense," he says.

"It is," Izzy says, coldly.

"What's going on?" Mark says.

"Get your friend to sober up. He'll tell you what happened, and then get him in a cab." Izzy says as she stands up and starts to walk away.

Mark follows her a few steps. "Izzy! I know I'm supposed to chase you right now, and this is the time where I can apologize for the other day, but he's like my brother and he looks like he really needs a friend right now."

"He does. Better you than me. You two deserve each other," Izzy says, as she walks away.

(Break)

Alex walks into the bar. He is tired and hungry after a long night on call. He sees Derek and Mark, but notices that the conversation looks intense, so he waits on the sidelines for a few minutes before deciding whether to go over to them.

"Derek, man…what's going on?" Mark asks.

"I messed up. I messed up big time," Derek says, shaking his head.

"Talk to me, brother," Mark says, giving Derek a punch in the arm.

"I walked by her room today. She was sleeping…only she didn't look like she was sleeping. She looked…pale…cold….thin….like the corpses we used to practice on. She was so still," Derek says.

"Joe! Bring us a coffee!" Mark calls across the bar. "She's going to make it. She is. She's going to be okay. We have a state of the art cancer facility. The best in the country! You know she has the best care possible. She's going to make it. And when she does, you guys are going to have some hot, after transplant sex," Mark says.

Derek shakes his head, sadly. "I'm not strong enough. I'm walking away. I can't love her like this. I'll be alone when she's gone. I'm not good at being alone. The problem is that I tried to get back with Rose. She was simple. Easy…"

"She's easy? No she isn't! She's the only nurse who wouldn't sleep with me!" Mark says.

"Not easy like that…uncomplicated. I could have coasted with her for a while until I could forget how much I love Meredith," Derek explains.

Alex can't listen silently anymore. He comes over to the table and says, "Shepherd, you have this whole thing ass backwards. You can't forget how much you love somebody. If you lose Meredith, you'll feel like Erica Hahn ripped your heart out through your throat, but at least you'll be able to say that you took care of her and made her life better for having been in it. If you walk away, you're going to have the same pain and the regrets, and not to mention that you're going to hurt Rose too, because as uncomplicated as she may be, nobody can be the replacement chick forever. Once she figures out that you're never going to love her, she's going to leave you too. Then you'll be the guy who left the girl he loves while she was dying, and then used someone else to get over it. How will you like yourself then, Shepherd?" Alex asks.

Derek looks like he has been punched in the gut and turns to Mark. "Get me out of here. Now! I need to get out of here!"

Mark looks at Alex and says, "Dude…you really know how to kick a guy when he's down. What's the matter with you?"

"All I know is that we're three guys alone in a bar, wishing we could be with the women we love. Izzy and Lexi aren't speaking to us. Meredith is lying in bed, hoping Derek will come visit, and we're drinking beers with each other. We're all alone and none of us want to be. You two can be alone forever if you want, but I'm going to find Lexi. And Sloan…here's a tip for you. I know Izzy like a sister. If you want to get back in her good graces, you need to do something big. I have an idea. If you need help, come find me," Alex says.

"Derek and I don't need help from you, Karev! We're the men! The men who know how to handle women!" Mark sneers.

Alex shrugs his shoulders and walks away. "Come find me when you figure out how much you need my plan."

"You still want to get out of here?" Mark says.

"Nah…let's stay. I could use a few more beers," Derek says.

"Me too," Mark replies as he orders another round.

(Break)

"Dr. Stevens, can I speak with you for a moment," Dr. Bailey says.

"Of course. What is it, Dr. Bailey." Izzy replies, jumping to her feet.

"I have this packet for you to fill out. Congratulations, Dr. Stevens. The race for chief resident is down to 3 people. You are one of them."

Izzy widens her eyes in surprise. "Wow! I never thought I'd…I mean…I didn't know I would…I mean…Thank you."

"You're welcome, Stevens. Have this in by Friday. The panel will be selected over the weekend, and you will interview with them on Monday. Make me proud." Dr. Bailey says.

(Break)

Christina comes over to Izzy. "Let's cut to the chase. Did you get one?"

"Yes. I did. Did you?" Izzy asks.

"Of course. Do you know who the third person is?" Christina asks.

"No. But I'm sure you do," Izzy says, with an edge to her voice.

"Actually…I don't. I was hoping you did," Christina says.

"I don't. If I did, I wouldn't be asking you," Izzy points out.

"How's Meredith?" Christina says, changing the subject.

"She's weak, but she's hanging in there. I think we're going to be on schedule for the transplant," Izzy says.

"You're good at this…patient care…I mean. You're good at it," Christina says, and hurries off down the hall.

(Break)

"Lexie! Are you going to be home tonight?" George asks.

Lexie sighs. "Not on call and have no plans. I'll be at home."

"If I'm not home by 8:00, can you tape my show for me?" George asks.

"Sure. Are you coming home?" Lexie asks.

"No. I'm going to stay at Christina's tonight," George says.

"I miss you…" Lexie says.

"I'm sorry. I just…it's still all new and I'm trying to…" George says.

"No. I'm not complaining. I'm just being honest. I miss you," Lexie says.

"You know what? I'm coming home tonight. I miss you too," George says.

Lexie's face lights up like a kid in a candy store. "Really? Thank you," Lexie says.

"No problem. You look like you could use a friend," George says.

Alex approaches the two of them and says, "Hi Lexie."

"I have to go. See you later, George," Lexie says, ignoring him.

"Wow…she can't resist you, can she?" George says, sarcastically smirking at Alex.

"Shut up, O'Malley. I don't need your crap right now," Alex says.

"Looks kind of like you do need my crap. Or my help. It's not me that she's ignoring," George says.

"That's because she thinks you're one of the girls," Alex shoots back at him.

"You must have a lot of time to think about witty comebacks now that you aren't getting any," George says.

"I did something big, O'Malley…I did something REALLY big. When she finds out what I did for her…for them…she's going to know I'm not a bad guy," Alex says, walking away, confidently.

(Break)

Izzy sits alone in the cafeteria. Normally, she looks for company as she eats her lunch, but today, she relishes the moment of solitude, as she takes a break from the hectic pace of her day. When Alex approaches her, she gives him an exasperated sigh.

"I'm eating. I don't feel like being nauseous right now," she says.

"That's mature…really mature…" Alex replies.

"Just go away. You don't want anything to do with me. I'm the crazy girl who killed her fiancé and gets too involved with her patients. Remember?" Izzy fires at him.

"Iz…I'm sorry. I was wrong. You just sort of have to understand where I was coming from," Alex says.

"Yeah? Where WERE you coming from?" Izzy retorts.

"I'm always going to harbor a grudge against the whole Denny situation. I mean, I liked you a lot and you couldn't have cared less. You were totally into Denny and I got the shaft. I was really into you…" Alex says.

"You didn't get the shaft, Alex. You were a jerk! You didn't treat me well and Denny did. And you didn't get the shaft…he died and you are standing here very much alive," Izzy snaps.

"That didn't come out right. Look, the bottom line is that Denny is always a sore spot for me. He's the guy I lost you to. It took me a long time to get over you. I tried with Addison, and then I tried with Ava…Rebecca…whoever she was…but in the end, no one ever measured up…until now," Alex says.

"Until now?" Izzy asks.

"Until Lexie," Alex says, looking away.

Izzy smiles. "Wow! I didn't know you cared so much. I kind of just thought she was another notch in your belt."

Alex shakes his head. "I can't get her out of my head, Iz. I just can't. And you're my only real friend. The only person I can admit that to," he says.

"Just talk to her, Alex. She misses you. I can tell," Izzy says.

"I'll try…but just in case, I had a back up plan…it's just going to take some time…" he says.

(Break)

Izzy walks into Meredith's room and sits on the edge of her bed.

"How are you feeling?" Izzy asks.

Meredith shakes her head. "You do the talking, Iz. I can't trust myself not to throw up on you."

"I'll get a nurse to put some more Zofran in your I.V. for the nausea. But I'm not here as your doctor. I'm here as your friend. Do you need anything?" Izzy asks.

Meredith shakes her head and then changes her mind. "Derek hasn't been by to see me since yesterday. Do you know where he is?"

Izzy looks at Meredith in her weakened state and makes a split second decision. "Yeah. He's had back to back surgeries all day. He said to tell you he'll come when he's done. It's a busy week for him. But don't worry, we're all here to take care of you until he's finished," she says, brightly.

"Am I going to die? I feel like I'm going to die," Meredith says.

"You're not going to die. You're the doctor with 9 lives. You've already used up two with the bomb and the drowning but you have 7 left," Izzy replies.

"When will this be over. I can't even lift my head long enough to read the medical studies that Lexi left for me," Meredith says.

"We'll go to transplant next week. Lexi is all ready. Your counts are holding…there's no reason it won't work. We just have to take precautions because she's only a 5/6 match and we need to watch out for graft versus host disease, but we should be fine. You're going to be okay," Izzy says.

"I need you to do something for me," Meredith says.

"Sure. Anything," Izzy says.

"You're the only one who can handle hearing what I need to say. I have a lot of good friends. Christina, George, Alex…They are all wonderful, but they're not as strong as you. Christina runs, George panics, and Alex explodes. I have Lexi too, but she's my little sister and I need to protect her. And then there's Derek…I see his face when he looks at me. He's falling apart inside. I know he is. You're the only one who's strong enough to let me talk about what I need if I don't make it. Before I go to transplant, can we talk about that?" Meredith asks.

Izzy nods. "You're scared. I get that. Anyway I can help…I'm here."

"Thanks" Meredith whispers. "I hear you're still not speaking to Mark…" Meredith says.

"Nope…still not speaking to him," Izzy replies.

"Life's too short to be angry. I wish someone had told me that a long time ago," Meredith says, wistfully.

(Break)

Izzy checks her messages on her cell phone.

_1 new message…_the voice says.

Izzy sighs. She hasn't checked her messages in two days and she only has one message…_What a sad commentary on my life…_she says.

_Hi Izzy…It's Mark. I miss you. I'm sorry if what I said upset you. Let's get together, go out, have fun…you know…like old times? This is me, trying to be a good guy. I know you think I'm the man whore of the hospital, but I'd like to just be your man whore…please?" _he says.

Izzy smiles despite herself, happy to have heard his voice, yet wishing she wasn't so happy to have heard it.

She begins to dial his number when suddenly her pager goes off. She looks at it. _9-1-1._ _Cranial Radiation room._

Izzy looks at her watch. 4:00pm. She knows Meredith is scheduled for radiation at 4:00pm. Still, she just just left Meredith's room a half hour ago and she was fine. She figures they must be backed up.

She pages Lexi and rushes to the radiation room, where Meredith is violently convulsing on the table.

"Sedate her! 100 ccs of Diazapam! Stat!" Izzy yells.

Dr. Bailey runs into the room in case she is needed for back up, but she waits to see if Izzy's directions produce the desired results.

A nurse injects Meredith with the requested medicine and suddenly, she is peacefully sedated.

Derek is in the corner of the room, frozen.

"What happened, Derek?" Izzy says, visibly shaken.

"Nice work, Stevens," Dr. Bailey says. "I'm going to get going. I'm scheduled for O.R. 4 in 15 minutes. Page me if you need me."

"Thank you," Izzy replies, still shaky. "Derek? Did you see what happened?" Izzy asks, pointedly.

"We had just finished the radiation. I went to help her off the table, and she had a seizure. Temp was normal when we started, but I think she's febrile now," Derek explains.

Izzy stares at him. All of a sudden, the weight of what is happening hits her. "Meredith had a seizure," she says outloud.

"Yes," Derek says, staring strangely at her.

"This is wrong…this is all wrong. We shouldn't be using words like febrile and seizure and radiation when we talk about Meredith. We should be talking about tequila, and sex and who has the best surgical schedule," Izzy says to herself.

"I know…" Derek says. "Izzy…I…"

"No Derek. We are not going to talk about the other night. If we talk about it then I have to remember and if I remember then I have to be a loyal friend and tell her and if I tell her, I will hurt her, and does she look like she needs to be hurt right now?" Izzy says.

Derek closes his eyes and looks up at the ceiling. "I already told her," he whispers as he swiftly walks out of the room.

As Derek leaves, Lexi comes running into the room, breathless and disheveled. "You paged me?"

"You're late!" Izzy says, sharply.

Lexi stammers, "I'm so sorry…I fell asleep. I was so tired and haven't slept in days and I…"

Izzy cuts her off, "You're an intern! Sleep deprivation comes with the job! When I page you, you run!"

Lexi stares at Izzy in shock. "Izzy…I'm sorry…I thought we…"

Izzy stares at her harshly, "Thought what…that we were friends? I'm your boss first. You did a crappy job today, and your sister could have died because of it," she says, coldly as she walks out of the room.

(Break)

Izzy sits outside the hospital letting cold rain fall on her face. Dr. Webber sits down next to her.

"You're getting wet," he points out.

"So are you…" she replies, without looking up.

"Yes…I suppose I am. You're doing an excellent job so far on Meredith's treatment. I looked at her labs this morning. She's doing much better than anyone could have ever hoped," Dr. Webber says.

"I guess you didn't hear. She had a seizure during radiation. We have to move the transplant up. She's not tolerating the chemo well enough to continue with it for much longer. I'm still doing the research, but I think she can tolerate about 2 more days of intense chemo before her body is just too overloaded. I just hope 2 more days is enough to put her in remission," Izzy says.

"You know…you've been under tremendous stress. This is your first solo case and it happens to be one your best friends. Not to mention that Dr. Bailey gave you Lexi Grey as an intern, which creates a whole set of problems in itself, and then you're a finalist for chief resident. You've suffered tremendous loss in recent years and you bounced back. I'm proud of you, Stevens," Dr. Webber says.

"Chief resident…I should withdraw my name right now…I just yelled at Lexi. The look on her face when I said what I said…it was awful. I crushed her. I completely crushed her. What kind of a teacher does that?" Izzy says, sadly.

Dr. Webber smiles. "Your mentor Dr. Bailey crushed you a few times, if I remember correctly. You bounced back…and she will too."

Izzy shakes her head. "It's different. Dr. Bailey drew the line between friendship and work. I never did that…we were friends, and I never drew that line…until now. And of course I gave her no warning…It was wrong, what I said…It was cruel and mean and…I wish I could do that one over," she says.

"There are a lot of moments in my career that I wish I could do over. But there are more moments that I derive extreme pride from. We're surgeons…but we're still human. We're still people who make mistakes. All we can do is apologize for them and hope that the people we hurt forgive us." Dr. Webber says.

Izzy thinks for a moment. "Thank you, Chief," she says, feeling slightly better after his pep talk.

"Hang in there, Stevens. You're a force to be reckoned with…" he says, as he stands up and heads back into the hospital.

(Break)

"Dude…she didn't' call you back, did she?" Alex asks.

"Not yet, but she will…I'm irresistible!" Mark replies.

"No…she won't. I know Izzy…she's stubborn as hell!" he says.

"How's it going with Lexi? I don't see you two making out in any stairwells," Mark retorts.

"Not yet, but I have a plan in motion. Lexi is going to know what a nice guy I am. She's going to know what lengths I'd go to for her," Alex says.

"You said you had an idea for a plan for Izzy and I also…right?" Mark asks, nonchalantly.

"I do…are you asking for my help?" Alex asks, smugly.

"You want in on ever surgery I have next week?" Mark asks.

"Make it the next two weeks and I won't rub in that you need me to help you get a date," Alex says.

"Deal," Mark replies, and they shake on it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thanks for reading and reviewing everyone!! Special thanks to A Lady of Paris and Sunnycait and LucinaLuvsGrey for being extremely consistent, loyal and detailed reviewers!! But all of you, I really appreciate getting reviews…so keep them coming!!


	18. Chapter 18

"Dr

"Dr. Stevens, Dr. Yang! I need to see you both for a moment," Dr. Bailey calls.

Izzy and Christina jump. "Yes, Dr. Bailey!" they say in unison.

"Panel interviews for chief resident are this Friday. We are not releasing the names of the interviewers with the exception of myself and the chief. The rest of the panel will be made up of a combination of attendings, hospital employees, and interns. Good luck to both of you. I'm proud of you both!" Dr. Bailey says, formally.

"Dr. Bailey?" Christina asks.

"Yes, Yang?"

"You said there were three finalists," she says.

"Yes…I did," Dr. Bailey says, as she walks away.

(Break)

"Meredith?" Lexi says cautiously as she approaches Meredith's bed.

Meredith moans in response without opening her eyes.

"I came to see how you were feeling. I mean, I'm sorry I wasn't there right away when you had your seizure," Lexi stammers.

Meredith moans again.

"See…I don't know what you mean when you just make a noise, and I'm really insecure, so I don't automatically assume that you're saying, 'Don't worry Lexi! I forgive you and I'll be fine!' so if you could open your eyes and talk to me, I'd really appreciate it. I have to check your vitals in a few minutes, but I came early so we could just talk, and you're not really holding up your end of the conversation…." Lexi says.

"Sorry…" Meredith says, almost inaudibly.

"No problem. Let's just talk…I just need to know that you are okay. That my sleeping when I should have been running to Izzy…I mean, Dr. Steven's page, didn't irreparably worsen your condition. I'm just rambling selfishly right now, because I don't know what to say…Is there anything you want to say? I'm going to shut up now," Lexi says.

"Derek…" Meredith whispers.

"What about Derek?" Lexi says.

"He told me…about Rose…" Meredith says, weakly.

"Is that when you had the seizure?" Lexi asks.

Meredith nods.

"He loves you…I know he does. He is just having trouble dealing with all of this. He's having trouble imagining you sick, in pain…you know…" Lexi's voice trails off.

"Dead…" Meredith says.

"What?" Lexi asks, surprised.

"He's having trouble imagining me dead," Meredith clarifies.

"Nobody is imagining you dead!" Lexi objects.

"I am. I imagine myself dead all the time now. I want everyone to be happy. I want Derek to be happy. If he can be happy with Rose, then he should do it. I might not be around to make him happy. He should be with someone who will be here to make him happy," Meredith says, eyes still closed.

"Meredith! You are not going anywhere. You are going to be here to make everyone happy. You're all I have… The only friend I have in Seattle is George, and he's always with Christina now, Alex still hasn't tried to talk to me, and of course I had the fight with him defending my supposed new friend, Izzy, who bit my head off yesterday. You are the only family and only friend I have left. Please…don't give up. I need you…" Lexi pleads, desperately.

"I'm so tired Lexi…I'm sorry," Meredith says.

Lexi feels her throat tighten as she takes Meredith's vital signs. She notes Meredith's high fever, and tries to ignore the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I'll come back later, Mer. Please don't give up," Lexi says, her voice catching.

(Break)

"I did it! I scheduled everything perfectly! I'm telling you…I'm going to have her eating out of the palm of my hand in no time flat. I'm a genius!" Mark gloats.

"You're a genius? It was all my idea! I spoon fed you, dude," Alex says, laughing.

"You just lost a week of scrubbing in. The deal was that you couldn't rub it in. You're down to one week," Mark says.

"Listen…this is a no lose situation for me. I'm getting surgeries and you will owe me forever if things work out with Izzy. I come out of top no matter what. You don't have the upper hand here, Sloan," Alex says, as he walks away.

(Break)

Lexi sits outside as the rain pours down on her face and mixes with the tears that pour down her face.

"There you are," Izzy says, as she sits down next to Lexi. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

Lexi is crying too hard to reply, and Izzy waits patiently.

"Thank you for getting me the results of Meredith's labs today. I started her on heavy duty antibiotics. She has a pretty serious infection, but I think we can control it and still stay on schedule for transplant," Izzy says, as she waits for Lexi to pull herself together.

Lexi shows no signs of being able to pull herself out of her despair, so Izzy tries again.

"I'm really sorry. I've been under a ton of stress. Stress I didn't even know I was under until the other day. I'm terrified of messing up here, I'm upset about Mark, and I'm still missing Denny more and more every day. I'm realizing I really want to be chief resident but that I don't trust that I'll be good at it, and not one of those things is a good reason for the way I snapped at you in the radiation room. I'm really really sorry," Izzy says.

Lexi turns to face Izzy and takes a deep breath. "You know, when I was Christina's intern, I took abuse all the time. I didn't let it get to me because I knew that was just who she was. I didn't care what she thought of me. You and I were friends. Friends don't humiliate each other in the radiation room. Friends don't talk to each other that way. It's fine…I get it. You're my boss who happens to be nice most of the time and turns a little schizo occasionally. I know where I stand now. It's fine, Dr. Stevens," Lexi says, bitterly through her tears.

"I didn't draw that boss/friend line. I'm not good at that, and I should have been clearer from the start. I'm sorry. We are definitely friends. And you definitely can't sleep through a 9-1-1 page. Both statements are true. I handled it really badly and should have talked to you about it later, in private. I'm sorry," Izzy explains.

"Meredith is giving up. She's not fighting anymore. Ever since Derek told her about Rose…she won't fight. She wouldn't even open her eyes," Lexi says.

"I'll talk to her. But are we okay here?" Izzy says, anxious to put this problem behind them.

Lexi shrugs. "I guess so."

"I really meant it, Lexi. We are friends, and I'm also your boss. You did a lousy job that night in sleeping through that page. I did a lousy job as a teacher that night in yelling at you the way I did. Basically we both did our jobs half-assed and I'm sorry that I didn't do a better job. I promise, it won't happen again," Izzy says.

"And I'm sorry I slept through your page. I probably made you look bad by not showing up when you paged me. Not to mention that if you had needed my help, I left you hanging. I also promise it won't happen again." Lexi admits, tearfully.

"You're not still crying because I yelled at you…are you?" Izzy asks.

"No. I'm crying because my sister looks like death. I hate Derek." Lexi says.

"I hate leukemia almost as much as I hate Derek right now," Izzy says.

(Break)

"Mer? I'm here to have that conversation you wanted to have. You know…if the transplant doesn't work," Izzy says.

Meredith smiles. "Good. I'm ready," she says, struggling to sit up.

Izzy helps her adjust the pillows so she can sit. "So tell me what I need to do," Izzy says, putting on a brave face.

"First of all…I have a bunch of letters. They are in this drawer over here. There's one for you, Christina, George, Alex, the chief, Dr. Bailey, Mark, Thatcher, Molly, Lexi, Derek…obviously…Oh! There's one more, for Addison. I felt like I sort of owed her an apology in case the whole heaven and hell thing is real…" Meredith pauses.

Izzy nods officially and makes a note on her clipboard.

"Umm…the funeral. I don't want flowers. I think they make a funeral sort of creepy. People buy all these big bouquets of flowers like they're trying to hide that there is a dead body in the room. I don't want that," Meredith says, matter-of-factly.

Izzy writes down all of Meredith's requests on the clipboard that she is clutching.

"And I need you to look out for certain people for me. I don't mean to put a burden on you or anything, but I need you to make sure that Christina doesn't take out her grief on herself. She doesn't really know how to express emotions so she gets angry and mean and it always ends up being self destructive in the end…" Meredith explains.

"So you want ME to keep an eye on CHRISTINA?" Izzy asks, half laughing.

"You're good at talking to people and making them see the truth about themselves. You're good with people, Izzy. It's what makes you…well….you," Meredith explains.

Izzy's eyes fill with tears. She has always seen Meredith and Christina as a unit that sort of excluded her. Until this moment, she did not realize how much Meredith's approval of her meant.

"Thank you. That was really nice to hear," Izzy says.

"Wait. I'm not done," Meredith says.

Izzy nods, and waits for her to go on.

"I want Derek to be happy. I want him to find someone. Be there for him, so he doesn't turn to the first girl who shows an interest in him. He's not good at being alone," Meredith says.

"Doesn't the fact that he's not here for you now bother you?" Izzy asks.

Meredith nods. "I feel like when the going got tough, he gave up on me. He doesn't think I'm going to make it. Maybe he's right… But I do know he loves me. He loves me too much to see me suffer. I know about Rose."

Izzy bites her tongue. She wants to tell Meredith how weak she thinks Derek is, but knows she would just be rubbing salt in a very open wound.

"You're going to make it, Meredith. You WILL make it. I believe in happy endings," Izzy says, feeling the lump in her throat.

"This isn't going to be that talk, Iz. You can't change the subject. Maybe some other time, but I need to tell you the rest right now…There's more," Meredith says.

Izzy nods for lack of a better response and positions her pen to her clipboard ready to write.

"George and Christina are kind of cute together, but I don't think it will last. I know I don't have to tell you to look out for George, but make sure he ends up with someone who makes him happy. He's probably the best guy we know," Meredith says.

Izzy smiles. "He is…isn't he. And we've both slept with him. How weird is that?" Izzy says, laughing.

"Yeah…our little group is kind of incestuous...isn't it?" Meredith says, smiling. "That brings me to Alex. I like him. He's a jerk on the outside, but on the inside, he's a good guy. I think he'll make a really good dad one day. If he really loves Lexi, don't let him blow it. You're his good friend…you can figure out if he really cares about her. Don't let him treat her the way he always treats people when he's afraid to get close," Meredith says.

Izzy smiles. "I can do that. I think he really does care about her. They're still not speaking, but Alex is plotting something. I see it in his eyes. He really cares."

"And you…let go of Denny, Iz. It's time. You have so much love to give. You're just the most hopeless romantic I know. Actually it's a little annoying…I won't lie to you…but it's you. You're not a person who should be alone. When you find the right person, don't feel guilty and don't sabotage it. Denny would want you to be happy," Meredith says.

A tear slides down Izzy's face as she nods silently.

"And this last thing is the most important to me. It's Lexi. She needs a person. Be Lexi's person. Please take care of her. I need to know someone will look out for her," Meredith says.

"Lexi's a good friend. We'll take care of each other…" Izzy chokes out.

"I'm slipping away, Iz. I can envision life without me here…you know what I mean?" Meredith asks.

Something inside Izzy snaps. "Damn it, Meredith! I'm not listening to this anymore! You are going to fight this! You were fighting it until Derek told you about Rose. You had the seizure and gave up! Now you come to me with a list of people you want me to be responsible for when you die? Well right now, you're alive and I'm responsible for you. I'm not letting you give up because McPussy couldn't be man enough to be there for you when you have cancer. We all need you here, Meredith. You're the one who binds everyone together. Stop being selfish and start fighting. You're going to transplant in two days and I'm not letting you die!" Izzy yells.

Meredith is silent for a moment. A smile creeps on to her face. "Did you just say McPussy?" she asks.

Izzy laughs and hugs Meredith. "We're going to do this. You, me and Lexi…who is turning out to be one hell of a good intern…we're going to do this."

(Break)

"Dr. Webber. Do we or do we not need to sit down and meet about the chief resident applications. All three applicants are extremely strong," Dr. Bailey says.

"And they're all your students. You're raised them, Dr. Bailey. You've trained them to be the best. Any of the three of them would be an excellent choice. Do you have all of their reviews up to the one that was given two months ago?"

"All photocopied for the panel. For obvious reasons, I ask that the panel interview be postponed an extra week," Dr. Bailey asks.

"We're going to have to do that anyway…Two of our board members are out of town. Will you get the word out to the three finalists?"

"Will do." Dr. Bailey says.

(Break)

"Derek…I'm not going to watch you sit and mope like this. You need to get out. We can move our surgeries and go get a few drinks. Snap out of it, man!" Mark says.

"I can't snap out of this. Meredith is so sick, and I don't have the guts to stand by her. I just don't. I can't watch her suffer. Do you know what it's like to love someone so much that you have to hurt them because you can't watch them hurt?" Derek asks.

"I think I might. I'm not sure. I'm not good at this love stuff like you are. But I think I might actually understand what you mean," Mark says.

Alex storms into the on call room and slams his hand down on one of the cots. "Damn it! My plan was postponed until next Friday! Now that's another week that Lexi won't know that I'm not just a jerk," he says to no one in particular.

"Maybe that's because you are just a jerk," Mark mutters under his breath.

"Why don't you just talk to her? Do you really need a grand plan, or can you just tell her how you feel?" Derek asks, standing up from the cot he has been laying on and putting on his white coat.

"Advice coming from the guy who gave his girlfriend a seizure in the radiation room? No thanks," Alex says.

"Dude. Good one!" Mark laughs.

Lexi storms into the on call room and marches up to Derek.

"I was the girl at sleep away camp who used to get upset when the kids used to kill the mosquitoes. They hated the mosquitoes, but I couldn't bring myself to hate them. I didn't even hate the bats that flew around our bunk in the middle of the night. My father and sister left last week and I don't hate them. I'm angry at them, but I don't hate them. Meredith tortured me for my first year here and I never hated her. I am very forgiving and I don't hate anyone, but I think I might hate you. You're killing my sister. She was doing well until she found out about you and Rose. I hate you Derek Shepherd and if that means I never scrub in on another neuro case…fine. But I finally know what it's like to hate someone and never be able to forgive them for what they did!" Lexi explodes, charging at him and punching him with her fists.

Alex grabs her into a tight embrace. "Lexi….shhhhh…it's okay. It's all going to be okay," he whispers as she gradually stops fighting.

"Dude…isn't that the second Grey girl who has beaten you up. Meredith beat you up once…didn't she?" Mark asks.

Derek just stares at Lexi, crying in Alex's arms. "I'm sorry, Lexi. I'm so sorry," he says, as he walks out of the room.

"I love you, Lexi," Alex whispers.

Lexi looks at him through her tears. "I think I love you too."

"Shepherd was right…honesty pays off…" Mark says to himself.

(Break)

Derek stands outside Meredith's room. Rose approaches him.

"Hey stranger," she says.

"Hey. How are you?" Derek says, uncomfortably.

"Fine…I'm fine. How are YOU?" she asks.

"Look, about the other night…" he begins, avoiding the question. Rose cuts him off before he can finish his sentence.

"Derek. There is no explanation necessary. You're devastated about Meredith. You wanted me to be the rebound girl while you mourn the loss of someone who isn't gone. I said no. You kissed me anyway to try to wear me down since you know I care about you. I told you I'd be there for you but not in that way. Then I left. As far as I know, there is nothing else to explain," Rose says, matter of factly.

Derek shrugs. "I guess you're right."

"You're going to have a lot of regrets, you know…I have to take her to chemo now. She's really bad and she's only going to get worse before she gets better. This infection is really knocking her out. Transplant is in two days. Everyone is under a lot of stress. You don't have a monopoly on stress you know…" Rose says, as she walks into Meredith's room and leaves Derek standing outside.

(Break)

"Dr. Stevens." Mark says, as he opens the door to Izzy's office.

"Dr. Sloan." Izzy replies courteously, but not warmly.

"I need a consult," he says.

"A consult? With me? You're the attending…I'm just a resident. What do you need me to consult on?" Izzy replies, confused.

"Well…it's a friend of mine. I think there's something wrong with him," Mark says.

Izzy raises her eyebrows.

Mark continues. "Every time he gets close to a great girl, he does something to screw it up. The thing is that there is this girl that he really likes, and he had a fight with her. He called her to apologize but she never called him back. This guy just can't get the whole love thing right…do you think you can help him?" Mark asks.

Izzy smiles in spite of herself. "I think I might be able to…" she replies.

Mark leans in to kiss her, and Izzy wraps her arms around him. "Thank you. This was good timing. I needed something good today. Meredith's in bad shape. I have start harvesting Lexi's bone marrow and hope that Meredith is ready for the transplant in two days," she says.

"Speaking of Meredith…I do need your help with a friend of mine…a real friend," Mark says.

"Oh?" Izzy asks.

"Derek. We have to do something about this. For him…for Meredith…Derek's my family. I can't let him screw up like this without at least trying to fight him on it," Mark says.

"Who talks sense into Derek like no one else?" Izzy asks.

A light bulb goes off in both of their heads at the same time. They smile conspiratorially at each other.

"I'll call her…"Izzy says.

I'm sorry it took me so long to update. It's been such a crazy few weeks. Please read and review…The next chapter will be full of excitement. There will be the person who comes to talk sense into Derek…The actual transplant…will it work? Will there be complications? And…development of Mark and Alex's plans as well as the chief resident race beginning to play out. Only a few chapters left!

Thanks in advance for reviewing!

-Jess


	19. Chapter 19

"I'm here Mark

"I'm here Mark!" Addison calls from the doorway. "Aren't you going to help me with my bags?" she asks.

Izzy and Mark lie in bed after she spent her first night at his apartment. Neither one of them hear Addison at the door. Izzy nuzzles into the crook of Mark's arm.

Mark says, "What do you say we pretend we're not in a profession that deals with life or death and just blow off work and stay in bed all day?"

"Not a bad idea, but today's a big day for me. We get the results today of the remission labs. I want to get to the lab before Lexi does, because I want to find out if Meredith is in remission before she gets there. If the answer is no…" Izzy's voice trails off.

Mark takes her hand. "It won't be," he says.

"Now who's the optimist?" Izzy smiles.

"I learned from the best," he replies. They lie in bed in blissful silence for a few moments until they hear a voice in the kitchen.

"Mark? Are you home? The door was unlocked so I let myself in. I'm here!" Addison calls.

Izzy jumps out of bed and searches frantically for her clothes. "Oh my god! What do I do? I don't want her to…"

"Relax…It's fine. Addie will be happy for us. She's all into happiness and zen-like stuff now…isn't she?" Mark asks, still lying in bed.

"Mark?" Addison calls.

"You better get out of bed!" Izzy hisses at him, as she throws her clothes on.

"Go say hello. I'll join you in a minute," Mark says, calmly.

"I could slice you open with a scalpel right now!" Izzy says as she tentatively opens the door that leads her out of Mark's bedroom.

"Izzy Stevens! What are you doing here…oh wait! That's an embarrassing question…isn't it? You just came out of Mark's bedroom and well…Mark's Mark and you're gorgeous so…it makes sense. I guess you're both single and well…Mark's kind of good for that…isn't he?" Addison says, giving Izzy a big hug.

Izzy stares at her, stunned for a moment before she says, "Actually, Mark and I are not single…we're…"

"Oh…who's the lucky guy? Or not so lucky…since you're cheating on him with Mark. Gotta admit…I'm surprised. You strike me as a one man woman when you're committed. This guy may not be the one, Stevens...especially if he drives you to Mark's bedroom! But I'm glad you've gotten back on the horse. You were pretty lonely the last time we talked," Addison says.

"The lucky guy _**is**_ Mark. Mark and I are together. I really like him, Addison. Like REALLY REALLY like him," Izzy says.

"Okay…I just got here and it's 5:00am and I haven't had much sleep so I'm going to just watch and listen and not comment. But Stevens…Mark is Mark. He's always going to be Mark. He just is. People don't change," Addison says.

"That doesn't sound like watching and listening…it sounds sort of like judging…" Izzy points out.

"You're right. Very un-zen of me. I'm sorry. You look happy. I'm happy for you…if it's real," Addison surrenders.

Izzy is silent for a moment before she says, "Thank you for coming. I know our phone call must have been a shock to you…"

"It was. How is Meredith doing?" Addison says.

"I'll let you know later. I'm waiting on some lab results. But right now it's Derek we need your help with," Izzy says.

"I know. Mark told me. I'll talk to him. That's so Derek to run. Everyone thinks he's so strong and stable, but if he can't fix it, he doesn't know what to do! He feels like a failure and then he runs. I know him like a book. I'll reason with him," Addison says, confidently.

"Thank you," Izzy says.

"Addie!" Mark says, as he steps out of the bedroom.

"Mark!" she replies, opening her arms wide for a hug.

The two of them embrace, and Addison says, "Just so you know, this isn't the girl you screw and leave…you know that…right?" she says outloud, pointing at Izzy.

"Ummm…still standing here!" Izzy says.

"I know…I know…maybe I'm growing up. Can we talk about Derek now instead of my stunted emotional development?" Mark says.

Addison and Izzy laugh. "I'll make breakfast." Izzy says, opening the refrigerator.

(Break)

Rose pushes Meredith's wheelchair down to the chemo room. She tries to make small talk to keep Meredith awake long enough to get her settled.

"So…last day of chemo before the big transplant. Right?" Rose says, looking at her chart.

"It depends. They are waiting to see if I'm in remission," Meredith says, weakly.

"I'm sure you are. How could you not be? We've been pumping you full of the harshest toxins we can find," Rose says, realizing a little too late that her attempt at humor isn't really funny.

Meredith is silent.

"Meredith. I just want to explain. I'm not the girl who kissed your boyfriend. I'm not even the other woman. I'm the girl who thought she was having a drink with a friend who was sad. A friend who…yes…I have some feelings that go beyond friendship for. I'm the girl who sat there while he cried about how much he loved you. Then at the end of that conversation, I'm the girl who sat there while he told me that if he couldn't have you he would settle for me because he was scared to be alone. Then I'm the girl he tried to kiss. I'm also the girl who had enough pride to pull away and go outside where your friends stood judging me when I tried to explain. Just so you know…that's the girl I am." Rose says.

Meredith sighs. "I'm not mad. I don't blame you. I know you're getting hurt in all of this too. I just wish he were here. I'm grateful though. All my life I've felt so alone. It wasn't until I got sick that I realized how many people I have who really care about me. Me…Meredith Grey. Things don't usually work out that way…do they? I'm scared, Rose. I'm scared that when I finally think it's within my reach to be happy, I'm going to get the results that are going to say I'm not in remission and I'll find out that I'll never get the chance to see it all play out. Everyone thinks I'm giving up…but I'm not. I'm just scared I'll have no choice. I've never wanted to live so badly before." Meredith asks.

Rose helps to transfer Meredith to a chair and begins to access her port. As she begins the chemotherapy regimen, Meredith begins to tire almost immediately.

Christina barges into the chemo room and demands to speak to Meredith.

"She's sleeping." Rose says, quietly.

"I need to wake her up! She's my person!" Christina demands.

"Umm…whatever that means," Rose mumbles. "She's not going to wake up for a while. Do you want me to page you when she does?" she asks.

"This just sucks on so many levels. Do you understand how much this sucks?" Christina yells at Rose as she storms out of the room.

"Okay…each of them is crazier than the next!" Rose mutters.

(Break)

Lexi paces back and forth in Izzy's office. The lab technician told her that he had instructions to only give the results directly to Dr. Stevens. Lexi half contemplates putting on a blond wig if Izzy doesn't arrive soon and attempting to get the lab results again.

Christina opens the door to the office and says, "Hi. Can I pretend you are Meredith for a minute?"

Lexi looks at her confused. "Did you just ask if you can pretend I am Meredith?"

"Yes. I need to talk to Meredith. She's my person. And you're not her. I know that. But you sort of sound like her, and if I close my eyes and try really hard to ignore it if you say anything stupid, I think I might be able to pretend you are Meredith," Christina says.

"Wow. That's so flattering," Lexi says, sarcastically.

"That was good. Sarcasm. Very Meredith-like," Christina says.

Lexi sighs. "Go ahead. But just for the record, this is VERY weird."

Christina closes her eyes. "It's George. He's clingy. You know I don't do clingy. He stayed the night twice last week. At first I liked having someone willing to attend to my every need, but now he's just annoying. I want to break up with him, but then I'm the girl who kicked Bambi. You can't break up with George because he's soooooo nice. I hate nice people. They make you feel guilty when you're mean," Christina says.

Lexi stares at the closed eyed Christina and says, "Ummm…why don't you just tell him how you feel."

Christina opens her eyes. "That's the best you can do? That's your Meredith? Try again!" Christina says, closing her eyes again.

Lexi thinks fast. "Okay…ummm…I hate clingy too. Why don't you just tell him you need space and maybe he'll get the hint."

Christina accepts this answer. "But he's George. And now I'm breaking George. It's like kicking a puppy!"

"You don't usually mind kicking puppies. Besides…puppies are very forgiving. Many puppies have owners that kick them and they just keep coming back for more!" Lexi says.

"You are so right. I don't mind kicking puppies. I don't even like puppies. Thanks Mer. That helped," Christina says.

"Glad I could help," Lexi says, awkwardly.

Christina opens her eyes and says, "Gotta go. Let me know when you get Meredith's results. I hear we're finding out if she's ready for transplant today," Christina says.

"Yes. We are," Lexi says.

"Well…see you around," Christina says, heading out the door.

"Christina!" Lexi calls.

Christina turns around. "What?" she asks, sounding less annoyed than Lexi had anticipated.

"What's a person?" Lexi asks.

"What?" Christina replies.

"A person…you always talk about Meredith being your person. What does that mean?" Lexi asks.

"It's the person who will always come when you call. It's the person you'd put on your emergency card. You know…in case of emergency? That person. It's the person who you always know you can count on…no matter what," Christina explains.

"That must be nice. I never had a person. Do you know that I once had to have a wisdom tooth out and I had to put down an emergency contact and I made up a name and phone number." Lexi says.

"That's pathetic, Mini-Mer. Don't tell that to too many people," Christina says.

"I won't," Lexi says. "I'll let you know when I hear about Meredith," Lexi says.

"Thanks. And Lexi…" Christina says.

"What?" Lexi replies.

"Get a person," Christina says, walking out of the room.

George comes in before Lexi has a chance to sit down.

"Lexi! Do you have a second?" George asks.

"Do I have to pretend to be anyone?" Lexi asks.

"Huh?" George says, looking confused.

"Never mind. What's up?" Lexi says.

"It's Christina. I made this terrible mistake. I slept with her and I thought I was really into this and thought it was something that it totally wasn't. Now, there is sort of this girl that I want to ask out, but I can't because of Christina. And you know Christina. You don't want to be the guy who screwed Christina over because Christina isn't really that nice when she likes you. I can't imagine what she would do to me if I broke up with her. I think she likes me. I mean, really likes me. I am trying to play the role of boyfriend, but I'm tired. And I think I like this other girl. What do I do?" George asks, frantically.

"First of all…breathe. You sound a little hysterical. Second of all…tell Christina that it's too hard for you to be with someone who is so focused and driven but that you'd never want her to compromise her career for anything like a relationship, so you think that as much as it kills you, you should let her go," Lexi says, thinking quickly.

"You're a genius!! Have I told you lately that you're the best?" George asks.

"No. But thanks," Lexi says. "Now, who's the other girl?"

"I'll let you know, when I find out if she says yes…" George says.

(Break)

"George! We need to talk!" Christina says.

"Yes…we do," George replies, nervously.

"This has been fun…you're a good guy…you'll make some, boring, clingy housewife really happy one day, but not me. Let's not make this awkward. Let's just move on, and stay friends, or whatever…" Christina says, quickly.

"Wait! No!" George says.

"George, don't make this difficult…" Christina says, thinking that he is starting to look like a puppy.

"No! That's not what I mean. I was supposed to break up with you. I was supposed to say that you were too focused and driven for me to allow you to get distracted by anything so frivolous as a relationship!" George replies, quickly.

"Supposed to? What do you mean you were _supposed to say??"_ Christina asks.

"I mean, Lexi told me to say that you and I…"

Christina cuts him off. "Lexi? She told me to kick the puppy!"

"Puppy? Lexi called me a puppy and then told you to kick me?" George says, horrified.

"Whatever…you do sort of have that puppy like look to you. You know the _oooh…I'm so cute, please take me home…_look to you," Christina says.

"And you have that _I'm a killer whale and I destroy everything in my path_ look to you!" George says.

"Look, I give you credit. You're an average looking guy. In your time here you've managed to sleep with Meredith, Callie, Izzy and now me. It's impressive. Take your trophy and go home." Christina says.

George stops for a moment and thinks about that. "You're right. I'm a stud. I am a stud…" he says, laughing to himself as he starts to walk away with renewed confidence.

Christina is about to protest until she realizes she is free and didn't even have to kick the puppy. She lets George leave feeling good.

(Break)

"Derek…" Addison says, tentatively as she opens the door to his office.

"Addison? What are you doing here?" she asks.

"I'm here for…well…you," she says.

"Mark called you…didn't he?" Derek asks.

Addison nods. "Mark and Izzy. Are they for real? Is that like…well…never mind. It's not important right now. So, talk to me…" she says.

Derek looks at her helplessly. "I don't know what to say. I can't help her. I can only hurt her. That's what I do. I hurt her. I don't want her to hurt. She's in pain. She's weak. She's broken. I'm broken. Everything's broken…Addison…everything."

"We're surgeons, Derek. We break and fix things all the time," Addison points out.

Derek nods. "I know…but what do you do when you can't fix someone? You close up and walk away. You tell the family that you did the best you could. That's how I feel right now…I can't fix her and I did the best I could."

"But this isn't a case. This isn't work, Derek. What made our marriage fail was our inability to separate life from work. You may think it was my affair. I can pretend it was you and Meredith…but it was neither of those things. It was both of us not knowing how to separate life from work…plain and simple. This is life. You can't just close up and walk away," Addison says.

"Then what do I do? What do you do when you can't fix it? When I couldn't fix us…I closed up and walked away. I came to Seattle and started over. I'm good at that. I can walk away and start over," Derek says.

"We both closed up and walked away. I walked away to Mark and you walked away to Seattle. By the time we tried to find each other it was too late. There was more we could have done, but neither of us did it. By the time we figured it out, the infection had spread and the patient…our marriage… was septic," Addison says.

"Are you comparing our marriage to a septic patient?" Derek asks.

"In the end, it was. We were both destroying each other from the inside out. But Derek, I learned from my mistakes and I'm trying not to repeat history in L.A. You don't have to change locations not to repeat history. You love her. Don't close up and walk away. It's not time to notify the family. She's here now and you love her. If she doesn't make it, you'll be alone either way," Addison says.

Derek is silent for a moment before he says, "Thanks for coming, Addison. You don't owe me anything…"

"I know. But we're still friends…right?" Addison asks.

Derek smiles. "Always."

(Break)

Izzy runs to the lab and waits for her test results. She holds the envelope in her hand. Her hands shake a little as she starts to open it. Christina sees Izzy standing in the hallway and approaches her.

"Are those Meredith's test results?" Christina asks.

Izzy nods. She tries to open the envelope, but drops it because her hands are shaking.

"Here…let me. My hands are steadier than yours. Cardiothoracic prodigies don't have shaky hands," Christina says.

Izzy doesn't protest. She hands Christina the envelope. Christina opens it but doesn't look at it. She hands the piece of paper to Izzy.

"You should open it. If I see it first and it's bad, I'll have to tell you. I'm not good at the whole talking to people thing. You look and then tell me. But tell me quickly. Don't give me any of your dramatic Izzy speeches…okay?" Christina says.

Izzy nods as she unfolds the paper. She exhales slowly and smiles. "It's good. She's in remission," Izzy says.

Christina doesn't speak. She just grabs Izzy's hand, squeezes it and walks away.

Izzy pages Lexi 9-1-1, and Lexi appears in front of her in less than 10 seconds.

"I came as soon as I got your page. I wasn't sleeping. I've been pacing. I can't stop moving. I just walk in circles because if I stop, I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack…and if I have a panic attack then I can't be effective as a doctor and if I…" Lexi rambles and paces until Izzy grabs her by the shoulders and makes her stand still.

"She's in remission. We did it!" Izzy says, throwing her arms around Lexi.

The two doctors hug and jump up and down like teenagers screaming "We did it!" until Izzy finally pulls away and pulls herself together.

"We better go tell our patient," Izzy says.

"I promised Christina I'd page her too," Lexi says.

"She knows. She opened the envelope. I'll send out a page to everyone. But let's go tell Meredith first," Izzy says.

(Break)

Izzy and Lexi walk into the chemotherapy room where they see Rose sitting next to a very weak looking Meredith. She holds the cup to Meredith's mouth as Meredith takes a sip. Both Izzy and Lexi can't help feeling a little guilty for the way they both treated Rose at Joe's that night.

"Hi," Meredith says, weakly.

"We have some good news!" Izzy says, nodding at Lexi.

"You're in remission. Transplant begins the day after tomorrow!" Lexi says.

Meredith smiles. "That's good. Really good. Thank you for everything," Meredith says.

"The transplant will take place on Thursday. As of tonight, we stop all chemotherapy and radiation. This final dose should kill off any hidden cancer cells as well as any left over immunity that you have. Tomorrow…we will to take Lexi's bone marrow tomorrow. Lexi, you'll be off immediately following your surgery until the transplant. You'll need that time to recover. We'll also move you to isolation immediately tomorrow morning. Anyone who visits you from that point on will need to wear a gown, mask and gloves. They'll also have to have their temperature taken before entering the room. We can't risk another infection. On Wednesday, we'll finish preparing the marrow and then on Thursday, the actual transplant will take place," Izzy explains.

"Will it hurt?" Meredith asks.

"The transplant? No. Basically we infuse Lexi's bone marrow into your system by intravenous…" Izzy begins.

"Not the transplant. The part when you take Lexi's bone marrow," Meredith asks.

Izzy thinks back to her own bone marrow aspiration when she donated her marrow to Hannah. She can't lie to Meredith or Lexi who is standing next to her.

"It can be uncomfortable. But we will take every precaution to…" Izzy tries to sugar coat her answer.

"Iz…that's a doctor talking. I'm asking you as a friend. Does it hurt?" Meredith asks.

Izzy nods. "Hurts like hell. But when you care about the person you're doing it for, you don't care. You squeeze the hand of the person who's with you, and you just draw your strength from them," she says, remembering squeezing Dr. Bailey and George's hand.

Lexi is quiet. She wants to say that it doesn't matter…that she will bear any amount of pain for Meredith. But there is that minor problem…the phobia that has plagued her for many years. The phobia that most people don't expect any doctor to have. Lexi begins to feel queasy.

She gives Meredith a hug and says, "Congratulations. I'm just so happy. Don't worry about it. I'll be fine. I have to run and finish some paperwork, but let's celebrate later…okay?"

As Lexi slips out of the room, Meredith looks at Izzy. "I think you scared her…" she says.

"You better get some rest. It's going to be a rough road ahead…" Izzy says.

Meredith closes her eyes. "You're right. I'm so tired…"

As Meredith drifts to sleep, Izzy slips out of the room and sees Lexi pacing up and down the hallway.

"Ummm…this pacing thing you do. It's a little weird and it's becoming a habit. We need to go over a few things about he transplant. When you get a chance can you…" Izzy stops when she sees Lexi's panic stricken face. "What's wrong?"

"There's something I never told you. I have a phobia of needles. Not like a little one, but a big one. It sounds really stupid. I'm a surgeon. I cut people open…I know. But it's been since I was a little kid. Since the time Molly and I played the salon game," Lexi says, breathlessly.

"Okay…Lexi…calm down. What are you talking about? What salon game?" Izzy asks.

"It's so stupid. We both wanted to pierce our ears but Mom said we were too young. We were whining, so Mom told us to go upstairs and play while she made dinner. We decided to play salon and do each other's hair and paint each other's nails. Then, Molly thought it would be fun to finish our look with some earrings. I said I could pierce her ears. I got a needle from my mom's sewing basket and some ice cubes to numb her ears. I was excited. It was going to be my first surgery. Then, Molly got scared and said she wouldn't do it unless I went first. I really wanted to try it, so I let her pierce mine first. Only as soon as she stabbed me with the needle, I passed out. I've been terrified of needles ever since," Lexi says.

"Okay…Lexi…that was a really touching childhood memory, but we're talking about Meredith's life here. You can't not do this because of a stupid game that you and your stupid sister played years ago. You wanted to do this. You begged Meredith to let you do this. Besides…you had like 10 blood tests before we could declare you a match…remember?" Izzy says, slightly annoyed.

"Yes. I took a lot of Xanax that morning. I barely knew the needle was in my arm, I was so drugged. I can't have anything by mouth the day of the procedure…right?" Lexi says.

Izzy nods, and continues filling out paperwork. She is not taking Lexi seriously, and Lexi knows it.

"There's another thing…It's the paperwork you gave me to fill out. The consent forms for the procedure…I'm having some trouble," Lexi begins.

"Lexi! You went to Harvard Medical! Surely you can handle the forms. They're not complicated. You put your name, address, phone number, emergency contact…etc…It's not difficult," Izzy says, exasperated.

"That's the problem…" Lexi says, embarrassed.

"What?" Izzy demands.

"The emergency contact. I don't have anyone to put down. My father would be too drunk to get down here. Molly went back home. Meredith's so sick. And things with Alex are good…but still new..I can't…I mean…Christina said I need a person. I don't have one," Lexi says.

Izzy kicks herself for being annoyed about Lexi's trepidation. She understands what it feels like to be alone in that room. She remembers waiting for George to come, and worrying that he wouldn't show up and her relief when he did. She puts her hand on Lexi's shoulder.

"Put me down. I'm your person…okay?" Izzy says, remember Meredith's request.

"Really? Wow. Thanks!" Lexi says.

"You're welcome. The only catch is that if I ever need surgery, you have to be mine…okay?" Izzy says.

Lexi nods and finishes the paperwork and hands it to Izzy.

"Thanks," Lexi says.

"No problem. I've always wanted a person," Izzy says.

(Break)

Alex steps into the elevator where Mark waits for his stop.

"Dude. I heard Addison's back in town. Maybe she'll give you some action since you're not getting any from Izzy," Alex says, smirking.

"That's where you're wrong. I woke up nice and warm this morning…" Mark says.

"About time…" Alex mutters.

"Shut up, Karev. Did you do what I asked you to do?" Mark asks.

"Yeah…it's done. It's scheduled for next Friday. The same day I rock Lexi's world…if all goes well," Alex says.

"You're not rocking anyone's world, Karev. Leave that to me…" Mark says.

"Meredith's in remission, by the way. I got a page from Izzy,"Alex says.

"Yeah…so did I. Remember? I woke up next to her last night. I think she paged me first," Mark says.

"Wow…dude…that was so pathetic. Did you tell Derek?" he asks.

Mark shakes his head. "I think Addie got through to him this morning. I was going to let her tell him."

The elevator stops and Mark and Alex step off and split, both heading in opposite directions.

(Break)

Addison enters Meredith's room tentatively.

"Addison? Am I hallucinating?" Meredith says, struggling to sit up.

"Here. Let me help you," Addison says, as she adjusts Meredith's pillows. "I heard the good news. I'm glad you're in remission. Now it's just transplant and then you're home free," Addison says, brightly.

"What brings you here?" Meredith asks.

"Mark and Izzy called me. They said that Derek is having a hard time dealing with everything. They wanted me to talk to him," Addison explains.

"They want you to fix my relationship with Derek? Wow…that must have been…well…I'm sorry…they shouldn't have done that," Meredith says.

"It's fine, Meredith. I'm past the whole sordid love triangle thing. I'm not hung up on Derek anymore. I've moved on. I'm happy," Addison says.

"I'm glad. You know…I feel badly about…" Meredith begins.

"Meredith…you're going for a bone marrow transplant in a few days. Let's leave the past behind us and just say that we never really were that hostile anyway. You were as classy as any dirty mistress could be," Addison says.

"Thanks. So…is Derek going to come see me anytime soon?" Meredith asks.

"I think so…just give him a little time…he's Derek. If he can't fix it he runs…" Addison says.

Meredith nods. "I know. The only other person who knows him like I do is you…" she says, closing her eyes and falling asleep despite her fight to stay awake.

"Take care of yourself…" Addison says, as she covers Meredith with a blanket.

Thanks so much for all the reviews!! I really love reading them!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review soon!! I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can!

You guys are all the best!!


	20. Chapter 20

Lexi sits in the O

Lexi sits in the O.R. prep room waiting to be prepped her for the bone marrow aspiration. Her hands shake as she paces back and forth. She feels alone and scared and looks at her watch. _Where is Izzy? She promised she'd be here. _Lexi naturally assumes that Izzy will be doing the actual bone marrow aspiration, so she should be here already. She begins to get nervous. Just as she is reminding herself to breath, Callie walks into the room.

"Hi Lexi. I'm going to talk you through this procedure, before we get started. We have a few more pre op tests to do, and then we should be ready to take you down to the O.R. Do you want to sit down? You're kind of making me dizzy," Callie says.

"Wait! Why are you here? What's going on? Where's Izzy? I thought…" Lexi says.

"I'm sorry. I assumed you knew. Izzy specifically booked me for the procedure. I'm not usually inclined to do favors for Izzy, but I figured in light of the fact that your sister has leukemia, I could put my feelings for Izzy aside…" Callie says.

Izzy runs into the room breathlessly. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I lost my hospital I.D. badge and of course, the security guard who knows me wasn't on duty, so I had to page Mark to come and vouch for me that I wasn't some psychotic killer…" Izzy says.

"That's debatable…" Callie mutters. Izzy shoots her a look.

"Anyway…I'm here now," Izzy says.

"You're not doing the aspiration?" Lexi asks, in a small voice.

"Doing the bone marrow aspiration? Absolutely not. Dr. Torres here is the best orthopedic surgeon we've got. I'm not the doctor on this one…I'm off duty until this procedure is over. I'm just a really sturdy hand to squeeze as hard as you want. I'll be there the whole time," Izzy explains.

Callie ignores Izzy's presence and looks straight at Lexi. "We'll numb your hip, but I do have to warn you, the area will only be numb to the bone. There is no way to actually numb the bone, so when the needle pierces the hip, you will feel tremendous pressure," Callie explains. "If at any time you need me to slow down and take a break, just say so."

Lexi nods, shakily. "Let's just do this," she says.

There is a knock on the door. Meredith is in a wheelchair which George is pushing.

"Meredith! You're not supposed to be out of your room. You're moving to isolation in a few hours! The risk of infection is too great! George!! What are you doing? You know she can't be here!" Izzy protest.

"Relax, Iz. I'll go in a minute. I just wanted to say thank you to Lexi. This is a tough thing to go through for a sister who's only been nice to you for a few weeks," Meredith says.

George meets Izzy's eyes. Both of them are thinking of the time it was Izzy on that table, and how he came through for her. He notices that Izzy's eyes are glistening, and he discreetly reaches over and squeezes her hand.

Lexi smiles weakly at Meredith. "It will be over in a few minutes. You're the one who's doing the hard stuff," she says, still feeling shaky.

Meredith and Lexi stand there awkwardly, staring at each other for a minute.

"Do you two want to hug and get it over with so I can take Meredith back to her room before Izzy murders me?" George asks.

Meredith stands up and reaches for Lexi and the sisters embrace.

"I love you…" Meredith whispers.

"I love you too…" Lexi whispers back.

As Meredith leaves, Lexi feels a renewed sense of strength. _Look at what Meredith's been through. I can do this…I know I can…_she thinks.

"Before I take you downstairs, is there anything I should know that was not on your pre-op medical history?" Callie says.

Lexi thinks for a moment. _Maybe I should tell her…just in case. _

"Well…it's going to sound really stupid. But I kind of have a little bit of a phobia of needles…" Lexi says.

Callie stares at her. "You're kidding, right?"

When she notices that Lexi is not kidding, she says, "Okay…I'm not going to ask how a surgeon has a phobia of needles, but if we're talking about a real phobia here, then I need to make sure you understand this. You absolutely, under any circumstances cannot move during this procedure. If you do, you not only risk tremendous nerve damage to yourself, but you risk compromising the marrow. Like I said, if you need me to slow down at any point, let me know, but you cannot move," Callie says forcefully.

Lexi nods, feeling her palms beginning to sweat. "I'll try," she says, in a barely audible voice.

"Are you ready?" Izzy asks, bringing over a wheelchair.

Lexi sits down willingly. Normally she would scoff at the idea of being wheeled down in a wheelchair. She would point out that she didn't need one and was perfectly capable of walking. However, at this moment, her legs feel so wobbly that she truly isn't sure that she can make it down the hall without collapsing.

"Let's roll!" Callie says, her slightly tactless humor lightening the mood and making Izzy and Lexi smile.

(Break)

Derek walks into Meredith's room. He sits down on her bed and waits for her to return. He figures she couldn't have gone far. He practices his speech in his head as he hopes she will forgive him and take him back as she always has in the past.

George wheels her into her room and notices Derek. He leans over to him as he passes him on the way out.

"I'm not a violent man, but if you hurt her, I'll hunt you down and break every bone in your body," he whispers, with a fake smile on his face so Meredith doesn't see his hostility.

Derek helps Meredith into bed.

"Hey stranger," she says.

"I'm sorry," Derek says, as he strokes her bald head.

"No. I'm sorry," she replies.

Derek looks at her wondering what on earth she has to be sorry for.

Meredith goes on. "I'm sorry that this has been so hard on you. I've had all the support in the world from the most wonderful friends and family. You've been alone. I know what that's like. I've always been alone. I've always relied only on you, and sometimes Christina, but when you and I weren't together, that meant I had no one. Once I let the rest of the world in, I started to see that I took everyone for granted. I mean…look at Izzy…she's put her whole life on hold for me. She's done nothing but worry about my health, and be a friend since I got sick. Christina…she can't deal, but she comes in here as often as she can and tells me snippets of her life and makes me feel normal for a few minutes. She pushes past the fact that she can't deal. And George…everyone takes George for granted, but he'll do anything for a friend. Even Alex…he has been coming to visit me in the middle of the night, when I can't sleep. And he and Mark made me that wig and the party and everything. And Lexi…she kept caring about me when I gave her no reason to want to. She's giving me a part of herself in every sense of the word. She's all the family anyone could need. Dr. Bailey…the chief…everyone. Even Callie came to see me a few times. Even Rose…even Addison…everyone…everyone but you," Meredith says.

Derek stares at the floor. "Meredith…I…"

Meredith shakes her head. "Derek. I love you like I've never been able to love anyone before. But if this works, I want to start a new chapter of my life. I want to be a better person. I want to be a person who can be close to people. Lots of people. All the people who care about me. I don't want to be scared anymore and I don't want to be weak and dependent on you," she says.

"This is it. Isn't it? It's over…" Derek asks, smiling a sad smile.

"Not forever. But yes. I need to be alone for a while. I need to be Meredith without Derek," she says, then she adds, "And you need to be Derek without Meredith."

"You're right," he says, simply.

Derek takes her hand and says, "You fight like hell through this transplant…okay? And I'll be there as much or as little as you want me to…okay?"

"Thank you," Meredith smiles and closes her eyes.

Derek sits on her bed, holding her hand until she falls asleep. He takes one more look at her before he stands up and leaves, closing the door behind him.

(Break)

"Okay, Lexi. I'm going to inject a local anesthetic into your hip. This is just to numb the flesh that covers the bone," Callie explains.

Lexi cannot help but turn to glance at the needle, which is fairly small, but to Lexi, looks enormous and terrifying. She starts to breathe heavy, feeling a panic attack coming on. She inadvertently shifts her body to lean away from the needle.

"I need you to lay still!" Callie says, harsher than she intended.

"Sorry," Lexi says, breathlessly.

"Breathe with me," Izzy says, taking Lexi's hand. "In…out…in…out…" she says, as Lexi tries to regulate her breathing.

As Lexi is focused on breathing, Callie injects the anesthetic into Lexi's hip. Lexi barely notices the prick, as it is the anticipation that is hardest for her. The actual prick of the needle does not actually cause the pain she had anticipated.

"Okay…We did it. The easy part is over," Callie says, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Good job, Lexi. You did great so far," Izzy says.

Lexi continues to breathe in and out, slowly and deliberately.

"Lexi…this is the hard part. I'm going to drill through your hip and then suck out the marrow. You're going to feel some pressure as I hit the bone. If at any time you need me to stop or slow down, let me know. Otherwise, I'm going to get in there as fast as I can. Whatever you do, don't move. You need to stay perfectly still, okay?" Callie says, trying to keep her voice steady and calm.

Lexi nods and positions herself so that Callie has a good view of her hip.

Callie leans in towards Izzy and says, "I mean it. She can't move. You need to keep her still if she freaks out."

Izzy clutches Lexi's hand. She remembers what Dr. Bailey had told her at this moment.

"You just squeeze my hand. I can take a lot of pressure," she says.

Lexi squeezes hard and concentrates on breathing. As she feels the needle touch her skin, she jumps although it doesn't really hurt.

Callie stops and speaks sternly. "Okay! That can't happen! That absolutely cannot happen again. You're lucky I didn't hit bone yet, or that would have ruined the entire marrow sample. Stevens, if you can't keep her still, get someone in here who can, or I need to restrain her."

Izzy lets go of Lexi's hand for a moment and pulls Callie to a corner of the room.

"Callie, please…let's put our tension aside. Please just make this easier for her," Izzy says.

Callie sighs. "I'm sorry…I'm nervous too. It's not every day you're involved in a case of life or death with someone you know. If she moves and I contaminate the marrow sample, I'll be the one who ruined Meredith Grey's transplant. You've handled this well, Stevens. Chief resident well…" Callie says.

Izzy softens towards Callie for a moment. "Thank you…I've had good moments and bad moments. Let's make this a good moment for both of us," she says.

They walk back towards Lexi. "Okay, Lexi…this is it. Moment of truth. You need to be Meredith's hero right now. You can do this," Izzy says.

"I'm going to start again, Lexi. Dr. Stevens, I'm going to ask you to hold both of her hands and really keep her steady this time…okay?" Callie says, in a much gentler tone than before.

Izzy takes both of Lexi's hands and tries to position herself so she is not in Callie's way.

Lexi takes a deep breath as if to convince herself that she can do this.

Callie begins to insert the needle. As she does, Lexi flinches, but manages to hold still.

Izzy begins to talk, to keep Lexi's mind occupied. "I was supposed to go out with Mark this weekend, but I feel like I need to focus on work right now. I mean with the transplant so close, and the interview for chief resident, I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. Do you think I have a chance, Lexi? I mean, really…be honest. Christina shoots her mouth off about her skills all the time. She's positioned herself as the next up and coming cardiothoracic goddess. I wish I had her confidence. Not her freakish robot-like personality, but her confidence in her skills. I'm good with people…I'm organized, and I have the ability to look at the big picture. All of those are important…right?" Izzy rambles.

Lexi doesn't respond. She is concentrating on not moving.

"Okay, Lexi…I am at the hip and I'm going to drill into the bone. You're doing great. You're going to feel some pressure now," Callie explains.

As the Callie pierces Lexi's hip, Izzy notices Lexi's breathing getting heavy again. Izzy grips Lexi's hands tightly and says, "We're almost there. We can do this!"

Lexi closes her eyes. _I can do this. I have to do this…_

She feels the pressure and seering pain. Reflexively, she jerks her body slightly.

"Damn it!" Callie says.

"Sorry!" Lexi cries.

Izzy's eyes meet Callie's nervously. She knows that could have ruined the whole sample. She prays for good news.

"It's okay…I wasn't in yet. I'm in now," Callie says, calmly.

Callie stops for a moment and looks at Lexi. "You're doing fine. We're almost finished. Dr. Stevens…I'm going to ask you to please do everything in your power to hold Lexi still for this part. Even the slightest movement can compromise our sample at this point," Callie explains.

Izzy holds Lexi's hand with hers and locks her other arm across Lexi's chest like a seatbelt.

"Was it this hard for you?" Lexi asks.

Izzy shakes her head. "Not the needles and the pain. I'm okay with all of that. It was the waiting to see if George would come…and if Hannah would see me. I knew I might never know what happened to her…she was only 11," Izzy explains.

Callie's eyes widen. "Hannah? Adorable little Hannah? Wait…YOU were her marrow donor? Oh my god! I never put it together. There was so much missing information in her chart and Mark kept saying it was irrelevant. You're the birth mother…aren't you? You're the one who…Wow! I never knew. I'm supposed to replace her hip in a few years…"

Izzy gives Lexi a look. "If you didn't have a needle in your hip right now, I'd so kill you for opening your big mouth," she whispers, not really angry. All the secrecy seems unimportant now.

"We're all done, Lexi! You did it," Callie says, pulling the syringe out of Lexi's hip and transferring the marrow to a sterile container.

Lexi smiles a sigh of relief. Callie turns to the nurse who has assisted her. "Please run this down to the oncology lab. Tell them we need it prepped and ready by tomorrow."

As the nurse leaves, Callie turns to Izzy. "Look…I want to say something to you. When Meredith almost drowned, I said that really awful thing to you about George. You know…when I told you that you couldn't afford to alienate him because the people around you were…"

"Dropping like flies? Yeah…I remember," Izzy says.

"Well…I don't consider myself a person who kicks people when they're down. It was wrong and I'm sorry. I was angry for all the reasons you already know, and I just…well…I'm sorry," Callie says.

"Thank you, Callie," Izzy says, surprised.

"And now that Meredith's sick, I guess I'm just glad you let me be helpful. Thank you for requesting me to do this. I got a kick ass sample," Callie says, smiling.

Izzy smiles back.

"Oh…and one more thing. Hannah…she's my all time favorite patient. And she happens to be coming in for a bone density scan on Friday afternoon. Just thought you should know, in case you happened to be around," Callie says.

Izzy freezes. Life seems almost too good right now. For a moment, Izzy can't respond. She is saved by Lexi who says, "Friday is good. Meredith's transplant is on Thursday, then Friday morning you have the chief resident interview, and then Friday afternoon we're off unless there are any major complications with the transplant, but since it's so early on…"

Callie gives Izzy a look, "Is she your intern or your secretary?" she says.

The three of them laugh as they help Lexi into her wheelchair and wheel her into Meredith's room.

(Break)

Rose comes to find Izzy. "Listen…I think we need to restrict her visitors. I moved her to isolation, but everyone has been in every five minutes. If she gets sick before transplant…"

"I know…I know...for the first week, let's say necessary medical personnel only. Once her ANC rises we'll ease up a little. But necessary personnel at least lets Lexi and I visit her while keeping her risk of infection low," Izzy explains.

Rose nods and makes a note in the chart.

"I just want to say, I think you've been really classy about everything, Rose. I'm sorry we judged you that night," Izzy says, awkwardly.

"Thank you, Dr. Stevens," Rose replies.

(Break)

"What the hell, Callie? I'm not sleeping with you, so you decide to screw it up with the woman I am sleeping with?" Mark explodes.

"What are you talking about?" Callie responds, genuinely shocked at his attack.

"Izzy…Hannah…I had a whole plan. I have a follow up appointment with Hannah for her skin grafts, and I had a whole plan to have her and Izzy meet. I was going to orchestrate it, and it was going to be perfect. It was my plan! Now you go and ruin it by inviting Izzy to the bone scan? What the hell?" Mark yells.

"First of all…I didn't even know about Hannah being Izzy's daughter until today because _**someone**_ tampered with a chart. Second of all…I think the idea of using a patient to get sex with Izzy is mildly nauseating to say the least. The word, unethical comes to mind as well. Third of all…why are you so desperate to make her think you're a good guy?" Callie asks.

"First of all, I tampered with the chart because you were a raving psycho who hated Izzy so much that you would have probably broken the kid's hip rather than fixed it. Second of all, I am not using a patient to get sex. What Izzy and I have is more than well…just sex…Third of all…I'm desperate to make her think I'm a good guy because no one's ever made me want to be a better person before. Do you know I haven't even tried to get in bed with Addison since she's been here? That's big!" Mark says.

"Yeah…it is. That's big," Callie says, rolling her eyes.

"Think what you want…say what you want…but I know how she sees me. She sees me as just a guy to pass time with. Not the guy you settle down with. I wanted her to know I'm more than that," Mark says.

"Maybe that's not how she sees you. Maybe it's how you see yourself," Callie points out.

(Break)

Dr. Bailey approaches the chief. "The board said, no, sir. They won't allow it."

Richard sighs. "I had a feeling. I guess we better go tell her," he says, sadly.

"I'll do it, sir. I'll tell her," Dr. Bailey says.

Dr. Bailey walks down to Meredith's room with a heavy heart. _How do I give this girl any more bad news…sometimes life just isn't fair…_

As she approaches the room, Rose says, "I'm sorry…necessary medical personnel only."

Dr. Bailey narrows her eyes. "I am ALWAYS necessary, and don't you dare forget it. I am scrubbed and gowned and I need to speak to my patient…ALONE."

Rose, who is not easily intimidated, opens the door and let's Dr. Bailey in.

"Meredith…how are you feeling?" she asks.

"Been better. But I've also been worse. I'm ready for transplant tomorrow. I'm ready to be on the road to putting this behind me. Moving on with my life…you know?" Meredith says.

"I'm glad you're feeling good. I have some news for you, Meredith…news that well…it's not good news, and I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you…" Dr. Bailey says.

STAY TUNED FOR NEXT CHAPTER! FIND OUT WHAT DR BAILEY"S NEWS IS…FIND OUT WHO WINS THE RACE FOR CHIEF RESIDENT. AND…WILL IZZY FINALLY MEET HANNAH??

Thanks so much for all the reviews!! I totally appreciate it!! I especially appreciate those of you who have been so consistent in taking the time to review! It's so much fun to get them!


	21. Chapter 21

"Dr

"Dr. Bailey, I am still a surgeon. I'm calm in a crisis. I'm not going to freak out. Just tell me what is going on," Meredith says.

"Well…we reviewed your application for chief resident. With your successful clinical trial and your outstanding overall record, you actually scored extremely high on our scoring system. All applications were identified by social security number only until the last round, so we didn't even know it was you in the beginning. The cut off for evaluations was a few weeks before you got sick, so we figured there was no problem in advancing you to the final round. Now that it's down to the final three candidates, the chief and I had to submit names to the board. The start date is a month from now, and since you will absolutely not be ready to work in a hospital with it's risk of infection in a month, the board is disqualifying you from the final round interviews," Dr. Bailey says, exhaling when she finishes.

"Dr. Bailey…if I had applied for chief resident, I would be very angry with the board's decision. I might even file an appeal on the grounds that it seems to be somewhat unethical to discriminate against someone for getting sick. However, since I never applied for chief resident, I am totally unaffected by this decision, nor do I even want to be chief resident," Meredith explains.

"Meredith…I can see where this decision is very upsetting to you. To have made it this far and not be able to continue must be very disappointing, but please don't deny that you made it this far. I have your very impressive application right here. If you did well on the interviews, you'd probably have taken it hands down," Dr. Bailey says.

"I really did not apply. There must be some mistake," Meredith tries to explain.

"I have your application right here. Would you like to see it? I know sometimes chemotherapy can make you forgetful which is temporary, so…" Dr. Bailey hands her the application.

Meredith glances thoughtfully at the application.

"Do you have a pen?" Meredith asks.

Dr. Bailey looks at her strangely, but hands her a pen.

Meredith turns the application over and writes her name. She hands it back to Dr. Bailey.

"Does this look anything like the handwriting on the first page?" Meredith asks.

Dr. Bailey regards Meredith's handwriting and admits that no, it does not look anything like the handwriting on the application.

"This essay? How my mother influenced my surgical career? Like I would ever have written this? My essay would have been about my experience with the clinical trial, and how I believe it will eventually become a major force in neurological advancements. My mother? Seriously?? Who would have done this?" Meredith asks.

"Well…I can't say I'm sorry, because I am somewhat relieved. I mean coming here thinking I was going to crush your dreams of…" Dr. Bailey shakes her head.

"No…I want to concentrate on neurology. I don't want to be distracted by anything when I can go back to work. I'm going to have a lot of catching up to do. I can do it, but chief resident is not something I need to take on at this point. Don't worry, Dr. Bailey…I'm just trying to get through this transplant and have this be a distant memory in my life. Do you think I'll ever get there?" Meredith asks.

"I have no doubt you will. Hey…we are having a small gathering Friday evening of cancer survivors. I'm going to ask Izzy if she will host it in the clinic. Everyone will be in sterile scrubs and it will be held in the clinic which will be sterilized, so recent transplant patients can attend. There will be long term survivors there as well. Would you want to attend?" Dr. Bailey asks.

"I think so. It would be nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel…and to get out of here for an evening!" Meredith says.

"Well then I'll put you down. Now I need to go find out who forged your application and kick some ass! I think I know just where to start…" Dr. Bailey says.

"Wait! Dr. Bailey…" Meredith says.

Dr. Bailey turns around.

"Will whoever did it be in trouble?" Meredith asks.

"When I get my hands on them…you better believe it!" she says, as she goes on the hunt.

(Break)

"Stevens! Grey! Get out here!" Dr. Bailey says.

Izzy and Lexi jump, startled by the harshness of Dr. Bailey's voice.

"Did you do something?" Izzy whispers to Lexi.

"I don't think so…besides…why do you immediately blame me?" Lexi snaps, nervously.

"Because I don't think I did anything…at least not lately," Izzy whispers back.

"Fill out any applications lately?" Dr. Bailey says, waving Meredith's application for chief resident in their faces.

Lexi shakes her head. "Ummm…I'm still an intern. I'm not exactly ready to be chief resident, Dr. Bailey…"

"I certainly agree, Dr. Grey. Which brings me back to who I thought might be the root of this problem. Stevens, this scheme has 'Izzy Stevens' written all over it. It is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping you were finished doing. I guess I gave you too much credit…" Dr. Bailey says, angrily.

"I have no idea what you are taking about, Dr. Bailey. I thought you said my chief resident application was exceptional. You told me I made it through to the final round. I just don't understand…" Izzy says, genuinely confused.

"Your application was exceptional. As was the one you filled out for Dr. Grey…" Dr. Bailey says, narrowing her eyes at Izzy.

"Dr. Grey? That's ridiculous. Interns aren't eligible for…" Izzy is cut off by Dr. Bailey.

"Not THAT Dr. Grey. The other one!" Dr. Bailey says, feeling her voice rise, uncharacteristically.

"Meredith?" Izzy begins to piece together the puzzle that Dr. Bailey is presenting. "Are you saying that someone filled out a chief resident application for Meredith and you think it was me?"

"Precisely," Dr. Bailey says.

"Let me see that application," Izzy says.

Dr. Bailey hands her the application.

Izzy stares at the application and knows immediately who did it. She hands it back to Dr. Bailey. "That is not my handwriting. I didn't do it," she says.

Perhaps it is the indignation and hurt that her voice conveys or the genuine surprise on her face, but suddenly, Dr. Bailey believes her.

Dr. Bailey takes a deep breath. "Then I apologize for accusing you," Dr. Bailey says, feeling foolish.

Izzy is hurt by how quickly Dr. Bailey assumed it was her, yet strangely flattered that she still has the reputation of someone who goes above and beyond for the people she cares about.

"It's okay…" Izzy says, turning back to her work.

"Dr. Stevens?" Dr. Bailey says.

Izzy looks up from her charts.

"Do you recognize the handwriting? Do you know who might have done this?" Dr. Bailey asks.

After a pause, Izzy replies, "No. I'm sorry. I don't."

"You always were a bad liar, Stevens," Dr. Bailey says as she walks out.

Lexi stares at Izzy. "Did you do it?" she asks.

Izzy shakes her head.

"Aren't you going to ask me if I did?" Lexi asks.

"No," Izzy says, simply.

"You know who it was…don't you?" Lexi asks.

"Sometimes it's better to be left in the dark, Lexi. Forging an application is a big deal around here and covering for someone who did it isn't going to earn you any brownie points with anyone. Being able to say you don't know who did it is probably the best thing for you right now," Izzy says.

Lexi doesn't argue. She decides to change the subject.

"The marrow cultures all came back okay…right? We're set for 7am tomorrow, right?" Lexi says.

"Absolutely," Izzy says.

(Break)

"How did it go with Meredith?" Addison asks.

"She broke up with me," Derek says.

"I'm sorry…" Addison says.

Derek laughs, "I'm sure you are."

Addison laughs too. "A year ago…you're right, I wouldn't be. But Derek…I learned how to be without you. I learned how to just be Addison without Derek. There's something about being with you that makes people lose themselves. Maybe it's that you lose yourself in whoever you're with also…I don't know. But I needed to learn to be alone. I'm happy now. I really am," Addison says.

Derek sighs. "Sometimes I miss you, Addison."

"Oh no you don't! You don't get to lose Meredith and try to come back to me. I just told you…I'm happy. I'm alone and I'm happy," Addison protests.

"Don't flatter yourself!" Derek says with a smile. "I don't mean Addison, the wife. I mean Addison the friend. We were good friends."

"We were. But I'm happy, Derek. I'm happy in L.A." she says.

"Who are you trying to convince?" Derek asks.

"What?" Addison questions.

"Who are you trying to convince that you are happy. No one who is happy declares it that much," Derek points out.

Addison pauses. "I am happy, Derek Shepherd! I AM happy!" she declares, as she quickly exits the room before he can ask her any more questions.

(Break)

"Chief? I have a hypothetical situation to run by you." Dr. Bailey says.

The chief nods and waits.

"If someone were to fill out an application for chief resident for someone other than themselves without the said applicant's knowledge, what would happen?" she asks.

"Miranda…" the chief warns.

"I'm just asking!" she replies.

"Well…I supposed they would have to go before the board. They would probably be suspended for a period of time," the chief says.

"Just checking…" Dr. Bailey asks, hurrying out of the room.

(Break)

Izzy sits in the cafeteria, moving food around her plate. It is unusual for her not to feel like eating, so when Addison sits down next to her, she immediately notices.

"What's wrong, Stevens? Did Mark break your heart yet?" Addison says.

Izzy smiles at her. "No. I don't know what's wrong. I guess I'm nervous about Meredith's transplant and then there's the matter of…" Izzy stops herself before saying too much.

"Hannah?" Addison asks.

Izzy's eyes widen. "How did you know?"

"I saw the file. While I'm here, I agreed to consult for her. She's dying for an early hip replacement. Apparently she's wants to try out for the school soccer team and knows she can't do that without a hip replacement," Addison says.

"Yes. I think I'm going to get to meet her on Friday…after my interview for chief resident. I'm nervous for that, obviously. I never thought of myself who would be competitive for this position, but now that I've made it this far, I want it," Izzy explains.

"Meeting Hannah's a pretty big deal. I don't blame you for being nervous. For what it's worth, Stevens…I think what you did took a lot of guts. Guts I didn't have when I got pregnant at an inconvenient point in my life. I just well…it's all water under the bridge. I did what I had to do at the time…But my point is, you didn't do anything wrong. Don't go in there apologizing for not being the one who raised her. Go in there ready to meet a kid who you did right by," Addison says.

Izzy thinks about that for a moment and decides that she really likes Addison's take on the situation.

"Can I run one more thing by you…You know, now that you don't work here?" Izzy asks.

"Sure…" Addison says.

"What if you had a friend. A friend who did something unethical. No one got hurt, and your friend did it with good intentions. You know that someone you respect is spending a lot of time and effort to find out who did this…well…unethical thing. Would you tell?" Izzy asks.

"Here's the thing, Stevens. There is no reason you have to live your life as the ethics police. Just stay focused on what you need to do and keep out of all the drama around here. You have a great career ahead of you. Stay out of trouble," Addison says.

Izzy sighs. "I wish you were still here," she says.

"Really? Can I tell you a secret?" Addison asks.

"Sure," Izzy replies.

"Sometimes I do too…"

(Break)

Alex stops by Izzy's office.

"Hey…I need a favor," he says.

She eyes him suspiciously.

"What kind of favor?" she asks.

"I need you to tell Rose to let me in to talk to Meredith. I need to see her, and Rose thinks she's the troll guarding the bridge. I mean she sort of looks like a troll when she comes in to work in the morning not wearing any makeup, but seriously? Who does she think she is? Has anyone told her she's a nurse and not the head of the secret service?" Alex says, angrily.

"And you need to talk to Meredith about what?" Izzy asks, in a tone that surprises Alex.

"Seriously, Izzy! I'm doing what you asked everyone to do. Didn't you call everyone together in a dramatic meeting at Joe's to announce that Meredith has cancer and that we should all be there for her and visit her? Or did you just want to let everyone know that you were in charge?" Alex asks.

"What? How could you say that? The reason we aren't allowing visitors right now is that she has no immune system. Any infection could be fatal! Besides…Alex…I know what you did. I know about the application. Bailey's on the warpath. You better hope she doesn't find out that it's you," Izzy says.

"Wait! How do you know…you didn't tell her it was me…did you? She didn't say anything to Meredith yet…did she?" Alex asks, in a rare moment of panic.

"No. I didn't say anything. I recognized the handwriting. You have the handwriting of a serial killer. And yes…of course Bailey told Meredith. What did you think? Meredith doesn't know it was you…but…what were you thinking? Meredith doesn't know that you filled out an application for her? Why?" Izzy asks, thinking how many unanswered questions there are.

"I've been trying to get in to see Meredith all day. I told you…I can't get by the little troll," Alex says.

"Well, Bailey came at Lexi and I. She thought it was one of us. I told her it wasn't…but…" Izzy says.

"But what? But you might rat me out later? Come on! We all stood by you after you cut Denny's LVAD wire. None of us ratted you out. You're not going to say anything! You wouldn't…" Alex says.

"No…you're right. I won't say anything," Izzy says. She pauses and thinks for a moment. "Why did you do it? You didn't even apply yourself. Why did you take the time to fill out an application for Meredith?"

"For Lexi. I thought if I did something nice for Meredith, she'd think I was a nice guy," he explains.

"You ARE a nice guy…sometimes," Izzy teases.

Alex shrugs.

"Alex…you don't need to do anything crazy to impress her. You just need to be yourself. The real you, not the Alex who puts on that macho act and treats everyone like crap because he's too scared to be nice. Be the real Alex. The one who picked me up off of Denny after he died and carried me to a chair and held me while I cried. That IS who you are. That's the person you want to show people…" Izzy says.

Alex gives her a half smile. "You're right…but don't tell too many people…you'll ruin my image!"

(Break)


	22. Chapter 22

"You did it…didn't you

"You did it…didn't you?" Meredith says.

"Did what?" Christina says.

"You know it was a stupid idea. You're going to get caught. And Bailey's really pissed!" Meredith says.

"When they destroyed your bone marrow, did they destroy your brain too? I have no idea what you are talking about. I'm here so you can ask me some practice chief resident questions, and I don't have time to be distracted. Izzy's a good interviewer. She's not half the doctor that I am, but she's good with…well…people. I hate people!" Christina says.

"Okay…here's one. Your best friend is sick with leukemia. Do you fill out a chief resident application without asking her? Why or why not." Meredith asks.

Christina answers immediately. "No, because my best friend would be an excellent candidate and I want to win. My only competition right now is known around this hospital by the nickname, Flatline," Christina says. Then she pauses for a moment. "Why did you just ask me that question? Was that like something I should have done for you? Seriously? Am I a bad friend because I didn't forge an application for you or something?"

Meredith is surprised at how genuinely surprised Christina seems. "Someone filled out an application for me. I figured it must have been you. Here…look," she says, handing Christina a photocopy of the first page that Dr. Bailey had given her.

"You should have known this couldn't have been me. It's not typed. I don't do anything without spell checking it. Do you know that I even spell check my own name," Christina asks.

"Then who do you think did it?" Meredith asks.

"Derek? Izzy? Lexi? George? One of those bleeding heart, tree-hugging people who think that you need their help?" Christina says.

Meredith laughs. "Okay…I'm glad it wasn't you. I'd worry that you lost your edge.

"No. My edge is very much still in tact. I'm ready to wipe the floor with the competition!" Christina says.

(Break)

Izzy and Lexi walk down the hall. Lexi carries a bag and walks as though she is balancing an egg on her head.

"Lexi, if you don't hurry up, Meredith could die of old age before she gets her transplant," Izzy says.

Lexi glares at her. "That's not funny! I want to be careful with the marrow. I feel like I'm holding my sister's life in my hands," she says.

"Okay…you have been a bitch all morning. We're all nervous. But we have to pull it together for Meredith. Dr. Bailey and the chief will be there, and I want us to look competent and in control," Izzy says.

Lexi is stressed and not dealing well. She stops walking and snaps at Izzy. "This isn't about you looking good for your bosses. This is about my sister's life! You don't understand what it's like to be in danger of losing someone who means the world to you!" Lexi says.

The moment she says it, she wishes she could take it back. Her eyes fill with tears as she stammers, "I'm sorry…I didn't mean…I meant…I…well…"

Izzy puts her hand on Lexi's shoulder. "It's okay. You're scared. I get it. For what it's worth…I never have been where you are. I mean I was one of the doctors on Denny's case, but I wasn't giving him my heart. That's just a whole other level that I can't even imagine. It's okay, really."

"Thanks. I am scared. What if it doesn't work? What if she rejects it? It will be like she's rejecting me…" Lexi says.

"That's a chance you just have to take. But if it doesn't work, we'll try something else. We're not going to give up. This isn't the end of the road, no matter what, Lexi. We're not letting anything happen to Meredith," Izzy says.

Lexi takes a deep breath. "I'm ready. Let's do it…"

They walk down the hall to Meredith's room. Without speaking they both put on their gloves and their gowns. Before they enter Meredith's room, they both paste on their most optimistic smiles.

"Okay. You two are going to have to stop looking at me like that. It makes me think I'm dying," Meredith says.

Lexi laughs a little too loudly. "Oh my god, Mer! You are soooooo funny!" she says.

Izzy cringes. Lexi is trying to hard.

"Are you ready, Mer?" Izzy asks, giving Lexi a 'stop talking' look.

"Nope!" Meredith says.

Izzy looks confused, and Lexi looks as though she might cry.

"You're not putting any marrow into me," Meredith says.

"Meredith…we've been over this…" Izzy says.

"Wait…you didn't let me finish. You're not putting any marrow into me until you both answer one question." Meredith says.

Izzy sits on Meredith's bed and whispers loudly to her, "Okay…in case you haven't noticed, your little sister here is a little bit high strung. In fact, she's kind of like a rubber band that's been stretched out to the max and has actually snapped and been tied back together and now someone's stretching it again and…"

"Ummm…I'm right here! I can hear you…" Lexi says.

Meredith and Izzy laugh and Meredith says, "Which of you filled out the application?"

"Neither one of us," Izzy says. "We've already been accused and released by Dr. Bailey."

"Okay then…marrow time," Meredith says, mentally checking them off of her list.

Dr. Bailey and the chief enter the room followed by Derek and Mark. Alex and George are behind them. Callie and Addison trail behind. Alex moves next to Lexi and Mark comes up behind Izzy and puts his arm around her waist. Derek hangs back by the door.

"What is everyone doing here?" Meredith whispers to Izzy.

"Everyone wanted to be here for the big moment, Mer," George says.

"You're all here for me?" she asks, incredulously.

"Where's Christina?" Lexi whispers to Dr. Bailey.

Dr. Bailey shrugs. "I told her the time and the place. But I guess she didn't show…" she says.

Dr. Bailey turns her attention to Izzy.

"Are you ready?" Dr. Bailey asks, nodding at Izzy

Izzy hands the bag of marrow back to Lexi. "You do the honors, Dr. Grey," she says.

Lexi looks surprised. "Really? Me? Wow…thanks, Dr. Stevens," she says. She looks around the room and pauses. She sees Meredith scanning the crowd and notices that Meredith's face registers just the slightest disappointment.

"Wait here. I'll be right back," Lexi whispers to Dr. Bailey. "Meredith, I just have to go get something," she says.

Izzy walks out of the room and opens the supply closet. She knows this is often where Christina hides.

Christina is sitting on a box of unopened rubber gloves. She is counting them and folding each glove meticulously. "61…62…63..." she says.

"Christina…" Lexi starts, unsure of what to say.

"Don't. Don't come in here, all sweet and emotional, and Izzy-like. I'm not doing it, so leave me alone with my quiet supply room and endless supply of rubber gloves," Christina says, without looking at Lexi.

"I'm not scared of you anymore." Lexi says, confidently.

"You're still scared of me, three." Christina says, matter of factly. "64…65…66…" she says, folding the gloves in perfect piles.

"Actually…I'm not. Oh…and my name is Lexi, in case you forgot. I was scared of you when I thought you had it all together. You were calm, cool and collected, no matter what. But now I know you're dyslexic and you're sitting in a supply closet, pretending your best friend isn't having a bone marrow transplant. It's kind of creepy, but it definitely makes me realize that you are flawed, just like the rest of us," Lexi says.

"Who told you I am dyslexic?" Christina says, her eyes piercing Lexi like daggers.

"No one had to tell me…I sort of found out on my own. But my point is, who cares! You're dyslexic, Meredith and I have abandonment issues and chronic panic attacks, Izzy gets too involved with patients…with everyone for that matter! None of us are perfect…we're all flawed, but we're there for each other when it counts…or at least I thought that's how it worked…" Lexi says.

Christina puts down her gloves and looks Lexi in the eye. Lexi thinks she detects a glimmer of tears as Christina says, "I can wield a scalpel better than any other resident in this hospital. I can do a great running whip stitch. I can terrify a room of interns with my eyes. But I can't walk in that room knowing that Meredith is the focus of everyone's attention because she might die. I can't," Christina says, desperate for Lexi to go away.

"One day, there will be robots doing your running whip stitch. Then what will you have?" Lexi asks.

Christina doesn't respond.

"That's what I thought," Lexi says.

Lexi can't think of anything else to say, so she simply accepts that Christina is limited and turns to walk out of the room.

"Wait, three. I'm coming. Someone has to make sure you and Flatline don't kill her," Christina says.

Lexi smiles, as Christina follows her to Meredith's room.

"So this is what you had to go get?" Meredith says, trying to hide the big smile on her face.

Christina sits on the edge of Meredith's bed. Meredith grabs her hand.

"Ready, Dr. Grey?" Izzy says.

Lexi nods and hooks the bag to the IV pole. As she attaches the marrow to the port in Meredith's chest, everybody's eyes stare at the bag of red liquid dripping into Meredith's veins.

"We'll watch for signs of rejection and of graft-versus host disease. Otherwise, we will check counts daily and then recheck for engraftment in 2 weeks," Izzy says.

"Nicely done, Stevens. Nicely done, Grey," the chief says.

Christina whispers to Meredith. "Isn't this a little anticlimactic? I mean, there are world class surgeons here, staring at an IV as though it is mystifying. We won't even know anything for a few weeks.

Meredith smiles. "You're right. And of all the world class surgeon's in this room, my little sister is the one doing the honors," Meredith says, proudly.

"Okay…that made me vomit a little in my mouth. You sound like one of those people who gets proud of relatives' accomplishments. One of those family people…" Christina says, with disdain.

"Maybe I do…" Meredith says. She grows very serious for a moment. "I'm glad you came. Having everyone here means so much to me."

"Yeah well, there were no good surgeries on the board today, so I figured what the heck. But you owe me big now! Really big," Christina says.

"And how exactly do you expect me to repay this debt?" Meredith asks.

"Don't die." Christina says, squeezing Meredith's hand and walking out of the room.

Derek moves towards the bed and takes Christina's spot.

"Hey…I just wanted say hello," he says.

"Hello? I'm getting a bone marrow transplant. 'Hello' is all you can come up with?" Meredith asks, with a half smile.

"Well…no…what I really wanted to say is that I'm miserable without you and I love you more and more each day, but since you're the one with the IV full of someone else's bone marrow in your arm, I figured my suffering wasn't really significant right about now, so I went with 'hello." Derek explains.

"Hello is a good start," Meredith says.

Lexi comes over to Meredith and says, "Can I get you anything? Some water? Anything to eat? One of my other vital organs?"

Meredith shakes her head. "Thanks, Lexi…for everything. For being here all the way, for not giving up on being my family. Thank you," she says.

"You're welcome," Lexi says, simply.

Izzy comes over to Meredith's bedside. "We'll come check on your in an hour or so. As of now, you just need to rest and limit your visitors until your counts come back up. We'll want to see you eating in a few days so we can get you off of the TPN…"

Meredith nods and closes her eyes. "Hey, Iz…" she says.

Izzy turns back toward's Meredith. "What?" she asks.

"Good luck tomorrow…with your chief resident interview. Go show them what you've got!" Meredith says.

Izzy smiles. "I will…but there's more to life than winning…Today was a big day, and tomorrow will be too," Izzy says, thinking of Hannah.

(Break)


	23. Chapter 23

Izzy wakes up with a knot in her stomach

Izzy wakes up with a knot in her stomach. She is nervous, and she wishes that someone was there for her to talk to. She has purposely not let Mark stay over since their "sleepover" at his place because she wants to take things slow. Everyone has cautioned her not to end up as just another notch in the belt of Mark Sloan, so she has made sure to hold back ever so slightly in order to ensure that he remains interested in her for who she is and not for what she can give him. She misses the days where she could walk into Meredith's room and sit on her bed and they could talk about the stress of their day, and laugh. She knows she can call George, but she also knows he has been on call for three days straight and does not want to wake him. Alex is asleep in the other room, but Izzy feels like she needs another girl to talk to. She picks up the phone.

"Hello?" Lexi's voice says on the other line.

"Hi. It's Izzy," Izzy says, not knowing what she wants to talk about.

Lexi doesn't say anything for a moment. She realizes that as close as their friendship has gotten in the recent weeks, they have never crossed over into that realm of friends who call each other for no reason other than to just chat. When they call each other it is usually work related and usually means some kind of crisis or decline in Meredith's condition. Lexi gets nervous that something has happened to Meredith.

"Is Meredith okay?" she asks.

"Oh! Yes! She's fine. I'm actually not calling about Meredith, or work…or anything specific... I'm calling because, well…I don't know…I'm kind of freaking out. I'm sort of freaking out because I don't know if I can leave the house today. I kind of want to crawl into bed, put the covers over my head, grab a big tub of butter, and just pretend that I don't have really important appointments at all today," Izzy says.

Lexi smiles. It has been so long since she has had a close female friend. In high school and college, she had so many. She was on the phone for hours with everyone, talking about petty boy problems, to school problems, to fights with their other girl friends…Lexi was in the center of it all. Sometime during medical school at Harvard, that had all changed. She found herself more driven than anyone else. She was focused and determined and began to withdraw from the social aspects of school. She realizes now that she was so determined to avoid letting anyone know how dysfunctional her home life was that she avoided letting anyone in. She also realizes that in her friendship with Izzy, she has gone to Izzy for advice so frequently, but the situation has rarely reversed itself. She is happy to have the opportunity to be on the giving, rather than receiving end.

"Well…you have your chief resident interview in about an hour. I don't think they are going to allow you to do the interview from your bedroom in your pajamas, while covered in butter, so I think you're going to have to leave the house for that one," Lexi says.

"Okay…but I don't know what to wear. I mean I've torn apart my closet and I don't know whether I should go with a skirt, or pants, dark or light….I just don't know…" Izzy says, still panicky.

"Do you have a black pants suit? My mother always told me that everyone should wear a black pants suit for interviews and funerals," Lexi says, smiling as she remembers Susan.

Izzy laughs. "I think I must, but not because my mother told me to wear one. My mother wore acid washed jeans to interviews. That's what you wear to waitress in the local diner outside the trailer park."

"Well, you're not waitressing in a trailer park. You're a doctor, and a damn good one. Get your black pants suit on and get to the interview. You're good at it. Good at being a doctor and at talking to people," Lexi says.

Izzy sighs as she shuffles clothing around her closet. "Here's my pants suit," she says as she begins to put it on. "I'm scared of what will happen when the interview is over. I'm just scared of…"

"Look…one of two things will happen…you'll be chief resident or you won't. And if you are…great! If you aren't…well…we'll all be working for Christina and that will be really awful…but we'll all survived and we'll drink a lot of tequila and talk about her behind her back!" Lexi says.

Izzy laughs. "You're right. But I'm not scared of not making chief resident…I mean…I am nervous about the interview, but I know it's not life or death. But after the interview, I'm meeting Hannah for the first time. Well…maybe not meeting her…but I'm definitely seeing her…and I don't know how to be…how to act…I'm so nervous, I actually feel like crawling back under the covers and eating a whole tub of butter," she says.

"Wow…that's huge!" Lexi admits. She thinks for a moment. "I don't have a daughter, so I don't know what it would be like to meet one for the first time after so many years, but I know that when I met Meredith for the first time, I just wanted to know what she was like. Even though she treated me like crap it was honest. I feel like our relationship now is totally honest because she didn't pretend…I guess my advice would be to just be honest. Be yourself," Lexi says.

"What if she's angry at me? I gave her up? What if she hates me? What if she wants to know why and has all sorts of questions for me? What if she…" Izzy rambles.

"Then you go with it and you do what you do best…talk to her. That's all you can do…" Lexi says.

Izzy puts a pair of simple gold earrings and a small necklace on to complete her outfit. She looks in the mirror. "Hair up or down?" she asks.

"Up. It looks more professional," Lexi says.

Izzy pulls her hair back into a tight, neat ponytail. She looks in the mirror. "Okay...I have to go or I'm going to be late and Dr. Bailey will kill me and then I'll never get to meet Hannah. I can do this…right?" Izzy asks.

"You can do this…" Lexi reassures her.

"Thanks Lexi…I appreciate you talking me out of the tub of butter," Izzy says.

"No problem. Listen…we have to be back for that bone marrow transplant support group tonight, so why don't you and Mark meet Alex and I for dinner before hand and then we'll go back together…okay?" Lexi says.

"Sounds good. Leave me a message and let me know what time," Izzy says.

"Bye. And good luck," Lexi says, sincerely.

Izzy hangs up the phone and sees Alex standing behind her.

"So, your interview is this morning?" he asks.

Izzy nods. "Yes. I'm ready," she says.

"Good luck," Alex says.

"Thanks," she replies.

"So, I heard you on the phone with Lexi. Are you going to meet us for dinner afterwards?" he asks.

"I think so. Why?" she asks.

"Because I want to hear how your interview went, and your first meeting with Hannah. Yes…I hear the hospital gossip…I know about Hannah…and I'm a nice enough guy to care. I'm glad you're coming," Alex says with a smirk.

"You **are** a nice enough guy to care…" Izzy says.

(Break)

Izzy stops up to Meredith's room on her way to her interview.

"How are you feeling?" she asks, carefully fastening her gown and mask.

"I've felt better. I'm starting to get the mouth sores everyone talks about…but I know it's just because I have no immune system. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that I engraft and that I am 100 Lexi's marrow in two weeks," Meredith says.

"Me too. We'll be keeping a close eye on you to make sure everything goes well," she says.

"Can we talk about anything that doesn't involve bone marrow or blood counts right now? I need to feel like I'm part of the real world…" Meredith says.

"Sure. I have my chief resident interview in a few minutes and I'm meeting Hannah later! I'm so nervous," Izzy says.

"Wow. That's pretty big. Good luck. Will you stop by and let me know how everything goes? I miss being part of the gossip," Meredith says.

"Of course. I'll let you know. Right now I'm off to kick Christina's ass!" Izzy says with a smile.

"Careful…that's my person you're talking about!" Meredith says.

(break)

"I need you to be Meredith again!" Christina says, barging into the on call room and demanding Lexi's attention.

"Seriously, Christina! You're not usually particularly nice to me. I don't have to do anything for you," Lexi says, exasperated.

"No, you don't," Christina says, putting on a fake sad face. "But you wouldn't want me to tell Meredith how I tried to befriend her sister and she rejected me…would you?"

"I don't think asking me to play Meredith in your imaginary drama is the same as befriending me," Lexi says, rolling her eyes.

"Just do it, Three. Ask me some practice chief resident questions. My interview is in an hour and Meredith is sleeping. I need to warm up my game," Christina says.

Lexi smiles. "Okay. This is something I think I can live with. Fine…I'll be Meredith. Here's your first question. What qualities do you think make you a better choice for chief resident than your opponent?"

"I have superior surgical skills, medical knowledge, and judgment," Christina says, succinctly.

"Good answer. Next question…what will you do to inspire less experienced residents to achieve success?" Lexi says.

"I will lead by example. I come to work early, stay late, take on extra projects and work harder than any other resident in this program. I will expect that everyone lives up to my standards of excellence…and that is a high standard," Christina says, proudly.

"And one final question…How did overcoming dyslexia shape your strong work ethic?" Lexi asks.

Christina's eyes narrow. "It's a chief resident interview, not a beauty pagant! I'm not looking to broker world peace or end hunger! You are such a second rate Meredith!" Christina says, stomping out of the room.

Lexi smiles to herself…_She deserved that one!_

(Break)

"Thank you for coming, Dr. Stevens," Dr. Webber says.

"Thank you for the opportunity, Dr. Webber," Izzy replies, with a polite smile.

"This is our panel. You already know Dr. Bailey. This is Elinor Mineson, the president of the hospital's board of trustees. This is a former patient of ours, Michael O'Rourke, and this is one of our interns, Dr. Paul Froman," Dr. Webber says.

Izzy's struggles to keep a smile on her face. She remembers arrogant Paul Froman as the intern who she yelled at during Meredith's cranial radiation. She can tell by the snide smile on her face that he recognizes her as well.

Izzy keeps the polite smile on her face and shakes hands with each of them. She notices that Dr. Bailey has her usual neutral look on her face, Elinor Mineson looks tense, Michael Rouke smiles warmly, and Dr. Froman maintains a sneer.

"Elinor will ask the first set of questions," Dr. Webber says.

Izzy waits patiently as Elinor scans her application.

"I notice you were on probation during your first year as a resident. Can you please explain the situation, and how you came back from your experience?"

Izzy takes a deep breath. A tough first question and one she hadn't anticipated, but she takes a moment to think.

"Well…I started my first year extremely idealist and naïve. I believed I could save every patient, and probably got too involved in each individual case. I took my desire to save a patient to a level it should have never reached. I admitted my mistake, and was very generously offered the opportunity to continue my education here on probation. During my probation, I was offered a chance to receive counseling, and work with my peers to establish better boundaries and coping mechanisms. Ultimately, I must admit, I am still a person who gets very involved in my cases and takes a personal interest. The difference is that now I know how to maintain my professionalism while still being humanistic. I was taken off probation after a large ferry boat crash required me to drill burr holes in a man's head while he was immobilized by debris. I had no anesthetic and no medical supplies. The chief felt I was calm enough under the pressure to maintain my composure in any situation and immediately reinstated me," Izzy says, placing a positive spin on the situation.

Elinor smiles, and Izzy feels muscles she didn't know that she had, begin to relax.

Michael Rourke steps forward. "I notice on your application, you focus on patient care a great deal. What do you think the most important aspects of patient care are?"

"I believe that listening and trusting your intuition are the most important tools a doctor has. When I was on probation, I was working with another doctor and we had a patient who was being treated for a burned hand. Something didn't seem right, and I urged the other doctor to question the patient further…In the end, I found my instincts were correct. She had injured herself intentionally to avoid taking the bar exam after multiple failures. By following my instincts, we were able to get her the psychiatric care that she needed. I have good instincts, and I'm a good listener," Izzy says, proudly.

She notices an affirming nod from most of the people on the panel.

Dr. Froman steps forward. "Many of the interns have questioned your authority and doubt your ability to be an effective leader due to your past history of…shall we say, unpredictable behavior at Seattle Grace Hospital. How do you think you can win the respect of the residents underneath you," he asks with the same sneer he has, plastered on his face.

Izzy pauses to think through her answer. "Well, the first thing I would have to address is your statement that the residents would be 'underneath' me. I don't view the chief resident position as one of power and a chance to be placed above anyone else. I view it as a chance to be of service. I want to be a resource to residents who have less experience. Service is a part of who I am," Izzy says.

"You didn't answer the question, Dr. Stevens. How will you win the respect of other residents," Paul Froman asks again.

Izzy answers immediately. "You are correct. I did not fully answer your question. I believe that to get respect one must give it. I treat people respectfully and will give residents opportunities to learn in a safe environment where they are able to take on responsibility without endangering patients. I have always earned the respect of any resident that I have worked with. My current intern wrote a recommendation for me, as you will note in my application."

Paul steps back and turns the floor over to Dr. Bailey.

"My question deals with ethics, Dr. Stevens. If you knew something unethical had happened in the hospital and you knew who was responsible, would you report the action and culprit to the correct channels?" Dr. Bailey asks, narrowing her eyes at Izzy.

"If patient care were compromised, absolutely. Patient care is the essence of what we do. If no patient care was compromised and the situation didn't involve me, I would probably keep it to myself. I'm busy enough becoming the best doctor I can be without getting myself involved in hospital gossip and unnecessary drama," Izzy says.

Dr. Bailey nods, affirmatively. Dr. Webber steps forward.

"The last question is mine, Dr. Stevens. My question is why should we choose you?"

Izzy thinks for a moment. "You should choose me because of my greatest fault. My fault is that I care too much and get too involved. It is because of this fault that I throw myself into what I do 100. I don't do anything halfway. I care about everyone and everything just a little too much. This is my greatest asset and my greatest fault. I hope it will make me an excellent chief resident," she says.

"Thank you, Dr. Stevens. We'll let you know when a decision has been reached," Dr. Webber says, formally.

Izzy thanks the committee and shakes everyone's hand, politely.

As she walks outside, she sees George waiting outside.

"How did it go?" he asks.

"Wow! I didn't expect to see you here!" she says, giving him a hug.

"Lexi's with Meredith and she felt like someone should be here when you came out. Besides, I wanted to see how it went. How did it go?" he asks.

"It was okay. I think I put myself down too much and gave them too much information about my faults, but overall I think I did alright," she says.

"Let's go grab lunch. I know you have an important appointment with Callie in a few hours," he says.

"Seriously?? Is anything ever a secret around here?" Izzy asks, following him to the cafeteria.

(Break)

Christina calmly enters the board room and sees the panel seated. She feels off…she can't put her finger on it, but she doesn't feel right today. She feels like something is missing. She realizes what it is…It's Meredith. She wishes Meredith were waiting for her outside that door and waiting for her to come out and report the details of her interview to her. The idea that the opportunity to have Meredith ever wait outside a door for her again could be taken from her has her shaken.

As she meets the panel, she shakes everyone's hand politely, but she doesn't really hear what their titles are, and finds herself less focused than usual.

Michael O'Rourke steps forward. "Can you describe your philosophy of patient care?" he asks.

Christina answers immediately. "My philosophy is perfection. Patients want surgeons who don't make mistakes. I'm not their therapist, I'm the one who will cut them open and they are going to want me to be the one who does it because I am going to get it right every time," Christina says.

"And your relationships with the patient…" Michael O'Rourke begins.

"I don't have relationships with patients that go beyond their medical care. If they want to talk about their marriage or their hopes and dreams they can go to our psychiatric floor. I do my job and I do it well. I leave the other aspects of patient care to the other people who do their job and do it well," Christina says, matter-of-factly.

Dr. Froman steps forward next. "How do you see yourself commanding respect from less experienced residents?" he asks.

"By not accepting any less than perfection. I don't call in sick, and I don't show up late. I am on my game 100 of the time, and I expect them to be as well," Christina says.

Elinor Mineson steps forward. "Your achievements here at Seattle Grace look outstanding on paper. However, there was talk of a scandal in which you were covering up a tremor in Dr. Preston Burke's hand. The board has some ethical concerns…"

Christina cuts her off. "I can assure you that you have no cause for concern regarding my ethics. I conduct myself as a surgeon at all times. As far as Preston Burke is concerned, he was a gifted surgeon and valuable mentor to me, however we have parted ways. During his tenure at Seattle Grace, I did learn a great deal from him and was able to scrub in on many rare and exciting procedures," Christina says, hoping this answer will suffice.

Elinor nods tensely and steps back.

Dr. Bailey steps forward. "Dr. Yang, what is the most valuable lesson you have learned during your time as a resident at Seattle Grace?"

Christina pauses to gather her thoughts. "I have learned that in medicine, mistakes, and lapses in judgment can be fatal. I require perfection from myself, and everyone around me…very much like you, Dr. Bailey."

Dr. Bailey nods affirmatively and steps back. Dr. Webber steps forward.

"I'll ask you the same question I asked Dr. Stevens. Why should we choose you?" he asks.

"You should choose me because I am the most competent. I'm not the nicest, or the friendliest. As I told someone today, this isn't a pagant and I'm not out to win Miss Congeniality. I don't make mistakes and I don't get distracted. This isn't a part of my life. This IS my life," Christina says.

(Break)

At 1:45pm, Izzy's pager goes off. She looks at it and and sees 9-1-1 from Rose. She sprints to Meredith's room faster than she has ever run before. She glances at her watch, and thinks, _Please…let this be a quick and easy one. I'm meeting Hannah for the first time in 15 minutes!_

When she arrives, she sees Meredith's face swelling. She is gasping for breath as Rose says, "I came in to check on her and she was swelling tremendously. Her tongue and uvula are swelling and cutting off her air supply! I paged Dr. Grey as well," Rose says.

Lexi runs into the room and sees Meredith and says, "Oh my god! Izzy! What happened!"

Izzy remains calm. "It's most likely an allergic reaction to the preservatives used in the marrow transplant. Get me 50 ccs of epinephrine, stat!"

Lexi and Rose run to get the medicine as Izzy stays with Meredith. She holds Meredith's hand and says, "Don't worry…you're going to be fine. Just relax and stay as calm as possible," Izzy tells her.

Lexi and Rose return with the medicine which Izzy grabs and injects directly into Meredith's IV.

"If it is an allergic reaction, the swelling should go down in about 45 seconds. All we have to do is wait." Izzy explains.

Sure enough in 45 seconds, Meredith's face and breathing return to normal.

"Thank you," she says to Izzy.

"You're very welcome. I know you just had a near death experience and all, but I need to run. I'm meeting Hannah right now! Besides, you're pretty used to near death experiences. I am going to say you used one of your 9 lives on that one though!" Izzy quips as she clumsily gathers up her stuff.

"Good luck," Meredith says.

"I have a new patient that I have to admit," Rose says. "I'll stop by later, Meredith. Feel good."

As Rose leaves the room, Meredith says, "I wish I didn't like her. How does someone become that nice?"

Lexi thinks for a second. "Maybe she had a really happy childhood?"

Meredith laughs, then grows serious. "You're not leaving too, are you?"

Lexi sits down. "No…I'll stay."

(Break)

Callie runs toward Izzy from the left, while Mark runs toward her from the right.

"I'm really sorry, Izzy. I tried to keep them here!" Callie says.

"What?" Izzy asks, thinking she might have heard Callie imply that she wasn't meeting Hannah right now, but refusing to believe it.

"When we told her we couldn't do the hip replacement this year, she flipped out. She went totally teenager on us. She ran and her parents ran after her. I've never seen her act that way. Through all the cancer treatments and all the side effects, she was stoic. This was unbelievable!" Callie says.

Izzy looks at Mark, hoping that he will tell her that Callie is lying.

He just shakes his head and pulls her toward him.

Izzy pushes him away. "Where is she? We have to find her!" she says, growing hysterical.

Callie answers her, "She's with her parents. She's safe."

At the mention of Hannah being with her "parents," Izzy falls apart. She collapses into Mark's arms and sobs harder than she has ever sobbed before. Mark holds her as Callie awkwardly leaves without being noticed.


	24. Chapter 24

Izzy walks into the conference room where the bone marrow transplant support group is scheduled to take place

Izzy walks into the conference room where the bone marrow transplant support group is scheduled to take place. Her eyes are still swollen from crying, but she has managed to pull herself together and forced herself to be here and fulfill her professional obligations. She is pleasantly surprised to find that Lexi has already set up the metal folding chairs in a circle.

"Iz…I heard what happened. Are you…" Lexi stops talking abruptly.

"What?" Izzy asks.

"I was going to ask if you were okay, but then I thought about it. That's such a stupid question. We're all okay. Everyone's okay…right? I mean, we have to be okay…right?" Lexi says.

"Okay Confucius. That's quite a philosophy," Izzy says, bitterly.

Meredith gets wheeled in by Rose, snapping Izzy out of her bitterness.

"I know I'm early. I'm sorry…but I was feeling good and I needed to get out of my room. I'm in sterile scrubs, I wearing my mask, and I haven't had any more allergic reactions. I used to drink tequila by the bottle but now I come to support groups to get a night out," Meredith jokes.

Addison comes running in. "I'm sorry I'm late, Lexi. I rearranged a few things to be here and I…" Addison stops talking when she sees the look on Lexi's face.

"Addison…what are you doing here?" she asks.

Addison pauses awkwardly. "Well…Mark thought that maybe you…well…might not…you know…after…Hannah and well…"

"Thought what? That I wouldn't show up? I'm a professional. I'm a doctor. When bad things happen in my life, I don't just not show up to work. I am disappointed…yes. But I'm here to do my job. So, thank you, Addison…but you can tell Mark, I'm fine," Izzy says.

"Izzy…are you sure? I mean…" Addison asks.

"Seriously? All of you think that I…" Izzy stops when she sees a young teenager enter the room, cautiously.

Addison gasps when she sees her.

"Hi, Dr. Montgomery," the girl says, shyly. "I know you're probably surprised to see me here tonight after my well…little tantrum today. I'm really sorry for the way I acted."

"It's alright, Hannah. I understand." Addison says, glancing at Izzy as she says, Hannah's name.

Izzy freezes as she looks at the young girl. She actually feels paralyzed. Meredith and Lexi stare at each other in complete shock. Nobody moves as Hannah stands there, uncomfortably.

"Wow. I must have been a real brat today. These doctors don't even know me and they obviously know about what happened," Hannah whispers to Addison.

"It's okay Hannah…no one is judging you. Why don't you find a seat, Dr. Grey, maybe you can introduce our two patients?" Addison says, motioning for Lexi to help Hannah find a seat. "Dr. Stevens…can I have a word with you?"

Izzy numbly steps outside with Addison. "That's my little girl…isn't it?" Izzy asks, when they are safely outside the room.

"Yes. It is. Can you handle this? Are you going to be able to do this…because you can go home if you need to?" Addison says.

"I've waited 13 years for this moment. If you think I'm going to give up a chance to meet her, you're insane!" Izzy says, adamantly.

"Izzy…she can't know who you are. Not without her parent's permission…" Addison says.

Izzy nods. "I understand. I just need a second to clear my head…"

(Break)

Hannah sits next to Meredith.

"Oh! You must have just had your transplant. I better put on a mask. I'm not sick…don't worry…but I go to school and you never know what germs you can pick up," Hannah says.

"Yeah. I'm only two days out. I'm Meredith Grey. Dr. Meredith Grey, actually. I'm a doctor here at this hospital, so it's weird being a patient," she says, wondering why she's confiding in a child.

"I never got used to being a patient. I am a really private person. Like I'm not one to update my facebook status every 5 minutes…you know? And then when you're a patient, everyone has to do everything for you, and take care of you. I'm not good at letting people do that," Hannah says.

"Neither is she!" Lexi whispers, pointing at Meredith. "I'm Dr. Grey. It's nice to meet you Hannah. It was really nice of you to come tonight," she says.

"Wait…you're both Dr. Grey? That's kind of weird…isn't it? I mean, what are the chances…" Hannah asks.

"We're sister," Lexi says.

"Well…actually, we're half sisters. We didn't actually know we were sisters until we were already adults, and then we didn't originally get along, but everything worked out for the best. We're close now…and she was my marrow donor," Meredith says.

"Seriously? Too much information! We need to get you out of your room more!" Lexi says.

"No. It's okay! My family situation's kind of weird too. Actually it's sort of similar. I mean…not really but like…I'm adopted. My birth mom was a teenager who lived in a trailer park, and didn't think she could raise me, so she gave me up to my parents. It's weird because I'm really smart. I mean not to sound conceited, but I do really well in school and stuff. I guess that stuff isn't hereditary because I don't really picture my birth mom as being smart. I picture her as a blonde waitress who chews gum. Is that weird? Anyway…she was my donor, and I had the chance to meet her, but I didn't because I was so sick and weak and I didn't know what I would say. I mean…I'm glad she gave me up. I want to go to medical school and be a doctor. How would I have gotten there living in a trailer park? Anyway…what would we have talked about. We probably had nothing in common." Hannah says.

Meredith and Lexi exchange sideways glances. But they don't say anything until Lexi notices that Izzy has been standing in the doorway and has heard the entire conversation.

"Hi Hannah. I'm Dr. Stevens. I'm Dr. Meredith Grey's doctor and a close friend of both Dr. Greys." Izzy says with a bright smile, trying desperately not to look as hurt as she feels by Hannah's speech about her birthmother.

"Hi Dr. Stevens," she says.

Izzy tries to think of something to say, but can't come up with anything. She notices Hannah's blonde hair that is long like hers. "You have really pretty hair," Izzy says.

Hannah looks at her, horrified. "Ummm…this is a bone marrow transplant support group, and your friend over there is bald. You shouldn't be commenting on people's hair. It took mine 2 years to grow back like this." Hannah says, rudely.

Izzy feels the words sting as though someone hit her in the face with an icicle.

Meredith comes to the rescue as she and Lexi cringe for Izzy. "Hey! I was bald before transplant. I'm not a fan of hair. I think everyone should shave theirs regardless of whether or not they have cancer!" Meredith jokes.

"Okay…you guys evidently forgot what middle school is like. Well as bad as it is…going to middle school BALD is even worse!" Hannah says.

"Really? Did the kids make fun of you?" Lexi asks.

"Oh no! No one makes fun of the cancer kid. It's the opposite. Everyone is super nice. A group of the popular girls even used to save me a seat at lunch. One day they all wore matching pink bandanas on their heads to hide their hair! Of course later, when their dates called, I think the bandanas came off." Hannah says, with a sarcastic tone.

Izzy remembers walking into high school every day with the growing belly. She remembers everyone whispering and sitting as far away from her as possible. No one knew what to say to the pregnant teenager, so they just avoided her. If they did talk to her, they asked questions she didn't want to answer, or tried too hard. She wishes she could articulate to Hannah that she knows how she feels.

"I felt that way in high school. You'll get through it," Izzy says.

Hannah looks at her strangely. "You? You strike me more as the pink bandana wearing type," she says, rolling her eyes.

"No. I didn't have one friend in high school. Not one. It was absolutely the worst time of my life. I left when I was 18 and never looked back," she says.

"Really? Why? Why didn't you have friends? You're pretty…and you're a doctor, so you must be smart," Hannah asks.

"I had other problems…but it all turned out for the best. Sometimes you have to struggle to become stronger," Izzy says.

Lexi notices other patients walking in. She leads everyone to a seat and tries to introduce people to each other who do not already know each other. There is a variety of ages from young children to middle aged adults. A little girl, who is clearly the youngest person in the room, runs over to Hannah.

"Hannah! Look! My hair is back! Mommy said it might get lost again, but I don't ever have to have another bone marrow transplant. She promised!" the little girl says.

"Dr. Stevens, Dr. Grey, Meredith, this is Courtney. Courtney had her bone marrow transplant around the same time as me," Hannah says, maturely.

"Hannah's going to sit next to me!" Courtney says.

"Yes. And we're going to sit with Meredith. Put this mask on. Meredith only had her transplant two days ago. Remember how careful we had to be?" Hannah says, fastening a mask on the young girl.

Courtney nods seriously. "I remember. You used to remind me to wash my hands all the time! We were in the hospital for almost a year together. You were my best friend!"

"Are you okay?" Meredith whispers to Izzy.

"I'm fine," Izzy says, unable to take her eyes off of Hannah.

"Let's get started," Lexi says, taking the lead since Izzy is distracted.

Everyone settles down, and Lexi says, "We're here today to share some medical information about bone marrow transplants and to allow all of you at various stages to share your concerns and experiences with others who are in the same boat or have been at some point. Let's begin by introducing ourselves."

Everyone murmurs affirmations that they think this idea is a good one.

"I'll start. I'm Meredith Grey. I'm only two days past transplant. My donor was my half sister and one of my doctors," she says, motioning towards Lexi. "I think the hardest part of transplant was letting other people take care of me and not being able to work. I'm a doctor here at Seattle Grace. A surgeon actually…and now I'm just another patient. I feel like I've lost my identity…you know?"

"I want to go next!" Courtney says. "My name is Courtney and I'm 7 years old. I'm in second grade, but I still don't know multiplication that well because I keep missing school. I had my bone marrow transplant when Hannah had hers. I hated it. Now I have hair. I love having hair. Mommy says my hair is going to go away again because I have to start some kind of experiment because some of the bad cells came back. But only a few people get to do the experiment and I'm one of them…" Courtney says.

Hannah goes next. "I had my transplant two years ago. I was 11. Now I'm 13. My birth mother was my donor. I've never met her. It was pretty cool of her to come from wherever she lives to help me though…Anyway…I was determined to not let cancer get the best of me. I tried to not complain because I knew once I beat it, I could get on with my life. I didn't want to dwell on it. I survived the transplant…all the graft versus host and the complications…the many surgeries to fix my skin damage…I didn't complain…or at least I tried not to. But now it seems like it's never going to end. All I want to do is try out for the school soccer team…but I need a hip replacement and no one can do that until I'm 16. That's another 3 years of my life that cancer gets to claim. It sucks."

Izzy finds herself choking back tears. She steps out of the room for a moment and almost opens the door on Hannah's mother's face.

"I knew she'd see you here…" Hannah's mother says.

"I'm sorry. I hope I…" Izzy stops speaking, knowing her voice is about to break.

"I'm glad she is finally angry. She's been so positive and stoic through all the years of this. The one thing that breaks her is that she can't try out for the soccer team. It seems so petty…but it's so important to her," she says.

Izzy laughs. "I wanted to go to the prom," she blurts out.

Hannah's adoptive mother laughs. "The prom…"

"No one would take the pregnant girl," Izzy says. "Now…well…proms have a bad connotation for me…" she says, thinking of the night that Denny died.

"Maybe it's time for her to know who you are, Dr. Stevens. Maybe it's what she needs right now. She needs something and I don't know what it is. She wants to be a doctor so badly…maybe meeting you and having someone to talk to about overcoming obstacles…"

"Really? You'd want her to know me?" Izzy asks.

"I'd do anything to make her happy again…If you can make her happy…let's try it," Hannah's mother says.

(Break)

"Dr. Bailey…the panel has voted…I voted…you do know that you need to vote sometimes before both of our candidates are old and grey! What is the hold up?" Dr. Webber asks.

"I am thinking…I'm thinking and waiting until I am finished thinking. Do NOT rush me," Dr. Bailey says, forcefully.

(Break)

"Hi sweetie? How was the meeting?" her mother says, as she enters the room.

Hannah is pushing Meredith's wheelchair while giving Courtney a piggy back ride.

"It was fine," Hannah replies, distractedly laughing at something Meredith has said.

"Hannah…put Courtney down. You'll hurt your hip," she says.

"It already hurts…and it's not like I'm going to be able to try out for the soccer team, so I can keep hurting it! It doesn't matter," Hannah says, rolling her eyes.

"Hannah…sit down. Dr. Stevens and I need to talk to you…" her mother says, gently.

Lexi and Meredith eye each other. "Courtney…do you want to play with a real stethoscope?" Lexi asks her.

Hannah sits down. "I already know, Mom," she says.

"You do?" her mother says.

"You do?" Izzy echos.

"Yes. I figured it out," Hannah says, somberly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" her mother asks.

"No offense, Mom…but you're like the last person I want to talk to about it," Hannah says.

Izzy watches as Hannah's mother hides the hurt that Hannah's words cause.

"Would you like to talk to Dr. Stevens about it?" she asks her sullen daughter.

Hannah shrugs. "Okay."

Izzy sits down next to Hannah who watches as her mother leaves the room.

Both are awkwardly silent.

"Why did it happen?" Hannah asks.

"Hannah…I was young…it was what people did where I grew up. They had sex in the back of cars. I was pretty…naïve…young…stupid…I don't know. I thought he loved me. He didn't. And when I found out…well…I wanted to give you the world. I wanted you to have everything I didn't have. I wanted you to have a future. I had to give you a future first before I could give myself one," Izzy says.

Hannah looks at her strangely. "What are you talking about? Why are you telling me all this? And how did you give me a future? What does any of this have to do with Courtney?" she asks.

"Courtney?" Izzy echos, not knowing what Hannah is talking about.

"Yes…Courtney! I'm not a dumb kid anymore. I know she relapsed. If they aren't going to give her another transplant it means she's dying…doesn't it," Hannah asks.

"I wasn't talking about Courtney. I was talking about you…" Izzy says, confused.

"Me? What? I relapsed? Oh my god! No! This can't be happening!" Hannah says, standing up.

"No! Wait…Hannah…you didn't relapse. I'm trying to tell you something else. Hannah…I'm your bone marrow donor," Izzy says.

Hannah shakes her head. "No you're not. My birth mother donated my marrow. My mom told me," she says. "Wait…you're sure I didn't relapse…right?"

Izzy nods. "Very sure. Hannah…I was your donor…I'm also your birth mother."

Hannah laughs. "Dr. Stevens…you must be confusing me with someone else. My birth mother was a pregnant teenager from a trailer park," Hannah says.

"I was a pregnant teenager in a trailer park," Izzy admits.

"But you're a doctor!" Hannah points out.

"Yes…I am," Izzy agrees.

"And you're my birth mother?" Hannah asks.

Izzy nods.

"And my bone marrow donor?" Hannah asks.

Izzy nods again.

"And I didn't relapse…you're sure?" Hannah asks.

Izzy nods again. "Very sure. I wanted to meet you after your transplant, but you were so sick…and so weak and you didn't want…"

"I didn't want to meet you. I didn't know what I would have said. I was too tired to think straight. Besides…I've never been one of those adopted kids who fantasized about meeting their birth mother. Mom said I could any time I wanted, but I don't know…I just didn't see the point. I mean I had a good life. I'm glad I wasn't raise in a trailer park by a teenager…no offense. My parents have been awesome…and I know it's been hard for them. I mean when they adopted me, I don't think they thought they'd have to take care of me through a bone marrow transplant…you know?" Hannah says.

Izzy nods. "I'm really glad we got to meet. If you have any questions…"

Hannah jumps on the opportunity. "Is Courtney dying?"

Izzy pauses. She had hoped that Hannah would have more questions about their relationship, and about the role she could play in the life of the daughter she gave up, but she knows she has to do this Hannah's way. So she says, "I'm sorry…I'm not Courtney's doctor. But I can talk to Dr. Montgomery. I think she's consulting on her case."

Hannah nods. "I only had one other friend the entire year I was in the hospital. She was my best friend. Her name was Kim. She was a few years older than me and we used to hang out in the rec room a lot. She died right before my transplant. I knew she was dying, but I didn't fully understand what dying meant. I remember the moment I realized I would never see her again. I still think about her all the time. Like when something funny happens…I always think _Wow…I have to tell Kim…_but then I realize I won't ever be able to. You probably think that's weird. I mean she's been gone almost three years now…" Hannah says, shyly.

Izzy thinks of Denny. "I don't think it's weird at all. I lost someone I cared deeply about and no matter how long he's gone, I still think of things that I want to tell him. But slowly, I'm trying to find other people to tell those things to. It's hard though…"

Hannah nods and Izzy notices a resemblance to herself. "I tried to do that…but I didn't want to get too close to anyone else who had cancer. I mean…after Kim died, I realized that it was just too risky. But then when I met Courtney, I couldn't help it. I mean…we weren't friends exactly, I was more like a big sister. I figured nothing bad could happen to her. I mean she was so young…how could a little kid like that die? And now she relapsed and I'm not getting my hip replacement and I just met my birth mother and she's not a waitress in a trailer park…she's a doctor. Life is so weird!" Hannah says.

Izzy tries to read Hannah's expression. She doesn't seem sad…but doesn't seem happy. She seems…resigned.

"Your friend…Meredith…she's nice." Hannah observes.

Izzy laughs. "Yes. She is. Most of the time."

"Was it hard to give me up?" Hannah asks, jumping topics.

"It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But you had to know me then. I had goals. I wanted to be a doctor. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life waitressing at the diner in a trailer park and I certainly didn't want to condemn my daughter to that life. I wanted you to be able to be whoever you wanted to be, and to feel good about yourself. I wanted us both to achieve our goals. I achieved mine. What are your goals?" Izzy asks.

"I want to cure cancer," Hannah says, with a big smile.

Izzy smiles back.


	25. Chapter 25

Izzy looks at her watch

Izzy looks at her watch. "I can't believe we've been talking for almost 2 hours. Time flies…" she says.

"Can I ask you one more question?" Hannah asks.

"Sure," Izzy says.

"Were you scared to meet me?" Hannah asks.

"Terrified," Izzy answers. "Were you scared to meet me?" she asks, Hannah.

Hannah thinks about it. "No. I wasn't before, because I figured I had the control. I mean, it wouldn't happen unless I wanted to. But now, I'm a little scared," she says.

Izzy looks confused. "Of what?" she asks.

Hannah becomes shy. "Well…I mean, I kind of like you now. Before, you were just a faceless name. Not even a name. You were just a concept. But my mom and dad…they raised me. They held my hand through every radiation treatment…held my head when I puked my guts out after chemo. I'm not like most of the girls I go to school with who hate their parents for no reason. I love my parents…they have done everything for me. I feel like I'll be hurting my mom if I like you…I don't know…it's all complicated now…" Hannah tries to explain.

Izzy takes a moment to think about what Hannah just said before she replies.

"Hannah…I have waited 13 years to meet you. If this moment is all we ever get, it will be enough for me. But if you want me in your life in any capacity, I promise you that I will NEVER try to take the place of your mother. You're right. She's the one who gave you what I couldn't…a future…and I can never be grateful enough to her for that. But if you want to stay in touch…well…I'd like to be maybe like a big sister to you…you know…like you are to Courtney," Izzy says.

Hannah smiles. "I think that could be pretty cool…I have to come back for tests tomorrow…Can I stop by?" Hannah asks.

"Of course," Izzy says, with tears of joy in her eyes.

"Cool!" Hannah replies.

(Break)

"Dr. Bailey! The entire panel is waiting for you. Just how much time, exactly do you feel you will need?" Dr. Webber asks, exasperated.

"I NEED as much time as it takes me to make a decision. I told you not to rush me!" she snaps.

"You have until tomorrow morning. I need to post a name by 10:00am!" Dr. Webber says.

"Fine. I'll have an answer to you by then," she replies, closing her eyes to think.

(Break)

"Derek…can you take a look at these slides?" Addison says.

Derek looks at the slides that Addison hands him. "Woah…this kid's nervous system is riddled with cancer cells. This is aggressive…" he says.

"I know…Are you sure those are cancer cells in the brain? I mean look really closely. It's important," Addison says.

Derek looks at her strangely. "Addie…you don't need me to tell you those are cancer cells in the brain," he says.

Addison sighs. "She's seven years old. If the cancer has spread to the brain, then she's not eligible for the clinical trial at Mercy West. I'm going to have to tell the family that there's nothing more we can do. Sometimes I hate this job…"

"And sometimes you love it…" Derek says.

Addison sighs again. "I do. Would you hate it if I came back to Seattle permanently?" she asks.

"Yes. I'd hate it…because it would mean you spent over a year in L.A. wishing you could be here but choosing to be there because I drove you away from Seattle," he says.

"Ooooh…the ego on you! I didn't go to Seattle because of you! I went to Seattle because of me! There were things going on that you didn't know about. I went because I needed to clear my head. I feel clear now…I feel good. Like, right now, I am standing her talking to you and I don't have any ulterior motives. I feel like we are just two friends…talking," Addison says.

"We are just two friends talking…aren't we?" Derek says.

Addison smiles.

(Break)

Christina sits in Meredith's room with Meredith and Lexi as they wait for Izzy to finish talking to Hannah.

"This is good. I'm glad she got to meet her illegitimate child. I mean…this will soften the blow when she doesn't get chief resident," Christina says.

"How do you know she won't get it? You think you're this kick ass cardio goddess when really you are just…" Lexi is cut off by her sister.

"Will you two stop your bickering! You're making me want to drown myself!" Meredith says.

"Again?" Christina and Lexi say in unison.

"Not funny…" Meredith says, although she is smiling.

Izzy walks in without knocking.

"How did it go?" Lexi asks.

"She's an amazing kid. I can't believe I finally got to meet her," Izzy says.

"Was it the way you pictured it?" Meredith asks.

Izzy thinks for a moment. "In the movie in my mind, she ran over to me threw her arms around me and called me mommy. But I think the reality was better. We talked and I got to know who she is. I guess I know I did the right thing by giving her up. She's happy. She loves her parents. I wanted what was best for her and she got exactly that," Izzy says.

"That's good. If you had made a different decision she could have ended up as screwed up as all of us." Christina points out.

Izzy laughs. "Good point. Meredith…how are you feeling?"

Meredith sighs. "I am so tired of answering that question. I feel like I was run over by a truck all day…but I just try not to think about it. I just can't wait until all of this is over and I am 100 engrafted with donor marrow," she says.

"Donor marrow? Is that all I am? Just a donor?" Lexi asks with mock indignation.

"You're right. I can't wait until I'm 100 Lexi…" Meredith says.

"God forbid!" Christina says.

(Break)

"Derek! Can you look at this?" Addison asks.

Derek looks at the papers that Addison is holding.

"It looks like a good trial. The results are impressive for aggressive leukemic cells in the central nervous system. Is this for that patient you were showing me the slide on yesterday?" Derek asks.

"Yes. The problem is…Mercy West has a major funding issue. I have to get her in before they shut the trial down." Addison says.

(Break)

Hannah knocks on Meredith's door, followed by Courtney who whispers loudly, "I washed my hands three times, Hannah! I remembered!"

Hannah smiles at her and leads her into the room.

"Hi. I'm Hannah. You're friends with my birth mother, Dr. Stevens…right? We met at the group the other day. Are you feeling okay? Because if it's not a good time, we can come back."

Meredith nods. "I feel pretty good. Thanks for coming to say hello. And you're Courtney…right?"

Courtney nods, and touches Meredith's head. "Don't worry…your hair will grow back," she says.

Meredith smiles. "Thanks sweetie. Did you guys just come by to say hello?"

Courtney bounces up and down excitedly. "No! We came because…"

Hannah shoots the little girl a look and Courtney says, "Sorry…I forgot. It's a secret."

Hannah looks embarrassed. "Look…I did come to see how you're feeling. I really kind of wanted to talk to you about a lot of things…but the most important thing is well…"

Meredith is surprised to see tear in Hannah's eyes.

"Court…can you do me a favor? Can you go get as many band aids as you can from the nurses station? If you have to, go to two different ones. I think Meredith may need them in case she cuts herself," Hannah asks Courtney with a smile.

"Sure! I'll get lots of band aids!" Courtney says.

When Courtney leaves the room, Hannah says, "I used to do that to keep her busy when we had our transplants. There were days I didn't feel well and she'd want to play so I'd send her on hospital scavenger hunts."

Meredith notices that Hannah's voice is struggling not to break, so she says, "What's wrong? Why did you really come here?"

"I overheard my mom on the phone with Courtney's mom. They talk a lot…you know…they became friends since they were both always at the hospital with us. She said that Courtney's leukemia cells were in her brain and that the clinical trial they were going to be in couldn't take her because of it. Then she said that Dr. Montgomery was trying to get her into some clinical trial but that the trial didn't have enough money or something. I thought since you were a doctor here you might be able to help get her in or tell the clinical trial to stay open or something…" Hannah says, with her eyes still brimming with tears.

Meredith looks at Hannah sympathetically amazed by her maturity yet naivete at believing that Meredith can keep the clinical trial open just because she is a doctor.

"Hannah…I'm actually kind of out of the doctor loop right now. Besides…clinical trials are very complicated. It's not really that simple. I'm so sorry, sweetie," Meredith says.

Hannah sighs. "Sweetie…that's what everyone calls you when they are giving you bad news when you're a kid. It's like if they call you sweetie, they aren't telling you that another friend is going to die. I'm not just another kid. I can save her…I know I can. I'll find a way to get her into this trial. I'll do it…and I won't take no for an answer. When Courtney comes back, thank her for the band aids and then tell her to meet me at the soda machine." she says, fiercely.

As Hannah walks out of the room, Meredith notices that look in Hannah's eyes. It is similar to the look Izzy had before she cut Denny's LVAD wire. Meredith worries about what she might do.

(Break)

"Dr. Stevens?" Hannah says, knocking on Izzy's door.

"Hannah! Come in!" she says, nervously as she opens the door for Hannah. She notices that Courtney trails behind.

"Hi Dr. Stevens! Can I play with your stethoscope?" Courtney asks.

Izzy takes an old stethoscope out of her closet and gives it to Courtney. "Here. You can play with this one," she says, smiling at the adorable little girl.

Lexi gathers her files and says, "Courtney…if you come with me, maybe you can help me listen to some heartbeats with your stethoscope. Would you like that?"

Courtney nods. "Hannah…I'm going to be a doctor now. Is that why you told me to look extra cute today?"

Hannah looks embarrassed. "Go ahead, Court. I'll see you later. Okay?" Then she looks at Lexi and says very seriously, "You'll bring her back here, right? Her mom told me to keep an eye on her."

Lexi nods. "We'll be back in a little bit."

Izzy narrows her eyes at Hannah. "Extra cute? What's going on?"

"Listen…I don't want to bother you, but there is something I kind of wanted to ask for your help with…" Hannah says.

Izzy's eyes widen as she thinks about how happy she is that her daughter is coming to her for help.

"Anything…" Izzy says.

"It's Courtney. I know she's really sick and they won't take her in the clinical trial that she was supposed to go to because the cancer spread to her brain already. There's a trial at Mercy West that her mom is trying to get her into, but there's a problem. I guess they are closing down the trial because of money or something like that. I figured you might know another doctor over at Mercy West that you could ask to keep the trial open…Will you do it?" Hannah asks, looking as business-like as a 13 year old can look.

"And so you told Courtney to look extra cute so I would want to help her?" Izzy asks.

Hannah nods, embarrassed. "I know…it's stupid…but I didn't know how many people we'd have to talk to or who we'd need to see. I figured it couldn't hurt to put her little hair in cute short pigtails and wear a cute little dress…"

Izzy smiles at the young girl sympathetically. "Hannah…I'd love to help you…but clinical trials are not something where you can just make a phone call. The hospital board at Mercy West is who makes those decisions. Even if I did know someone at Mercy West who was involved with the clinical trial, I couldn't just make a phone call…it's a financial decision on behalf of the hospital."

"Money…so that's what I need to get? Money? How much do I need?" Hannah asks, maintaining her business like attitude.

"Hundreds of thousands for a clinical trial like that. I've read the research. It's a big one…I would guess, maybe 200,000 dollars?" Izzy says.

Hannah takes a deep breath and thinks out loud. "So I have to raise 200,000? I can do that…I just need time…which unfortunately Courtney doesn't have. I have to do it quickly…I'll figure it out…I have to."

Izzy's heart breaks for the determined young girl. She puts her arm around Hannah and says, "Sweetie…it isn't going to be that easy. If I could…"

Hannah pushes her away. "Do NOT call me 'Sweetie!' And do not finish that sentence by saying _If I could help you in any way, I would_ unless you are prepared to follow through because I am going to find a way to do this, with or without anyone's help, and if you say you can help me, I'm going to hold you to that promise…so PLEASE…only say it if you mean it!" Hannah says.

Izzy sees herself in the young girl's desperation. She thinks about Denny…she thinks about Meredith…she thinks about the desperation she felt to keep the two of them alive. She thinks of all that this young girl has gone through in her lifetime and of how long she has waited to be a part of her daughter's life and she thinks about her desire to be chief resident. An idea that melds all of these facets of her life begins to take place in her mind.

"I'm not making you any promises, Hannah. But I think there may be a way I can help you…Stop by after your last appointment this evening, and I'll let you know." Izzy says.

All of a sudden, Hannah becomes a child again. A huge smile spreads over her face and she throws her arms around Izzy. "Thank you! You're the best birth mother in the whole world!"

Izzy hugs her back. "Thanks…" she says, knowing her plan is a long shot.

(Break)

Izzy walks over to Addison and says, "How are you doing? You know…I feel like we haven't had a chance to catch up the way we should have. Do you want to go out to dinner or something? I miss you so much…you were my mentor. Nothing is the same without you here!"

Addison smiles, surprised. "Wow! As much as I know that you definitely want something from me, I am kind of enjoying the flattery, so I'm going to pretend that it was sincere and tell you my little secret."

Izzy smiles her most friendly smile. "Secrets? I love secrets! I mean…especially when shared with good friends like you!"

"Okay…that was over the top...so I'm going to pretend you didn't say it and just tell you my secret and then you can tell me what you need from me," Addison says.

Izzy waits for Addison's revelation. Addison pauses dramatically. "I just signed a new contract with the chief. I'm back!" she says.

Izzy smiles broadly. She is genuinely happy in addition to the fact that Addison's revelation is what she needed for her plan to work.

"Yay! I'm so happy!" she says, embracing Addison tightly.

Addison hugs her back and then pulls away. "Okay…so what do you need? I'm feeling generous. I'll help if I can," she says.

"What if I told you that I had a way we could steal an amazing childhood cancer trial from Mercy West and bring it over to Seattle Grace. We could run it here and you could be the attending and I could work with you as your resident," Izzy proposes.

"Sounds promising…tell me more, Stevens…" Addison says, sitting down.

(Break)


	26. Chapter 26

Lexi sits down on Meredith's bed

Lexi sits down on Meredith's bed.

"Do you ever feel like you're better off when you're not in a relationship? Are you ever just happier alone?" she asks.

Meredith sighs. "Yeah. Relationships are so much work. Sometimes I wonder if they're worth it…"

"I mean, things with Alex are going so well, but I'm never happy when I'm with him. He's so good to me, and he's always going over the top to impress me and make me feel good, but I feel like I'm just waiting for him to disappoint me. When I'm with him, I'm terrified all the time," Lexi explains.

Meredith laughs. "That's why I constantly push Derek away. Should we send Daddy dearest a thank you note?"

Lexi laughs. "How would we start it…Dear Daddy…Don't worry…we don't want any of your vital organs. We just wanted to thank you for all of the commitment issues you have bestowed upon us throughout the years…"

Meredith continues, "Please know that your continuous abandonment, alcoholism and unpredictability have shaped so much of our lives. Every time we look around at our lonely, spinster-like dwelling, we will think of you. Love always, Meredith and Lexi."

Lexi laughs. "I better get back to work…I just wanted to check your vitals and see how you were feeling," she says, sticking a thermometer under Meredith's tongue.

Meredith can't speak with the thermometer in her mouth, but her small smile let's Lexi know that she is glad she is there.

(Break)

Hannah runs into Izzy's office with a huge smile on her face. She throws her arms around Izzy. "Thank you!! Thank you!! You're the best! How did you do it?" she asks, jumping up and down with unbridled energy.

Izzy gets caught up in Hannah's enthusiasm. "The best news is, that the program is going to be brought right here to Seattle Grace Hospital!"

"It is? Then I can come and visit her all the time? That's the best news ever!! Oh my god! I love you! I love you! I love you!" Hannah squeals.

Tears fill Izzy's eyes as she embraces Hannah again. She realizes how long she has waited to hear those words. "I love you too…" she whispers.

"I have to go! My mom's waiting outside!" Hannah says, running happily down the hall.

(Break)

Dr. Bailey is furious. She storms into Izzy's office yelling, "Stevens! Where are you?"

Lexi looks up from her paperwork. "She was just picking up some labs. She should be back in about 10 minutes. Is everything alright?" she asks.

"You tell her to come find me when she gets back. Tell her that she has some serious explaining to do!"

Lexi smiles politely. "I'll certainly give her the message," she says.

As she watches Dr. Bailey leave, she picks up her cell phone and texts Izzy, _Bailey out to kill you! What did you do!! _

(Break)

Izzy feels her cell phone vibrate and checks her messages. She sees the text message from Lexi and immediately runs back to her office. She can not imagine why Dr. Bailey would be angry with her. She relaxes a bit, thinking that Dr. Bailey probably hasn't heard about her huge accomplishment. She knows she'll be impressed when she hears.

When she arrives at her office, she sees the look on Dr. Bailey's face and feels a knot in her stomach again.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"Ummm…I better go check on Meredith…" Lexi says, sneaking out of the room.

"What's wrong, Dr. Stevens? What's wrong? Once again, your judgment is flawed and I am going to have to clean up your mess. What on earth were you thinking?" she asks.

"What was I thinking about what?" Izzy asks.

"This clinical trial! Why would you bring something so huge to this unit without consulting me? I am trying to build this ward, and I don't have enough man power as it is! I just convinced the chief to let me have Dr. Montgomery part time, to help with the pediatric cases, and now I hear that she was just committed to this clinical trial with you as her right hand man? Not to mention that I don't know where the funding for this is coming from! We need so much for this center and now we won't be able to afford any of it! How did you get the board to fund this? I better not hear that you are sleeping with any board members, Stevens…so help me if…" Dr. Bailey rants.

Izzy gasps. "Dr. Bailey! I absolutely did not sleep my way into a clinical trial! That's more of a Meredith thing. I got my own funding!" she says, defensively.

Dr. Bailey narrows her eyes. "How?" she asks.

Izzy smiles proudly. "Just call it the Denny Duquette Memorial Clinical Trial," she says.

Dr. Bailey sighs. "Damn it, Stevens! That's exactly what I did NOT want to hear. You may not be sleeping your way to the top of your career, but you seem to be buying your way to the top. How about you try WORKING your way to the top like the rest of us??" Dr. Bailey snaps.

Izzy's face falls and she stammers, "But…I…well…I thought…"

"You thought what? That I wouldn't see through the personal involvement in this one? That I wouldn't see that you were trying to impress your long lost daughter while trying to climb your way to chief resident? What? Did you hope I wouldn't notice that you went completely over my head? You have a job to do here. One job, which was assigned to you. This clinical trial is beyond what we can handle, and now I'm stuck with it because I can't tell the board what a mess you have made. But I can tell you one thing…you can't buy professional respect, and you can't buy your way into a child's heart!" Dr. Bailey says as she slams the door and storms out.

(Break)

"I don't know if she knows yet," Lexi says.

"Well don't tell her…let her find out for herself," Meredith says.

"Don't tell her? I'd want someone to tell me! It softens the blow…seeing it there in writing? It's way too harsh!" Lexi says.

"I'd never want someone to tell me! Imagine having someone look at you with that pitying look? I wouldn't want any part of it," Meredith says.

"I would. Pitying looks show that at least someone cares…" Lexi says.

The doorknob turns. Lexi puts on her best sympathetic look, and Meredith elbows her.

Christina stands in the doorway.

"Why do you look like that?" she says to Lexi. "Is she dying?" she asks, pointing to Meredith.

"Nope. Not dying today, Christina…she thought you would be Izzy," Meredith says, laughing.

"Oh! How insulting! I never want to be mistaken for Izzy. Especially in a hospital. I'm such a better doctor," Christina says.

Meredith smiles. "Congratulations! When I get back to work…hopefully soon…there is no one I'd rather have as my chief resident," she says.

"You'll be all over the board. Unless it's something really good and only one person can scrub in. Then I'll probably keep it to myself…well…unless you're like really sad or something…then I'd think about it," Christina says.

"And I get good surgeries by association?" Lexi asks, hopefully.

"Ummm…no. You can stand in line like everyone else. I don't like you that much yet," Christina says.

Lexi rolls her eyes. "Schizo…" she mutters.

"Worst thing that ever happened to Meredith…" Christina mutters back.

"Christina! That's enough! I should have told you the first time you said it, but I'm telling you now. Lexi and you are the best things that ever happened to me. You are both my dysfunctional family, and she is trying to get along with you. Yes…it's a little forced and desperate, and maybe even a little pathetic, but she is trying! You have to be nicer to her!" Meredith says, protectively.

"Do you know there are some animals that eat their siblings?" Christina asks.

"So you want Meredith to eat me?" Lexi asks, provoking Christina.

"See? She's not as smart as you. She's like a second rate version of you…" Christina says.

"Christina…" Meredith warns.

Lexi laughs. "It's okay. Until I came along, Christina was all you had. Now she has to share you. I get it…she's a little threatened by me," Lexi says to Meredith as though Christina is not sitting next to her.

"Wait a minute? Let's not get all dramatic here. I mean, this is Meredith Grey we're talking about. Sharing some of her drama doesn't sound so bad. How about, I'll take all the Derek drama and you take the 'my mommy was mean and my daddy abandoned me' drama?" Christina says to Lexi.

Lexi shakes her head. "That doesn't sound like a fair trade. I mean, there hasn't been any Derek drama lately. They're taking a break. Mommy's always going to have been mean and daddy will always have abandoned her. It sounds like I'm doing all the work…" Lexi argues with a smile.

"Deal or no deal, Lexi," Christina says.

The fact that Christina just referred to Lexi by name and not by number is not lost on her or Meredith.

"Deal." Lexi says, as they shake on it and all three of them laugh.

The doorknob turns. Izzy enters tentatively, as the three of them stop laughing and get silent.

"What? What's wrong? You're all looking at me funny. Do I have something in my teeth or something?" Izzy asks.

"Maybe she doesn't know?" Lexi whispers.

"She has to know. She's been checking that board all day…I know because I had to wait until she was gone to check it myself!" Christina whispers.

"We better tell her!" Meredith whispers.

"Okay. You're whispering. This feels like a bad day in high school. What's going on?" Izzy says.

"Izzy…sit down," Meredith says, as nicely as she can.

"How are you today?" Lexi asks, brightly.

"Why does this feel like an intervention? Are you going to tell me that I drink too much or something, because Meredith drinks WAY more than I do when she's not hospitalized!" Izzy says.

"You're not chief resident. You lost. I won. I'm chief resident," Christina says, matter-of-factly.

Izzy is silent for a moment. "Okay…Wow…Ummm…Congratulations. Yay for Christina!" she says, feigning happiness.

"Iz…I'm sure it's just that…" Meredith starts.

Izzy puts up her hand. "Don't," she says. "This is Christina's moment. Don't ruin it for her. I'm going to get some work done. I'll be back later. Congratulations Christina!" Izzy says, waiting until she closes the door behind her to allow the tears to come.

"Well…that went well," Meredith says, sarcastically.

"Maybe I should go and check on her," Lexi says.

"Nah. You stay here. I sense some 'Daddy abandoned me drama' coming on. Your job…not mine. I'll deal with 'I lost chief resident' drama. Although….you don't think she'll try to kick my ass in the cafeteria or anything, do you? I mean I don't want to hurt my hands…" Christina wonders out loud.

Meredith shrugs. "No promises. You know Izzy. Not always predictable! Go check on her. And BE NICE!" Meredith warns.

As Christina leaves, Lexi turns to Meredith. "She's not a bad person. I'm starting to get her. She just can't admit she's ever being a nice person. She has to turn everything into a joke," Lexi says.

Meredith nods. "Yeah. She's screwed up…just like us," she says.

Lexi laughs and leans her head on Meredith's shoulder.


	27. Chapter 27

Izzy finds a seat at a table outside

Izzy finds a seat at a table outside. She sits by herself and takes a few deep breaths, fighting against the lump in her throat. She sees Christina approaching, and purposely looks the other way. She hopes to avoid her, simply because she doesn't think she can muster the energy to be happy for her, and knows that Christina deserves the opportunity to enjoy her achievement.

Christina sits down. Izzy puts on a smile.

"Congratulations, again," she says.

"Listen…I'm not good at this, but if the situation was reversed, I wouldn't be congratulating you. I'd be thinking about how much better of a surgeon I am than you, and plotting your death in my head," Christina says.

"Yeah…well that's the difference between you and me," Izzy shrugs.

"No. The difference between you and me is that I'm cut throat. You're not. You let other things get in the way of your career," Christina points out.

Izzy sighs. "You really know how to kick a person while they're down…" she says.

"I didn't mean it as an insult. You make things happen without thinking about the consequences. Look…I heard what happened with Bailey. Rumor is that she was the deciding vote, and she was pissed that you got emotionally involved with another case," Christina says.

"Do you want me just to lay down so you can get one last punch in without any effort? You won, Christina. Why don't you just go and gloat somewhere else…okay?" Izzy says.

"Okay…like I said before, I'm not good at this. What I'm trying to tell you is that you're not cut throat like me. You're human. It doesn't make for a very fair fight. You have all these different things pulling you in different directions. You care about patients as individuals. I care about giving them the best medical care that I can, but I don't want to know what happens to them afterwards. We're different in that respect…" Christina points out, hoping that Izzy understands that she means this as a compliment, not a criticism.

"So basically, you're not reckless and irrational, so the hospital chose you…" Izzy says, bitterly.

Christina sighs. "Okay…I'm going to tell you something, but if you ever repeat it, I'll deny having ever said it. Sometimes I wish I had some of what you have. I mean…I don't want to spend my time operating on deer or anything, but I wonder what it would be like to care so deeply about people that I would risk my career for them. I mean, I tried with Burke, but in the end, I told the chief to save myself. You risked your whole career for Denny…and now for this trial. It's pretty noble of you. The panel can say what they want, but no one can deny that you've got principles," Christina says.

Izzy smiles. "Thank you, Christina. And for what it's worth, I've often wished I had some of your one dimensional focus. You're good at what you do…the best. And the truth is, that you probably deserve the job," she says.

"Look…I'm probably going to need some help…I mean, like with the teaching end of things. You're good at that. Maybe you could help me out there?" Christina says.

Izzy nods. "Sure. I'd be happy to."

"Just try not to kill anyone…" Christina says.

Izzy laughs a little. "I'll try."

(Break)

Lexi sees Hannah walking down the hallway, followed by Addison.

"Hi Hannah. How are you? I'm a friend of Dr. Stevens," she says.

"Yeah…I remember. You're one of the Dr. Greys. The one who doesn't have leukemia. I'm just here for the rest of my tests. Then I get to go home and don't have to come back here for another 6 months…right, Dr. Montgomery?" Hannah asks, smiling at Addison.

"3 months, Hannah. I'm not giving you the 6 month pass yet. You're still on 3 month checks, kiddo! Five years off treatment and we'll talk!" Addison replies.

Hannah sighs. "Can't blame a girl for trying…" she says.

"Would you like to have lunch with Dr. Stevens and I? We're going to order in a pizza and…" Lexi says, knowing that a visit from Hannah might be just what Izzy needs to cheer her up after losing chief resident.

"I love pizza! I'm finished at 12. I'll be there!" Hannah says, excitedly.

(Break)

Izzy enters Meredith's room, carrying a thick file.

"Mer…I was checking out your labs. Everything looks really good. Your ANC is rebounding nicely and if your test next week shows that you've engrafted, there's no reason you can't go home at that point," she says.

Meredith smiles nervously. "I'm supposed to be happy about that…right?"

Izzy nods vigorously. "Ummm…Yeah! I mean my cooking is so much better than the hospital cooking!"

Meredith gives a weak smile. "Okay. Thanks," she says.

"What's wrong?" Izzy asks.

"It's just that, I feel safe here. Like everyone's taking care of me. You know? What if I go home and I…I don't know…I'm so weak. I'm just scared…you know?" Meredith says, feeling a break in her voice.

"It's okay. We'll still all be there for you. Me…Christina…and especially Lexi."

"Thanks Iz. I mean, Lexi and I owe our new found sisterhood or whatever you want to call it to you…" Meredith says.

"And I owe my friendship with Lexi to you. We're even…" Izzy says, smiling.

(Break)

Addison walks in energetically to her first clinical trial patient of the day. She reads the chart one more time although she already has the information memorized.

_Courtney Tamber. Age 6. Diagnosis A.L.L. with severe CNS relapse. Previous treatments…_

Addison looks at this little girl. There is something so sweet about her.

"Hi Courtney. I'm Dr. Montgomery. We're going to give you some medicine to help you feel better. Remember when I told you about the medicines yesterday?" Addison asks.

"Yes. You told me that I can't run around for a while and that my hair was going to fall out again and that sometimes people feel really really hot when they take the medicine," Courtney recites.

"Yes. And I also told you that sometimes the medicine makes people all better and sometimes it doesn't. This is a new medicine, so we don't know for sure how it will work for you…" Addison says.

Courtney's mother who has been silent and looks like she has been through a war chimes in. "Don't worry, sweetie. I'll be here the whole time. I promise."

Addison smiles sympathetically at the woman. "Yes. Your mom will stay with you," she says.

"How about Hannah? Can she stay with me? She's my best friend and she knows all about how to get better from leukemia. She is still all better. Maybe she can teach me how to stay all better this time. She teaches me a lot of things," Courtney says.

Courtney's mother looks at Addison hopefully. "If she could have her friend here…it would be such a comfort to her. Hannah's been like a sister to her through this transplant…" she explains.

"I don't see why not. We'll start our first round at 3:00pm. Until then, get some rest, Courtney." Addison says.

(Break)

"Hi Dr. Grey. Hi Izzy," Hannah says, happily.

"Hannah! I didn't know you were going to join us! I'm so glad!" Izzy says.

"Can we take this party down to Meredith's room? She said she actually feels well enough to eat. I think the steroids have kicked in…she's eating up a storm!" Lexi says.

As the three of them walk towards Meredith's room carrying pizza.

"Pizza delivery!" Hannah says, as they open the door.

Meredith sits up at once. "Thank god! I'm starving!" she says.

"It's a good sign," Izzy says.

The four of them hungrily devour the first pie and make small talk, laughing frequently. Hannah seems so mature that they forget she is a teenager and discuss their boyfriends and hospital gossip in front of her, which makes her blush and giggle.

All of a sudden, Hannah looks at her watch. "Oh my god! I can't believe it's this late! I have to run! Courtney starts her first experimental chemo in an hour. I want to run to the gift shop and get her a new teddy bear and then make it up there in time," she says.

Izzy looks at her watch. "Wow! It's a good thing you said that…I'm in with Addison for that one. I better get scrubbed up and review the charts. I'll see you there, Hannah," Izzy says.

As the two of them leave, Lexi looks at Meredith.

"So…ummm…I kind of wanted to ask you something…" she says.

"Sure…what is it?" she says.

"Well…Izzy says that if all goes well, they are going to release you soon. I was thinking that maybe for a while, you could come stay with George and I…" Lexi asks.

Meredith stares at her, shocked. "In your glorified dorm room? No chance!"

Lexi looks hurt. "Forget it…I mean…I was just…"

Meredith realizes her mistake. Their relationship has been so good that she forgets that Lexi is still somewhat insecure. "Wait. That came out wrong. What I meant was that if George wouldn't mind, maybe you could come stay with me for a little while…I mean we don't have an extra bedroom, but you could share mine if you wanted to. I mean…just until I'm feeling a little better…" Meredith says.

Lexi's face lights up. "We could have the slumber parties that we missed out on as kids! It will be so much fun!" she says, cheerfully.

"Woah…take it down a notch! I still have a headache!" Meredith says.

"Seriously! I can't wait!" Lexi says, happily.

(Break)

Addison steps into the room followed by Izzy. Hannah is sitting on the edge of Courtney's bed telling her all the things she can do when she's well.

"And then we'll go to the mall, and I can take you to get a manicure. My mom took me before the 8th grade dance. I'll show you how to pick out a really cool color!" Hannah promises.

"Can we have a sleepover, like we did when I got out of the hospital the last time?" Courtney asks.

"Sure! We can make popcorn and watch all your favorite Disney movies. Anything you want, Court…anything. I promise," Hannah says, giving the little girl a hug.

Courtney looks at Izzy and Addison. "Tell me again if I'm going to get sick from this medicine…I forget," she asks.

Hannah whispers, "She didn't forget, she just likes to be told that she won't get sick. She'll keep asking until she gets the answer she wants," Hannah explains.

"The medicine might make you sick, Courtney, but we'll all be here to take care of you," Izzy explains.

"Dr. Stevens, can you inject 40 ccs of this into the IV. Push it slowly to avoid overloading her system too quickly," Addison says, handing her a small vial.

Izzy carefully measures the medicatioin and slowly pushes it into the IV. "There…all done, Courtney," she says.

Hannah looks at Courtney's mom. "She looks pretty good…I'm sure she'll do fine," she says, attempting to comfort the woman.

Courtney's mother smiles weakly and squeezes Hannah's hand.

"I don't feel so good…" Courtney moans.

Addison takes grabs her stethoscope and listens to Courtney's chest. She gives Izzy a look. "She's tachycardic. Push 20 ccs of epi!" she says, before adding, "Everybody out! Now!"

Hannah looks pleadingly at Izzy.

"Out!" Izzy repeats, trying to ignore the panic on Hannah's face.

All of a sudden they hear the beep of a flat line on the monitor.

"She's coding! Paddles!" Addison says.

Izzy grabs the paddles. As they shock her, they wait for a long five seconds to see if the rhythm of her heart appears on the screen. It does not. Izzy desperately begins CPR.

"No response," Addison says. "She's not even in V-Fib. She's gone, Stevens. I'm sorry…we lost her. I don't know what happened…I'm calling it. Time of death…3:45pm."

Izzy stands motionless. Addison touches her arm. "Stevens…you okay? I'll go out there and tell the family if you want," she says.

"Thank you," Izzy says, tensely.

As Addison walks outside, Izzy sits down in a chair and stares at Courtney. She puts her head in her hands. _Today is a really bad day…_she thinks.

Addison comes back in. She sits down next to Izzy and sighs. "This sucks. There's a mother outside who just lost her daughter and she's looking at me like I can change it, and I wish I could, but I can't and I…I don't know. This just sucks. I wish I had another word for it. A more sophisticated, classy word, but it just sucks." Addison says.

Izzy takes her head out of her hands.

"How is Hannah? Does she know?" Izzy asks.

"No. She wasn't there. She must have run when we told everyone to get out of the room," Addison says.

Izzy stands up wearily. "I better go find her. Someone has to tell her."

"Yeah. It's gonna suck, Stevens." Addison says.

(Break)

Meredith drifts in and out of sleep. She keeps hearing the sound of quiet sobbing in her dream, and she tries to fall back into a deep sleep to drown it out. When it doesn't work, she rubs her eyes and sits up slowly and looks around. Her eyes focus on the chair across the room and a small shape whose face is covered in blonde hair. As rubs her eyes and the blurriness subsides, she realizes that the shape is actually Hannah.

"Hannah? What's wrong?" she asks, nervously.

Hannah doesn't answer. Meredith tries again. "Hannah…can I do anything for you? How long have you been here?"

Still no answer.

"Sweetie...I want to help you, but I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong…" Meredith says.

When she still doesn't get an answer, Meredith pages Lexi, thinking that maybe Lexi can get Hannah to talk. Meredith finds she is comfortable relying on Lexi for things now. She is not sure when she became comfortable with this, but it feels natural and easy to her.

"Mer? Is everything okay?" Lexi asks, as she opens the door.

"Ummm…" Meredith says, motioning towards Hannah.

"Hannah! What's the matter?" Lexi asks, walking over to Hannah who is still a crumbled heap on the chair.

"Tried that already…" Meredith whispers.

Lexi pushes the hair out of Hannah's face. "I can see that you don't really want to talk to us right now. Is there anyone who you would like us to call for you?" she asks.

Hannah mumbles something, inaudibly.

"I can't understand what you're saying, Hannah. Can you try again?" Lexi asks.

"My mom," Hannah whispers.

Lexi looks at Meredith. "I'll page her," Meredith says.

Meredith pages Izzy and waits. The room is silent except for Hannah's sobs.

Izzy enters the room, her eyes still puffy and red. She stops, stunned as she sees Hannah.

"Is she gone?" Hannah asks her, still sobbing.

Izzy nods. "I'm so sorry, sweetie," she says.

"Don't call me, Sweetie," Hannah replies, bitterly.

"I'm sorry, Hannah. I am so so sorry. I wish…" Izzy begins.

Hannah laughs. "You wish that there was something you could do…yeah…I know. Everyone wishes there was something they could do…Courtney's dead. Dead…that means she's never coming back. It means we won't get to go to the mall and I won't get to teach her how to pick out a great color for her nails, and I won't ever get to chase her around the hospital again while she skateboards on an IV pole. I know what dead means. There is nothing you…or anyone can do," Hannah says, laughing angrily with tears still streaming down her face.

"Hannah…I know how you feel. Remember, I told you that I lost my fiancé? Losing your best friend is the worst thing in the world. I know…" Izzy says, trying desperately to make Hannah feel better.

"You don't know how I feel. No one in the world knows how I feel right now. No one can possibly understand…" Hannah says.

"Hannah…you came here for a reason. What made you come here?" Meredith asks.

Hannah looks around. "This was our room. Before it was a fancy bone marrow transplant center…this room was just me and Courtney's room. Once we weren't in isolation anymore, we roomed together. I thought if I came here…maybe she would too. Maybe she wouldn't die…" Hannah says, as she begins to sob again.

Izzy puts her arms around Hannah who pushes her away and looks over at Lexi.

"You guys said you called my mom. Where is she?" Hannah asks.

Izzy draws in her breath as though she has been punched in the stomach as Lexi and Meredith look at each other and realize their mistake.

"Ummmm…she's on her way," Lexi lies, giving Meredith a look.

"Wait…how did you know my mom's phone number?" Hannah asks.

"Ummm…hospital records," Lexi lies. "I'll be right back," she says.

Lexi slips in the hallway to find Hannah's file and contact her mother. No sooner does she get down the hallway than Hannah's mother comes running in.

"Hannah!" she says, rushing towards her daughter.

Hannah's body begins to shake as she sobs in her mother's arms.

"Mom! She's dead! Courtney's dead!" she says, clinging to her mother for dear life.

"Shhhhhh…It's okay. Mommy's here, baby. Mommy's here…" Hannah's mother says.

Lexi comes back in and sees that Hannah's mother has been found. Izzy pushes past her and exits the room as quickly as possible. Lexi notices that Meredith has silent tears on her cheeks. She goes over to her bed, and sits down next to her and squeezes her hand tightly. Meredith leans her head on Lexi's shoulder and whispers, "That kid is so lucky. She beat cancer…and she has two moms who love her. I haven't beaten anything yet, and I don't even have one mom who ever loved me like that…" she says.

Lexi leans her head on Meredith's. "But you have a sister…" she whispers.

(Break)

Lexi wakes up disoriented. She realizes that she is still in Meredith's room. She just couldn't leave her sister alone last night. She looks at her watch. "Damn! I'm going to be late!" she says outloud.

Meredith snores loudly as Lexi tiptoes out of the room to go to her locker and put on her lab coat over yesterday's clothing. Once she has done this, she reports straight to Izzy to see what is on the agenda for the day. She approaches Izzy gingerly, knowing that she is probably still upset from yesterday's events.

"Iz…are you…" Lexi starts.

"Okay? Yes. I'm okay. I do not want to talk about it. I am not talking about the fact that my daughter doesn't really want much to do with me, and I am not talking about the fact that I lost a seven year old girl yesterday on my watch, and I am not talking about the fact that I lost chief resident, and I am not talking about the fact that Dr. Bailey hates me, and I am DEFINITELY not talking about the fact that today is the day that we have to do Meredith's final round of testing to see if she engrafted and that if she didn't engraft, I don't have a clue what we are going to do. I am going to talk about muffins. If you want to talk about anything, we can talk about muffins. I like muffins," Izzy says, definitely.

"Muffins. Okay then. Muffins," Lexi repeats awkwardly.

"Muffins." Izzy echos.

Lexi tiptoes around the office, reading Izzy's instructions on Meredith's chart. As she grabs what she needs for the day, she pauses before she leaves the office.

"Corn," Lexi says, standing in the doorway.

"What?" Izzy says, confused.

"I like corn. You said you wanted to talk about muffins. Corn muffins are my favorite. Simple…not too sweet, and the texture is different from any other muffin," Lexi says.

"Corn…" Izzy repeats. Then she adds, "Blueberry. I like blueberry."

"Blueberry…" Lexi repeats.

WANTED TO THANK EVERYONE FOR THEIR REVIEWS!! I tend to write chapters more frequently when I get lots of reviews!! I love reading them!! This story is going to wrap up at chapter 30 which will definitely happen before Season 5 starts on Greys!! You guys are the best!! Thanks…and keep the reviews coming!


	28. Chapter 28

"Why is Derek stalking me

"Why is Derek stalking me?" Izzy asks, as Lexi hurries into work.

"Stalking you? What do you mean?" Lexi replies.

"He's been pacing back and forth outside my office since about 6am. I have worked 36 hours straight and I'm exhausted and I am not in the mood for a stalker," Izzy replies.

"Did you ask him what he wants?" Lexi asks.

"Shut up." Izzy replies.

"Ummm…okay…did I do something wrong? You asked me why Derek was stalking you, I didn't know, and now you just told me to shut up because I suggested asking him," Lexi recaps.

"No. You didn't do anything wrong. I just don't want to ask him. I actually don't want to speak to anyone all day. I want to hide. Asking Derek would require me to talk to him. Not talking today," Izzy says, sounding like a petulant child.

"You're talking to me…" Lexi points out.

"I have to talk to you. You're my person. And that means that no matter how impossible or unlikable I may be today, you have to like me anyway," Izzy explains.

"Really? Are those the rules?" Lexi asks.

"Yes. Meredith and Christina invented this whole person thing, and that's how they do it," Izzy explains.

"Okay." Lexi says, agreeably. She looks out the window. "Derek's still out there…" she says. "Maybe I should go talk to him."

Lexi takes Izzy's silence as an affirmation and she slips outside to see what Derek wants.

"Ummm…you can knock on the door if there's something you need," Lexi says.

Derek is startled. "Lexi! Did you get the results back?" he asks.

Lexi shakes her head. "We won't know anything for a few more hours. I'm sorry," she says.

"I've stayed away, not because I didn't care, but because she said that was what she wanted. I did it her way. But I still love her, Lexi. I am so in love with her that it hurts," Derek says.

Lexi realizes just how much he loves Meredith. "I'll let you know, as soon as we know anything. I promise," she says, lightly touching his arm.

"Thanks. How is she doing?" he asks.

"She's doing well. She's slowly getting her strength back. She's tough, Derek. She's going to beat this," Lexi says, proud of her sister.

Derek nods his head. "I know she is. Meredith never loses any battle she wants to win…" he says, showing his dimple.

(Break)

Lexi sits in Meredith's room. Both of them are silent. There are still hours to wait for the results and they both don't know what to say to each other, so they sit in a thick silence that feels suffocating.

Meredith opens her mouth to speak. Lexi opens her eyes wide with anticipation.

"What?" she asks.

"Nothing…" Meredith replies.

Lexi waits patiently. She tries to think of something to say, but her mind is blank. Fortunately, Meredith fills in the silence.

"Listen…if it's bad…I…" Meredith starts.

Lexi stops her. "Meredith! Don't! It won't be bad. You're going to engraft and I'm going to come live with you, and we'll…"

Meredith cuts her off. "Lexi! Please! You have to let me talk. I have to say these things, because if it is bad, I won't be able to say them then. I need you to know a few things…okay? I told Izzy some of these things before the transplant, but I need you to know also. And some things I've never told anyone…I just need to talk…Can we do this?" Meredith asks.

"Did you just say that you needed to talk?" Lexi asks.

Meredith nods slowly.

"That sounds very un-Meredith-like. But I'm a good listener…most of the time. Except when I talk too much…then I ramble. Usually it happens when I'm nervous...and I…" Lexi stammers.

"Like now? Yeah…you're rambling." Meredith says.

"Sorry…" Lexi points out.

"So I'm just going to talk…okay?" Meredith says.

Lexi stares at her with anticipation.

"First of all…thank you. Thank you for being annoyingly persistent and wanting a relationship with me badly enough to overlook my darkness and twistiness that made me treat you terribly for a while. I know I've said it before, but I'm sorry. That was about Thatcher…not about you," Meredith says.

"I know," Lexi says. "It's okay. It's all behind us."

Meredith shakes her head. "It's never really all behind us. It happened, and if you ever want to be mad at me for it, it's okay. You need to stop seeing me the way you want me to be. I'm not perfect, and if you think I am, you'll be very disappointed at some point. I have flaws…a lot of them," she explains.

Lexi nods her head for lack of a better response.

"Second of all…if things come back bad…" Meredith begins.

Lexi opens her mouth to protest, but Meredith puts her hand up. "You have to hear this. Let me do this…please," Meredith requests.

When Lexi is silent, Meredith takes it as a sign to continue. "If it comes back that I'm not engrafted, I want you to know, you did everything you could. I also hope you'll understand that I won't try any other course of treatment. This is it. If the transplant fails, I'm finished. I'll enjoy the rest of my life with the people I love and that will be it. I'm not going to waste anymore time trying treatments that will ruin my quality of life for the time I have left. This is it…I fought this 100 this time, and if that wasn't good enough, I can accept defeat. But Lexi…I don't want you to blame yourself for one minute. You are the only person who cared enough to give me your bone marrow...you gave up your family for me. You will never know what that means to me. You'll never have any idea…" Meredith says.

Lexi has tears streaming down her cheeks. She holds her breath tightly to maintain control of her emotions.

"One more thing. I told this to Izzy, but I want you to know also. I wrote letters to everyone. In case anything happens. I just want you to know that they are in this drawer. Izzy's going to give them to everyone if anything happens to me, but I just thought you should know…just in case," she says.

"Letters?" Lexi asks.

"I haven't exactly been a master communicator throughout my life. I guess this is my cop out way of telling people how I really feel just in case I never get the chance…" Meredith says.

"What do they say?" Lexi asks.

Meredith smiles. "If the transplant works, you'll never know," she says, mysteriously.

(Break)

Mark sees Derek standing by the nurse's station.

"What? Now that I'm off the market you steal my post?" Mark says, slapping his friend on the back.

Derek shakes his head. He can't even think of a witty comeback. "Nah…I'm off the market too," he says.

Mark smiles. "That's my man! You know what I say…get right back on the horse…" he says.

"No…I'm off the market. If it's not Meredith, I'm not interested. If you hear anything…" Derek says

Mark finishes the sentence. "I'll let you know," he says, looking down at the floor.

(Break)

Dr. Bailey sits down next to Izzy who is aimlessly shuffling through papers. Izzy looks up, startled when she sees Dr. Bailey next to her.

"Dr. Bailey!" she says, nervously.

"Stevens…How are you doing?" Dr. Bailey asks, in a tone that hovers between sternness and concern.

"I've been better. Hannah wants almost nothing to do with me. Meredith's test results aren't coming in for a few hours, but I have no idea what I'm going to do if she's not engrafted, you think I'm completely incompetent, and right now, I'm not sure you are wrong," Izzy answers.

"I do not think you are 'incompetent.' I think you show poor judgment sometimes, but I think you are extremely competent. Extremely competent!" Dr. Bailey corrects.

"Really? You could have fooled me when you told me that I bought my way to the top," Izzy retorts.

Dr. Bailey sighs. "Look. You were getting into a bad pattern. When you were on probation, you paid for that girls surgery. You bought the Denny Duquette Memorial Clinic, which has given so much to so many people and I truly believe that your motives were pure, but I also believe that you were trying to make something up to me for the whole LVAD wire mess. Now, when you paid for that clinical trial…I had to say something. You can't just throw money at problems, Stevens…that money will run out one day, and you won't know how to handle your career," Dr. Bailey explains.

Izzy lets Dr. Bailey's words sink in. "You're right. You really are. I knew it when you said it, which is why it hurt so much. But you have to believe that I wanted to save that little girl…"

Dr. Bailey cuts her off. "For Hannah. You wanted to save Courtney for Hannah. That's personal, Stevens…it's not medicine. If you had done your research, you would have seen that Courtney's cancer was so far advanced that there was no way she was a good candidate for that clinical trial. You let a 13 year old girl talk you into a major medical decision. It was bad judgment, Stevens. There's no other way to look at it."

Izzy stands up. "There is another way to look at it," she begins, gaining her confidence back. "There is another way to look at everything. Dr. Bailey…I admire you. I think you are probably one of the best doctors in this hospital. You care about your patients without letting it cloud your judgment. I haven't mastered that yet. I'm getting better…but I'm not perfect. I know that. But I'm not a person who does anything halfway. When I care, I care completely without reservation. I don't think that makes me a bad doctor. I think it makes me a good human being. I'll find the balance eventually, but until I do, I'd rather be on this side of the line than the other side. I don't want to be Christina. If that means that I can't be chief resident, I understand. I'd rather be human than be in charge."

Dr. Bailey smiles. "You're going to be a fine doctor, Izzy Stevens."

"Thank you," Izzy replies.

"But don't fool yourself into thinking that Yang isn't human. She wouldn't ever admit this, but I see that girl standing outside Grey's room every day with tears running down her cheeks. That girl cares as much as you or I. She just shows it differently. Don't forget that." Dr. Bailey says.

"Did you just gossip?" Izzy says, surprised.

"Call it what you want…" Dr. Bailey replies with a small smile, as she exits, closing the door behind her.

(Break)

Meredith tries to read a magazine and hopes that someone will knock on her door. She feels like jumping out of her skin while she waits for these results and longs for someone to distract her, although she is still too proud to admit it.

Her prayers are answered when she hears the rhythmic knocking on her door. Before she can ask who it is, the door opens and Derek stands in her doorway.

"I stayed away because you asked me to," he says, as he stares at her, almost drinking in the sight of her.

"I asked you too because I needed to be strong enough to do this on my own," Meredith says.

"I miss you," Derek says.

"I miss you too…a lot. Can you stay?" she asks.

Derek shakes his head. "I have a surgery in about 15 minutes. But it's an easy one and it should only take an hour or so. I'll be back after that, and I'm not leaving until you kick me out…okay?" he says.

Meredith's eyes water, although she tries to stop them.

"Derek?" she says, in a small voice.

"What?" he asks, stroking her forehead.

"Hurry back…okay?" she pleads.

"I promise…" he says, as he kisses her lightly on the lips.

As Derek leaves, Meredith starts to cry. She isn't even sure why she is crying, only that she is overwhelmed with emotion and can not hide it anymore.

Before she can totally break down, Meredith hears the door open a crack again.

"Derek?" she says, hopefully, thinking maybe his surgery was cancelled.

Hannah slips into her room, quietly looking unusually scared and insecure.

"Is it okay if I come in? I mean, if you're tired, or not feeling well I can go," Hannah says.

Meredith shakes her head and brushes the tears off her face. "Of course it's okay, Hannah. You're always welcome," Meredith says, fastening a smile on her face for the sake of the teenager in front of her.

"Thanks. I feel a little bad about freaking out in your room the other day, so I thought I'd stop by and apologize," Hannah says, sounding like there is more she'd like to say.

"No need to apologize. You were upset. You lost someone very important to you. I am sure you must have been very upset," Meredith says.

"Yeah…" Hannah says, slowly.

"Is there something else you wanted?" Meredith asks, sensing that there is more to Hannah's visit.

"No. Well…yeah…I mean…I don't know…" Hannah says, sounding very much like a 13 year old for once.

"You don't know?" Meredith repeats.

"Well…this is probably going to sound kind of stupid to you. I mean, you're like an adult…and a doctor and everything…so you probably don't worry about stuff like this…but I…well…I kind of worry about everything these days," Hannah explains, inarticulately.

"You'd be surprised how much worrying I do. Doctors are just human beings…not too different from 13 year olds in a lot of ways!" Meredith explains with a smile.

"Okay…I'll try to explain it to you…but I'm not sure if you'll understand," Hannah says, tentatively.

Meredith waits patiently for Hannah to talk. Hannah takes a moment to choose her words carefully.

"When Courtney died, and my mom came and I was crying and everything…well…I sort of saw the look on Dr. Steven's face, and she looked like…I don't know…really upset. Did I hurt her feelings? I feel weird when she's around…like she wants me to say or do something, and I don't know what it is. I thought maybe since you were her friend, you might know what it is." Hannah says, cautiously.

Meredith thinks for a moment. "I can understand where you might feel that way. Izzy has waited her whole life to meet you, and I'm sure she has her own fantasy of how that meeting would go," Meredith says.

"I've waited my whole life to meet her too, but more out of curiosity. I mean, I never wished she raised me. I had awesome parents. They were great. I mean…there was the normal 'clean your room before you go out stuff…' but overall, I was lucky. I guess I knew I'd meet her one day. But it wasn't going to be this big dramatic thing. It was going to be some gum chewing waitress with tight jeans and a shirt that's a little too short, and I was going to be all 'thank god she didn't raise me…' but then I met Dr. Stevens, and I liked her. But I wasn't supposed to like her. I feel guilty when I like her because I feel like my mom's feelings would be hurt. But then I feel guilty if I'm not nice to her because she looks so sad and hurt…I don't know…I can't win either way," Hannah thinks out loud.

"I think you're spending a lot of time thinking about what everyone wants. You haven't mentioned what YOU want," Meredith points out.

"I guess I haven't really thought about that…" Hannah says.

"Well maybe you need to," Meredith says thoughtfully.

"Yeah…maybe I do…" Hannah smiles. "Thanks Dr. Grey. You're really nice. And I really hope you engraft and never relapse. I hope we both never relapse," Hannah says.

"Me too," Meredith says.


	29. Chapter 29

**I am so sorry about the delay in this chapter! My computer died and I lost EVERYTHING!! It was awful!! However, I'm back up and running!! THis is the end. Let me know what you think! I am enjoying the new season of Grey's!! How about you guys? I'll start a new story soon...I just need a week or so off to regroup!! Take care, and thanks for being the best readers and reviewers EVER!**

**-Jess**

Derek awoke outside Meredith's door. He struggles to remember where he is and how he got there. Why exactly is he sleeping sitting up on the floor of the hospital hallway? Suddenly he remembers. He did not want to wake Meredith after she had finally fallen asleep. He knew she was more terrified than anyone of the results of the bone marrow aspiration. Well, except maybe Lexi who literally paced the hallways all night when she heard the lab had not received the results and it would be another day before they heard anything.

Lexi approaches Derek as he reaches for the handle of the door. "Did you happen to hear anything? I mean, I know Izzy said she'd call as soon as the results were in, but you being an attending and all, I thought you might have gotten a message or something. I mean, I'm sure everything's fine, but do labs usually take this long? I mean, if they don't get the results in, it doesn't necessarily mean things are bad…right? And it doesn't mean that…" Lexi is cut off by Derek pulling her toward him into a hug.

"I'm scared too," he says, hugging her tightly.

Lexi is quiet, and feels tears sting her eyes. "I can't cry. Izzy told me I'm not allowed to cry until we get the results. Hey…if Meredith engrafted, do you think we can do something fun for her, like decorate her room so it looks like a jungle or something? I mean she can't leave for another few weeks, so I figured that maybe we could…"

"A jungle?" Derek asks, stifling a laugh.

"Well…I always thought going to the zoo was fun and jungle animals are fun. I mean…I like monkeys. Little monkeys, not big scary gorillas. Did I just tell you that I like monkeys? And did I just ask you if we could turn Meredith's room into a jungle? Oh my god. Can we pretend this conversation never happened? Please?" Lexi asks, mortified.

Derek nods. "Conversation is stricken from the record. If you need anything and can't find a suitable monkey, just page me…okay?" he says, laughing.

Lexi tries to think of a witty comeback, but can't and runs away, embarrassed.

Mark comes over to Derek. "Were you and Mini Mer having a conversation about monkeys?" Mark asks.

"Don't ask. Trust me…just don't." Derek replies.

"I won't. I haven't gotten laid in forever. Stevens is so obsessed with saving your girlfriend's life that I can't get any. Am I a real bastard if I blame you for that a little?" Mark asks.

Derek pats him on the back. "Yes. You're the biggest bastard I know," he says, smiling.

"Thanks man. How you holding up?" Mark asks.

"I'm talking to Mini-Mer about monkeys. What do you think?" Derek replies.

Mark nods, knowingly. "Hang in there. I'm here if you need me," he says.

"That was such an after school special line. Did you practice that in a mirror?" Derek says, smiling and shaking his head as he walks away.

(Break)

The door to Meredith's room opens. Meredith holds her breath. _Please don't be Lexi. I can't watch that scared look on her face for one more second. Please…_she thinks, squeezing her eyes shut.

"I'm sorry to bother you," a small voice says.

"Hannah?" Meredith says, as she sees the teenager in front of her.

"Yeah…I just wanted to see how you were holding up. I mean…I know you're supposed to be getting your results and I know that the waiting is really hard. I wanted to see if you were okay…" Hannah says, shyly.

"That's so sweet. I'm okay. I'm scared to death, but I think I'm actually less terrified than my sister," Meredith says.

"Yeah…that's usually how it is. Like I know this round of tests is harder on my mom than it is on me. I hear her and my dad talking at night. They keep playing the whole 'what if' game…I don't know. I guess I just don't let myself go there…I just don't," Hannah explains.

Meredith sighs. "I wish I didn't. I let myself go there, but I guess I have reached some level of acceptance. If the worst happens, I'll just accept it. I'm not going to fight anymore. I'll enjoy my life as it is for as long as I have it."

"Yeah…" Hannah says, for lack of a better response.

"So how are you doing, Hannah? Have you given any thought to…" Meredith begins.

Hannah cuts her off. "That's kind of the other reason I came here. I wanted to know if…well…I don't know. It's sort of embarrassing." Hannah says.

"Embarrassing? Is it about sex?" Meredith asks, wondering what a teenage girl could have to ask her that would be embarrassing.

Hannah's face turns bright red. "No! Nothing like that! Just forget it!" she says, mortified.

Meredith laughs, realizing she jumped the gun. "I'm sorry. I misjudged that one. How about I'll shut up and you tell me what you wanted to ask me that is embarrassing…"

Hannah looks down. "I wanted to know if you would practice with me…"

"Practice what?" Meredith asks.

"Well, last time we talked about…you know…Dr. Stevens. I sort of practiced what I wanted to say to her, and I wanted to know if you would practice with me…" Hannah asks, still looking at the floor.

Meredith looks a little surprised as she thinks about this. "Why not? I have hours to wait until I get my results. I might as well do something to pass the time. Okay…I'll be Izzy and you be…well…you."

Hannah smiles. "Okay. I'm ready."

Meredith stops her. "Wait! I want to get into character. Hold on!" she takes out a rubber band from the drawer next to her bed and puts her wig in a ponytail.

Hannah scrunches up her face. "Are you ready now?" she asks.

"Yes. I feel much more Izzy-like now."

"Hi Dr. Stevens. I wanted to talk to you about something," Hannah says.

Meredith plasters a huge smile on her face. "Come in, Hannah. I'm so glad to see you. Yay!" Meredith says in a very bubbly tone.

Hannah looks at her strangely, but continues to go along with the game. "Well…since I found out that you were my birth mother, I have felt sort of weird about it. You weren't what I pictured, and at first, I thought I should be thrilled that you are smart and a doctor and not some dumb girl from a trailer park who got knocked up because she couldn't figure out birth control. But my whole life, I've defined myself as lucky because you were at least selfless enough to give me up to someone who would be able to give me a really good life and education and opportunities. But after meeting you, I sort of feel like you could have done a good job raising me, and I'm kind of mad at you that you didn't even give me a chance. You just gave up on me before you ever knew me. You could have done it. You're smart, you're nice and you're really good at everything you do. You could have been a good mother," Hannah says, waiting for Meredith, masquerading as Izzy's, reaction.

Meredith puts her head in her hands and sobs loudly. Hannah panics.

"Dr. Grey…ummm…are you alright? Did I…I mean…I'm sorry if I…" Hannah stammers.

Before Meredith could answer, the doorknob turns. Lexi, Izzy, Christina and Derek enter and all stare at Hannah questioningly as they see Meredith sobbing on her bed.

When Meredith looks up and sees them all standing there, she begins to laugh.

"What's wrong?" Lexi asks, rushing over to Meredith and putting her arm around her.

"What did you do to her?" Christina asks Hannah accusingly.

Meredith cuts her off. "She didn't do anything. I was playing Izzy," Meredith pauses and looks at Izzy apologetically, "You cry a lot," Meredith offers.

Izzy looks shocked and a bit confused. "I do not cry a lot! And why were you pretending to be me? What is going on here?"

"Well, Hannah has some things to say to you, and she needed to run them by someone, so she asked me if I could play you for a few minutes," Meredith explains.

"Really? Wow. You're a girl after my own heart. I sometimes ask Lexi to be Meredith if I can't get ahold of her right away," Christina explains.

Lexi rolls her eyes. "It's not really the same thing. You bully me into it and then insult me that whole time!" Lexi says.

"Shut up, Three," Christina says.

"Seriously? Can all of you shut up? I want to hear what Hannah has to say!" Izzy says.

"Here? Now?" Hannah asks.

"Why not? You already told Meredith. Besides…Meredith has kind of a big mouth and all these people in the room will hear whatever it is in a day or so anyway. She can't keep a secret for anything," Izzy explains in a loud whisper as though Meredith can't hear her.

"You just want to prove that you won't cry," Meredith says, laughing.

"I will not cry!" Izzy exclaims.

"Okay…here goes…" Hannah says. She repeats the speech she gave to Meredith, verbatim. She does not change even a word or the inflection of her voice, making it very obvious to Meredith that she has practiced this speech many times.

"Well…since I found out that you were my birth mother, I have felt sort of weird about it. You weren't what I pictured, and at first, I thought I should be thrilled that you are smart and a doctor and not some dumb girl from a trailer park who got knocked up because she couldn't figure out birth control. But my whole life, I've defined myself as lucky because you were at least selfless enough to give me up to someone who would be able to give me a really good life and education and opportunities. But after meeting you, I sort of feel like you could have done a good job raising me, and I'm kind of mad at you that you didn't even give me a chance. You just gave up on me before you ever knew me. You could have done it. You're smart, you're nice and you're really good at everything you do. You could have been a good mother," Hannah says. At the end of her speech, she looks up at Izzy, to see her reaction, and is surprised to see tears glistening in her eyes.

"I'm NOT crying," Izzy says. Then she adds "Damn!" as a lone tear falls down her face.

Izzy takes a deep breath. "Hannah. I wasn't this person when I got pregnant with you, but I always knew I had the potential to become this person. The person I was, wasn't ready to take good care of you. I wish things had turned out differently, but all I've ever wanted to know about you was that you were happy and well taken care of. You are. You've grown into a wonderful young lady. You're have drive, determination, sensitivity, idealism…all those things I'd want you to have if I raised you. You've faced challenges and come out on the other side with strength. I'm so proud of you. From here on in, I've gotten everything I could ever ask for. If you walk out of here and never contact me again, I'll be okay because I'll know that you're taken care of by wonderful people and that you're going to grow up to be everything you want to be. I know I did the right thing. But if you want to contact me, you know where to find me. I'd like nothing better than to hear from you every once in a while. And if you still want to be a doctor in a few years, maybe when I'm a world renowned oncology surgeon, I'll take you on rounds with me." Izzy says, smiling.

"That would be awesome!" Hannah says, smiling widely.

Izzy gives her a hug and then pulls away sharply as she feels her pager buzz.

"It's the lab. Mer, the results are in. I'm going to run down and get them," Izzy says, breathlessly.

"I'm coming too," Lexi says.

"I have to go. My mom is meeting me in the lobby like 15 minutes ago. Good luck, Meredith. Izzy? Maybe you could call me and let me know how it goes?" Hannah asks, timidly.

Izzy smiles. "Of course. Say hello to your mom for me."

"I will!" Hannah says.

Hannah, Izzy and Lexi leave Christina, Derek and Meredith alone.

"Say something!" Christina whispers to Derek.

"Like what?" Derek asks.

"You're supposed to say something, I don't know…like something comforting. I don't know what to say!" she whispers.

Meredith smiles. "Do you really think I can't hear you when you whisper two feet away from me? You don't have to say anything. Just you guys being here is enough," she says.

"Are you scared?" Derek asks.

Meredith nods. "Terrified."

"Me too…" Derek and Christina reply in unison. The three of them hold hands silently as they wait for Izzy and Lexi to return.

(Break)

"Are you going to open it? Because I really think we should open it before we get to Meredith's room. If we don't open it, and it's bad, we'll have to react on the spot, and I'll probably freak out. You'll probably cry, because that's what you do, but you'll do it in a dignified and comforting way, where you'll still be able to be supportive to Meredith…I'll just get all hysterical and Meredith will end up comforting me and I'll…"

Izzy stops, and grabs Lexi by the shoulders. "Stop talking! You have to stop talking! You have talked all the way down to the lab and all the way back. I can't listen to it. I just can't. Please! Just shut up! I don't know what to do! I think we should let Meredith open it. I mean, she's still a doctor in this hospital and there's no reason she can't read and interpret her own results. But then again, we probably should open it so that she has some warning, but then she'll see that the envelope is open and she'll see our faces and that will give it away, so it's not like she won't be able to tell…we don't have very good poker faces…and…"

Lexi pushes Izzy's hands off her shoulders. "Okay! I get it…incessant rambling is really annoying. I'll stop if you stop. No one talks until we get to Meredith's room…okay?"

Izzy nods and the two of them walk in silence until Lexi says, "I'm scared."

"Me too…" Izzy replies as she opens the door to Meredith's room.

"SO?" Meredith asks.

"We didn't open them. We figured you should. It's your body…" Izzy says.

Meredith shakes her head. "I can't."

Izzy looks at Christina. "Here. You do it," she says, handing the envelope to Christina.

"No way! I can't break bad news gently. If it's bad all I can think of to say is 'Sorry Mer…you're a goner!' Anyone but me." Christina says.

Derek holds out his hand. "I'll do it."

Meredith shakes her head violently. "No way! You'll get that look if it's bad. That look of pity in your eyes. I can't have you look at me that way," she explains, adamantly.

"Well who do you want to open it? Because someone has to or we'll stand here all day staring at each other wondering if you're engrafted or not!" Lexi explodes.

"I want you to open it, Lexi. Please?" Meredith says, in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

Izzy hands Lexi the envelope and notices that Lexi's hands are shaking. She squeezes Lexi's hand for encouragement. "Open it. Go ahead," Izzy says.

Lexi sits next to Meredith as she slowly opens that envelope. She holds her breath. Meredith waits as she stares at the paper with her eyes wide.

"Lex?" Meredith says, prompting her to say something.

Lexi throws the paper at Meredith and breaks out into a huge smile! "We're turning this room into a jungle!" she says, hugging Meredith and jumping up and down.

Derek hugs Meredith and Lexi tightly. "A jungle! Thank god!" he says.

Izzy looks at Christina, confused.

Christina shrugs. "Don't look at me. I have no idea what that crazy little intern is talking about! You're the one who hangs out with her!"

"I have no idea what she's talking about either. The only one who seems to speak her language is Derek. But they're smiling. It must be good…right?"

Meredith hands Izzy and Christina the paper. "Look! I'm engrafted! My marrow is 100 Lexi! I'm going to be okay!"

Izzy runs and hugs Meredith. "Thank god!" she whispers.

Meredith shakes her head. "No. Thank YOU," she replies.

Christina approaches Meredith's bed. "If I were the kind of person who hugged people, I'd hug you right now," Christina says.

"Shut up and give me a hug!" Meredith says.

"Are we celebrating the fact that you are 100 Lexi? Because that just seems wrong," Christina says.

Lexi runs over and hugs both of them.

"Meredith! She's touching me!" Christina says.

Derek and Izzy look at each other conspiratorially. "Should we?" Derek asks.

"Definitely!" Izzy replies, running over and joining the group hug.

"Pile on!" Derek says, as they all pile on top of Meredith and Christina.


	30. Chapter 30

One year later….

"Is she going to be in the bathroom all morning? The rest of us have to get to work too, you know?" Lexi complains, banging on the door.

"She has long hair or something…it takes a long time for it to dry. At least that's what she says when I complain. She probably fell asleep in the shower. As we both know…she had a late night last night," Alex says.

"No kidding. If she and Mark don't learn to keep it down, I'm telling Meredith that I want this place soundproofed! Some of us have to pass an intern exam this week…" Lexi complains.

"And some of us have to pass it without a photographic memory…" George says, coming out of his room, rubbing his eyes.

Mark saunters past everyone and heads down the steps. "Good morning everyone. Wow…what a night!" he says, proudly.

"We know…" Lexi and Alex groan.

"Damn it! Lexi…where are my shoes!" Meredith yells from her room.

"How should I know?" Lexi fires back. "They're YOUR shoes."

"Which you keep wearing…" Meredith grumbles.

"Mer! We're going to be late!" Derek calls from downstairs.

"I'm coming! Lexi took my black shoes and I can't find them!" Meredith repies.

"I did not!" Lexi retorts.

"Did too!" Meredith mutters.

"I heard that!" Lexi says.

Izzy steps out of the bathroom. "You two sound like two bratty teenagers…you know that…right?"

Christina runs over to Lexi. "Three causes of anemia?" she says, with an excitement to her voice.

"Iron deficiency, B12 deficiency or malignancy such as mylodysplasia," Lexi replies, barely looking up.

"That was an easy one? Are you going soft?" Izzy asks.

"No! Watch this…Page number?" Christina asks.

"486." Lexi says, rolling her eyes.

Christina grabs her book and turns to page 486. "See! She's right…right here! It's amazing! She really has a photographic memory!"

"Yes. I'm a total freak. We've established this. And now, because of Izzy's long hair that takes 4 hours to dry, I'm a freak who is going to work without a shower. I swear…I'm going to shave your head in your sleep one day." Lexi says, glaring at Izzy.

"Come on…you love me! Have one of the delicious muffins that I made. They're downstairs. They're blueberry-corn muffins. They are perfect," Izzy says.

"You always get out of things with your baking…one of these days…." Lexi growls at her, smiling despite her mild annoyance at Izzy's leisurely morning routine.

Derek sits down at the table and waits for Meredith who comes down the stairs and sits down grabbing a muffin.

"So, how are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm fine…why?" she replies, defensively.

Derek laughs. "Of course you are…you're always fine. It's just that this year has brought a lot of changes and I thought you might feel like talking about them."

"You mean like the fact that my quiet house which used to be just Alex, Izzy and I has now become a zoo with you, me, Izzy, Mark, Alex, Lexi, George and Christina?" Meredith asks.

"Okay…so I've been meaning to ask you…is anything going on between George and Christina again? They've been on again off again all year," Derek points out.

"The longer you live here, the more you become one of us. That gossip is off limits. Christina made me promise not to ask any questions and I made her promise that when she figures it out, I'm the first person she'll tell. But yes…it's a little overwhelming right now having everyone here, but at the same time, I think I like it. I have my whole family under one roof…you know?" Meredith says.

"Your crazy, dysfunctional, yet strangely endearing family?" Derek replies.

Lexi joins them at the table. "Did I hear someone talking about dysfunctional families? I'm an expert," she says.

"How did lunch with Molly go?" Meredith asks.

Lexi shrugs. "It was fine. She's trying. She's just so damaged from our upbringing..she'll always be loyal to Thatcher…I'll see her once a year, you know…she's still my sister," she says.

"Functions of the hypothalamus!" Christina says, running into the kitchen holding Lexi's textbook.

"Page 14," Lexi says.

Meredith rolls her eyes at Derek. "And you say I'm the emotionally stunted one?"

"Who needs a ride?" Derek asks.

"I do. I need a quiet place to study and this house isn't it. I'm going to find a corner of the hospital and just study all day until my shift." George says, looking nervous.

"I'll help you when I get there!" Izzy calls from the top of the stairs. Then she adds, "And so will Mark."

"Only if Izzy gives me a repeat of last night!" Mark calls down.

"Did I ask for help?" George says, shaking his head.

"I'll take a ride with O'Malley. Maybe some of my brains will rub off on him." Alex says.

"Alex! Don't be obnoxious!" Lexi says, shooting him a look.

"I'm coming too. I'll quiz you in the car, George," Christina says.

"Have I mentioned that I'm thinking of suicide right now?" George says.

"Wait for me, Derek. We have an awesome surgery scheduled today. I'm going to make history." Mark says.

Derek grabs, Izzy before he leaves. "She didn't say anything to me. She's scared. She's not talking about it," he says.

Lexi runs over to Christina. "I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything," she says.

Christina nods. "If it's bad, tell me quickly. Don't do that rambling thing you Grey sisters do."

Lexi nods back.

Izzy, Lexi and Meredith sit at the table as the house empties out and suddenly gets quiet. Everyone silently eats their muffins until Meredith says, "Okay…so I guess they all told you to babysit me until the results come in?"

Izzy and Lexi both shake their heads in firm denial. "Nope. Just felt like hanging out!" Izzy says with false cheer.

Meredith sighs. "I should get to the hospital," she says.

"Why? The chief says you're off today. Your first scan isn't until 10:00am. You have time. Relax. Let's play a board game!" Lexi says.

"A board game?" Izzy and Meredith repeat.

"Yes. Board games are fun and they pass the time. Come on!" Lexi urges.

"Did you inherit Dad's recessive crazy genes? I'm going to the hospital. Anyone want a ride?" Meredith asks.

Izzy and Lexi shrug and follow her to the car. Izzy notices that Lexi has tears in her eyes. Izzy discreetly puts her hand on Lexi's arm. "She's going to be okay. I just know it!" she whispers.

Lexi smiles weakly. She was nervous for the three month appointment, and the six month appointment. By the nine month appointment, everyone expected that she would be calmer, but she actually had a panic attack in the cafeteria when she saw Izzy walk in carrying an envelope. She hyperventilated until she passed out and as she did, she accidentally hit the fire alarm when she leaned against the wall. Lexi still hadn't lived this moment down among the other interns, and was determined to keep herself together today for Meredith's one year appointment.

As they walk into the hospital, Meredith says, "No hovering. I'm fine. I'm just going to catch up on some paperwork and study for my surgeries this week," she says.

A few interns walk by. "Hey Grey! Try not to have the whole hospital evacuated today. I have 2 awesome surgeries!" one of them calls out.

Lexi looks away and pretends not to hear as the rest of the group laughs.

Izzy's eyes radiate angry fire as she chases this intern down.

"Who is your resident?" she asks the cocky intern, angrily.

Suddenly, the intern's cockiness disappears. "Listen…I didn't mean anything by it. It's just kind of a joke between all the interns. Please…don't say anything to my resident. I'm with Yang and if you say…" he stammers.

"A joke? You think it's funny? You're a doctor. Doctors don't think it's funny when people have panic attacks because their sister has cancer…" Izzy begins, ready to berate the young man.

Lexi grabs her arm. "Thank you, Dr. Stevens, but really…I'm sure Dr. Timson didn't mean any harm," she says, mortified.

"Yes he did! He was mocking you! There is no mocking here. He thinks he can get away with that? Don't worry…I'm going to go all cowboy on his ass and…" Lexi cuts her off.

"Dr. Timson…apology accepted. I get it…just a joke…ha ha. Dr. Stevens, I'd love to show you some of the charts that I was working on so you can look them over and tell me if I'm doing them right, okay?" Lexi says, with a forced smile. Then she adds, "We are not in the rodeo. No one is _going all cowboy _on anyone's ass!"

"Sorry…I'm nervous. This is what I do when I'm nervous. You hyperventilate and I go cowboy. Okay? Deal with it!" Izzy snaps.

Lexi begins to feel short of breath. She forces herself to breath slowly. "I will keep it together…" she whispers to herself.

(Break)

"You forgot? What does it mean to forget? Oh wait…I wouldn't know! I don't forget!" Christina snaps at one of the interns as he fumbles to find one of the papers she has requested.

"Don't you think you're being a little hard on him?" Meredith asks.

"No. I'm tense. I'm going to be mean until your results come back. It's what I do." Christina says.

"Okay…Lexi just told me that Izzy told her that when she's nervous she goes all cowboy. What does that mean?? Cowboy? Seriously? You get mean. Lexi hyperventilates. Derek smothers me. Izzy goes all cowboy…I don't know what I do. What do I do…because I'm nervous too…" Meredith says.

"Ummm…you drink tequila?" Christina says.

"I can't drink tequila. I'm working. Can I have one of your awesome surgeries?" Meredith says.

"No." Christina replies.

"Please? I have cancer…" Meredith replies.

"HAD cancer…and no. It was only leukemia. Brain cancer or lung cancer I might offer, but leukemia? No way. I don't give away surgeries easily." Christina says.

"I hate you." Meredith says.

"No you don't." Christina says.

"You're right. I hate waiting." Meredith says.

"Me too…" Christina says.

(Break)

Lexi sits puts her tray down on a table in the cafeteria. She is actually grateful that there is no one she feels obligated to sit with. She is finding it difficult to be social as she waits for the results of Meredith's test.

"Hi." Meredith says, just as Lexi begins to take the first bite of her sandwich.

"Oh! Hi Mer! I'm so glad you're here!" Lexi lies.

"Yeah. I know…you hate sitting alone in the cafeteria. Is that some leftover baggage from your days as prom queen?" Meredith jokes.

Lexi tries to think of something witty to say, but she can't, so she just asks, "How are you doing?"

"Do me a favor and don't ask that. I want to pretend that today is a normal day…okay?" Meredith asks.

Lexi starts to say yes, but changes her mind. "No! I can't pretend that it's normal. I did all the research. The greatest chance of relapse is in the first year…page 18. I'm not Christina. I can't just act like this isn't happening. This is the day you get your one year labs back. I can't just pretend I don't care. I'm sorry, Mer. I just can't!" Lexi says.

"Neither can I. I've been trying…but I guess it's because it's just easier than seeing that look on everyone's face. Do you know what I'm most scared of?" Meredith asks.

"What?" Lexi asks.

"I'm scared of losing everything…" Meredith says.

"But the chief said he'd hold your position if you…" Lexi begins.

"Not that. I know my career will still be here. I mean everything else…" Meredith says.

"Like what?" Lexi says, confused.

"Well…we're all not the most healthy people…I don't mean physically. I mean emotionally. If I'm sick, I'll push Derek away. If I push him away, he'll leave me. If I'm sick, Christina can't deal. She just can't. Izzy will be there until I take my last breath, but it will be with that look on her face like her heart is breaking and it won't be any kind of real friendship because all she'll be able to do is ask me how I'm feeling…and well…" Meredith pauses.

"What else?" Lexi asks, waiting.

"Well…I'm scared of losing you. How long can you do this? You've put everything on hold for me. You've given up a huge aspect of your first year training. With your brains and freakish photographic memory, you can make a name for yourself in any specialty you choose. You're wasting your time and talents here. This is a boring case. You've got to get back to your life. Move into your own place, maybe with George, maybe with Alex…whatever you want…but you need to be Lexi Grey…the talented, up and coming surgeon. Not Lexi Grey…Meredith's sister. You've put yourself in my shadow…but you can't stay there forever." Meredith says.

Lexi's eyes begin to water but she fights to keep her composure. "Meredith…I have been Lexi Grey, human encyclopedia. I have been Lexi Grey, valedictorian. I have been Lexi Grey, prom queen. I have been a million different versions of Lexi Grey. All I have ever wanted is to be Lexi Grey…little sister. Lexi Grey…member of a family. I'm happy. I'm not in your shadow. I'm just your sister. And I will move out…eventually. But the truth is, I'm not ready. I like our crazy house. I like living with everyone. For the first time since high school, I have friends and family. I'm happy…and it's because of you…so you better be healthy. Don't you dare get sick on me again, Mer. You just can't!" Lexi says, forcefully.

Meredith pulls Lexi into a big hug. "I love you, little sister!" she whispers.

(Break)

Lexi sits at her desk and takes out a box. She smiles as she opens it. _Operation…the board game. _She takes it out and sets it up on her desk. He charts are done, all that is left to do is wait. She places each small piece in its crevice. She takes the little metal tweezers and places them between her thumb and forefinger. She touches them ever so slightly to the side of one of the parts of the game to test the battery. She hears the familiar buzz and knows the batteries work.

As Lexi carefully lifts each piece out and places it back into the fake body of the board game, she begins to relax. All of a sudden, she hears the door open behind her. She was so deep in concentration that the noise startles her. She jumps.

"What are you doing?" Izzy asks.

"Playing Operation…the board game. You know…it's kind of relaxing," Lexi explains, embarrassed.

"You're playing by yourself? No offense but…" Izzy says.

"I know…I'm pathetic. Want to play?" Lexi asks, holding out the tweezers.

"Sure." Izzy says, looking behind her to make sure no one is watching.

As the two of them play a very non-competitive game, chatting and laughing as they dismantle their imaginary patient, Christina walks in.

"Are you that desperate for surgeries?" She asks as she eyes the board game.

"Want to play?" Izzy asks, holding out the tweezers.

"Hell, yeah! I kick ass at this game!" Christina says. "Let's keep score!" she says, grabbing a paper and pen.

The three of them intensely concentrate until Meredith walks in the room as Christina says, "Told you! I have the steadiest hand in the world! I rock this game! I am the surgical goddess!"

"Operation? Can I play? I love that game!" Meredith asks.

"Oh no! She can't play. She'll bring the whole level of competition down. She doesn't have a steady hand. She dropped a kidney," Christina says.

"It's my game. She can play." Lexi says.

"You two know that you sound like children on the playground…right?" Izzy says.

"Just for that…I'm going to beat you all!" Meredith says, taking the tweezers from Christina.

"Hey! It's still my turn!" Christina whines.

Derek enters the room. "Are you guys playing Operation?" he asks.

"No way! Attendings can't play…it's just not fair!" Meredith teases him.

"Well…you should be the one to remove the heart, because you've stolen mine!" he teases as he kisses her.

Izzy, Christina and Lexi groan. "You did not just say that…" Christina says.

"I did," he says. "Don't drop any vital organs," he whispers in Meredith's ear as she glares at him but accepts another kiss.

Izzy's pager goes off causing her to hit the side of the funny bone which makes the board buzz loudly.

"Yes! She's out! I win again!" Christina says.

"I'm still in too!" Lexi says.

"You don't count. You're an intern!" Christina says.

"Play nicely…" Meredith chides.

"Hey, Derek…take over for Lexi and I? You're an attending, one of you should equal two of us…" Izzy says, trying to make a joke.

Derek doesn't say anything as he takes the tweezers from Izzy's hand.

Derek, Christina and Meredith watch Lexi and Izzy leave. They know they must be going to get the results of Meredith's tests.

The silent tension is so thick that it threatens to strangle them, until Christina picks up the tweezers.

"New game?" she asks.

"I'll spot you both 5 points…." Derek says.

"You know what you can do with your 5 points?" Meredith says, smiling.

(Break)

As Izzy takes the envelope from the lab, she turns to Lexi. "I'm going to open this. And no matter what it says, we're going to be positive. Okay?" she says, fingering the envelope.

Lexi nods, not trusting that she can answer with her voice.

"I mean, there are so many experimental treatments out there. I mean there are just so many. No matter what this says, she'll be okay…I mean, of course she'll be okay. And if we have to…" Izzy keeps talking until Lexi explodes.

"Shut up and open the envelope, Izzy!" Lexi yells.

Izzy stops walking and faces Lexi. "Well, you don't have to yell at me…" she says, looking hurt.

"I-I'm sorry. I'm just nervous," Lexi admits.

"Well you don't get mean, that's Christina's thing. You hyperventilate. Look…I even brought a paper bag with me just in case," Izzy says, taking a paper bag out of the pocket of her lab coat.

Lexi smiles. Izzy has broken the tension. "Thanks. But I think I'm okay. Let's rip that thing open before you go all cowboy on someone's ass!" she says.

Izzy opens the envelope. Lexi waits anxiously as a huge smile spreads across Izzy's face.

Lexi and Izzy hug and jump up and down.

"Thank you," Izzy says.

"For what?" Lexi says, "No one thanks their intern around here!"

"You did a really good job on this case…especially considering the fact that it was your sister we were treating. You did a really good job. You are going to be a great doctor, Lexi. But more than that, you're a really good friend. I haven't really had anyone in a long time that I could call a best friend. Just, thank you…a lot," Izzy says.

"I haven't had friends in a long time either. Thanks so much, Iz. You're the best," Lexi says.

"Let's go tell Meredith, Derek and Christina!" Izzy says.

"If Christina hasn't killed everyone in the spirit of competition!" Lexi replies.

(Break)

Lexi and Izzy walk into the small room where Christina is holding the tweezers and concentrating intensely.

"Shhhh…don't tell us yet. I have to remove the heart and if it's bad news I might move and lose the game. I'm tied with Derek," Christina says.

"You're the one who told me to tell you quickly." Lexi says.

Christina stops. "I said if it's bad news…oh my god!" Christina's face turns white and Derek puts his arm around Meredith.

"No! No! It's good. She's still 100% Lexi!" Izzy clarifies.

Everybody sighs a sigh of relief and Christina says, "We've got to stop saying that like it's a positive…"

Meredith hugs Derek and then Christina. Then she turns to Izzy.

"Thank you…" she says.

"You're welcome," Izzy says, giving her a hug.

"No. Really, thank you. I've never appreciated what a great friend you are until all this happened. You're amazing," Meredith says.

"Thanks. You're not bad yourself. You're almost as cool as your sister," Izzy says, smiling.

"She's way cooler…except for that Lexipedia thing…Maybe it's not bad that you're 100% Lexi. When we have to sit for our next exam, it might work in your favor…" Christina says.

Meredith turns to Lexi….she says nothing. Lexi pulls Meredith into a hug and the two of them seem to be frozen in that position.

Derek turns to Izzy and points to the operation board. "Will you referee a rematch here?" he says, handing the tweezers to Christina.

Izzy smiles. "Absolutely!"

The End

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING…I REALLY APPRECIATE ALL THE REVIEWS AND EVERYTHING!!! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!


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